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Author Topic: 50% nasty..  (Read 3089 times)
cainam_nazier
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« on: June 23, 2002, 07:04:42 »

It is possible that things will be that way, however it is also possible that it won't.   50/50 alots for both.   The major thing of it is on your part.  Do not just dissmiss the child already because you can see its mother with in.  You have to remember that your brother is in there also.  There is a blood tie.  If you cut that connection now it will be next to impossible to restore.  If you just instead accept it things will hopefully go better.  
However the child will most certainly always have that question of why.  I have seen this many times with children of divorced parents.  One side will do a lot to beat down the memories of the other side but that question always remains.  Why the hate?  What happened?  and so on.  In most cases I have seen there eventually developes a need for the truth.  The child will seek this on thier own.  Your part is not to give reasons for these things, be open and accepting.   The child will see who and what you are with thier own eyes and formulate the truth from there.

David Rogalski
cainam_nazier@hotmail.com
I am he who walks in the light but is masked by the shadows.
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distant bell
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« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2002, 08:17:06 »

David- I agree with you. I guess the problem is that I donīt know
how to build a good relation to the child when I canīt really meet it.
Itīs not that I get frown out of my brothers apt... Itīs just that there
is a "bad feeling" everytime I visit them, and my brothers wife gets wery
irritatable, and I notice that I do wise in leaving fast again.
She cannot accept that I see life differently.. Itīs al wery sad.
My brother suffers from it to, because he really likes me.

So If I had a chance I would give the child a chance- but this way
I donīt se how that will be possible.

Felix

-- Love is the Law - Love under Will --
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« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2002, 08:17:06 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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Cylentpanthur
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« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2002, 05:03:16 »

Have you tried talking to your brother about why his wife doesn't seem to like you? I know it sounds really cliche, but for any relationship to work there has to be communication. If he doesn't want to answer or seems elusive simply tell him how you feel. Tell him that you would like to spend time with him and that you would like to spend time with his child as well, and that you'd want him to do the same for you. And remember that nothing is ever final. The child is not destined to hate you, and things can work out in the end. Be patient, and don't give up.

Best wishes
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2002, 09:48:37 »

This is a tough situation. You are brothers and need time together, without the wife. I do suggest talking to your brother about how you feel. Why does his wife not like you? Whatever it is I suggest not avoiding her totally but instead whenever you are around her be as nice as you possibly can. Then she will truly have no reason to hate you and any argument she gives, whether to someone else or herself, will have no foundation and make her look prejudist. Maybe some day she will come around. Also if your niece or nephew sees you as being nice to his/her family they will most likely like you. Actions do speak louder than words. There will come a time when the child will ask why he/she is not suppose to like you. If they have some intelligence they will see through any lies.
So though it may take time try to be positive and things will work out as long as you treat the family with respect and love.

 
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
Windameir
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« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2002, 03:08:53 »

Distant Bell,
IMO.. Blood is thicker than err uh Marrage! and some people are just hard to get to know but what ever you do don't let it ruin your relationship with your brother. I feel it would be a shame to let the kid grow up without an Uncle to have to talk to and take um places. I know what its like from personal experience to be the kid whos parents get divorced and all the propaganda that goes on (long time ago).But like cainam_nazier said  the kid will eventually seek the truth. If it goes that far.But what I see as the most important part is that you provide the kid with an uncle now.... And not wait and see what propaganda will eventually produce. What I really want to say is don't give your brothers wife the opertunity to control your future! buck up and face her and for heavens sake don't let her intimidate you.
Well I have prob said enough.
Good Luck

Windameir

To make the best better
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« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2002, 03:08:53 »



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Tisha
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« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2002, 17:43:49 »

I'm going to suggest something radical:

Love her.

I'm not saying you have to like her, heaven knows that the world is full of icky people.  If she is truly icky she might freak out or balk at your kindness and even act  . . . ickier?  OK, worse.  She might act worse.  But don't give up.  Taking the high road will bring YOU peace.   It's excruciatingly hard at first (due to pride), but it get's easier the more you do it.

With such a high divorce rate these days, you have maybe a 50% chance of having to deal with her forever.  Loving her will get you through the short term, and if they don't get divorced, you've laid a wonderful foundation for the long term.

You don't have to put up with people being mean to you.  Love doesn't mean being a doormat.  Stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries if you need to, and make sure she treats you with respect.  But if you love your brother, it is absolutely worth it to humble yourself and make the first move to heal your relationship with his wife.   One of the axioms of TRUE love is that when you truly love a person, you love everyone they are connected with, warts and all.

So pick up the phone, call your brother, and start talking.http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>

tisha

 
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Tisha
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« Reply #6 on: July 28, 2002, 14:45:12 »

I totally agree with Tisha,
And Ive been in a simular situation.Except not involving a kid.My brothers girlfriend I couldnt stand her for awhile.Always complaining about so many things.And hating on people for no reason.So what I did I started to only look for the good in her.And now that is all that I see.All the bad things about her.I know now are not really her fault at all.She is way negative and really that is only hurting her.She needs my love.And my brother I think needs it even more..Even though he does not listen to one word I tell him,....http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>


It was actually hurting me because thats all I saw was bad in her.And it would get me so angry.I would be suffering over this alot.But it doesnt have to be that way.Now I actually enjoy having them over here sometimes.
                                                                                                 Lator,ALPHA

Note:The kid will have to learn on his own.I had some pretty bad neg parents.And that part of them became a part of me.As well as the good sides.But do I sound negative to you now?...http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>
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"WAKE UP!WAKEUP!WAKE UP AND LOOK AROUND YOU!WERE LOST IN SPACE AND THE TIME IS OUR HOME"
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distant bell
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« Reply #7 on: August 02, 2002, 13:43:41 »

Thanks for the nice replies...
yours

Frater Felix

--Low is the law- Love under will--
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distant bell
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« Reply #8 on: June 23, 2002, 06:18:46 »

My brother has a wife and a smal child. Until he meet his wife some three or four years ago we had a wery good relation, but now it has changd.
She dosnīt like me, and he always has to be with her. So I cannīt visit my brother (because his evil woman is there) and he cannīt visit me for unknown reasons. Well a year ago they got a child... and now my dilemma is this- even thoug I know that the child is a free spirit- looking at it I still see
half of it beeing part of my brothers family and half of it beeing part of  my brothers wife..
I simply cannīt like that child because I dislike itīs mother. I know in one way itīs rediciolus- but at the other han, children ofte grow up to be pretty much like there parents.. and anyway I guess that the mother who dislikes me will get the kid to dislike me too.

I have seen this happen.The parents of a friend of mine got divorced when he was perhaps 12-14 years... and his mother who he lived with managed to turn him into hate is fater with constant slander and propagande.
I know that teh father was a decent man, and I feel sorry for both my friend and his father.

Felix


-- Love is the Law - Love under Will --
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