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Author Topic: Advice?  (Read 1565 times)
cainam_nazier
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« on: June 20, 2002, 06:07:46 »

I personally think you handled it well.  But as a word of cation I would be aware of what he does with his hands and such should there be another encounter.  Should he actually decide to take it to a physical encounter there will be some notion of this in his gestures and posturing.  
It seems that most people although act as if they wish to fight they really are only looking to intimidate.  It is the male ego to show superiority over another.  In what you did you have defeated him on that level.  Although you were scared you did not allow him to "bully" you.   Eventually he wil do one of two things.  He will either eventualy get board and stop bothering you or he will take the swing for which you should be prepared.

Do you think that you might run into this "person" during the summer?
Have you considered some form of self defense classes if this is a constant issue?
Have you disscussed this with your parents at all?
Will you be attending the same school next class year?

David Rogalski
cainam_nazier@hotmail.com
I am he who walks in the light but is masked by the shadows.
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bitsmart
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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2002, 07:37:18 »

[Adopts the Zen-mindset, takes a deep breath, so as not to get too carried away.]

Having dealt with experiences like this for a good portion of my life, and only now starting to resolve the lasting effects they left, hearing about and even re-experiencing this stuff makes me so mad. Basically, bullying is all about power and control. This behavior grows from a past experience where someone felt controlled, usually a traumatic event, so the subconscious response is to control others, and this is done through fear and intimidation. While they're not always doing it 'just to be mean,' and may very possibly be 'sick' in the sense of having their own issues to deal with, it's still WRONG and causes people a lot of lasting pain. I should know.

You were right not to show him your fear, as this is the response he wants to see. Even better, if you can, learn how not to let his actions affect you emotionally. I could only do this after leaving that environment for a couple years and learning what makes this behavior tick. Even if he is affecting your emotions, he's winning, and the possibility of you having long-term trauma issues to resolve grows. The fear you're feeling is probably the fear of physical harm, and the self-defense should help that. Beyond that, you have no reason to fear him, and getting in trouble with the school shouldn't be a problem, especially if you go to the authorities before something happens. Above all, remember that you are in control of the situation, no matter what happens, because the minute you give it to him is the minute he controls you, and you may get the after-effects I'm still feeling.

Self-defense classes, even the basics, are a good idea, and this is coming from someone who takes the non-violent resistance stance. There's a clear (and not subtle) difference between violence and self-defense. I'm someone who is not physically very big, and I wish I had been able to defend myself in those few occasions where it got physical.

Another thing, if you sense it getting serious (and only you can decide when this is) tell an authority figure about it. If they don't listen or don't resolve the problem, tell someone else until its fixed. This is not 'talking trash', this is looking out for yours and his well-being. Situations like this used to escalate into fights in the old days. Nowadays situations like this sometimes escalate into Columbine-type events. It's the changing times, the glorified violence in the media, and this problem has a terrible new aspect to it that didn't exist in the eighties when I grew up, and earlier.

The bottom line from my point of view, is that it's best to arrest this behavior early on, if that is even possible. This kind of thing is progressive, and bullies grow up to be adult bullies in the worst kind of way. Keep in mind these facts: threats and physical abuse are jailable offenses. Now, I don't think he needs to go to jail to learn his lesson, and I'd guess that you wouldn't want him to, as I wouldn't. However, he needs to be put in his place, I mean it. Usually the possibility of jail will straighten him out, once he realizes that his actions caught up to him.

He sounds like the kind of person who will just repeat this pattern, if something is not done NOW. If you're one of the people he's harassing, then you could possibly instigate the change that could produce a win-win situation, if the cards are played right.

This is a serious matter in my book, and sometimes the tendency is for adults to downplay it. Do not let them.

Sincerely, someone who's been there,
Andy

bitsmart -
information illumination -
bitsmart@bitsmart.org -
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« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2002, 07:37:18 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

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Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2002, 10:32:49 »

I think you have done the right thing. I have not been in any such situations so I cannot talk from experience but I think it is all about control. So far you are winning. He probably is trying to get control by either making you move or by making you fight. I do not know him or you, but clearly he is more violent and possibly more physically dominat so he feels he can win in a physical fight. I think you should continue standing your ground and not let him get to you. Defense classes might be a good idea, but do not attack him, just defend yourself. I think Bitsmart's post pretty much says it all.

 
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
DjMidgetMan
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« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2002, 00:55:52 »

The past two days at school(this was the last day of school by the way), this kid has been trying to start fights with me... That kid always gets in fights, and hes been making false claims about me... Hes been saying that ive been "talking trash" on him(which i havent).... Well anyway, yesterday(tuesday), I sat down in this little area with my friend where i usually never sit down. He went up to me and said: "uve been talking trash, stand up".... I stayed seated and just stared at him.... After about 5 minutes of him cussing at me, and him getting his friends to try to intimidate me, I got annoyed and left... Today, I stood around in his "turf"(with my friend), and then he said: "I told u to not hang around here!".... I just stood there and said(calmly): "Its hot, Im here for the shade". (please bear with me, I dont know how to sum this whole thing up) Then he kept jabbering on and cussing and telling me I should get the eff outta there... The whole time I just stared him down... Then FINALLY, he said: "Do you wanna settle this right now? On the spot??".... I started to become afraid, there were teachers around, but my friends have told me that he would fight at school... Even though I started to be very afraid on the inside, I just kept staring... Eventually he left.... Its hard to explain how he all of a sudden just left... but he did.... Did I do anything wrong?? Should I have dealt with it a different way??

DjMidgetMan
   "Mind over Matter"
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