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Author Topic: Artificial Loneliness  (Read 875 times)
Nomennescio
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« on: August 18, 2020, 10:56:16 »

Lets start with a question. How often in your LDs, or other experiences, are you alone?

I mean really alone no imaginations of people, no guides looking over your shoulder. Absolutely and totally alone, to the point that if you had a mental breakdown no one, nothing would hear or react to you. You would be left with only yourself to find comfort. Existence in a void, something impossible in reality, but possible in LD. Now what if anything should you feel? Should there be fear, anxiety. Most people don't want to be alone, yes we may chose to be away from people at times but that's not alone. Very rarely is someone alone to the point that they could not reach out and chose to not be alone. I'm talking about lost in the mountains, stranded on a dessert island alone, just without the mountains or the island. To a point that reaching out is hopeless, no communication and nothing to interact with.

You may simply think, yeah I do that all the time its called meditation, well that's closer to what I'm talking about. Tho meditation is a walk in the woods, compared to the feeling of lost I am trying to relay here. I often LD being alone to this extreme degree, and every time I begin to enter this void, I feel my body moving uncomfortably, and breathing heavy like its about to hyperventilate. It's scary, and very uncomfortable, so why do it. When I finally sink in to that feeling of emptiness, it's a controlled space. There is nothing there no thoughts, no emotions, The fear of entering leaves. This void is scary because is feels as if once you go there you can't return, like leaving all of your belongings on the beach and trying to swim to the bottom of the ocean.

There is something comforting once your there tho, it's probably the closet's thing to a none experience as you can get. In a world wear we are bombarded with things we should do, people we should talk to, stuff we need to buy, videos we need to watch, and this constant idea that we need to seek comfort in all things. I find it necessary to seek this extreme form of meditation. To seek discomfort and fear, to find a sense of hopelessness and despair, It brings a contrast that is sorely lacking in my life. And well "Things don't have to be constantly happening to remind you of being alive." - some guy.

When I reached around 5th grade depression hit me hard, around 10th grade I started showing sings of my mental illness, something I won't go in to detail right now. The age of 17 I was extremely manic. Taking off from home to skate board, 3 days latter I ended up in panama city, 2 days latter being detained by state patrol for skating on a interstate. Until my little trip I never truly felt alive, it took freezing nights sleeping under a bridge with my legs cramping up. Thing I would pass out and not wake up, to bring contrast to my life. It was a wake up call, but I didn't get the message. At 18 living in NC I left after a drunken party went south, 8 days throw Christmas I skated to Knoxville TN. Dying of cold and exhaustion, I finally realized why I felt this call to destruction. My years living in lucid dreams, fulfilling my every whim of my young imagination had left me numb to life. How can reality compete with something so amazing.

After a few more years of struggling with life I found a better way to give my life contrast, instead of giving myself life threatening system shocks. I began using lucid dreams to provide contrast. After all if I can make life boring by dreaming a better one, then I can make life amazing by living out awful experiences in my dreams. I found bring myself in to a state of fear, loneliness and hopelessness, drastically improved the quality of my waking life. After all water can be sweet when compared to a lemon. Nowadays I use this void as a reference point for life, I sink in to the most uncomfortable and painful feelings I can imagine. By compression making a life I was numb to, feel like a blessing.

It wasn't until latter that I found a school of thought that aliened with this idea, Stoicism. Remembering that it could always be worse, and that even tho suicide is always a option, it is better to have a poor existence then no existence. That's how I personally tend to sum it up, of course there's much more to it then that. Not trying to control external forces instead controlling your reaction to it. Finding reminders that most of what we pursues is not necessary for a good life. Often times I find myself sleeping on the floor without even a pillow to remind myself how comfy my bed is. Many might say I push my mental state a little hard doing this, but I unsure you how ever bleak and unhealthy my habits may seem it is very necessary.

All this brings me back to artificial loneliness, aka my little personal void. I have found in the last year or so that I am beginning to enjoy discomfort and loneliness. I find myself thinking about living in the woods for extended amounts of time without interaction, and being perfectly content. I personally believe that all the crazy going on the world is driving me to seek isolation. Most of my friends have gone bonkers, and I find myself detesting them. There are very few people I can tolerate the company of anymore. I'm slipping in to my void during LDs more and more. Not to find contrast but to just be alone, Truly alone. I feel as tho the space I used to mentally train my emotions is now become my safe haven.

In all honesty I don't know were I was going with all of this, I don't wright out my thoughts much, so I guess this is more of a rant. I am interested to see if there are any parallels between our experiences. Feel free to pick apart my post and give criticism, I'm thick skinned, and prefer honest contrast to soothsaying. I imagine many of you will have points of views I haven't thought of, or considered on my use of LD, and I'd love to hear them. 

Anyway Nommennescio out



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Nameless
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« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2020, 06:26:20 »

Writing out your thoughts and feelings can definitely help restore balance to your mind and soul. I hope this did that for you. You know I have a very different perspective on all this. Only to be expected of course and you and I have discussed this so won't go over it again now.

Instead I'll focus on your question about the void or an artificial void. You know about the Void and I am sure you will come across a few topics here discussing it. I think each of us though have had some experience with our own personal void, your artificial void. There might be some who would argue they are one and the same. Perhaps they are and as for myself I am not entirely sure.

Seems everyday I learn a little something new.
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« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2020, 06:26:20 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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interception
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« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2020, 15:49:41 »

I cannot provide a whole lot of contrast, except to say that I think I get it. I have always enjoyed loneliness and have never needed much human interaction. I also often seek isolation and disconnection from this current reality through meditation and LDs. I love to go on long drives alone too.

Any friendships have suffered because of this, because many people do not understand this need to be really alone for long periods.

I do not have a problem with people using drugs, but have never needed drugs to disconnect.
If food was not an issue I would probably have lived somewhere in a remote wooded area.
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interception
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« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2020, 16:24:49 »

On the subject of discomfort I wanted to also mention the following experiences. I recently had a few LDs where I found myself in some kind of vessel. Not sure if it is a ship, not sure if it is even moving anywhere, it kind of feels like it should be moving somewhere. Not sure why. Anyway, I am sitting in this thing just meditating on my breathing. Outside this "ship" there is just nothing. Not empty space, nothing at all. Like when you fold 3D space down into 2D and again into 1D... then fold it again into "zero D". It it uncomfortable to focus on this. It is outside this vessel as much as something like that can be said to be anywhere.
I then try to bring this emptiness inside me, unsuccessfully. It is very hard to describe. It is also rather uncomfortable to try to do. It does bring with it a kind of loneliness that I have not found anywhere else. If it makes even sense.
Just thought I would mention it. ;p
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omcasey
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« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2020, 02:48:59 »

Quote: "Lets start with a question. How often in your LDs, or other experiences, are you alone?"

Hi Nommennescio

I like the question, and I like the energy ( the curiosity ) behind it.

There is a bit of a dichotomous element to my reply.... I am, and always have been by nature a hermit. I have always required extensive time to contemplation - to myself . . I cannot say, however, or even understand the concept of being "alone". I have never been alone, or felt alone, this is why it is so easy for me to be on my own. If I am, ALL is. It is ALL ONE and all at once. In-and-all-around me. Always. In all ways. No getting away from this. Through the often lengthy periods of time spent on my own I am more aptly less distracted from the knowing and experiencing of this. Which is why I have sought it. —In your perception and energy does this make any sense.

So I have zero experience in any of the fields with this. The Void ——

I like your process of getting in there.. You explain it very well. I can clearly feel what you are feeling.

For me the Void is not a scary thing, it is the foundation and essence of everything. It is, experientially absolute bliss, an experience I often refer to as STASIS.

I experience it as an embodied yet utterly open consciousness/system, as if being connected deeply to an ecstatic vibratory pool. Here I am connected as an individuated point of consciousness with immediacy to the all-that-is. There is no other word I have for this but bliss. In it I am immovable - still - stillness itself - ( in stasis ). As an experience it is what I most desire. From it, all thought, all love, all light, all energy arises. I suppose those who are more physically focused would associate this with physical or sexual climax but it is infinitely more, utterly sustainable, innately unceasing, available to drop into at any moment. I remain regularly immersed at this point in my process. I am writing to you from it right now. I bring much from this pool out into physical space for consensus. As do all those with a focus on advancing the timeline of the current, embodied human and human race.

You are working with an interesting collection of energies. — depression, mania, addiction, destruction, extremes . . **the accelerated learning program. There is a choice in this, which I know due to arriving here myself, and that is which way you are going to come out of the barrel,—through the bottom, or through the top. Do you know what I mean? No right or wrong, through the bottom or the top doesn't matter, each very definitely gets you OUT of the barrel and this is the main point. But it is a choice that is best made in real time in full awareness. When I was here, I chose. I was neutral, with little-to-no discernible preference at the time. I chose. I got the ride that I did as a direct result. The reason I bring this to you now is in the event you too are choosing to come out the top. Because with this, there is a more limited time you can spend in there barrel. You must vacate faster than later.

The lower frequencies can be very luring.

May I ask? - your post takes us into your late teens, what is your age now? approximately.

Where are we in your story?
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« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2020, 02:48:59 »



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Karxx Gxx
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« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2020, 08:08:13 »

I can say that I grasp enough of this. Except it is during waking moments. No trance or semitrance state. It is like nothingness, but it is filled. Or perhaps a sensation arises when I am in nothingness. My mind is very loosely attached to words and concepts. As I go deeper, the same types of thoughts pop up by layers. Such as money, then past, when my mind or I cease to attach, another idea. Then after a while, the thoughts no longer feel like mine and they are new thoughts that I dont regularly have in mind. While in this state, I am aware of this nothingess and feel as my thoughts try to suck me back in. So maybe I am headed in that direction and get a scent of what you immerse in yourself.

The only criticism I would say is you can always go more extreme. For example, your extreme would probably simply being with other people. You cant tolorate them, or feel some uncomfortableness with them. You should look into that at the least. Or imagine being with people. For me, I rather be alone because 1. It doe feel good. 2. I am uncomfortable with myself. I am not myself anymore. My range of emotions are slim now. And the most present emotions are I dont feel like it and I dont care.   I rather not hang out with my friends, but if i REALLY REALLY didnt want to, then I would see that as something to take care of. As in, why do i feel so strongly about this? Why does it feel like im avoiding more so than simply wanting solitude? Something like that.

It is neat that you go to extremes to feel better about life. To be the devils advocate, how far will you go in order to feel good? One day it wont work, and you will be stuck. Wouldnt that be more extreme than anything..

Last thoughts, what you're experiencing is a big sign that you are finding out who you are (in a more direct manner, cause IMO that's whats always happening)

Quote
The reason I bring this to you now is in the event you too are choosing to come out the top. Because with this, there is a more limited time you can spend in there barrel. You must vacate faster than later.
More detail please?  As to why and anything else that comes to mind when clarifying this.

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Bob_the_floater
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« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2020, 23:08:27 »

I cannot provide a whole lot of contrast, except to say that I think I get it. I have always enjoyed loneliness and have never needed much human interaction. I also often seek isolation and disconnection from this current reality through meditation and LDs. I love to go on long drives alone too.

Any friendships have suffered because of this, because many people do not understand this need to be really alone for long periods.

I do not have a problem with people using drugs, but have never needed drugs to disconnect.
If food was not an issue I would probably have lived somewhere in a remote wooded area.

I concur with everything above, with the exception that I do enjoy the occasional company of Mary Jane.

The thing is, I don't have the 'filter' most people have, guess I'm too honest. I mean what I say, and say what I mean, most people can't handle that. Sometimes I feel everybody around me are dishonest and have some sort of agenda, like they are acting and not being real. A cabin in the woods with a internet connection or a big library, a couple of dogs and cats, sign me up!
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« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2020, 00:18:32 »

I have many APs where I don't see any beings but I haven't felt alone. even in the physical I can feel the presence of many spirits, loved ones, guides, ETs, etc. I dont have a desire to be isolated, but we as characters are all different and have set up different set of lessons with each lifetime. I no longer judge behavior and evaluate if wrong or right because I know each character had set their personalities and challenges according to what they want to learn and experience, so everything is necessary in a way. I do have many APs with beings, lobed ones, pets, ETs and I love them. I can get along with all kinds of personalities. I like to observe people in the physical, I like interactions and I like to counsel people when they come to me, so I enjoy the power of the unity and togetherness. I like to feel the ONENESS, which ultimately is what the Source is. But again, everyone is different. Whatever desires each of us have, we strive and take actions in fulfilling them. There is no wrong and right. There is only the necessity of learning.
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omcasey
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« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2020, 07:34:44 »

Quote
Quote
Quote
The reason I bring this to you now is in the event you too are choosing to come out the top. Because with this, there is a more limited time you can spend in there barrel. You must vacate faster than later.

More detail please?  As to why and anything else that comes to mind when clarifying this.


Hi Karxx

In the barrel we're talking about are many of the lower, or negative energy aspects. Spend too much time in there and they'll have a cumulative effect and pull you down.

This is quite okay if you're opting on vacating through the bottom, but if not, if the choice is through the top, then a quick taste,

To see what all that is and then get out of there.

Make sense??
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interception
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« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2020, 03:36:01 »

I concur with everything above, with the exception that I do enjoy the occasional company of Mary Jane.

The thing is, I don't have the 'filter' most people have, guess I'm too honest. I mean what I say, and say what I mean, most people can't handle that. Sometimes I feel everybody around me are dishonest and have some sort of agenda, like they are acting and not being real. A cabin in the woods with a internet connection or a big library, a couple of dogs and cats, sign me up!

Hmm, you may be right. Certain habits will be hard to kick.
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Nomennescio
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« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2020, 04:24:33 »

This is my reply to your comments on the post. Id like to start by saying thank you for your input, and please be patient with me as I have a hard time not just writing, but discerning meaning from the written word. In all honesty I had to have my mother go over some of your comments just to help me understand what was trying to be conveyed.

Reply to Interception

Yes many friendships can be lost due to introverted behavior. From what I gather introversion will be a common theme on this site.

"Outside this "ship" there is just nothing. Not empty space, nothing at all. Like when you fold 3D space down into 2D and again into 1D... then fold it again into "zero D". It it uncomfortable to focus on this. It is outside this vessel as much as something like that can be said to be anywhere.
I then try to bring this emptiness inside me, unsuccessfully. It is very hard to describe. It is also rather uncomfortable to try to do. It does bring with it a kind of loneliness that I have not found anywhere else." This description is extremely accurate to what I was attempting to describe. If your trying to bring that feeling in and failing to do so the "ship" may be to blame. Its hard to breath in a lung full of water if your in a submarine. Keep in mind that the ship might be there for a good reason.

Reply to Omcasey

Your comment was extremely insightful

"I experience it as an embodied yet utterly open consciousness/system" I believe based on what your describing that not only are you more in tune then me, but may also be describing a void internally separate form the one I describe, or simply bringing/creating aspects in to the void you are creating. Possibilities are numerous. The void i describe is one of my own creation, and not "the Void" as many talk of, I have been to both, and can tell that my personal void is created by me without outside interference. In that regarded it lacks or blocks the utterly open consciousness/system you describe. I do agree that altho it is not something that is truly scary, the human instinct in me finds my personal void very disturbing. After all no mater our level of introversion humans at our core are pack animals, and separation from the pack=consciousness/system triggers fear.

Your analogy with the barrel took me some time to understand. I believe your describing the rabbit hole, jumping in can bring a system shock allowing insight and new ideas but staying to long leads to a spiral down to the bottom, and any insight gained unusable.

I have spent much of my early life at the bottom of the barrel nearly falling throw. Not in till my late teens did I realize i was there, and started climbing out the top. Since then I have made several trips back down in to the barrel, simply to try and find usable insight, but with each attempt finding less and less reason to do it again. In honesty I haven't really looked around out side of the barrel, due to being still fixated on the point of why I was in there to begin with. That fixation is slowly fading and I am sure it will dissipate and allow be to move on, but its a slow process, I have a hard time letting things go sometimes.

"May I ask? - your post takes us into your late teens, what is your age now? approximately.
Where are we in your story?"
The post isn't really in to much of order, scatted brained ranting more like, comes form my inexperience writing. I'm now in my mid 20s and find only the last little bit of the post to be recent development.

Reply to Karxx Gxx

"I can say that I grasp enough of this... ...scent of what you immerse in yourself."
This is very accurate to what I first experienced before moving it into LDs were I excel in control, and creating my artificial void. If your trying to create a personal void for what ever reason I recommend moving it to a media you are more comfortable or have more control. Keep in mind that I could of used my artificial void for a number of things other then what I describe.

"The only criticism I would say is you can always go more extreme."
"It is neat that you go to extremes to feel better about life. To be the devils advocate,"
"One day it wont work,"
Yes, Yes, and Yes.

I have gone to extremes, you say "your extreme would probably simply being with other people. You cant tolerate them, or feel some uncomfortableness with them. You should look into that at the least. Or imagine being with people."
I do this quite often I didn't bring it up as it has no relation to the artificial void I talked about. Often times in my LDs I create uncomfortable scenarios in order to deal or at lest desensitize myself to them. Public speaking, social awkwardness, stress. I have to much anxiety as person and negative visualization is a great help at dealing with my issues, also its a trade mark tactic of Stoicism .

Yes sometimes It doesn't work, humans are meant to have a scope of emotions, and having to little, or to wide of a scope, makes you feel less human.
Ive often experienced such extremes of both negative and positive energy that they just seem muted. That's a tell tell sing for me that Ive gone to far, and am losing my grip on understanding the emotions, a case of to much information that can't be processed. The solution is to back out of it and find a neutral ground, before trying to push further.

"big sign that you are finding out who you are" I agree, tho I feel life is more about making your self then finding it.

Reply to Bob_the_floater

I've had my run ins with MJ and worse tho now a days coffee and cigarettes are crutch.
Most of my true friends are my friends because of my lake of filter, I can be a weird mix of abrasive and comforting.

Reply to LightBeam

I believe your more a tune then me, but I understand what your describing I have the same experiences to a lesser degree. Not a complete introvert I have my joys in extroversion as well and often seek that contention, but then strive to get away latter. I'm at both far ends of the spectrum at different times.
"There is no wrong and right. There is only the necessity of learning." I agree

Hopefully that covers everything, anymore comments or questions are welcome.

I'll be posting hopefully in the next couple of days about a unusual experiences I've had reluctantly-not a spelling mistake.

Nomennescio out






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omcasey
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« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2020, 08:43:29 »

Quote
Your analogy with the barrel took me some time to understand. I believe your describing the rabbit hole, jumping in can bring a system shock allowing
insight and new ideas but staying to long leads to a spiral down to the bottom, and any insight gained unusable.

Nomennescio

Sorry there, it is a dated analogy.. ( I am showing my age )

The barrel is in reference simply to a confined space - out of the barrel is free, unconfined, the reference is to growth, graduation.

Staying in the barrel is not an option for anyone, that which does not grow, withers. There likewise is not a "getting out and going back in". We have either grown beyond a space or we have not. It is an important point, because while IN the barrel if the situation is not cognized to some degree or another there is not the impetus to get out - to grow out beyond the confines of the barrel. In 3D experience space, the 3D illusion itself is the barrel. In here is every discrete illusion that can be had ( very generally based in separation ) - the many ways we tend to fight the(se) illusion(s).

In the thick of it, a helpful torque is created by asking ourself "what am I fighting?" and "what do I want?"


Does the clarification help?


Casey
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Nomennescio
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« Reply #12 on: August 24, 2020, 07:10:43 »

Reply to Omcasey

Yes your clarification does help, again it seems we were talking about to different things, and I now know what you were talking about.

In trying to understand, I believe I haven't left the barrel only come closer to the top. Distractions lead me to hesitate leaving the barrel, instead I dip back down. Each time getting closer to exiting the top but never fully committed.

"In the thick of it, a helpful torque is created by asking ourself "what am I fighting?" and "what do I want?""

Well some of my hesitation could be contributed to not having answers to the two questions posed. If I were to try to give any answer right now I would probably be making it up and lying to myself.
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« Reply #13 on: August 24, 2020, 08:52:10 »

Quite right, Nom.. the idea is to ask - to ask and be receptive to the answer as you live the days of your life.

If you ask, the answer will come.
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