i'd just like to ramble a bit

[Chaos Mage]

Hello folks.
Since I wrote my 'report' concerning fantasy, I've lost all of my creative 'stuff'.

The report hasn't been posted online, just sent it to a few people via email. If you want to see that point form topic by topic report (it's not that great, but contains fantasy-relevant information), then let me know here.

Now, there are a few things I'd like to address.  Firstly, why is it that when I post something about fantasy, it's like everyone spits in my face?  Are you saying that mental illness and metaphysics jive?  Because, they don't.  If metaphysics is real, there is no such things as mental illnesses.  You people really have a lot to explain, it's too bad there isn't an authority on these things that I could formally complain too about it.

What I'm saying is that if I post something about hearing voices or the nature of fantasy and how continued, dedicated phantasy results in an altered existential state, then why are you putting me down for it?  And, do you put others down who do not agree with what you are saying?  Don't get me wrong now, there is a lot to be explained by everyone.  Some people are into anything, everything, or just some things.  But when I get outright attacked and fight back because of it, don't expect me to honor your words because you never honored mine.  That's just common sense.  Far be it from me to make enemies.

Juiced up on a triptomine blast of the arcane superficial, my dopamines whack, but what else?  In fact, if you people were put on neuroleptics for as long as I've been on them, you wouldn't be alive.  Simple as that.  These drugs are stupid and dangerous.  And no, I'm not blaming you people for my legal / family problems, I'm blaming you for supporting ideas about mental illness and then in your next post to someone else, you support the ideas of spiritual entities, possession, demons, magick, and all other such things.  It's not all of you who are doing it.  Obviously, if I have to repeat myself a hundred times, nobody is listening and why would I let it continue?  Do you understand?  It's called HYPOCRISY.

I honestly believe that you know I'm onto something with all of this phantasy stuff, it's a model of consciousness that opens the mind to other models of consciousness.  Consciousness is not the end all of existence.  Now I'm certain, yes, highly certain, that those who can astral, have achieved the goal of what phantasy is said to do.  To recreate your reality, to enter your own realm in which your thoughts, will, memory, beliefs, and imagination form the reality.  So you don't need phantasy, that's fine.  But why condemn me to being mentally ill.  Just because I told you I was born as a satyr?  Think hard on that, if you care to.  Being born a satyr isn't fun, the humans tear you down as fast as you can regenerate anything that belongs to a satyr.  Being born a satyr with genie powers and knowledge of systems beyond human conceptions is the ONLY reason they say in their official report, "mentally ill". 

So I was born as a satyr.  I have also told you that I have a soul connection with Aleister Crowley.  I can never remember how to spell it. lol.  When Crowley died, his spirit, complete, passed through the sanctum level and was recombined with six other spirits.  One of these, being Elijah's spirit.  The idea was to create a soul strong enough that Jesus Christ wouldn't have to babysit it all the time.  The Buddhist Devil, Maya, was also involved.  The Future, it seems, is his personal playground.  And there are countless more details I could give you concerning such things, but it's pointless if all you are going to do is stun me down because, "Oh that's not possible, let's go astral."

The sanctum exists at the core of consciousness, where consciousness becomes a soul.  Deep trance and heavy meditation can get you there.  It is the deepest, darkest level of the soul.  There, you will find abundant sources, making any such sorcery possible.  Crowley had one, after all, he was a Magus.  I don't know if you ever seen the video, you'll have to hack the matrix with an old tv and antenna, but Crowley shot lightening out of his body into these huge electrodes, all on video tape.  I seen it when I was just a child, due to the fact that my head radiated the signal that patched it through on the radio frequency and the antenna intercepted and played the show.  Crowley also 'talked nicely' to a piece of glass, and turned it into a miniature universe after which, he coarsed it back.

And in my life time alone, I've done immense things with magick.  Namely, the creation of a living being.  That poor girl got murdered twenty minutes later, and likely chopped up and thrown in the river.  Or she was the one that was buried and screaming for twenty years in the basement.  Oh yeah folks, real horror stories, and why?  All because of humans and their outright, flat faced denial of anything that they can't subdue or control directly, indirectly, or through coarsive means.  Why else do you think that I'm on neuroleptics?  They want me to be so brainwashed and shrunken headed without any sexuality that I can't escape, neither back to the sanctum or to Maya's Lab.  Certainly, humans lack integrity and basic honesty, the horror stories continue in the modern world.  Praise to Jesus Christ, the Superior.

[rain_88]

I don't understand the "respect me and I will respect you" attitude. If you want to show respect, do it, because you decided this way, not because you are hoping for the same in exchange . Maybe humans aren't the only race who has to improve here and there .

On the other hand, I know nothing about satyrs. Could you tell me about yourself? And why did you let them discover your powers? You should have known what humans are capable of :/. Or what they were going to do with you. It seems that you had gotten yourself into that trouble.

[Chaos Mage]

well Rain, I had my vent here and it's said and in the open.

Respect seems to lead to brotherhood or congregation.  I don't get many people in my area who are into the same things I am.  It's always something or the other.  I'm not directly accusing anyone of being disrespectful to me, although, in the chat lines, they are very intolerant to any mention of the satyr.

The satyr are a demonic race, demonic in appearance, yet they are most often known as 'goat demons' or 'goat men'.  I've long ago lost all my satyr flesh.  In fact, I'm not even the same person I was ten years ago.  I came here on a mission, to try and help the human race from destroying everything in sight.  It's very hard.  We all have the same type of mind, just that some are more balanced or aligned to different emotional states.  When people make up their mind about something, it's like it's wrote in blood on stone.  And that's a good thing for magick, not so good for fellowship.

When you, or rather, when I, tell people that I have this diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenic, it seems to shift the entire conversation into 'you are schizophrenic, shut up'.  People don't understand that it's not an illness, an illness is like the flu or even cancer.  Schizophrenia, the best excuse they've offered me is that it's a chemical imbalance caused by an over active amount of dopamine. Meanwhile, their medication is atrophying my brain and they blame that atrophy on the illness itself.  It's completely irrational and crazy.  In making the statement 'mental illness does not exist', I should not permit myself to make idle talk about crazy this or that.  Only that people have a hard time grasping their own joy, and often lose their joy to fear for others or their own safety.

Satyr are inherently very powerful magickally.  There used to be more of them, I think the only ones left are somewhere in Syria.  They have full set.  They can also be used to propogate life in the Universe.  Satyr who come from 'heaven' are true blood, the purest form of life.  They are naturally male, with overly sized genitals and sexual capacity.  Though, if I am any example, a satyr is timid, meek by nature, and does it's best to honor God or whatever God is supposed to be on the planet they are on their mission to save.  You'll notice that Crowley wrote about Pan, who is the most famous satyr aside from Jesus Christ.  People don't know, there used to be many satyr on Earth, a lot of the middle ages seen them being hunted as 'devils' or such things.  And people that helped the satyr, were called 'witches', in part.

Believe what you want, but we have the same power.  It's come to the point that I've no more power than to make a pot of noodles and lay down in bed and fart.  I tried, I did the best I could.  I'm so tired of Malice and Perversion in my heart that I might have to run a purge on my spirit sometime soon.  Not nearly soon enough.

It's a work in progress, and I can tell you, while the satyr are the male being (and by now, thanks to the humans, there are female satyr as well), the nymphs were the female being.  And some forms of humans, mainly, the white race   was formed by the surgical success of mixing satyr and nymph.  More to be said, certainly.  I have memories in my genetics of the first success of a human being, who exists to this day and is the strongest occult figure.  A hidden genius, The Devil himself, so it seems.  Whereas one or two races of humans were formed from that ancient surgery and blood ritual, some, as I believe, the Natives, were formed by the Planet itself to live in harmony with Nature and the Planet.  Others, might come from the Pleaidian Pair that was extracted prior to the death of Pleaides Star System.  Others, have been formed from the magicks and blood rituals and spells of magi throughout time.

Now I'm cooking noodles, and I'm sorry if I was blunt earlier but what needs to be said has been said, and I really enjoy these forums despite some of the posts I get in response, and it is nice to be able to have a forum like this to talk about astral things and psychic stuff.  I mean no real ill will, I am a very isolated, lonely, frustrated 'man'.

[rain_88]

Sometimes people tend to feel uncomfortable when they hear about something they can't understand, believe or explain or have no experience with. Try to get over it. 

On the other hand if you decide to follow a specific path be prepared to be or left alone . Why bother to travel with inappropriate company anyways?

Thx for the information.