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Author Topic: Okay, another chuckle  (Read 2536 times)
Nerezza
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« on: November 27, 2002, 17:55:01 »

I love that story. I actually heard it during church as part of the priests sermon. I also heard this one:

Silent Battle With The Pope
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to leave Italy. There was, of course, a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with a leader of the Jewish community. If the Jewish leader won the debate, the Jews would be permitted to stay in Italy. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.

The Jewish community met and picked an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, however, could not speak Latin and the Pope could not speak Yiddish. So it was decided that this would be a "silent" debate.

On the day of the great debate, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and chalice of wine.

Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and said, "I concede the debate. This man has bested me. The Jews can stay."

Later, the Cardinals gathered around the Pope, asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us of our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community crowded around Rabbi Moishe, asking what happened.

"Well," said Moishe, "first he said to me, 'You Jews have three days to get out of here.'

So I said to him, 'Up yours'. Then he tells me the whole city would be cleared of Jews.

So I said to him, 'Listen here Mr. Pope, the Jews ... we stay right here!"

"And then?" asked a woman. "Who knows?" said Rabbi Moishe. "We broke for lunch."



"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." St. Thomas Aquinas
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Frank
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« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2002, 19:39:34 »


ROFL !!!

Yours,
Frank



 
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« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2002, 19:39:34 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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Mobius
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« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2002, 20:02:20 »

Hehe, yous funny.

Mobius

 
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« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2002, 15:13:35 »

i also heard it somewhere else, at school during mass i think (without the jesus christ)

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speedcubist
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« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2002, 07:05:30 »

ha ha ha  Funny jokes! http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile_big.gif" border=0>

speedcubist
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« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2002, 07:05:30 »



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Frank
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« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2002, 15:24:54 »


After a preacher died and went to heaven, he noticed that a New York cab driver had been awarded a higher place than he.

"I don't understand," he complained to God. "I devoted my entire life to my congregation."

"Our policy here in heaven is to reward results, " God explained. "Now, was your congregation well attuned to you whenever you gave a sermon?"

"Well," the minister had to admit, "some in the congregation fell asleep from time to time."

"Exactly," said God, "and when people rode in this man's taxi, they not only stayed awake, they even prayed."


Yours,
Frank

PS
The jokes I selected from the NDE forum. There's some good posts on there about all kinds of stuff.



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Nerezza
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« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2002, 17:57:49 »

Lol Frank, that reminds of the last time I took a taxi. The taxi driver started talking about weird things like how the most of the people in my city are sheep and how they won't suspect anything. At this point I started praying.

Heres one I read yesterday(thanks to this thread actually):

Jesus, Satan and Computers
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.

Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity.  Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.

Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.

Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"

God chuckles, "Everybody knows... Jesus saves."




And one more for good measure, taken from some website.


THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN:
1. His first name was Jesus
2. He was bilingual
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities

But then there were equally good arguments that....
JESUS WAS BLACK:
1. He called everybody "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were equally good arguments that....
JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

But then there were equally good arguments that....
JESUS WAS ITALIAN:
1. He talked with his hands
2. He had wine with every meal
3. He used olive oil

But then there were equally good arguments that....
JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:
1. He never cut his hair
2. He walked around barefoot
3. He started a new religion

But then there were equally good arguments that....
JESUS WAS IRISH:
1. He never got married
2. He was always telling stories
3. He loved green pastures

But perhaps the most compelling evidence.....
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up again, because there was more work to do.....



"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." St. Thomas Aquinas
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Frank
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« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2002, 21:51:28 »


But perhaps the most compelling evidence.....
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN:
1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food
2. He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
3. Even when He was dead, He had to get up again, because there was more work to do.....



ROFL... ROFL!!!

Especially in "3"

Yours,
Frank



 
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« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2002, 13:03:14 »

LOL these jokes are good.

there should be a perminant topic locked in place for jokes.

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Nerezza
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« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2002, 16:41:43 »

^^^^^^

Agreed.

"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." St. Thomas Aquinas
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Frank
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« Reply #10 on: November 27, 2002, 16:58:50 »



A preacher was taking his sermon when, all of a sudden, there was a major cloud burst. After about an hour of non-stop rain, everyone began to evacuate. The whole church was flooding but the preacher just stood there continuing his sermon, in the ankle-deep water.

A man drives by in a car and shouts through the church doors, "Preacher, you better get out of there before you drown!"

The preacher replied, "Don't worry, God will save me."

The man then drove away.

Soon the water was knee-deep and a man in a raft floated over and said to the preacher, "You better get in here quick, before you drown!"

Despite this the preacher stood there and replied, "Don't worry, God will save me."

So the man rowed away.

Soon the water was waist-deep and a man in a power boat came to the preacher and said, "You better get out of there before you drown!"

But the preacher just stood there saying, "Don't worry, God will save me."  

With that the man jetted away.

The water was now neck-high and a man in a helicopter came over and yelled to the preacher, "You better get out of there before you drown!"

The preacher refused to move saying, "Don't worry, God will save me."

With that the man flew away.

Then the water got so deep the preacher was sucked under and drowned. When he opened his eyes, he noticed he was in heaven.

He then saw God and asked, "Oh God!  Why didn't you save me from that horrid flood?"

God then replied, "Jesus Christ, I sent you a car; a raft; a power boat; and a helicopter!  What else do you want from me?"


Yours,
Frank




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