What is keeping my "gifts" to fragment on me?

[malethatsees]

Hi, I'm new and been searching for sometime now for some help on this. Let me give alil background for those that read this. I'm 29 years old, I have more than one "gift". I have had them as far back as I can remember. My mother is gifted as well as my younger brother. The reason I put"" around gift for me and not mom and brother is... I really feel like I'm cursed.  I  can sense see spirits, demons, angels the whole sha-bang.  I can see auras I've shared my energy with others to help them boost their gift.( Almost made her nose start bleeding from a few seconds of thinking of sharing.)If you wanna know more about that and how I did it just ask willing to share. I can sometimes see into peoples minds. However I don't force myself they let "the wall " as I call it down. Also, have left my body lots of times visited dead loved ones and have gotten proof from them that it really happened. By asking other loved ones about what the dead one shared with me. Not done yet when was younger lived in a.. well lets say a hostile house for psychics. Was told I was crazy for a long time or just my imagination. Eventually started to believe it. But, stuff wouldn't stop or go away. I started drinking and smoking pot to make it go away and it would for awhile. Then come back worse than before. Well, clean now, been for quite sometime. I'm wanting to improve and control my gifts better than what I can currently. I know practice practice practice.. But, I can't even turn it off. I tried lots of different things to do so. As, for the cursed part... before I started drinking and doing pot. I asked Jesus to come into my life and wash my sins away from my soul to be brought into his flock. When I did I Seen every sin I had done from the time I became self aware (6years old for me) till the moment of asking for forgiveness. It wasn't in just through my eyes either sometimes yes sometimes no. With each sin more and more weight was piled on my chest and I felt disgust betrayed sorrow pity with these emotions like I was feeling what the person showing me these sins when they was being committed.

  Here's the questions how do I turn it on and off? How do I gain better control? Why the heck me? Can any of you help?

[NoY]

First off dont worrie your not ruined

if you have a problem its like a stone in a glass
and every other way of aproaching the problem is like a grain of sand

eventually you will have tackled your deamons from so many varied perspectives it will be a firm foundation and
regardless of how you are challenged you will have already done the homework.

you must remember that the universe is 50% negative so when you feel cursed or over burdened try to realise its an important part of your mind
there are so many different ways of dealing with problems but by percistantly forcing you to deal with it life is making you its master

GoodLuck
:NoY:

[malethatsees]

 Well thank you for the response. Can you be less master grasshopper the lesson is in the poem? I'm not trying to be a a-hole or a willy. I am really frustrated with this have been for a long time now. The people I have had talked to about these things are either more in control or stronger in these things. But, horrible teachers or not cappable of explaining what they do or how they do it.Let alone a method of thought or actions to get it done. Or far behind me in control or knowledge of gifts curse powers whatever you would like to call them.
 Like for example when I close my eyes and meditate I let those lil colours of light on the back of my eyelids form what ever then once it forms something I focus on it basicly looking at it.Then it becomes more clear for a bit then fades at times. I can get it to clear up to where it is like my eyes are open and I'm at that spot. Also, those lil pinhead size orbs on the back of my eyelids range in colour from white to dark blues bright reds greens blues yellow aswell as dark in those colours. Plus, when I look at anything white (walls cars shirts) I see those specs or pinheads of light.
 Then if someone is standing infront of something white I almost immediatly see them form around the person with various shades of colour. (aouras prolly spelled that wrong among several words on here lol).
Anyways, thats what I mean I told you how I see energy and what I use to see them. Well, I hope I don't seem like a a-hole or willy. But, just tired of the yoda am I crap. Or the lack to actually explain how you do it.

[CFTraveler]

Hi there.
I don't have a specific answer for you, just a suggestion or two.
The only way I know how to get control of something is to learn how to do it on purpose, instead of trying to learn 'how not to do' something.
Now your problem is more difficult, because you can't 'close your eyes' and make it go away, you have to find out how to get better at it- once you get better at it, you then may be able to figure out a how to turn it 'off', or to 'tune it out'.

I had a different problem than yours, related to AP, and by learning to do it on purpose I learned how to stop it when I didn't want to do it, and it worked for me.

Now, the only thing I can say is that meditation is the tool I have used to 'hone' my skills, and the more I do it the more control I have of my experiences.  This seems to be true of most 'psychic disciplines'- reaching an 'awake trance' state seems to be the way most of us can 'see, hear, project, get lessons' and sometimes it can lead to other things.
I'm not sure if this is for you, but maybe if you LD/trance/project to a 'school environment',  you can learn how to 'close the door', so to speak, when you want to.

Just my two cents.