Hi, I'm new to Astral Pulse (great site, glad I found it!) and new to the metaphysical, of which I began to learn about earlier this year. Prior to that I had very little spirituality in my life. I'm Australian, 19, and finished highschool last year (passed by 1.5% or maybe less). This year (2010) was very stressful for me, as I tried to balance a busy social life with study, I didn't play my cards right, smoked too much weed, dumped my girlfriend even though I still felt for her, and ended up with depression.
This depression, minor as it was (it only seems minor retrospectively, as I have endured worse since then, but I'll get to that...), lasted me until maybe a few months ago. Long story short, I had a mushroom trip where I felt like my consciousness retracted into myself, I was afraid to do anything, I mean anything, emotionally I felt nothing. At the same time, I felt hyper aware of everything, my thoughts in my head were so loud if I concentrated I could actually hear my inner monologue. It was 2 or 3 days later that I did shrooms again, this time with my 2 closest mates and in a safe environment. Prior to the trip, I couldn't even talk to them. We were sitting in the room, and everything I tried to say my voice would trail off mid-sentence, as if I felt like I had said something really stupid, or as if there was no point to even talking.
Then something happened, that I still can't explain to this day and was hoping someone on here could explain for me. As I came up on the mushrooms, I felt this feeling in my body... Perhaps around my sacral chakra? I can't remember too well. It was as if this feeling was overriding my negative ones, until my entire body felt alot lighter, I moved with more co-ordination, I could sing with confidence and talk about whatever came into my head without a second thought. I became suddenly very in control of myself and the situation, overcome with joy due to the lack of fear and regret. I felt like I suddenly had the capacity to communicate with others like I SHOULD be able to, I felt like I could do anything, I've never felt that good I could go on. I felt like I could understand other people a lot better too, understanding why others behave a certain way more clearly because I wasn't automatically using negative assumptions and stereotypes like I had previously. I had truly ascended to a new level of consciousness, and I felt ridiculously confident and content.
I'll make a long story short, the last few months for me have been pretty awful. I won't go into details but this change in me affected my friends, I think they thought I was being arrogant or something, they treated me like a "dog" for a while, kind of excluding me from the group and giving each other funny looks when I was around, till eventually I became very paranoid, treated this change in me like a liability which in turn seemed to reverse its affects... My relationships with my family members and friends were badly affected, and all the while I was perfectly aware of the situation but at the same time it felt as if all my actions made it worse - my paranoid behavior only aroused suspicion, which in turn fed my paranoid behavior. My personality changed ALOT on the outside, but on the inside I felt like the same person I'd always been trying to express myself, in vain. I would ALWAYS blame myself for others unhappiness.
This lasted months, it has only been the last few days I feel like I have come back to 'reality' in the sense that I can communicate better, understand my feelings better and overall feel more wholesome. I still don't really know WTF happened and if this story really makes any sense, but I would love an evaluation from someone with more knowledge of the metaphysical than myself. Please ask questions too, I probably haven't been clear on a lot of this.
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