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Author Topic: "Beyond the Transition"  (Read 921 times)
Telos
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« on: July 28, 2005, 02:10:03 »

First some biological context:

I have been getting very little sleep these passed few days. I was trying to become an early riser by waking up and staying up at 5 AM each day. Following the advice in that article, I went to bed only when I was reasonably tired. Consequently, I would only get 4 or 5 hours of sleep each night.

I was also very busy with a group project for one of my business classes, and those are always stressful. I finished it yesterday and the thought that it might be my last school group project ever offered me some serene (if possibly unrealistic!) comfort.

Finally, this entire experience happened while I was sleeping on my side, resting on my cheek. My mouth was open some and the inside of my cheek was pressing in between my teeth. Aggravating and irritating, as I'm sure many of you know, but this is what I'm referring below if I mention "my cheek."

     

(you do not have to read this entire thing... to go straight to the "beyond the transition" part, feel free to skip this part and start reading after the next line of dots)

Waking

I started napping at around 3 PM, a few hours after getting home from class. About an hour later, literally on the onset of a potential conscious phase-shift, my mom walked into my room to use my computer to pay a bill. I cannot tell you how aggravating this is, and how often it seems to happen. Not only is my room very small, but there's another computer that's meant for the family that's not in my room! But my computer is a Mac and the other is a Windows, and she just likes using mine better. The fact is, my mother still has trouble using the Mac, and it takes her 20 minutes to an hour to pay one bill, something that most people get done in 30 seconds. Some days she has spent 6 or 7 hours in my room. The whole thing reminds me about how my father, a true to life systems administrator, doesn't communicate with his wife at all about buying a computer or about using it - and how they don't respect each other, and how they don't respect me. I will refrain from further making this a rant, but let me also add that she's loud and talks out loud to herself.

After 20 minutes I got tired of waiting for her, even though she says she'll be quick, she never is, she never accepts my help... I got up and left for a bit, went to the bathroom, walked around. Eventually she left and I went back to my bed, just wanting sleep...

Dreaming

And, unbeknownst to me at the time, I dreamed. From my perspective I "woke up" at somebody else's house. There was a party going on with friends of my sisters and other family members, and I was groggy and dizzy. What on Earth happened to transport here?

I got up. Someone came near me, I think it was an older sister, and grabbed my arm, "come join the party already." This was a regular feeling. Parties of people who were much older than I was, who saw my presence mostly for the aesthetic of younger person, a cute addition to their night, perhaps making them feel like they were not as old...

"Where am I?? Who brought me here? What's going on?" I said feverishly.

"Don't say you don't know where you are. Just come on..." she said. I really didn't know where I was! I was so dizzy, my head spinning... Assuredly, many people thought I was drunk and raised their drinks to me. At one point I passed a bar, and I was hurrying so that I tripped someone and fell over along with them. I apologized so many times, disoriented. Yes, they definitely thought I was drunk.

"No! Did you bring me here? Did you actually carry me here in my sleep?"

She looked at me quizzically. "Well, you weren't getting up. We had to do something!"

I tried to find out where I was so that I could leave and maybe walk home, find someone to give me a ride, or even find a place to just sleep... I was so tired. I saw my dad. Unbelievable. "Did you drive me here?" I asked. He said yes and I became very angry. Please note that I am not an angry person. Scathing, perhaps, but that is when it appears that one is listening. I suspect anyone would feel raw being hauled places without your consent. It is a familiar thing for me. Here, though, it was expounded 100-fold.

My father was angry as well, but at me, saying that I was an ungrateful brat, and then offered to drive me home. Typical of him - condemning people for not accepting what he forcefully "gives," and then making them feel bad for accepting something else! I have tried to point out this behavior in him for years but he never does anything about it.

I yelled at him fiercely, "Did you think you were picking me up from my cradle, feeling justified in placing me wherever you wish?? Do you just fail to see that other people are human and deserve respect!!" My father is a self-proclaimed racist and a misogynist, so such a question would not reach him. In all of my 22 years of life he has championed the superiority of the pure white male. You never get used it. You just want to forget someone could be so pathetically pig-headed.

I realized my questions did not hit him. After he grabbed my shoulder, I hit him, very hesitantly, for I would not do such a thing in real life. Punching him in the face, my knuckle grazed the corner of his eye. He wears contacts and was immediately subdued, stopping to check and make sure one hadn't fallen out, or trying to put it back in place. After that he just walked away, got in the car, and left me there. Not a problem. I felt it just if he would get into a car accident from his blindness. Then he'd probably stop pretending that he could see clearly.

Lucid dreaming

As I started walking home, wherever that might be, I noticed that my cheek was perpetually lodged into the side of my mouth. I was still tired and dizzy. These things seemed to go together. Was I dreaming? I stopped.

I intentionally did not do any dream tests or attempt at all to become lucid. I wanted to see... if this is a dream, would I be able to intrinsically tell the difference of this particular dream from real life? What is it that makes this a dream, aside from my tiredness and my cheek, or other bizarre subject matter?

I looked around. Nothing changed. Everything seemed very real and solid. Gravity and mass were very apparent. Even my knees were weakening under the force of my body trying to walk around disoriented. The cars and the city looked devastatingly real. I live in Milwaukee, the most racially segregated city in the US. In order to walk home from the city I had to walk through the black district, or the "ghetto." A white person stands out and gets stared at - many white people are "afraid" to walk through the area, but honestly I can't blame them for not wanting to look at the trash and devastation of a poor area. So I had many black faces glancing at me. Nothing at all out of the ordinary.

Interestingly, I have been accosted by several black people just for being white and walking through their neighborhood to go college. Aren't I rich enough to own a car, they ask me. Daddy not get me one for my birthday? Comments like those are easy to laugh at, they're so absurd. But there was no use just staying around that neighborhood. I flew off the ground and soared out into the country hills.

(This account is becoming longer than I had intended... I will skip over some parts for now)

I had been having trouble flying, since I was still bent on trying to see exactly what differentiated the dreamworld from the real world intrinsically Yes, yes, people can fly and all that stuff... but everyone seems to think that it's possible to fly in the real world, and do any sort of other magic. What makes the dream world different? That you can do this stuff easier? No way. That's a total nonstarter. Then the real world was purposefully made to be difficult! Let's find something a little more substantial theory.

My problems in flight were immediately fixed, not by saying "this is a dream" and affirming my powers, but focusing my attention more. I looked at an area around the sky and focused my attention on it, until I just moved towards it as if on a rail. Straight as an arrow. I suspected I could do just about anything without affirming "this is a dream" as long as I just focused on it appropriately.

Anything. Well I might as well go to Primary Focus 4! I focused purposefully and intently on going "beyond the transition" as Frank had suggested many months ago, but I was never motivated enough to do. This time I felt assuredly like I could do it, even though I had no guide.

     

"Beyond the Transition"

Everything shook. I'm certain that I shall fail to describe this inner quake. It was not a rumbling, oscillation, or vibration per se, because I've certainly felt intense vibrations all throughout the body, even the frightening shocks like lightening, while having what some would all an OBE. But this was different.

Consider the term, "out of body experience." One imagines a spirit, consciousness, or energy body floating around and looking at stuff. Now consider an "out of energy body experience." I had never even imagined such a thing before today!! Mainly because I never bought into the whole energy body thing (and still don't, actually), but that is exactly how I would describe it, metaphorically speaking.

I say this because after I felt that I was on the tail-end of this gargantuan transition, I remembered what Frank had said about everything being very difficult to describe, so I was extra attentive. I saw, I suppose, a very general "shape" of a body. It was not as much a shape as it was the thought of a shape. It had no color to it at all. It was more like an afterimage that one might see behind their eyelids, continuously elusive to definition. I was gradually moving "away" from this "shape," or it was coming more into view.

I'd say that this was the "body" in which I was dreaming! But it was not exactly there. As I said, it was not a body but more like the afterimage of a body. Imagine something floating on the surface of a pool, and you pick that something up, no matter how carefully, there will be some waves in the spot where the object once was, and the water will tremble for some time in that location.

Like I said, I still don't believe in the energy body. I think the whole notion is very silly, and that this experience quite confirms it. How silly is it, really, to have an out of energy body experience? I was already having an out of body experience, and then I had an out of out body experience? Out of out? Well that's exactly what I had, should you use such terms!



"Conclusion on Experiment of Intrinsic Differences"

I was so bowled over by it that I shortly transitioned to a series of false awakenings. Luckily, I had a few more chances where I experimented by not becoming lucid. When I finally awoke from the entire experience, something was immediately obvious. There was a much, much much greater complexity in sound in the waking environment then there was in a non-lucid dream. I have never analyzed sound extensively in lucid dreams, but I have already significantly experienced its connection to the onset of lucidity. Again, I am referring to the complexity of sound - the combination of street of cars, planes, work tools, people talking, etc... even the sound of air or a soft wind. Actually, I'd say especially the sound of air or soft wind. Non-lucid dreams may be differentiated from reality by their lack of complex sound, whereas they cannot be differentiated by complexity of the other senses, as far as I can discern. Nor can they be discerned by bizarre subject matter, if one persists, as many of you do, in attempting to bring telekinesis, magic, and other bizarre subject matter to reality.
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