Suppression of emotions: Can it be conditioned into unwanted routine?

[donzieja]

I realize that this may seem as though it doesn't fit well in the section I've posted it in. If you'd just hear me out, I'm sure you'll understand.

Lately, I've been in much pain. I want to cry every day but can't seem to bring myself to it. After school, I'm so tired from what I think is my mind automatically suppressing my feelings, saving them for later. I fall asleep shortly after getting home.

My dreams are a direct replica of the day I went through, only I cry when I wanted to in real life. I wake up, and the pillow is wet near my eyes, which are tearing up.

I think what this means is that I need to learn how to balance myself in a way that doesn't hurt others, and I was wondering: Could this be it?

Could I have been meant to save my crying for my sleep?

I don't know.

Please reply.

Thanks,

-Don

[CFTraveler]

Yes.  And if you do this long enough, you will find yourself forgetting why you're upset, and then, years later, exploding (or doing bizarre things) for no apparent reason.  So if you want to avoid this, when you're alone, if you can't make yourself cry, speak aloud to yourself, expressing your disappointment "I am upset because this and this happened."  Talk about it, state that this is how you feel.
Then, go through the entire day in your head, and deal with the emotions as they come along.  Process them, write about them.  Then, if it is very upsetting, tear whatever you wrote into little pieces and symbolically get rid of them.
Good luck, Don.