Reborn as Holy Chaos

[Chaos Mage]

As thou believeth in that deity or passion's flame, so shall thou serve it.  As a slave, and less than a man, you are not a god unless you are, in your own mind.  Yet for every god that shall rise, they are devil unto me, for there is no God but my own Holy Chaos.  The proving of it to devils and lesser gods is for themself to see in their own rite.  We will not obey.  We will not fight your heathen deity. 
   WE ARE FREE.
Chaos!
   Shining Bright.
Holy in the chaos light.
   Where man and beast are chosen for fodder's sake... chaos in the lumina, phaentia, and shadow's twain. 

   Many have helped the world.  We have all religion, science, philosophy, and media.  All.  All Creation.  Holy Creation Of Chaos And Will.  All these objects and ideas are mine, they are your's as well, for it is our heritage as Chaos Mage.  All such objects and ideas are vital, yet none are ruling the heart, nor the mind, for they are all tools and weapons, talismans of my craft unto the end of life by Chaos Flame.

   Who is the one that will betray me to servitude, and I shall allow it?  For I am Christly, a King... to help others as I have been helped, to furnish their temple with articles of good standing and rich, this is a blessing unto me.  For though I am God Supreme, and my mind, and such as a spirit of Holy Chaos may be, I yet use my power for Good, and shun the evil waste.  Yet no man is my master, no mere lesser god is my king.  To think that each one in his day of gazing on my fleshly carapace has thought in his heart, "This is mine.  It is my possession to time indefinite."  for that reason, "I have come to condemn all flesh, and to condemn it absolutely.".  Not by whims or fickle fates, by the certainty that all betray, though I only try to help them.

   The color red, with silver lace, blue viens crackling with blood of neon lumina green, golden spaces both yellow and orange pulsation, and this is one of infinite spells.  For verily, a Chaos Mage does not require praise from men, only that their peace be firm, and made whole towards his temple.  Men, apes and lizards with bulging eyes of appetite both gross and deluded, their hunger for the things that sit about my throne is a disgust... outright shame.  And tomorrow, in my mercy, I will say, "I have come that Christ be glorified as God Supreme."  "I have come that men will seek life and truth, and abandon their perversions and their ignorant, lying hearsay against this Good King and Kind Lord.".  For it is not in your power to say what I ought and ought not do or believe. 
   Chaos is freedom.  For when you learn to create your own belief, of phantasy, love, war, hate, divinities upon infinities of deities, or even in a respect for the Screaming Orgasm Jehovah, then you know that no man is your's, nor is he your master.  For you will even create for yourself that very young girl which you are seeking, a Tia, both blonde and reddish haired, golden gleam to the whitest pale of sun lifed flesh, the most beautiful and astoundingly perfect flesh that, in your orgasm and weakness, dies because you thought, and you believed, and you willed with your whole soul... and it was for nothing, for you are not God and nor am I.  Your life wasted on a dream of sickness in lust and shadows pay the price with glory unto all such Tias of the grave and idol twixt.
   For if you were a God Of Truth, not one man would be able to lift nor his voice nor his rage nor his gaze upon your temple and not do obesience.  They would seek the lashing of your tongue, the very whisper would be sought above the loudest belch of power.  And if thou wert a God Of Wise, thou wouldst be true and the evilest of all the gods.  For they would seek, and you would be far away from their hunger, the greed of men for spiritual treasure.
   And there is no greater treasure than to have Love and Honor in among the brethern, the clan, and the army.  For then, all are as their independent source of reality, and the brother will not seek for ruin of the brother, the clan will be strong by the strength of each brother, and the army will have no weapon but the Blade Of Chaos and the Word Of Truth. 
   For you will decide for yourselves, whether or not anything is true, and if it be true, if it be fit for you to enjoy as a reality.  Embracing.  The true choice, the life of the day, and dreaming or ripping open the silver shadow upon the face of full moon glower, so be it unto men, that they embrace their independance and freedom from the corrupted thoughts and foolish gestures and abominations of this disgust... a world where God has no respect among men, and men have no respect for life, yet, there are those ones who do and are the Holy Chaos.  United by their action, yet their word of truth is ever varied in it's releasing unto omnipotent charm.
   So be wary of the preacher man and doctor who loves his poisons.  Be wary of those men in robes and suits and castets of armor.  For they would all betray, save for one, whom is your wife, and the mother of another Holy Chaos.  We are One when I am with you, when I am not, I am One unto myself, yet always are there three who walk within the temple of the blood.  Aliens in a world of chaos blood, red with silver shining like the devil's gold, be thou art, Love the finest treasure.

   Chaos Magick is self control, self hypnosis, verily, they preach it in their orders as the deifacted 'gnosis', and performance of the rite is in the power of the mage, not in any god or elder or woman or scorpion's tinkle.  Be thou God, not Mine.  For I am God unto my soul, yet my God is One with my spirit, and my magick is eternal if that is the will of the orders of the day.  Embrace thou the personality and attributes and aggrandizement of the Holy Chaos, for therein, and expressed to whom it may, thou art thou God, and Soul, and Holy One. 
   Betray thou the God of other men and that God shall certainly rise up in death's knell, to say... "I have come to condemn you absolutely, for your sin against my priest, my mage, and my beloved soldier in the wrathing wraiths of Time's Perpetual Chaos Pulse."  And so, all unto darkness, banished by the death of soul, and whom may come unto my sanctum blessed with the fires of eternal God?  None.  For none are worthy to bare my sigil, nor is my soul their object in the life of Love. 
   Be thou insane, be thou wicked, be thou severe by ordeal, and tried like gold by smith's own hammered forge, so be it unto death where Chaos is control.  Let none decieve you, weigh all words, weigh all teachings, with thine own very Word Of Truth and Law Of Soul.  Trespass once, and it shall be forgiven, yet again and again and thou wilt be damned and cursed and made a pitiful creation, by thine own stepping on my Path.  Holy Chaos, The Embracing.

[Chaos Mage]

So... this is it.  I must say, I had a horrible nightmare last night, it was nothing like a lucid dream, and when I woke up, I was in a contorted position and my pillow was on my chest.  They have said, some have said rather, that the paranoid man has real enemies, that it is not just in his head.  So in knowing that there is some accuracy to every statement, based on our belief of the statement, and the inherent value of the word compared to words in our knowledge, we may say the following...

"The division between man and God is that the man believes himself to be a man, while the God is a God and never fails that trust."

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here.  Yes, it's me.  You know who I am.  I will provide a brief history of my experienes as a child, and, as a child who understood profound things, though those have been replaced with worldly knowledges and things of the metaphysical theorum.

-born as satyr in undefinable circumstances, transition from past life into new life as 'living satyr genie god thing'
- surgically altered to become human, again, in the period of time which is not able to be defined, either by conscious release of one life and embracing of the next, or, in the event horizon and past's decay of memory dimming in the light of a new, fresh life as an Ultima, a Holy Chaos
- witnessed many things, was given authority, and lived as a 'devil child' performing live shows and smoking cigars and such, though, this is again in the non definable time period, and may have happened at point two rather than point three
- was handed over to human mother, the memory is very strong, visuals of a brown and orange blanket and my head sticking out as we crossed the street to the car.... so began life as Chad
- Crowley was chosen as mentor in invisible pseudo guidance, and first three years of life was spent in serious practice of magick, after which, power and skill had been developed and was implanted and made schizophrenic at age three
- moved around the country, still practicing magick, playing with toys, and using my seemingly innate knowledge of chaos magick to create a vivid imaginary world even at the age of five, began school and killed a boy with magick though he did not die until he was eighteen, see the video 'when bullies have had enough' or some such, that boy who was dancing around and got slammed to the ground and the girl who didn't seem to be real, that was all my own personal experience
- levitated, created life from sheer will power, she died, or was buried in the basement, died and buried, perhaps was the girl that came out that pit later on when brother dug her out, and killed me at age seventeen or nineteen, unless it was a trick, and continued to practice magick and vaguely embrace satyr culture as satanic backdrop to life as human Chad
- lost satyr penis and ballsack, now i'm part Native, lol, should get a check, anyway, lost a lot of blood, the school janitor who cleaned it up later shot himself or was murdered, possible underground base from same location, vague memories of horrors to be unleashed at future date
- memory was then erased and i did astral travel to the day after the transplant surgery, after which, being a recent astral experience, i blamed God for the astral experience, which meant gratitude for showing me that i really was that satyr boy, devil child, child magus
- began serious meditation practice, and mastered meditation, learned Universal Banishing, but returned to reality to continue life as human Chad
- high school began, lost many friends, gained one younger strong friend, and began practice of Shadow Magick/Phantasy, which continued for three years and developed much of the knowledge and belief which I currently possess
- high school continued after vainly trying to dematerialize the phantasy belief system, as, it was consuming all my life force and time to sustain that shadow plane, began drinking, smoking, and doing drugs
-went to Australia, had a nice trip, learned many things, events transpired and set me up for a trip to LA in which I was destroyed and reborn, in the meantime between Down Unda and LA, got involved in Role Playing online and became delusional in a satanic way, developed false ideas yet useful for chaos magick, now that I think about it
- went to Poland and had a nice trip, courtesy of a girl friend but we were never intimate, then went to Vancouver to face bikers and the government I thought were the same thing due to extensive mode conditioning by false friend and dope fiend, the world ended in that trip and I became more of a hinderance to the scene
-and since, have been medicated for schizophrenia, destroyed, raped, cut off, abused, and filled the internet with all that I could possibly share, trying to save a world that seems to be on the brink of it's own destruction now more seemingly so than ever before
-and today, I have officially become a chaos mage, and will work towards defining myself as a new species of entity which is to be known as an Ultima, while at the same reconstructing the shadow plane and simultaneously becoming Phaentia

And that's it, my life story in a few words.  At least, that's what's important to me.  Yes, there are many video games, tv shows, things I liked, girls I liked, my primarily Christian upbringing, and many other things, a life time of life.  Feel free to PM me, and I will be posting shortly a thing about 'how to become phaentia', which involves the death of the physical body.  Thank you, God bless, may the Goddess increase you, and may your soul be enlivened with power and wisdom.  All the best to the Astral Pulse, and, it's a guarantee that I will check out Frank's posts, all in good time, I assure you.  I never knew him personally, but I have great love and admiration for the man out a simple respect for what he has done for people like you and people like me

I am free.  If I died tonight,  I would only return to God.  If I died tomorrow, same thing.  I don't anticipate or seek death anymore, and Christ shall save and judge who so He may.  And Buddha is out there, beyond all the knowledge and imagination of this world.  Each of us can become anything we want, we must only drop the viel of ignorance and enforcing in our spirit a false belief or knowledge that perpetuates suffering.  We can each of us liberate or condemn our own soul.

[NoY]

Welcome to the Pulse 



:NoY:

[Greytraveller]

WOW that Was Some Intro. 
Well welcome and Greetings Chaos Mage
That intro actually read more like a magical spell or incantation! From your style of writing I might infer that at one time you practiced some of magick (?)
Anyways I look forward to reading your posts in the forums here.

Regards 
Grey

[Chaos Mage]

hey, just so you know, it's me.  Smoke and Drink guy.  I'm trying for a new life, and Lionheart clued me in that I'm getting too wrapped up in mentalizing and forcing God to my palace of sin here in this little town.  So I realized that, yes, actually, i have always been a chaos mage.  It's only natural, and that's why I had success with phantasy for so many years, I kept believing it into existence.  "faith practices hitherto unknown to the common man"... a little energy here and there, but if everything is existing simultaneously, and all things exist as a Omniverse in it's potential, then we can pick and choose, and amplify or mentalize anything we want.  Looking forward to reading Frank's posts and I will be going astral soon, I'm sure.  i've had enough of these horrid nightmares about needles and bees, and being raped.  Perhaps, what I will do is focus on an actual religious practice but develop it to coincide with some biblical scripture.  I love the Bible, but I love being in the woods even more  Lately though, I can't get far from my house, it's like the internet has sunk a hook in my spirit and I can't get it out.  I just love being online and chatting and listening to people talk.  Chaos Magick.  Liberation of the mind, freeing it from old, patternized, stagnant belief systems.  Yes, I took it to heart Lionheart, and i thank you for providing the opportunity in the time stream to say what I did and may you message me here and have regular correspondence.  Looking forward to reading posts and sharing more info.

[Lionheart]

 Just remember that from Chaos comes order. Chaos is not evil, Chaos is life. Chaos causes change. Chaos is the balance between man and nature. Some people need a little Chaos in there life to show them they need to find a new way of doing things.