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Author Topic: help controlling channel, please?  (Read 801 times)
« on: March 12, 2005, 11:45:02 »

Hello! So, especially when I am fighting a cold or something, or when I'm sensitive emotionally or for whatever reason my defenses are down, I tend to become a more "lively" channel for whatever it is that comes through. I've been a healing channel (knocked the warts right off me and almost scared me half to death!) and I've been a communication channel, or at least almost, until I freak out or have a bad physical reaction. But when I sing (I'm an opera singer) I become a channel for something that I don't quite understand yet, or feel like it is just too much (emotionally), and it can be a little frightening. However, I think I need to accept this, and learn to channel it, to move on in my career and be happier generally!

I finally understand why, all these years, even while I was an instrumentalist, I blocked myself against feeling too much emotion when I played or sang, and this is a problem that has come up again lately-- actually it's always been there, but my teacher (you never stop studying!) and coaches have caught on to the problem. When I was a kid I was very sensitive, spirits and voices and astral this and that, and I think this is another aspect of it. By my teens I'd blocked off as much of it as possible, and its only in the last few years that I've had a re-awareness of everything. And it's been pretty intense at times. My teacher is aware of my sensitivity as she has a little bit herself, but we don't discuss it.

The last time this happened, I was fighting a flu, singing in the studio and the moment I opened my mouth to sing, each time, there they were, really enthusiastic, saying "Ok, yes! Go! Go! You can do it!!" And crowding in. They come to all my lessons and many of my coachings and auditions. They- whoever they are- are very supportive and proud, but it's overwhelming just the same. So the last time I could not stop crying, I was just sobbing. I asked them to please back off and they did. Singing requires a controlled chanelling of emotion to begin with to make it interesting and to sing well, so it's easy to be overwhelmed by the double whammy of emotion plus whoever else is in the room! No wonder I have avoided letting them help me for so long.

I want to learn how to integrate this channelling or whatever else it might be called into my life, into my singing. I know that I have to learn to do this-- it's affected not just singing but other parts of my life as well, being a bit shut down. Ok, specifically sex. Sorry if TMI. I've compensated quite well, since I already have plenty of emotions, but I am ready to face this now and experience the whole package. Can anyone help? I wouldn't even know how to go about doing this...
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