fallen_nefariously, I can certainly relate to the way you feel.

I've been trying for a considerable amount of time as well compared to many others it seems, and still not had any complete success. I completely agree that it's hard not to want to experience it first hand. I however also feel that wanting to have that experience is not necessarily a bad thing at all. It's not wanting to project that hinders success. It's trying too hard that might. If you keep the idea of wishing to do so in the back of your mind, your subconscious may well pick up on the idea and carry it out easier.
I hope that this makes sense. LOL, I really don't know why I'm so inclined to post on the boards late at night, when I'm getting tired and having trouble thinking of the best way to phrase things.