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Author Topic: Help, I want to believe.  (Read 3853 times)
Shallow
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« on: August 29, 2011, 09:12:08 »

Hello, folks.

First off, I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong forum. The following text does not seem to find itself in any other category.

Now that I got that out of the way, let me introduce myself. I'm Shallow, and I've lurked this forums for a long time now, probably a couple of years. Since I got here, I've been sucked in by this concept of astral projection, which fits perfectly with my beliefs.

Now, I've been looking for an answer to my problems for many years, but I'm afraid I won't be able to get it myself. You may think I should post this in a help forum or something like that, but I'm a very spiritual person. This is the place I need that answer from, because I believe in you.

So, here we go. This is surely not the usual thread you'd see around here, but I urge you to read it thoroughly and understand why I'm posting this here.

I made a bad choice some time ago. Since then, my life's been going downhill. I have a few psychological problems, some of them being chronic depression and being a highly sensitive person. In a nutshell, people like me are very prone to suicide, and if you throw in the things I've gone through lately, I'd say I'm very close to the breaking point. I've contemplated it for as long as I can remember, ever since I was a child, but I've tried my best to hold on to the things I cherish the most and try to succeed in life.

Ever since I discovered Monroe's books, I've been fascinated by the fact that there is something more than just this plane of existence, and that living here is a truly precious gift, just like my beliefs have taught me. Still, it's been hard for me to keep going. My mind keeps telling me there's nothing here for me, but I want to believe everyone here has a purpose, even me.

For many months I tried to project without any success, and I've finally given up. I always thought I'd get some answers if I managed to do it, but the anxiety that has generated from that thought is the one thing that's been holding me back. Deep down, even though I've come to accept it, it still hurts.

My mind has played it's share of tricks on me, too. I've wanted to convince myself that there will be something waiting for me the moment I choose to end this life, that I should just leave this wrecked life and start over, but in the end, I know it would just be a waste. I know I should get the most out of this life, and make it count, but sometimes, it can get really ugly inside my head.

Now, I'm asking for your help. This is the only question I'll ever want to get an answer to.

Is it really worth it to go on? To try and overcome my fears and just live my life, knowing there will be a much better place waiting for me at the end of the road? That it doesn't matter what wrong decisions I may have taken in the past, because one day I'll be able to start all over again?

Thank you, and godspeed.
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Simo
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« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2011, 10:46:32 »

First of all welcome among us!
I was like you and I know how you feel!Depression,desperation,"no one loves me" ect..But then I said to myself-"Why the heck I should feel bad for everything,no matter that it's not my fault?I was reborn-no more I care what people say or what they think of me or my believes,nothing!I look forward,never behind never sideways-theres always the trash there ready to drown you with it!This is my advise-Straight forward,determination,and optimism!World don't care for you,for any of us.We are on our own,but everyone has its strength!Be happy!
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« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2011, 10:46:32 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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Volgerle
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« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2011, 13:26:11 »

.. living here is a truly precious gift, just like my beliefs have taught me. Still, it's been hard for me to keep going. My mind keeps telling me there's nothing here for me, but I want to believe everyone here has a purpose, even me.
I am convinced that we all as individuals have decided in advance to come here. And this is certainly for a reason. So, yes, it has a purpose. Every life is precious, so is mine, so is yours.

For many months I tried to project without any success, and I've finally given up. I always thought I'd get some answers if I managed to do it, but the anxiety that has generated from that thought is the one thing that's been holding me back. Deep down, even though I've come to accept it, it still hurts.
You need not be able to project to lead a fulfiling and/or spiritual life. If anxiety is a problem for induction, I would even advise not to try it at all. Moreover, I would not advise to use AP as a sheer tool for "escapism" from this physical life. This might lead you to nowhere. AP and similar experiences can be used to enrich your current (physical) life. But you cannot (and should not) escape this physical life with it, because that's the reason why you (we all) are here - to 'deal' with it, not to escape or avoid it. It is part of this 'self-assignment' to overcome the difficulties and to manage the tasks that we meet "here".

Is it really worth it to go on? To try and overcome my fears and just live my life, knowing there will be a much better place waiting for me at the end of the road?
Yes, please have the faith to keep on moving, it is worth it. Please never give up because I think that you will counteract the will and intent of your own Higher Self. Escapism and escape is never the solution. It is not meant to be this way.

That it doesn't matter what wrong decisions I may have taken in the past, because one day I'll be able to start all over again?
We all learn by our mistakes. That might be even their purpose. Learning by mistakes for to make it better in the present. Many wisdom teachers, such as e.g. E. Tolle, tell us to 'live in the present moment' - The NOW. So it would be best to try to live in the Now. There is only now. Don't live in the past. Take the lessons you learnt there but try to apply the lessons while you live in the NOW. Don't let your past burden you too much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDEexBOtz0Q

I wish you all the best to overcome your hardships.
Volgerle
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 13:28:45 by Volgerle » Logged

Volgerle
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« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2011, 13:41:30 »

For many months I tried to project without any success, and I've finally given up. I always thought I'd get some answers if I managed to do it, but the anxiety that has generated from that thought is the one thing that's been holding me back. Deep down, even though I've come to accept it, it still hurts.
One more comment from my (and others') experience. If you are not able to project lucidly that does not mean that you cannot get insights by 'similar' methods. I work with dreams as much as  I do with lucid experiences (call it AP, OBE or lucid dreams or whatever). Dreams, for me, are a reality! I share N. Newport's view that in dreams you are even much nearer to your Higher Self than you are in e.g. "RTZ-OBEs" where you just fly around in the neighbourhood.
So, I would recommend, try to enhance your dream memory, keep a dream journal, use methods used for lucid dreaming (e.g. getting up at night for 15 minutes, doing affirmations, reality checks, etc.). After you increase your memorisation capabilities for dream content try to learn to interpret your dream symbols and metaphors (which isn't alway so easy in the beginning, but it is rewarding when you progress more with it) - sometimse you get more direct messages, too.
I find it most effective to pose a question at the beginning of each sleeping period, do it several times before you fall asleep in relaxed state. Often, I then get answers I can interpret. I assume I also received insights from past lives (e.g. when looking into mirros I saw past selves!), and I had many 'precogs' too, and also met with guides because some dream 'figures' re-appear and give me some valid interesting information. Dreaming is a kind of projection, too, so you need necessarily not do it 'the hard way'.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2011, 13:50:12 by Volgerle » Logged

Xanth
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« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2011, 15:04:17 »

Hi there Shallow,

Welcome to the Astral Pulse.

Is Astral Projection worth it to learn?  It sure is... but that's just my opinion.
You really do need to find your own answers to the questions you ask.

Where did you start?  What methods did you try?  How did you try them?  What kind of progress did you make?

My personal suggestion to you is to learn to meditate first.  Build yourself the foundation that you'll then build upon to further learn to project.  A lot of people learn about astral projection, then try to jump headlong into it... then when they fail, they just end up thinking it's a bunch of crap or something.  Well, the truth is that this stuff *IS* real, but it's something you'll need to prove to yourself through direct experience of it.  And to do that, you need to learn to crawl before you can learn to run.

Meditation is the metaphorical crawling.  Smiley
I'm gonna PM you some reading material.
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Summerlander
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« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2011, 17:32:49 »

Shallow...

Have you ever heard of this saying?

"Let us not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness"

It's very true.
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pondini
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« Reply #6 on: August 29, 2011, 18:00:52 »

hi, shallow.

i can hear the pain and desperation in your post, and i feel nervous about replying because i don't want to steer you in the wrong direction. it sounds like you are choosing a spiritual solution over a medical one. i don't fully know your situation, so i don't know if that is a wise choice. keep in mind that a spiritual solution isn't going to be some OBE guide telling you neat stuff that makes you feel better and then all your problems are solved. it will be you, looking at yourself honestly, seeing yourself for who you really are and accepting yourself as is. that is a hard thing to do, but it doesn't end there. your next step will be to make the right choices (usually the hard ones) that will guide you to a happier life.

things do get better, but not by themselves.

i wish you the best.
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Boom
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« Reply #7 on: August 29, 2011, 23:12:08 »

Hi, and welcome to The Pulse!

I think we all ask these big questions at some point in life.  There are never any solid answers, so all we can go with is by our own experiences and what resonates with us.

I totally agree with one of the replies. Please do not use Astral Projection as like an escape.   We all seem to have this escape desire. Its why people get hooked to games like World of Warcraft, or have other addictions.

Though my non physical experiences have been somewhat limited. I can tell you, and I have proven to myself, that there is something there to this. Whether we are switching the focus of our conciousness to non physical alternate dimensions, or just accessing a previously unknown part in our brains I have no idea. But it is worth looking into.

Some religions believe that suicide is a mortal sin, and its wrong in every way.  Here are the facts:  We don't know for sure what, if anything is after this life.  Suicide is literally jumping into a totally unknown hole. Who says you'd be better off? Who says it'll solve all your problems? The worst thing is, there is no way back.  No matter how terrible the physical life here is, you still cannot be sure that death would be any better. 

I dont have answers, infact the more i've read into this, the more questions i've gotten actually.  Your current mental conditions, could be prohibiting you from sustaining a decent astral projection. You have to be completely relaxed in body and mind to achieve it. Medications can also interfere. So do as Xanth says. You may find some inner peace by learning to meditate.  Just put on some nice relaxing meditation music, and sit quietly for 10 minutes just focussing on breathing in and out.   I have a friend who suffers anxiety and just doing this works better for her than any of the pills the doctors prescribe.   Keep focussing on the breathing, push your problems, depression, anxiety, yourself completely out of the way. It'll be like a vacation for the mind.

Good luck Smiley
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Shallow
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« Reply #8 on: August 29, 2011, 23:28:55 »

Thanks, everyone. Even though these are very simple words, I really appreciate the time you took to read my little story, and the advice you've given me.

Well then, I started shortly after finishing Monroe's third book. I also read a bit of Astral Dynamics, and practiced for about 4 months with really satisfying results in energy manipulation, but as usual, my problems got the best of me. Now that you mention it, I should try it again with a fresh mind. I'm confident my body hasn't forgot about it.

I had a pretty extensive dream journal too, which contained a bit more than a year of dreams, more or less. It really helped me with dream recall. I stopped writing some time ago though, as I went through some hard times. Besides, my HDD burnt out, along with my journal, heh..
Honestly, I find I'm always on the verge of having a lucid dream, and I know that's a very good way to attempt a projection.
Anyways, even without my journal, I'm capable of remembering almost every detail of my dreams now, so not all has been lost. Sure, I could give it a try again. I'll just make sure to make a copy this time grin.

Thanks for the meditation advice, too. I actually tried it for a short time, but it was a bit hard for me. My brain has a tendency to keep talking and talking until I fall asleep.
That's definitely my starting point though, I'm totally aware of that, and I know it's also the hardest step to make. I never tried it with music though, and seeing as I really enjoy it, I'm thinking it would probably make things much easier. Yup, that's the thing with me, I can look miles and miles away, but never at the problems that lie right in front of me.

I guess I was a bit wrong about asking for your help in such a desperate way, and I'm sorry about that. I've been engulfed by anxiety and desperation these last few days, and all I wanted was an answer. See, I've always asked myself why we're here and what is our purpose. I remember asking myself those questions ever since I was a child. I've always looked past normal life searching for that particular answer.

In the end, I guess I need to find the answers myself. It won't make my life instantly better, but it'll lift an incredible weight off of my shoulders, trust me. I am taking some medication though, but it's just a mood stabilizer. I've never wanted to rely on pills, as I think every problem can be taken care of if you look deep down into your inner self. As I've always said, healing the body is impossible without healing the soul first.

Thanks again for responding to my call for help, I feel I'm ready to try it again. Strangely, the reassurance of this concept has actually dissipated most of my fears. Most importantly, even if it's just for now, I've found some strength to carry on.

"Let us not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness". That's a mantra I should wake up everyday to wink.

For the fourth time, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Cheers smiley.
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« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2011, 00:15:52 »

Thanks for the meditation advice, too. I actually tried it for a short time, but it was a bit hard for me. My brain has a tendency to keep talking and talking until I fall asleep.
That's definitely my starting point though, I'm totally aware of that, and I know it's also the hardest step to make. I never tried it with music though, and seeing as I really enjoy it, I'm thinking it would probably make things much easier. Yup, that's the thing with me, I can look miles and miles away, but never at the problems that lie right in front of me.

This usually happens when people are new to meditation. Trying to hard to prevent it won't work, you need to relax. Personally when I start meditating I focus all my attention to my brain for about 30 seconds, and try to relax it physically. Don't try it too hard, you just need to let go and imagine a burden being removed. To make it easier to understand, imagine the brain like a muscle for a moment. There are many things that strain the brain, and these should be disabled when they are not needed. For example there is the tendency to (over)analyse everything, or think about random things. This is what bothers to you when you try to meditate. There are many more of these things, for example when your heart speaks to you, your brain likes to create a little voice that stops it or argues with it. A perfect example would be if you love someone, and you want to talk about it with her/him, but then immediately your brain starts thinking about "but what if this person doesn't like me?" or "I'm not good enough", etc. Ideally you want to completely remove this last one, because it is caused by fear and by what you think society or others will think about you.

So, imagine the brain is a muscle. You're straining it, but that isn't really doing any good. So, focus on it and feel a burden dropping, feel how you are no longer straining the brain. Also relax all your other muscles, not by trying, but just by letting it go. Doing this for a few minutes every time you meditate will greatly help with the random thoughts coming up. Also, if you think about it, this is a way of meditation as well!

But those random thoughts are not simply bad. They can be annoying and meaningless, for example "I wonder how many eggs are left", but they can also be thoughts from the inner self. Be open to them. You can try to "catch" thoughts of the inner self by meditating and silencing the mind for a while, and then switching your intent to hearing what the inner self has to say. It can give you important information. Something I do every day for a while, which is very enjoyable, is to "just be". At a random moment of the day, when I feel like it, I try to shut down that analyzing part of the brain, and just do what I feel like doing. I also drop all ideas I have about what I want to do this day for this time. This often results in me spontaneously doing things I would otherwise not do so quickly, such as going outside and randomly walking in the city, eating food I usually don't eat, or relaxing somewhere and "just being" at that spot.
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« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2011, 04:43:28 »

life without challenges with be worthless, everyone at times feels like they would be better of dead but i don't feel as if that's the rite choice. I was depressed blaming everyone blaming my self for randoms stuff but one day i just starting thinking . I got one life to live therefor im going to live it how i want to . What i mean by that is spent less time thinking about how life sucks and spend more time doing things I like and enjoy . Try new things out you cant know if you like paintballing for example if you never played it .. Experience new things , explore and trust me life would be much better. Doctors can give u pills treatments and all that but thats all BS . You got the cure you just gotta find it within you . Start by having fun man who gives a bonk what people things or say cause i dont. I been trying to astral project for month and a half straight everyday never had success yet yes i do get frustrated then im like ahhh maybe tomorrow maybe tomorrow and keep trying it will happen sooner or later and please dont feel as if your the only person in the world to feel like that cause everyone can relate to your story one way or another just keep your head high have some fun buy a video game console dominate some little kids then make fun of them haha why not .   
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« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2011, 06:08:07 »

Dear "Shallow:"

Your post really got to me.  In your written words, I see a rather intelligent person.  Your gramar and writing style is very clear.   And, your expressions show insight and modesty.   You may have lost a lot, but you plainly have a lot that I am able to observe from your post.

As an FYI, I was not a mystical-minded person until a few years ago.  At that time, my life essentially collapsed.  My child came down with a serious ilness, my marriage was failing and my work collapsed too.  At the same time, I also had an injury which made walking very difficult -- while exercise and health were major focuses in my life.  I was miserable. 

But, I have since come to believe that our misery is really a blessing.  I know that sounds rediculous.  But, I now believe that these low parts in our life are there to help us grow.  Anyway, these are not just words tossed out to make you feel good.  I believe that this is a simple truth to life.  Your misery is helping you to grow.   Yes, it may take some time, and you might have ups and down along the way, but growth does await you.  Life does work; even yours. 

Anyway, I personally think a more helpful approach -- instead of focusing on astral projection -- would be to try to understand the so called higher self.  Basically, there is a part of you that is God like.  It is the part that spouts out the beautiful words as you type.  It is also the part that helps one to do so called astral projection .... to se auras, to feel so called energy/chi.  It is also there to help guide you ... in ways that feel wonderful, and perhaps in ways that feel painful.


I'm guessing that you are a rather educated person, and that your expectations are high.  I don't mean to undermine your troubles.  However, I wonder if you may perhaps have a strong ego-focused issue.  Basically, I don't mean ego in the common sense of the term ... like being a big-headed person.  I mean that perhaps you are trying too hard to chose a direction in your life, and gettting upset to be off that direction, and placing too high standards on yourself.  Basically, life works.  All we are to do is to live it.  We do not decide what must be.  We live, and learn, and love.  And, if we live simply and with low ego, etc., good things will come.  Not necessarily the good things that you "decide" you need.  But, things that will really make you feel good.

Anyway, hang in there.  Personally, I have so called astral projected thousands of times (literally).  It's rather cool, of course.  But, over time, I realized that there were great things to learn from things like astral projection that can help us in the so-called real world -- and that things that one does in the so called astral state can kind of be done in waking life.

Anyway, those things opened to me once life hit a bottom.  People can go a number of ways when things get difficult.  One can cave-in and give up.  Or, one can grow.  Yes, growth can be difficult.  But, there are real rewards.  There are real magical things, like tangibly feeling energy from others, seeing auras, communications from the so called higher self, etc.  And, more importantly, there is real happiness in living life as it was meant to be lived ... i.e., listening to one's heart (i.e., which can be hard to hear though -- e.g., thoughts of suicide would not come from the heart).

Actually, I have one more thing to say.  Although I feel so-called energy strongly, and although i now see so-called auras, and although i have had more so called astral projections than i can remember, and although i am beginning to undersatnd more about the so called higher self and life, I have no freaking idea ... or, at least a very small idea of how it all works.  None of us do.  So, the idea of suicide seems way off to me.  Who knows whe repercusions.  We are not gods that decide what happens at death.  By deciding such a thing, I think it is like placing oneself up as a god.  He or She who knows that death will bring gravy and flowers.  But, to me, that is the ego talking.  If you listen to your heart, and to your so called higher self, I think you will find that a nice warm shower, an apple and a walk in the park are much better.

Anyway, I expect that you are on the verge of growth.  I recommend that you focus on having faith in life, keep your ego in check (i.e., either feelings of being great or bad), and try to listen to your higher self.  That is hard to do initially.  But, if you try, you will likely succeed.  There are people like me that can help you along the way too.

Anyway, I've already typed too much.  If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me.  Good luck to you.

Regards,
Steve

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« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2011, 17:05:01 »

Hi Shallow, I have nothing to add, other than I was in your same position when I began meditation several years ago. Times can still get rough and depressing, but I've came a long way and it's much easier to deal with now, so hang in there.

And wow, there were a lot of really good things said here in this thread. It makes me feel good about the pulse. Good job guys. Cheesy
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« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2011, 23:54:14 »

Shallow,
I hear the pain in your voice, and you must have been through a lot of bad stuff.  But I want you to know that you are not alone.  I myself have battled, and continue to battle depression.  Sometimes I've felt like giving up, though I must admit I haven't been as close to the breaking point as you are.  I recently had a coworker who committed suicide due to problems in her life and her job.  All I can remember is the shockwave of pain it sent through everyone.  There were tons of unanswered questions, what-if's, and many of us strained to know the point at which we could have helped.  She was suddenly gone and it left a big hole of emptiness where she used to be.  Please I am begging you not to become that emptiness.  There are people who care about you.  I care!  The gift of AP seems like an awesome gift but it doesn't compare to the gift of what you are to others.  I suggest you to see a doctor and get some help.  There are medications out there that can help you feel better as depression can be a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Therapy can help too.  I take medications for depression and attend therapy periodically and those were helping.  Learning how to meditate and now trying to learn AP is helping me more.  Every little thing you do is additive to help get you out of the hole.  Start by just focusing on 1 day at a time and promise someone (it can be us) to not hurt yourself.  Hang in there you can talk to me about it if you want (I'm a nurse).

Yours,
Jonathan
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Shallow
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« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2011, 03:52:42 »

I'm sorry if I got anyone of you concerned.. I tend to do desperate things in desperate times.

That being said, I've been feeling better in the course of this few days. Those thoughts are still in the back of my head, but I'll have to work on that. In the end, it all comes to figuring myself out.

I want to thank you, though, because even if I'm left partially unanswered, your reassurance that there is something worth living for has really helped me move forward. Out of all times, I can't go back from this point on. I know my depression will tempt me again, but I'll make sure to be ready for that.

Orion, thanks for the tips. Like I said, that's my priority for now. Having a clear conscience is a must for me.
And actually, I've been there before.. shutting down my analyzing part and all of that. I've enjoyed many things in those brief periods of tranquility, so I guess all I have to do is make them longer Smiley

Astr4l, I actually do play online. It's one of the few things that keep my mind distracted. Sometimes I really wish I could keep that state of mind forever, but life's not a game, unfortunately tongue
Also, one of my core problems is the fact that I don't really like anything. It's not that big of a deal right now, seeing as I was desperate to find a career that would suit me the most some years back. Right now, I'm gonna go with Psychology. It's the only thing that barely catches my interest right now, and I plan to keep it as a 'plan B' while I found out what things I like to do.
If you think about it, it's kind of nice that the only real thing that really drew me in completely was astral projection Smiley the moment I started reading about it.. just, wow. It all made sense that day, and I still remember how happy I was when I began to feed my mind with that knowledge. If only there was an astral projection career.. cheesy

Steve, oh wow.. you really hit the nail. I'd like to think you're a highly sensitive person, just not like me. There are people like that, and in my case, it really works against you most of the time. You know, seeing things that you're not supposed to see, like reading people and letting fear guide you through bad conclusions about things that would seem simple to most people.
You're right about most, if not all, things about me. I do place some high standards on myself, and it really gets to me, not because I can't do things, but because I'm able to do mostly anything I set my mind to, or anything that I'm suggested to do by other people. The thing is, I've never felt good while accomplishing those things. Sure, I learned how to play the guitar, keyboards, a drum set, CSS webpage language, how to cook, learned some biology and physics.. and the list just goes on. I've had the time to learn all of those things. Yes, some of them took a lot of time, but the point is.. soon as I get to the 'top' i.e. that place when I feel like I'm comfortable with all I've learned, I realize it's not the way I want to go. It really is frustrating to spend that much time and realizing they're just a hobby, being there just to make you feel better. I realize I'm taking them for granted, though, but I tend to compare them to the bigger picture. That is, what to do with my future, find the right answers, knowing what I'm here for.
I plan to get rid of that.. eventually, hopefully. Finding the right voice and listening to it, that's what's finally gonna clear my head.
Thanks for the advice, too. It's been some time since I enjoyed a walk in the park Wink

Stookie, I hope I can be where you are right now, I'm betting everything on meditation Smiley

Jonathan, I'm sorry for what happened to your co-worker. Now that my head's a bit more clear I realize I really don't wanna go down that path.. I want to believe there's something out there for me, and honestly, it's a relief to know that the wheels are slowly starting to turn again for me. I've been through a lot of therapists too, and none of them has given me a straight answer. Honestly, I've had much better luck reading about people who seem to have the same problems as me on the net. I'm still in the search of that one therapist who'll be empathic enough to relate to me, none the less.
You're right about 'seizing the day', too. I find I work better living the present, and leaving fate to.. well.. fate Smiley

Jeez, I'll soon turn this into a help forum >_<. Sorry about that. This IS an astral projection forum after all. And so, I'll get back on topic.

I believe my question hasn't been completely answered yet, because I have to answer it myself, and that's what I'm gonna do. Here I go again, setting one goal above everything else. Meditation, dream journal, lucid dreaming, and overall, deconstructing my problems and listening to that hurt inner self of mine.

After that, I'll be ready for astral projection, hopefully.

Strange thing, I've always felt bad whenever I can't get what I want in a short period of time, but never with this. It just.. makes me calm. Knowing that no matter what I do, I'll achieve it someday, it's just beautiful.

And so, I'll end this with the biggest Thanks I'll ever give. I know my place, I know my 'goal', so to speak. So thanks again for helping a fellow 'traveler' in need, and for clearing my head from my fears. I shall see you in another plane one day, hopefully Smiley

Cheers grin
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spark
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« Reply #15 on: September 02, 2011, 18:58:54 »

Hi Shallow.  Thanks for your reply.  I'm very glad you are feeling better.  Anyway, I also want to remind you that there are people here that have much to offer you and that want to help you.  Perhaps, you should consider to engage in communications with folks here in your good times since that might help when bad times roll along too.  Anyway, in your email you said "I believe my question hasn't been completely answered yet, because I have to answer it myself, and that's what I'm gonna do."  In that regard, I recommend that you don't place such a load on yourself.  Yes, you can work and grow.  I don't mean to sit and do nothing.  I mean that it is not really on you to fix things or to fail at doing that.  Your job is to live freely and to have faith and love and to follow your heart.  The answers and solutions will come to you from outside.  Anyway, if you can start to appreciate that, then I believe it will probably lead you out of these issues.  Of course, there are other ways too.  But, this way will also lead you towards spiritual growth.  From your messages, it seems to me that you are young.  Those years can be very difficult.  And, in those years, I think people often do not realize that they do not see the whole picture yet.  Basically, one often gets to a point in their early 20's in which they start to see much of the world and feel more enlightened ... e.g., seeing problems, etc., with the world that they did not see in their youth.  But, while it is true that they have grown and see a lot, it is also a misstake to think that they are close to the answers yet.  There is more to learn.   Now, in my late 40's, having been through those years, and grown more in later years (unfortunately, physically too smiley, it is easier to see in hindsight.  And, I now know moreso that I am still very "green."  There is so much to learn.  And, that learning is also a good thing.  People talk of "enlightenment."  But, in truth, there are more likely just infinite steps along the way to enlightenment.  The path is a wonderful journey.  Reaching the end is not really as important as progressing along the way.  But, for you, I do wonder if your "ego" is placing too high demands on yourself.  You sound very smart and to be a thinker.  I expect that you have often figured out things on your own, and have high abilities.  But, sometimes our assets can also be our weakness.  There are more answers in not deciding, and in faith and love, which are sometimes overlooked when one looks to themselves to fix things, or when one judges oneself or ones place in life too strongly.  So, please take care, and please don't judge yourself or your life (i.e., whether too positively or too harshly).    I am optimistic that you can find a good path and that you will do well in the end.  Being open and seeking guidance, as you have here, are very good steps.  Feel free to contact me whenever you are so inclined - even if it is to tell me that what I say sounds like hippie rubbish.  smiley Warmest regards, Steve
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pondini
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« Reply #16 on: September 02, 2011, 19:31:13 »


I believe my question hasn't been completely answered yet, because I have to answer it myself, and that's what I'm gonna do. Here I go again, setting one goal above everything else. Meditation, dream journal, lucid dreaming, and overall, deconstructing my problems and listening to that hurt inner self of mine.

these are noble conquests. best of luck to you:)
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