Fat_Turkey
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« on: March 19, 2005, 06:38:36 » |
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My my...this place has changed a fair bit since I last was here...
Ok, on to my point. Those of you who know me, well, nice to see you again. For everybody else, hi.
*ahem*
I've had an acute phobia of aliens since I was young. Very young. I absolutely loathe them. If any of you have a phobia of anything, I'm sure you can at least relate a little bit to the intense absolute dread and loathing of the thing you have a phobia of.
And by aliens I mean big headed, 3ft tall, big eyed, grey skinned aliens known commonly throughout pulp culture as "Grays," "Greys," or "Zetas."
I hate them. I hate everything about them, every story, every person that ever says they are good or friendly beings is a fool.
I have a copy of Robert Bruce's Practicaly Psychic Self-Defense, and I believe that although it may have been a catylist for my intense fear of sleep paralysis, and hence projection itself, nothing frightened me more from that book than, you guessed it, more proof of aliens than I have ever encountered.
He proved my speculation all along, that these "Grays" are in fact, astral beings. I still have no clue as to their validity in this physical world, but one thing is for certain, he showed me that they do indeed exist out there in the astral. As negs.
In the book, Robert Bruce retells his experience of helping a family with their young child. I don't have the book next to me, because I feel directly quoting it right now will sidetrack me. Basically, Robert entered a trance to see what was wrong, and as per usual, late at night, possibly even early in the morning, he saw what was happening to the young lad.
Not one, but TWO aliens were attacking him. Attaching symbiotic...THINGS...to the child, leaching his energy, and TORMENTING him. The fear from the child was gargantuan.
The next contributing factor to my fear of projection comes from a program on TV about sleep paralysis. Basically, most people experience intense fear in sleep paralysis. Bruce even outlined this in Practical Psychic Self-Defense and even in Astral Dynamics. The documentary was originally set out to "explain" alien abduction experiences as merely illusions of the mind. Hah. Try telling someone in THIS community that sleep paralysis is not a spiritual/ethereal encounter, and see how far you get. Anyway, the TV program went on to describe similar encounters, such as encounters with demons, imps, and other such things. Each encounter the person was paralysed in bed, and in some cases they were dragged out -- and in the case of the aliens, they were lifted out of their beds by the UFO's tractor beam.
Now that I've given you sufficient information about my phobia, you can see why I play my Gameboy Advance for at least an hour every night, why I get scared going to the toilet at night, why I loathe uncurtained windows at night, and why I sleep with a light on. But on top of all this, hopefully you can see why I am so scared of Astral Projection.
My dilemma is, I want to project. I want to be psychic. I want to be inspired, to feel the power and to see all the gorgeous beauty of it all. The only problem is that, somewhere along the lines, something is probably going to scare me - terrify even. And well, I literally fear having an experience that will scare me. I fear fear. And though some people might say that is wise, I find it an immense obstacle.
Another contributing factor to this whole dilemma is the fact that I believe that if I ever get into a sleep paralysis situation the first thing that will come to my mind is alien abduction. What will happen from there? I will hallucinate it. The only precaution for that of course is to approach SP with the knowledge that if it ever happens I must snap out of it.
Here's a case study: I've been involved in mild SP several times. I would be dreaming and I'd be looking out of my eyes, most likely with closed eyelids. I would then get filled with dread, not because of another being in the room, but I'm screaming to myself "Get up, get mobile, or they'll get you. They're coming, get up before they arrive!!" I would honestly believe that if I did not act quickly, something would come to attack me, and although nothing has happened as of yet, I'm sure that if I stayed behind arguing with myself that the part that has the fear would win and I would hallucinate something that would likely traumatise me for life and cause me severe insomnia for several weeks.
I am also scared of the exit symptoms for this reason. I am under the assumption that the mind will craft things fairly quickly in the astral environment. So that being said, astral exit symptoms would be fairly similar to sleep paralysis, except far more random. I've heard of the hands grabbing effect, and the falling/pulling effect. I believe that if I were to feel either of these, especially the hands-grabbing effect, the first thing I would think of would be "aliens!!!" and then what do you know? I'm having a self-induced alien abduction experience.
I felt a hand grabbing my shoulder whilst falling asleep last night. I was aware of my bed behind me so I knew it was ridiculous. But guess what my first thought was? If you've been reading this carefully I don't have to write it out. But on closer inspection I found out it was coming from my dream, that my friend (in my dream) had walked up to me and patted me on the shoulder. But the initial thought I had from this feeling of a hand on my shoulder - the thought obviously of "aliens!!" - made the hand small, slender, and very alien-like.
I'm thinking of getting therapy for this, but I haven't got the heart to tell my parents. They know I used to have night terrors and I would wake up screaming at night, but that time has passed, so I don't think they'd believe it was a problem.
If anybody can offer any advice or insights, I would be in your debt.
Thank you for reading this, and thank you for any feedback.
~FT
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