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Author Topic: breakup  (Read 4038 times)
loppoppy
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« on: September 25, 2006, 22:47:36 »

i recently broke up with someone very very close to me. She was like the only real attachment I had and i felt i could stick with that and live happily ever after. Now things have been all messed up i can't focus anymore. I feel an empty hole inside and I feel totally lost. Usually when i have a problem i meditate and I quickly see things in a better light and sort out my problem, but not this time. I basically meditated all day but it just wouldn't leave me. I feel totalli destroyed an angry at myself. This is the first time spirituality has failed to help me and i just don't know what to do. I don't know if i should post this in this particular section but i just had to type it somewhere. Any suggestions on what i can do???
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Stookie
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« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2006, 04:35:40 »

My advice would be to not change a thing. Keep doing your spiritual practices as you normally would. The pain from a break-up is something that can stick around for a while and slowly (sometimes very slowly) diminishes. I don't know if there is a way to make it go away any faster.

Remember that it was probably meant for you to experience this pain and learn from it. It's one part of your life, and there are many more parts to come. Right now it might be hard to see your life without this person, but things will come around for the better. It's OK to be sad, but don't let emotion overwhelm your whole life. It's not easy, but stay focussed and know that over time things will work out. The first week is the hardest - it get's easier over time.

But... if anyone has better advice, I'm interested. Breaking up sucks.
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« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2006, 04:35:40 »

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The Present Moment
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« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2006, 04:44:04 »

The loss of a fulfilling relationship would naturally leave you feeling empty. Give yourself some time to recover,  then find a new source of joy.

Until you are enlightened, you will always have attachments; don't get attached to being unattached.
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2006, 12:59:15 »

Seeking joy from outside sources is foolish. Joy and happiness come from within. Seeking joy from another person will only lead to suffering, as that person will eventually be apart from you.

No relationship is going to last forever. People and relationships are always changing. Eventually, for whatever reason, a relationship is going to end.

This does not mean we can't enjoy things and people in the moment while we have them.

You suffer because you resist accecpting the reality of this moment. It is not how you want it to be, but it still has much joy, happiness, and things to learn if only you will let go of what you think and accept what is. Of coarse this can be easier said than done.

Hugs and Love Smiley
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Leo Volont
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« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2006, 03:57:14 »

i recently broke up with someone very very close to me. She was like the only real attachment I had and i felt i could stick with that and live happily ever after. Now things have been all messed up i can't focus anymore. I feel an empty hole inside and I feel totally lost. Usually when i have a problem i meditate and I quickly see things in a better light and sort out my problem, but not this time. I basically meditated all day but it just wouldn't leave me. I feel totalli destroyed an angry at myself. This is the first time spirituality has failed to help me and i just don't know what to do. I don't know if i should post this in this particular section but i just had to type it somewhere. Any suggestions on what i can do???

Well, here, it is said often because it is so true, that "time heals all".

Broken hearts heal.

Don't worry about having lost out on the "love of your life".  I'm an old man and I have had quite a few "loves of my life".  There is no shortage of very fine ladies out there.

Now, do give yourself plenty of time.  A year of just taking it easy would be adequate.  If you begin dating seriously again too soon, then you will simply be 'rebounding' on some poor girl.  'Rebound' relationships never work.  You find yourself accidentally calling the New Girl by the Old Name, and then "Ooooops" is never an acceptable apology, but what else can one say.  But then no self-respecting girl can stay after such an indignity.  So it is best to be completely ready for a new relationship.

What might help is to think of all the reasons you are happy it is over.  She must have had some annoying qualities -- things that you tolerated because you were in a Relationship.  Well, now that it is over, it would be best to focus on how happy you should be that you no longer have to live a life of constant compromise.  Celebrate your Freedom and Independance.   Then you will be ready again, to get back on the 'horse', soon enough.  Enjoy your break.
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« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2006, 03:57:14 »



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Hannah b
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« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2006, 13:08:30 »


hey loppoppy,
I'm totally with you, 2 months ago I broke up with someone I thought I'll spend the rest of my life with. Ouch  cry From the 2 month perspective all I can tell you is that yes, time will heal the broken heart, you'll have your ups and downs...go through extreme emotions..from extasy of freedom to total crash of emptiness...yes, lots of tears on the way..lots of why, why, why...but once in a while you'll notice that some things don't hurt as much as they used to...that this person maybe wasn't as great as you thought ..that yes (thanks Leo;)) maybe the relationship was a neverending compromise. It fades...I'm surprised myself. This is a brilliant time to look closely at your own self...why you attract certain people why you act in a certain way in a relationship..if it's ill, fix it and hope for an even better relationship.
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There is no shortage of very fine ladies out there.
I certainly hope that there is no shortage of very fine men out there Leo Volont..hmm..Im either blind or live in a wrong country... rolleyes
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Leo Volont
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« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2006, 14:00:28 »


  I certainly hope that there is no shortage of very fine men out there Leo Volont..hmm..Im either blind or live in a wrong country... rolleyes


Well, about that Doctrine that "there are many fish in the Sea"... what else can I say.  Sure there is the competing clique that "all the good ones are taken"... but good men and women are getting divorced all the time.  Wait... that doesn't sound quite right, does it?

You might consider that being by yourself is not so bad.

I used to feel under the obligation of dating, but then a cat introduded upon me, and suddenly I was not quite so lonely anymore, and began stay home. 

Yes, I know that it is supposed to be pathetic, to be satisfied by living with a cat or two, or three, or four... now five.  But now I am friendly and flirtatious with every woman I meet.  What person in a "relationship" could ever enjoy that.  Relationships, marriages especially are SO restrictive.

Single people really ARE free. 

I remember when I used to go and visit my daughter.  My Ex-wife used to lecture me on all the flirting I used to do with nearly everyone.  she thought it so unseemly.  Frankly, I didn't know I was doing it.  I thought I was being sociable, friendly and congenial.  Married People and people in Relationships can no longer be 'friendly, sociable, or congenial... not without catching a lot of crap for it.

Then there are the many times when you can really connect with other singular people, or even married and relationship people who are able to sneek away... not necessary sexually, but at that personal and intimate level... to share and commune for a special moment.  But not be chained and bound to that one moment in time.

Honestly, everytime I flirt and can make a lady smile, it lightens up my life.  Married men don't have that, or if they do, they have to sneek it... make sure their wife doesn't catch them.

So, don't EVER lament being single.  Just get some Cats for around the house, but when you go out, wear your best hat and shave your legs ... if you know what I mean.     
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Selski
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« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2006, 17:37:12 »

Just get some Cats for around the house, but when you go out, wear your best hat and shave your legs ... if you know what I mean.     

LOL Leo!  Great advice.  wink

Sarah
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Sadd-e Eskandar
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« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2006, 23:28:03 »

Attachments and love for someone only leads to suffering, love only yourself.You are all that you will ever need. smiley



"Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral and subject to chance."

-Arthur Schopenhauer

"There is no emotion; there is peace."
"There is no passion; there is serenity."

-Star Wars






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Hannah b
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« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2006, 00:34:07 »


Like I've said in the pm to Leo I'm not leaving home without a razor in my back pocket, despite the fact that I do believe in constructive relationships. hey ho.  grin
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2006, 11:41:52 »

Attachments and love for someone only leads to suffering, love only yourself.You are all that you will ever need. smiley

Why only love yourself? Why only love one other person? Love everyone, give everyone love, and you will receive a lot of love in return.
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
Sadd-e Eskandar
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« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2006, 04:23:27 »

Because the only person i need is myself?
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #12 on: October 19, 2006, 14:03:53 »

Because the only person i need is myself?

We are all connected. What effects one of us effects us all, in some way. You do need to love yourself, but how will you treat others if you only love yourself? Loving others brings you more love.
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
bvp663
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« Reply #13 on: October 20, 2006, 20:02:33 »

"Unless we open our hearts to love, we will never know what itís like to truly live.
To know the pain of a broken heart, however intense, is far better than never having loved at all."
- Paul Elder, "Eyes Of An Angel"
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Leo Volont
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« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2006, 22:55:59 »

Attachments and love for someone only leads to suffering, love only yourself.You are all that you will ever need. smiley



"Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral and subject to chance."

-Arthur Schopenhauer

"There is no emotion; there is peace."
"There is no passion; there is serenity."

-Star Wars



Well, those are the Stoic Ideal which were exemplified by the Ancient Civilizations and Original Small Wheel Buddhism.  All recent Religion and Spirituality.. in the last 800 years has quite gotten past the "Screw the World, Give us Peace" Doctrines of Stoicism.

The issue is not that Love Hurts, but that Exclusive and Proprietary Love is Ridiculous. 

I am not encouraging these Lady's to forego Loving Contact and Dating, but only that they be weary of putting themselves up for sale and auction, to put themselves in some man's pocket, or to be locked up in the chains of jealousy.

Yes, Nature often demands at least the appearance of Monogamy.  The Male does not bring food back to the Nest unless he thinks of himself as the Female's ONLY Resourse.  If the Male knew that the Female had dozens of Options, then he would quite take his time and find other interests without nearly so much anxiety on her and Baby's behalf.

but then, so often, one sees jealousy and possessiveness simply for the sake of Pride.

I knew a Man, an American to be exact, who lived in the American Southwest.  He would go down to Mexico and find a pretty well formed clear-eyed Mexican Girl and bring her back home to be his 'protege'.  All would go fine for a number of years.  He would educate them, even up to the Post Graduate Level.  They could carry themselves as far as they wanted to go.  But then the Day would come when they would give him some sharp rejoinder -- pick an argument with him, effectively setting themselves apart.  And then he would start packing a suitcase and then they would ask, "Where are you going?"

"Mexico".

There IS not reason to be Proud or Possessive.  One only needs to know when it is time to start anew.
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Sadd-e Eskandar
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« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2006, 01:26:58 »

We are all connected. What effects one of us effects us all, in some way. You do need to love yourself, but how will you treat others if you only love yourself? Loving others brings you more love.

I treat them like i want to be treated.With respectful indifference, aha.

They don't bother me, i don't bother them.

Leo Volont, i can see where you're going.

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gdo
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« Reply #16 on: November 05, 2006, 03:49:50 »

Loppypoppy,

I am sorry for you in your lost love.  The more you love them more you become vulnerable. 

Love is a service and is deeply personal.  No one of us can always understand what you may be going through. 

And the same time YOU love.  That is important.  You have a desire to love and to be loved. 
Any skill takes practice and patience.

What else do you love?  Did it not take time to learn to use specific skills that you did not already have but learned to develop through some type of discipline?


You desire is an imbedded promise from your inner true self for you to discover.  You have to get through the bitter skin of an orange to get into the sweet fruit inside.

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