I am open to anything that can help shape myself for the better. Negative or positive. Go for it.
Don't worry, I like to think it's helpful criticism.
The Paper:
By Don Nadzieja (If you plagiarize, I will take action.)
Note: It is (for most people) difficult to comprehend the first (if not second) read.
Interesting disclaimer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Life is simply an illusion; nearly everything known by the common man is more than often composed of lies.
Here are two claims. Whether true or not is not the issue- but what I see is that here are two controversial statements that are not supported. Now, by supported I don't mean proven- I mean that you did not explain how you came about these conclusions.
Usually it is fine to start a paper with a claim and not explain it right away (because it would then be boring) but eventually you have to at least let the reader know why you think this. I didn't see this when I read the paper.
These lies are mainly brought into existence by people with power, money, and influence. Generally, these people are unaware of their purpose - to distract the rest of the world from the truth, with factors such as material items and social life - and usually end up causing views of negativity and disapproval to be cast down upon the truth-seekers.
Once again, I see two ideas- that the mainstream thinking is controlled by the powerful- I think this is self-evident, but for the purposes of a school paper it should be clarified- that is, people in power disseminate lies to keep their power- or some other justification. But I don't see this spelled out either.
I also see that you state that people in power are deliberately making truth seekers look bad, but you don't really explain why, or how. Or at least, not to my mind. If I were the teacher, I'd ask you to justify this position in some way with facts (like the demonization of wikileaks, for example) or some other (possibly personal) story to illustrate what you are trying to say.
The truth is, most people are terrified of change; of swaying around and outside of their mentally built up comfort zone, without the knowledge of how good can come from it. The majority of people will deny this constantly, especially when it comes down to them.
I agree with this statement, because it is a known fact that no one likes change from a psychological perspective- but you have given this a specific focus, and once again, I don't think it's clear in what you're trying to say.
Most people are so wrapped up in their precious "physical life", material items, and the social hierarchy. Whenever spirituality is brought into the picture, the voices of truth and good are muted, and the carriers ultimately deemed insane
. First thing I would consider controversial- mainly because it is known that we need matter to be alive, and your demonization of it seems too 'specific'. You also state that 'the voices of truth and good are muted'- and this is too one-sided- What is good? What is True? And how do you qualify it? It almost reads to me as if you're saying that your point of view is good and true and anyone who disagrees is wrong. And then don't offer reasons for this.
I'm not saying this is true, I'm saying it's how it reads, and any teacher that actually read it and gives a sh-t about your education should call you on it, and you should be ready to defend your position with examples.
It truly is a sad sight to see the majority of the world going down-hill so fast. But, despite and fear of changing, lack of emotional connection with divinity, or other physical factors (negative emotions, items, etc.), and regardless of the many hardships the soldiers of God
Whoa Nelly! You had me entirely with you until "Soldiers of God". Anyone that calls themselves 'soldiers of God' makes me nervous, because they see themselves divinely entitled to do whatever they want or feel is 'right', and this is very scary. It's how many wars have started. There are no Holy Wars, only Wars that call themselves Holy to justify barbaric action.
will be forced to endure, we will maintain ourselves throughout; we'll stand tall, and we will prevail.
....
Many people view life as just a long, drawn out process of dying. What they fail to realize is the true meaning of life, and death for that matter. The term death is only applicable when one is completely overtaken by a low-vibratory entity. This, sadly, is the fate of a good amount of people. However, if even the smallest seed of trust is planted in the soil of divinity, life will most definitely prosper and thrive. The meaning of life varies from person to person, so therefore everyone's seed of trust is planted and cared for differently. Some people choose not to look after their plant. Those of us who do choose to carefully and proudly nurture their plant with love and purity are often, unfortunately, looked upon as crazy.
Although I agree with this premise, it is too specific 'low vibratory entity' and doesn't really explain what you mean.
It is those who are pushed down and not heard, but keep hope, that will be the ones to determine who is a fool and who is worthy in the end. Those of us who do good will have the opportunity to have the last laugh, but will not take it, for all that is unfair will be justified, and those who are truly sorrowful will be forgiven.
This is a little vague, after being specific earlier- who will forgive the 'truly sorrowful'? And why sorrowful, and not, for example, self-aware?
I hope you take this criticism as how it's meant- to help you clarify your position and have it come across in the work you have done so far.
Dilber MC Theme by HarzeM