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Messages - awe-struck

#1
Welcome to Spiritual Evolution! / Kundalini
March 27, 2011, 08:00:55
Hey I would just like some input on whether the recent events experienced are in fact kundalini. I am an 18 year old male who is a freshman in college. Around the age of 12 I lost my dog. I was devastated and it spawned the transformation into a rationalist who suppresses emotion. I became very depressed for awhile and was faced with an existential crisis. I became obsessed with death and life's ostensible absurdity. I spent all of my hours reading works ranging from Kant to Nietzsche. I also became addicted to at times alcohol and other drugs. I had this craving for something that could never be quenched. It was like a tingling in the brain. Sometimes music would make it feel a little better. Anyways around two weeks ago I encountered a woman's tale online. It was about the death of her newborn.  For some reason, I was overcome with intense waves of sorrow. I began to cry for this woman.  Here I was the most stoic individual most people have ever met, balling like a 5 year old. Soon after my heart started tightening.  It became more intense and I honestly felt I was having a heart attack. I started to panic and deliberated whether I should call 911. But for some reason, I just surrendered.  I told myself if I die it was either meant to be or life is pointless anyways. After this my throat started constricting to the point that I could hardly breathe. And volts of electricity coursed through my veins from head to toe.  My throat was sore for days but all that mattered at the time was how I felt. It wasn't just a euphoric sensation. Moreover it was an emotional depth that can only be described as pure love. It was love for all of life.  I chalked it up as a panic attack. Yet I had changed. For I had become much more compassionate and self-aware.  A  couple days later I began to meditate for some reason. I had done it a couple of times before but always found it difficult. But now my mind went blank like a flick of a switch. It was effortless. And I began to experience these intense vibrations. One time my body became so light I thought I was going to have an obe but I became scared. I still was not aware of kundalini.  However I did look up chakras.  I began to focus on each of them. My brain started becoming massaged almost like great white hands were molding them. I went on to focus on each of the chakras. Now my hands seem to always be flowing with a cool breeze. Eventually I started seeing colors when I meditated and hearing a sound. The sound is always the same and I now hear it constantly. Its crickets chirping but other bugs are in the background. It's the exact same noise that I would hear at night when I lived at home in the summer.  I lived near a pond. Does anyone have any speculations on this?  Anyways I was able to call upon the electricity in each chakra just by thinking about them. Eventually I would get the electricity flowing through my whole body. And I would then focus on my spine. I would send electricity spurting up past my neck and above my head. It would seem to hover there and I  feel ultimate bliss when I do this. I have done all of this over a span of two weeks. But when I read about kundalini online, most people voice that they have to deal with the body adapting to kundalini for a number of years and that it can be a very painful process. However I have found nothing but pleasantness. And my process seems much faster than most people's. So is this kundalini or am I experiencing something else?