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For me such "trying" to forgive people caused only more problems, so I think that it is not the right solution.

I hope you will not always feel this way.  It is not something to be forced.  It is something to grow into.  Maybe some people never do.  I hope you do.

Wow.  First of all I want to say, don't take your mom leaving personally.  Now that I am a mother I have to admit that I'm not sure I would do it over again if I had the choice.  But I absolutely LOVE my kids!  It is the strangest thing.  Mothers adore their children, but they often have fantasies of leaving and some actually do.  I'll bet every mother entertains the thought of leaving their family.  I don't know your mother.  But just because she left doesn't mean she doesn't love you.  That said, I am not defending her actions and I hope it doesn't sound that way.

Big hugs to you about your recent weight gain.  I was once 30 lbs over weight and it is hell.  The f'ed up thing is that you remember what it was like to be thin and good looking (I'm 24 and married but don't be offended if I say that in the pic you posted you are cute!).  I also struggled with severe, painful acne that distorted my appearance a lot and that sucked too.  I have also been close to suicide in the past and have known a few people who have tried and failed.  There is also a guy my husband knew who tried it a couple months ago and now has the mentality of a 3 year old.  BTW, the pic of me was taken a few months ago so even though I look a little nuts you can see I've overcome these appearance issues for now.

I have never heard of starseed until now.  You meet the criteria for one, but most people do (I do).  

I think you have crazy vivid dreams that, in this case and perhaps others, you can learn from.  I often feel that a higher power is trying to communicate to me through dreams.

I would focus on your anger.  Try to forgive your mom.  Try to see her as someone who was lost enough to leave people who loved her.  Try to feel sorry for her.  I think she might be lonely too.  If she's been in Turkey for 5 years I doubt she is planning on coming home though.  She probably knows she has burned her bridges anyway.  This boyfriend cannot solve all her problems.  Does she have problems with depression too?  Love and forgiveness are our best resources.

Additionally, my husband had a lot of issues with violent dreams when he was your age.  They scared him a little.  They were crazy weird and then all of a sudden they stopped a couple years later when we got together.  He is not violent at all in real life.  He is actually very gentle, but then he was worried that those violent dreams would some day work their way into real life.  Not saying he doesn't get mad, he has a temper but would never hurt anyone (though he did get in fights as a kid).

What I'm telling you I think you should do is hard.  To really forgive your mom will take months or years.  If it happens more quickly than that it probably hasn't happened.  I would also work on losing weight.  It does feel a lot better and it is a very rewarding to find that discipline inside yourself.

I have to go.  One last question:  Do you have a relationship with your sister?

Spirituality, in my opinion, is the quest for the truth.  It is an attempt to look beyond the surface and uncover what our purpose for being really is.  Where have we come from?  Where are we going?  Am I really just this little person or am I a part of something greater?

Religion is then created in the attempt to discover spirituality.  Some religions uncover basic components of the wider reality, then get all excited and build an entire discipline around that one aspect.  They become ritualistic, they become greedy, their egos get in the way, they forget to keep searching for the other pieces to the puzzle.  Because of this it is difficult to really see where their piece fits into the wider reality and thus it is rendered useless.

Also, when you say "Physics-Plus" I hear "Science-Spirit".  As was stated, this could be a hang up in the language, but based solely on this conversation I cannot interpret it any other way.

Besides that, i have so much dreams (and the most part of them are strange and special) that if i would write every dream i would not have any time to do more important things.

This is how I am!  I always have the most vivid, interesting dreams that I remember them upon awakening.  When I try to write them down it takes all morning!  I have written a few down, but they take up pages and pages.  When my kids are older I'm going to try to write down more of them.  One thing I think is really fun too, is looking back on dreams you've forgotten after years have passed and seeing how insightful they are even after the fact.

Here I lay still,
a child under the dinning room table
breathing in the blended scent
of gardenias and clean laundry,
expensive perfume and bacon grease,
of lemon cake, coffee, and candles.

Everything is sunlight, blue carpet,
modern with retro interior design
scattered in the carefree, crank up the radio
and sing-about-a-Raggmopp style
we love like multicolored polka dots
meat loaf sandwiches and Shirley Temple.

She sits with me on the floor
playing Husker-Du and Bingo late into the morning
while there are still breakfast dishes in the sink,
surrendering Dum-Dum lollipops
when I win, the light jingle
of the charm bracelet she promises will be mine.

One is wholly refined filling
the bathtub with scalding water,
commanding it engulf the room
in temperate clouds to wade through.

Enchanting mist penetrates the
soul of she within whispering
incantations in the false fog,
heedless of the outside world.

Immersion claims the worn relic--
anointed victim of ages--
the remnant of fire and ash,
decay and neglect thereafter.

Expelling impurity, the
solemn rite sloughs away calloused
flesh--a snake shedding skin on rock--
thus reborn through its burden freed.

The ritual act now effected
an awakened self arises,
emerges draped in solitude--
naked--dripping in candle light.

What Ghost and Meg said.

Anyway, the more I lucid dream and the more aware I become, I seem to just KNOW things when I wake up about the makeup of my aura.

I don't see auras, but often wake from lucid dreams with a higher understanding of myself and/or existence.  It is as if someone is "telling" me something.

[really]

but I always have to call back or else I never hear from them again, and being alone all the time is driving me mad..

Women prefer a man who will take control.  It shows he has confidence and is really into her.  Lots of women get into relationships to boost their own ego (sound familar guys?).  Why do they spend a fortune on cute clothes and makeup intead of video games and the like?  Because they want a guy to like what they see and keep coming back for more!  They want a guy who won't just move on to the next girl because she was too busy to call back.  Plus girls often think that not calling back proves they have an interesting, busy life and are thus more desireable to other guys (hint, hint).  

but the only thing they wan't from me is sex sometimes, but then they don't even call back to do that.

Maybe the sex isn't good?

Insomnia can often be a natural reaction against trying to go to sleep when you are not tired.

Ok, this does not describe me.  Insomnia is very real and it is hell, let me tell you!  I am SO, SO tired but I can't sleep.  I've gone for days without sleep.  I've averaged about 10 hours of sleep per week for months on end.  During this time day and night I walk around in a daze.  Sleep researchers have studied this.  It is a true phenomenon.

I don't have it nearly as bad as I did when my son was a baby and complicated the situation.  Back then it would take me hours to fall asleep, then he'd wake up, I'd put him back down, and instead of crashing I'd find myself awake for another few hours!  Repeat, repeat, repeat yet again.  

Many people who are classed as mentally ill, are stuck in a kind of permanent overlay experience between F1 and wherever. People who "hear voices" and "see things that aren't there" that kind of thing. These are typical overlay experiences.

I'm still learning about all this stuff, but I don't have much time to study.  When I get very tired or when I've been having insomnia I start seeing shadows, geometric shapes (like boxes in the middle of the road!), etc. and sometimes hear various sounds.  Could this be an "overlay"?


(By the way--as an aside--One day when I was really sleep deprived after I had my son, I had just put him down for a nap when I started REALLY hearing voices, loud and clear.  I could pick up words here and there too and just started freaking out thinking that I'd need to call my husband at work and tell him to commit me!  Well, turns out that the baby monitor was picking up the neighbor's phone conversation.  Whew!)

I am just wondering if anyone else out there who has regular lucid dreams has a sleep disorder or thinks they might have one?  I have insomnia.

Now that I think about it, in the past I have met negativity with pity and it has worked.  When I've done this I've realized that the situation wasn't as bad as I originally perceived it to be.

It is interesting what was said about taking things too seriously.  I have a tendency to do that but it never occurred to me that it could be my hang up here.

I've been having lucid dreams lately that have turned into what I think are OOBEs but I am considering trying to induce an OOBE on my own.  I really need to get over this fear thing before I attempt to do that!

Thanks!
Jenna

How do you overcome the fear of leaving your body?  For me it is like an instinct to fear this state.  What do you think?  Is it just me?

I have been getting messages in my dreams lately too!  I honestly feel that someone (I'm not going to presume to know who) is trying to teach me something.  I also have been feeling a hand on my shoulder or back a lot lately, especially when I wake up from these dreams.  The lessons I have been shown are ones of love and caution.

Jenna

I don't have a lot of time to look through the FAQ but I will try.  My baby is napping right now but I don't expect she'll be down long this late in the day.  

I browsed quickly through the "are OOBE just lucid dreams" post just now.  I'm guess I'll never really know what happened then?  How frusterating.  I just kind of want an action plan if it happens again.  I'm thinking just to be safe if I have any kind of lucid dream, OOBE, etc. I'm just going to try to wake up.  Sounds like the best plan to me for now!  

Jenna

Don't know if it matters, but I felt vibrations upon awakening each of these times.  I often wake up feeling those same vibrations and numbness upon awakening, even if I have not had a lucid dream.

OK, I don't have much time to review the other posts here right now.  I hope to this weekend perhaps.  Anyway, here is my story.

I've been having lucid dreams for years now, since I was in high school around 8-10 years ago.  They usually come in waves, many around the same time and then nothing for months.  I have probably averaged around 15-30 a year I guess.

Well, recently I think I've been having OOBE.  I have read there is a relation between them but I don't quite understand.  The reason I think I've been having OOBE is because they just feel different than a dream.  Here was the first one:

I am laying in bed after "waking" from a dream and sit up.  I feel strange and think, "Hmmm....I think I just left my body!"  I could see the room and it looked just like it would if my eyes were open and I was sitting in bed.  No cord, no glow, just the room.  Suddenly I'm fully concious and awake laying in bed.

The others I have been in the middle of sleeping, but they are not part of a dream (I always remember my dreams).  These are freaking me out because I have "met people" in the dreams/OOBE or whatever they are.  

The first was a baby sitting in my hall way crying.  The baby was about my daughter's age, I'd guess about 8-9 months old.  I was afraid because he looked like a ghost but I couldn't stand to see him (I say he but I don't know if it was a boy or not) so sad and felt compelled to pick him up.  When I did he stopped crying and I felt so much love and pity for this baby.  Then he disappeared.  Shortly after I woke up feeling very numb in my bed.  I also had the sensation of someone touching me but I was not afraid.

The second was last night.  I was at my mom's house, though I don't know how I got there.  There was a man on the couch and we were talking about a ghost he had been haunted by.  We were having a nice conversation and all of a sudden this angry "presence" came.  It hurled me up in the air and I "fell" back to the ground.  I was not hurt and I could not see my "attacker" but I felt it was male and he was trying to intimidate me.  I was afraid he'd do something else but he didn't and might have left the room for all I know.  I was scared and for a moment couldn't wake up but after a minute I did.  I felt numb again and started praying over and over again, "please God, help me, I'm scared" over and over again.  Then again I had the sensation of someone touching me gently.  The touching again did not frighten me.  I felt that I needed to go wake my husband who was laying on the couch.  I was calm at this point but was starting to get a little nervous again as reviewed what happened.  I felt I needed to get up while I was still mostly calm and when I did my husband was awake.  He said he had been startled awake by a sound in the kitchen right before I came out.  It was really weird because he usually sleeps through anything!

Both times I felt someone was trying to give me a message.  Like a moral.  It is weird because I never had this happen in my dreams in the past.  The first time I woke up thinking, "There are people out there who need love." the second time, "There are people out there who hate you".

I don't know how much I believe in this stuff.  Maybe I don't want to believe.  But I do know what has happened and I'll admit I'm a little afraid to go to sleep tonight!

Well, gotta go get lunch for the kids but I will check back tonight.

My questions are:  Should I be afraid?  Does anyone know what is going on?  I am NOT trying to have these dreams/OOBE, they are just happening.  Can I get hurt?  Is this common?

TIA,

Jenna