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Hello everyone. You may have noticed that pretty much every post I've made on here (with this account and my old account) about my astral experiences are usually always negative in nature. I honestly wish this wasn't the case, but unfortunately this trend reflects the VAST majority of my astral trips.

I'm very much thinking that maybe astral projection isn't a good idea for someone with paranoid schizophrenia (which is something I've been diagnosed with). I go to the astral realm several times a week, and its usually a living nightmare almost every time...even when it seems like it will be a good trip, something happens and it all turns to hell. I wish so bad that I could have the sort of experiences that many of you have; encounters with guides (I call for my guide every time, and he never comes), voyages through space and time (its as though something prevents me from flying high enough and I'm terrible at teleporting to somewhere that isn't in the RTZ and off this planet ) and spiritual development...in the 2 years I've been projecting AT LEAST once a week - I can count the good experiences I've had on one hand. 

The problem is, I don't control when or if I project - it just happens to me spontaneously, and frequently.

First off, I can't say anything specific or insulting about the entities in this post as I fear they could be watching and that they will exact revenge on me when I project next if I talk against them...but I'll give some examples of what's happened to me in the last couple of days:

To begin with, there is, without exception, ALWAYS someone in my apartment when I project, the majority of times they are hostile. I'm very envious of those who project with no bottom feeders in their room..you do not know how fortunate you are.  I usually just pretend to be in body and sleeping, but that doesn't always fool them..Yesterday my awareness was so clear that I actually believed someone had broken into my apartment in the physical realm; when I looked at the clock it was the right time, and my boyfriend was at work so it wasnt him: I heard the front door unlock, open, someone out in the kitchen, then my bedroom door opened and I just closed my eyes tight and pretended to be sleeping, and then I felt his fingers on my neck (as though he was checking my pulse?): I felt as though I would faint in fear because it was so real... the entire situation just felt so ominous, despite being more peaceful than most of my exists. The feeling of fear doesn't leave when I regain control of my body and the astral people stop touching me, attacking me or making noise - I can feel the entities in the apartment with me and I have to hide in the bathroom until I feel that they've left.

When I actually do make it to other places, beautiful places, I am often times deceived against my will as soon as I concede and trust someone I meet there. Just the other night I projected and found myself in a beautiful, peaceful graveyard in a field...I met with a woman there who was so beautiful and kind, someone who I gave my trust to, I felt I could believe her kindness, and that she was a being of light. It was as though as soon I trusted her, the entire atmosphere just changed and she morphed into something very disturbing, disgusting and very evil - she looked like a zombie demon thing and rushed towards me as though she was going to devour me! Suddenly I could hear malicious voices all around me. This same entity (a shapechanger) has been bothering me for months and I don't know how to get rid of it, she is getter better at her disguises. I know she isn't a guide because this is not something that a guide should do - it was TERRIFYING and I felt incredibly uncomfortable and afraid. I didn't know those things could disguise themselves THAT well.

I called for God and suddenly I was in a light, like white rain and I was in every drop - it would have been incredible - if I hadn't been simultaneously bombarded with scary, evil imagery (why would "god" do that???) and then told to embrace my femininity ( ). Luckily when I asked the light to bring me back to my body, It did.

If I don't have OBEs, I have frustrating recurring lucid dreams where I see a bright ball of light, I think representing the God archetype, but I can't get to it - its always higher than I can fly.  This really scares me because I'm afraid that God doesn't want anything to do with me...I'm afraid when I die God will leave me to be harassed and assaulted for eternity by these monsters. I am so scared, no unbelievably TERRIFIED of dying and being abandoned by God to these abominations that I can't go anywhere or do anything with my life anymore.

Not to mention, I don't think that schizophrenia is a good combination with APing as my grasp on physical reality is already tenuous at best; having these experiences only loosens whatever small hold I have left on it... often times I get the feeling that I'm dreaming in my waking life, and I constantly have to do reality checks to make sure I'm not in the astral...also now that I know there are spirits in my apartment, or even at my room at my parent's house, I constantly feel as though I'm being observed, constantly looking over my shoulder...

I have tried doing meditations that stop me from OBEing, but it hasn't helped. I don't want to increase my antipsychotic medication because of the innumerable side effects... I have been forbidden by my boyfriend from going back to bed when I wake up, or taking afternoon naps without him here - as there is a high chance of me having an OBE in these circumstances. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes of me being awake, and then falling back asleep to find myself out of body, though..as of now its a constant struggle, I can feel myself exiting, and then I have to fight to get back in my body - but I rarely ever manage to get back in before something bad happens. I know that feeling fear only aggravates or creates these sort of situations, but everything is so real, I honestly feel as though I am going to be killed sometimes - and I have such a HUGE fear of death as I truly believe God has forsaken me and does not love me or want me, so naturally these sort of things terrify me... I'm so scared that when I die God will not listen to me calling for It and I will have to stay in the lower planes with these creatures without anyone to help me to the "other side" (as they rarely ever help me when I call for help now!) What's worse is that I know this fear and stress is poisoning my physical body and that I'll probably die sooner because of it. I mean, I'm only 21 years old!!! I shouldn't be having these type of thoughts but these experiences are causing me a lot of stress and grief and my fate is so uncertain at this point!

I know this sounds crazy, and this just sounds like late night rantings, (except I'm scared to go to sleep for obvious reasons )... I'm just really starting to hope somewhere inside that these experiences just stop...but more, 1000 times more, I'm really hoping that they somehow transform to be like the beautiful, mystical astral trips I've read about from other people. I'm very confused as to why these horrible situations happen to me as yes, I am pessimistic, cynical and sarcastic but I've never actually HURT anyone or anything! I mean, to give an example I am a raw vegan because of how against causing suffering I am! I don't understand...I really don't.  I want to be able to enjoy astral projection as a positive, spiritual experience, not a living hell. 

Tiffany

[I]

Last night, before bed, I asked God if It would speak to me in a dream, or via an astral trip. I had been studying NDEs for the entirety of the day, and I wanted to feel the "white light" for myself...

In the middle of the night, I had a very lucid dream in which I called out for God, but something was blocking me from reaching It, despite my efforts. I remember feeling so strained and stressed that I was on the verge of waking up... I wondered why God would not answer me, since I learned that if you called for help while in the astral realms you would receive it... I can vaguely remember looking up in darkness and seeing light, but it was as though it was behind some sort of veil, and I could not access it...

Shortly after this happened, I felt myself exit my body, and I floated half conscious to a location, but I don't know exactly where it was; I was only semi-conscious the whole way. When we arrived at my destination, I "woke up" and looked around.

I was in a dark place. It was as though it was perpetually night where this place was. There was a single stone area, with a light cast upon it. As I stood there, something (no idea what) communicated with me telepathically what to do. I learned that this was an area where one could see any physical body in the world, and look upon its aura field as well. I looked upon 3 people, only the last of whom I recognized.

The first was unremarkable. His body was healthy, his aura clean. The second had a healthy body, but there were these hideous, deformed creatures stuck in his aura. Not thinking, I then requested to look upon myself. What I saw, shocked me out of the state (OBE or lucid dream, I was fully conscious, but I'm not sure...).

It was me, there was no doubt. There were no creatures in my aura, as I had expected there to be, given how often I am plagued with foreign thoughts, voices, nightmarish hallucinations in and out of my astral trips...not a single one. But I was horrified nonetheless. For it was I who was the demon. I was sick, rotting, malformed and hideous; I felt like I was looking upon something from hell. I started to freak out. I couldn't believe what I was seeing - why was I so hideous?

I have had times in my waking life where the creatures that lurk around me have possessed me and made me hurt myself and others... perhaps they were in my body at the time that I saw. Something I remarked was that my face had a horrible looking, evil smirk on it, a facial expression I would not have made willingly, and certainly not an expression one would have if one was dying.

What puzzles me is that there were no creatures in my aura. The astral realm has become a waking hell for me because of the horrible entities that are constantly hijacking my dreams, disguised as people I love while insulting me and putting me down (when I become lucid and expose them, they transform into their true selves and try to try to drag me into the lower astral where they can assault me), and outright attacking me in an OBE.

I don't really understand what happened here. I'm sure it wasn't just some ordinary, strange dream, as I was fully conscious, and realistically interacting and reacting to the environment.

I am now feeling very paranoid. I am afraid that I'm dying, and I don't know it. I'm also afraid that my ill mind (schizophrenia + borderline personality disorder), my past suicide attempts, my medications, my self-harm and negative thinking are poisoning my body and that it will kill me. Worse, I am now not sure if GOD will answer me and accept me when I die, as It ignored me last night when I called out for it, and was blocked from uniting with it. Nothing disturbs me more in the experience than the fact I was unable to reach the light when I requested to.

My question is... I asked for a vision of visitation from God while in meditation before bed... why wasn't I able to reach Its light? And if that experience of being brought to look upon my form WAS the visitation, why was it so terrible? 

Any insight would be very appreciated. 

Tiffany

Ever since I had my kundalini experience a week ago, I have experienced intensely vivid, often times highly psychedelic, horrifying nightmares. Some of the dreams are akin to having a horrible acid trip. I'm also experiencing apocalyptic dreams, about the end of the earth and sometimes existence as we know it. In most cases, I end up dying at the end of a dream, and then wake up covered in sweat and panicking for hours after I awake. These dreams are scary because they are so real they are almost prophetic. The dreams are frequently lucid, meaning I know I am dreaming and try to wake myself up, but this only leads to many "false awakenings" or even OBEs in which I am eventually pulled back into the same dream, or an equally unsettling one.

What's also strange, is that for a good hour after I actually wake, my consciousness is not settled in one spot in my head - its almost as though its trying to project, even though I am awake.  I can feel it move places in my brain, and I fear that I will have an OBE or some sort of massive perception change if I don't focus intensely on stabilizing it.

As I said in my other post about my experience, I am also experiencing electrical shocks in my brain, and sometimes simultaneously in other random parts of my body - usually decreasing in frequency the hours after I wake up.

I typically have these problems normally when I am off my medications, but I have been taking my medications as scheduled. The kundalini seemed to have lessened their impact on me, as I said... I can only imagine how strange things would be if I were off of them!

Has anyone else experienced something similar after having a kundalini awakening, and if so, how did you deal with it? I'm really starting to dread going to bed now, because its become traumatizing for me to sleep.

Thanks in advance,

Tiff

Last Friday I had what I can only describe as a kundalini awakening. It has completely revolutionized my life and body. I feel incredible, in both positive and "negative" ways, and have adopted new habits that will benefit me enormously in the long run.

First off, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I am schizophrenic, and I do smoke marijuana  occasionally. I know I'll probably get a lot of lectures, as I am already psychotic and should stay away from psychedelics, but the rare times I do smoke it, its the most incredible therapy imagineable. It does not negate my Schizophrenia, quite the contrary, it enhances it in the most incredible way possible. I am one of the few who actually has full blown hallucinations, both auditory and visual, after smoking marijuana. Also, I feel as though I am one with the universe, see and hear benevolent spirits (when I am not high and unmedicated I only see demonic creatures and am paranoid to hell) and am incredibly content.

What I experienced on New Year's Eve, however, was beyond ANYTHING I had ever experienced before. I was alone with my boyfriend at our apartment, and we were spending a quiet night in for spiritual reflection on the New Year. We smoked half a bowl each... At around a half hour, we got on the discussion on how I am not worth anything to society, as I do not work, or go to school, and cannot take care of myself because of my disorders... I usually feel completely useless and suffer from depression because I am very much looked down upon by society. But suddenly I felt as though none of this had any consequence. I felt something creeping up on me, a feeling, and I started crying my eyes out without knowing why...suddenly it was as though I was in another dimension, and I was absolutely, completely and entirely in utter BLISS and infinity. I felt as though I was one with every soul in existence, every THING in existence, and that together all of us composed "GOD". The feeling can only be described as infinite LOVE. It was beyond any words I can come up with though... love seems way too small a word, it was just so immensely powerful. When I came out of it, I started bawling my eyes out for 30 minutes straight - not because I was sad, but because I was unbelievably overwhelmed and happy.

The rest of the night was just bizarre; i kept seeing into the future, just "knew" things instinctively and was seeing all sorts of energy flowing around the room.

When I went to bed, I felt terrified I was going to die - I felt as though that experience was the purpose of my entire life... when I rested my eyes, I had an OBE, and the spirits tried to take me away because they said i did what I had come to this earth to do. I forced myself awake... but am still scared of them coming to take me away.

Unfortunately, I have had many terrifying psychedelic nightmares and OBEs since this experience. I'm very much hoping that they will desist in time.

However, on top of this, my entire life has changed, even beyond the unconscious realms. I have crying spells whenever I even remember the feeling, and I am overly emotional in all things; I cry for things I wouldn't have even turned my head at before. One instance I can remember, shortly following my experience... I looked at a picture of a piglet, and it made me cry for hours. It was so pure and innocent, and I understood that it had only come to this planet to love and be loved, and to have FUN and be happy, but that it likely wouldn't experience that because of its "role" in the human world.

I'm terrified to go out into public now because I am EVEN MORE sensitive to external stimuli. I am an empath off of my medications, but the experience seemed to have loosened the hold my meds have over me... Its scary for me to even walk to the store. Even being in my room on my computer is emotionally and spiritually draining on me now... and the nightmares are out of this world REAL and horrifying. It also feels as though I am getting electrical shocks in my brain and other parts of my body many times a day, and worse, i feel as though I may OBE at any moment - similar to how I feel when I am off medication...its very evident to me that the kundalini experience has weakened the effect of my meds. Often times I don't know if I am dreaming, OBEing or if I am awake... I have to do reality checks several times a day to convince myself.

Though I was a vegan before, cooked food now DISGUSTS me and I have become a full raw vegan because I cannot stand the lack of energy and life in cooked food any longer. Sugar makes me physically ill, grains turn me off completely, and even cooked vegetables make me a bit uneasy... I'm not sure what has provoked this!

On a positive note, I feel like I have such a deeper understanding of the illusion of the ego now, and can comprehend the meaning of the collective consciousness. What exists at the heart of all things is true bliss and love.  

I am 100% positive that my crown chakra was fully opened, and that I experienced a kundalini awakening.  I'm very overwhelmed by this whole thing, and wonder how long it will last.
Does anyone have any idea how to control all this new energy floating around in my brain?

EDIT: I should also add that moments after this experience, I had a POWERFUL urge to kill myself - not because I was depressed, but because I didn't want to wait to be one with God again. If my boyfriend hadn't been there to distract me, I am positive I would not be here right now. I didn't know kundalini experience could have such a strange effect on someone... :/

Hey everyone! I was previously on this forum known as "Valkry" but I deleted my account... Now I'm back, though, as I've been having more and more astral experiences.

I'm also pleased to announce that I had a kundalini awakening and reached nirvana for a few fleeting moments (pure LOVE and BLISS) and its been an adventure ever since... Kind of overwhelming to be honest!

Anyway, more about myself... My name is Tiffany, I'm 21 years old. I'm a Cancer with my moon and ascendant conjunct in Libra. My life path number is 7. My favourite tarot card is the Moon. My favourite planet is Neptune.

My strongest chakra is my third eye. In fact it is so strong that I developed Schizophrenia as a result. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am trying to slowly come off of my medications as they completely kill my creative and spiritual drives. If anyone has played Dragon Age: Origins, the pills make me a powerful mage turned tranquil.

Oh ya, that's another thing. I'm a huge geek and love medieval fantasy. Pure sorceress through and through.

I have OBEs lately several times a week, and lucid dreams almost every night.

Unfortunately, I have massive issues with negative entities, who affect me almost every night, and (if I'm off of my antipsychotics) every day of my waking life as well. 

Anyway, its nice to meet everyone new, and its great to be back with all those who have stuck around!

Peace and Love

Tiff