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The methods are form a book .  If I find the book I will post the isbn # if it has one .  Bascly it uses deep breathing , yoga and visualatation .   Written by JohnRuskin , or close th that .

p.s.   Many years  ago a lady that has passed on had a new age book store and a talk show on a local radio station in Phoenix .  The author was on the show and at the store for a book sigeing . I got to meet him breefly .
https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=0-9629295-0-6&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3A0-9629295-0-6

I checked this book out at the library, thanks. 

Hello PlasmaAstralProjection and everyone, I was reading you guys posts and wanted to give my own opinion.

About your "issue" with the dreams from hell friend it seems normaly connected to your life problems, I can never say I know how you feel and how is this happening, also not like my opinion is "Universal Law" I could still be wrong though I doubt from personal experiences with life's problems...

When I was younger I used to be deeply affected by life, family problems, outside problems, world problems... this all together instead turned itself into many repeated nightmares that happened with the years... I was really scared also because was so weird how a dream I had a year or two ago or even more years would come back and just like a recorded tape... and I thought I never thinked about this things in my life... but deeply inside I realised the feelings were there...

I also had "dreams" I saddly dont know yet today if was just dreams or a warning for things about to happen, but well I am not here to talk about me... but well people who usually feel things very strongly( very emotionally sensitive) tend to have this sort of dreams too.

Now about the case you explained it seems that your lifes worries are still with you even when you think part of them are gone or all, and everyone deals with problems different so there is not a "heal all method" but positive thinking and comming to terms with your problems does help a lot, sure you heard this a lot before though , I dont know your problems but I am sure it is connected with what you having now.
Giving an example there was some traumatazing experiences in my life, and deep down I always thought low of myself... and this lead to nightmares somehow connected to it and they repeated themselfs too which was very disturbing... but when I started to come to terms with it years later those dreams also stopped comming up, sometimes I think of it as a curiosity but never came up again...

I seriously hope you get better from your nightmares friend, about mine if you curious its been many years since I had any nightmares of significance, the repeating ones stopped very long ago... maybe since I started to have another aproach to life and be more in peace with myself ( mind you I still have lots of stresses which probably right now are screwing up my astral attempts which I been asking help/opinions about lol) only thing I could tell is the episodes of paralysis and astral projection some of them have been really scary and like things crawling on me, touching in weird places etc but since I came to terms with my own fears about it it went down a lot, but when I started to really try to practise was super rare a "nightmare" episode and even when it happened I took it passively and got out of it fine, means I still got to deal with some fear in me though

I dont know if I helped anything but I wanted to leave my words, I also think your not going to "the badlands" even if you having this nightmares right now, looks like you are in the right track too in dealing with it and I am cheering it will all pass soon.

Thanks definitely appreciate it. And I'm glad you got over your nightmares. Can't wait to see what's on the other side for me. If I end up in a bad place. I'll use positive thinking to help get myself out. In the meantime I really need to work on my subconscious beliefs I think another with visualization. Thanks for chiming in Yorae.

I think the dreams are telling  you that you can make your life a living hell , or you can use some clearing methods to clear the repressed stuff in your subconscious and from past lives .  Just my wild thoughts . 

Yeah I've been working on visualizing light. I feel like if I could master that then I can master getting out of a bad situation in the afterlife. Like getting out of the badlands. IDK if that is the best method but it's one method that can work I think and from what I've read.  Thanks for chiming in Desert-Rat.

Plasma one thing I would say to you is that you aren't going to go to the badlands. I really do believe it all boils down to what you think and believe is going to happen to you when you pass from this place. That seems to be the case with OBE's. I go where my thoughts are kinda at... Not all the time but... Where do you want to go when you die? Focus on that and remember that you are a god and go there.

I think it's where your thoughts are at. If I am not doing good emotionally I really don't have good OBE's / dreams. It's kind of like Nobody can send you to hell except yourself. And that means the key to get out is in your hands at all times.


That's how I have always felt about it.

I would say that intellectually and belief wise I think I should be in the middle realms or perhaps higher. But if I feel bad then that can trigger something in me that makes me think I deserve much worse.

Let's go back to your first post...

Basically, you think your life is hell... so it's reflected in your dreams.

Yes and no. I get ticks where I get really anger for a moment at someone in my head but then it goes away fast. It also depends on which medication I am taking. So even though my regular life feels pretty normal besides my health condition, I feel like at least subconsciously I am living in the past with the negative emotions that I gained during what seems to be a PTSD time in my past. Let's put it this way, generally I am fine unless I feel bad, then all these negative beliefs and emotions come to the surface. Such as in some of my dreams, hellish dreams. Thanks for chiming in Xanth.

Live these emotions and learn from them.
Appreciate these small moments.

Yeah that is the point where I have come to. I'm no Buddha, not yet at least. 

I'll reply later, as I am getting really sleepy now.

On a spiritual or non-physical level perhaps we are nothing more than batteries meant to draw energy from our here and now and pass it on to the there and then.

I use to think this too. Like once we get to the afterlife and have had sex it neutralizes our energy polarity and then we either have to come back to recharge that battery or we continue waiting there in the astral/afterlife but we eventually will feel empty until we came back and recharge that battery. I'm not really qualified to answer this, but I think there has to be something that pushes us to come back here. Or maybe not, IDK. I know Tom Campbell says the physical is the best place to learn and grow spiritually.

You know I have thought about this a bit, I think there is no ultimate right or wrong answer. The heart of reality and truth is decentralized, so trying to cling to one view too much is futile.

I don't think people come here to incarnate into the physical or earth just to learn one lesson or to suffer for the sake of suffering. I think it's more about beings coming here in droves to support each other in order to eventually establish this place as a utopia of some sort. All we have to do is follow the logical progression of science and how that will lead to the merging of science and spirituality and that is reason enough to come here and keep reincarnating until this merging of science and spirituality happens, because then growth becomes infinite. (EDIT: So I think that coming here is like an investment into a new business that might pay off big time in the end.) Given that I think this world is over rated, and it's not as good as it's believed to be. And yes I agree that suffering for the sake of suffering isn't good. And suffering is only good if it produces growth, but suffering isn't necessary for growth. So I can see it both ways.

That is my two cents.

I just fixed that typo in my reply.

**Stands up and bows to PhaseshifteR**

I know right, that was a pretty good reply.

I just mean lost and confused or hanging out in the dimension nearest to earth (Or not very far out) Harassing living people like a typical ghost or something. Just not really aware or sharp at all. I know a spirit that has been in the same building for 30 years because she is afraid to move on because of these religious teaches she still thinks she's gonna burn in hell. She literally just sits around there. It's very sad.

I think some people reincarnate over and over and over again and after a while it's like you completely lose track of who you are. I don't think a mind wipe is normal either... They put poison in the baby food for god sake. The moment you come here you are programmed. How many people really get to live their dreams here? Not the majority... Some people do... I just see life in other worlds and everybody is so friendly... Here you have to work a 9-5 and if you don't well... Can't feed your kids or whatever.

It's just a disaster. That's not life at all... We should be flying around in spaceships in a star wars like reality. The cure for cancer is right in peoples faces but the doctors that do show this stuff get thrown in jail... It is just crazy to me why anybody would wanna keep coming back here to "learn and grow" It's just new age rubbish  in my own personal opinion.

I think the whole love and light thing is completely false too. Love is not the answer... Love is a good thing... It's beautiful it's an energy... but in the new age community that's all you hear... (Turn your back to the enemy and love and light... don't do anything about it... just sit there and think positive thoughts) Not saying positive thoughts are a bad thing it's just... Like I said.. I don't think this place is healthy at all. Who knows I may have chose to come here... I don't get to remember.   Maybe I said okay I know this is going to suck... but I gotta go help these people out...

And now I am thinking okay... Lets not do that again... People aren't waking up. That's like seeing people stuck in quicksand and going I will save ya! and you jump in the quicksand and now you are all screwed! Plus what are the chances you will get to remember why you came here? Again... You'll be brainwashed by the age of (young) and you risk losing memory of everything and then you get to repeat the process over and over again or the (cycle) I tend to think I came here for a reason but I am done with earth after this round. People can come back if they want but I am out of here.

Gosh phaseshiftR you don't sound very "enlightened" there's another word in the new age gone BERSERK.

Sorry if I sound all raghhhh! lol. I am just very passionate... Like Michael Jacksons song... Man in the mirror. If you wanna change the world, keep working on self. (self love)  Make that change!  Take care man.

Thank you for your well done reply. I too have serious doubts about coming here again, perhaps not as much as you, but. And no I don't think your unenlightened now. I totally agree with you. Though I logically know what your saying is true, I feel like I am more attached to this world energetically than what I would like to admit. But who knows what will happen once I die. Thanks phaseshift.  

I seen so many zombie souls it's not even funny. They don't even go that far when they die. A lot of them wonder around clueless and most seem to go to belief system territories.

I don't believe in the earth school thing. This place is obviously controlled and dominated... It just doesn't seem like a good idea to incarnate into a place like this to me. That's a personal decision and opinion but... After this I am gonna go "learn and grow" somewhere else... lol.

When you say zombie souls, what do you mean, what kind of territories have you seen them in? Were they in dark areas, were these souls suffering, or were they just lost, having no clue where to go or what to do? Thanks for chiming in Phaseshift.

hell is a myth , created by the church as a form of control .  There is a hell , on the astral plane created by thoes that beleve in the place , not by God . 

I hope so.

You sound a lot like me. Just take care of yourself man. And know you are deeply loved and worthy

Thanks!

[My Dream]

My Dream
I just had a dream while taking a nap during the day. In the dream you's convinced me that I should wait 10 years before doing this so that I could be with my nephew until he's older. Which in real life is a good idea. But I just don't know how practical it is. But yes I will try to prolong my life as much as I can if I take the route of the martyr.

Then later in my sleep while dreaming I had a very deep sense of sorrow, and I was crying because I knew that I messed so much in my life it was like a cry from hell almost. EIDT: I was trying to look into a mirror too while crying. The thing is is that I was warned about this many years ago through prophesies from my dad. As bad  as my dad was with his fundamentalist christian thinking, I do believe that some higher power tried to warn him and I about the what was to come. And what came was a time of great emotional stress years later that took a big toll on my emotional health for quite some time. And obviously I am still trying to work out that negative trauma. As it's still haunting me in my dreams.

I recently started taking amitriptyline which is causing all these negative emotions from my past to come up in dreams.

I just want to thank all of you's so much for your love and support. Even though we don't agree on everything I still feel the love from all of you's here. And for that I am grateful for everyone that has been here to help me from my first post to my current post. Thanks again to everyone here.

Like in everything, details matter. B12 comes in many forms. The methylcobalamin is the more active form. Injections are much more effective. Concentration matters. I know these because my wife suffers of pernicious anemia, and biweekly injections are vital for her. Consult a naturopath doctor about these!

I've got methylcobalamin which is taken subliminally. One time I had so much in my system that the doctors office called me to tell me it was very high. LOL Though she said that it's probably fine, but that they just had to let me know I had a lot of it in my system.

Just a though example from first hand. I have a father, who manifested himself Parkinson's disease. He suffers from himself, FORCING everything on others in the past and present and on his own body - he is like spreading his suffering from thinking the bad way (and he is religious too, no surprise), he just never will able to intellectually understand that HE did this to HIMSELF and nobody else - I will soon leave him to live alone. Also my brother is suffering from himself, not so much as my dad, but not just they both, EVERYbody has their own path.

I take the middle ground when it comes to the idea that we manifest diseases. I think some health conditions are manifested by our thoughts like obesity and diabetes while others are not. Certainly nobody would say to an old man, "you manifested an aging body because of your negative thoughts." LOL So obviously some conditions are manifested by our thoughts while others are manifested by age, random chance, or genetics. Cancer is in fact random to a large degree. Anyway you get the idea. And yes for me I would say that my thoughts in part created the condition I am in the problem is that damage to the physical body has already been done.

Here is a little example. I was myopic for a long time until 4 years ago. I had enough. I'm always learning and doing whatever is needed to change something. I did it and got my vision back to clear for far and near-sight. It was a big belief that I have short-sightedness sitting in front of PC and gaming as a teenager back than. Oh comeon and there are people who have - after the same amount of screen staring - normal sight.

Interesting story. I do know that I have some really bad negative deep seated emotions, but I doubt that changing them would make me get better. I think I've damaged my physical body too the point where it can't fix itself. But I hope your right and that it can be fixed by just dealing with my underlying beliefs and emotions.

So your challenges are there, I guess you can do it and change your reality. Remember that you are not on the mercy of circumstances and people's opinions, not even physical stuff - you are projecting out everything on your body and others with your thoughts. Don't give up, you are becoming as you are making decisions and choices.

I wish it's as easy as you say it is. Yes I do need to do more work on myself. Thanks for chiming in Phildan1.

Plasma what is obvious to me is that you care so much for your family, those you feel either responsible for or indebted to. I think most of us can understand that although some maybe better than others. I would do most anything for MY family.

Yes this. I do feel indebted to them. That is why I feel I must go above and beyond to help them.

I am one of those people that did have a NDE. My experience was so unlike anything I had ever read as those are usually relegated to religious dogma as you pointed out in a reply. It took me a couple of years to sort and even begin to understand much of what happened but I feel I should share a part with you.

The actual experience and details are not important, the message is. The message was simply that as I have my own road to travel so do each and every member of my family and while I am expected to help them along the way with loving support it is not my business what they choose to do. THEY have to pull themselves out of their own conflicting and constraining thought patterns and ways, not me. Only they can do THEIR work as only I can do MINE.

I hope that makes sense. It is noble to put your family first but it is not possible to walk their path for them.

Hugs and Kindness

Thank you so much for sharing your NDE. I too have learned that people must learn from their own mistakes. Sometimes I get so worked up over the political stuff that is going on and then I just realize that it really doesn't matter that much anyway, because it will regulate itself. I am a democrat because I think they are the lessor of two evils. So when Trump became president I just said OK they will have to learn from their own mistakes that that is a bad idea. And it's crazy that my brother that benefited so much from democrats his whole life all of the sudden wants to go republican after he starts making good money. So I get it. We can't be too pushy otherwise it can backfire too. Which is a big reason we need to let them make their own mistakes. Now the question becomes does giving them money help them or hinder them in learning and growing? I think to answer that is difficult because it depends on the family. Thanks for chiming in Nameless. 

I agree with you TOG about the cold therapy part...I grew up in temperate climate and landed working in Scandinavian winters...typically the project would last through the autumn to spring and I would get summer off to go Southern Hemisphere to another winter to family!  I would say after 15 years of that, that I am now immune to cold.  Unfortunately old age breakdowns means I can't live in cold ...which I loved.... doesn't suit arthritis too well....but then old age isn't for the snowflakes.

It all comes under the heading...what doesn't kill, strengthens!  

To this OP person I would say...you confirmed my suspicion..... diet is indeed one of your biggest problems.  Probiotics ...everything pickled in brine naturally and not pasteurised...also yoghurt....uncooked vegetables....don't go buying off the shelf pickled stuff that has been processed and has every bacteria killed.....it will sort your digest problems and others too no doubt since once you have imbalance ..all hell breaks lose.  Your system needs bacteria.  Once your gut bacteria are gone your system cannot tolerate much....gut bacteria is what processes the food.....so restoring that through probiotics and fresh fruit and veg of all kinds for different strains will return the digestive ability to process food back to completely normal and you can eat everything again.  And quickly too. Simple really.

Learn to make your own.....salt water and vegetables!  But the quantity of salt to water needs to be right or the salt kills the bacteria...so be careful with recipe.  

If you can't eat food...you are likely down on all needed vitamins which means hormones are not on track.....back to that....lack of b complex, critical b12 and 17 ...toss in vit C since all fruit and veg is too old in the shops to contain any...helps the immune system etc ....is what has you with depression, ptsd, sleep problems, nightmares etc etc...it's a system in chaos.   Look it up!  Huge health studies have been done and published...huge money spent...top universities involved....this is not a recent discovery.  Your body then breaks down and all hell is loose.

You are intelligent enough to start reading and see the sense.  Doctors want money...there is no incentive to fix you.  You have to fix yourself and get out their pockets.  You are a cash cow for them right now.

Google it...vitb12 health problems..... etc the rest.  Don't take my word for it. 

Right away go to a health store...a good reputable one...get some probiotic cabbage ....kimchi or sauerkraut...some probiotic yoghurt....out the fridge....must be live bacteria so always in the fridge.  Make sure of this!  Eat it!  You will notice a difference right away to your diet and within days you can eat everything...get some b complex especially with b12 and b17.... sublingual since your digestive system is shot.  And that as they say is that.  End of depression...nightmares...ptsd...tinnitus....the works!  A good diet....healthy digestive system providing nutrients to allow hormones to get manufactured and used.....gets the system back into order.

Antibiotics are nothing more than fungus.  Which is one reasons doctors are now understanding how really dangerous it is and what it does to the body.....and probably the cause of cancer.  Avoid all antibiotics and all fungus...including mushrooms.  You can't kill fungus...the stuff is even growing on the outside of the space lab having gotten there from down here!  

It isn't a magic pill...but close enough...it's a magic mouthful!

You can mope about feeling sorry for yourself and make stupid plans to kill yourself over it or you get grow up and take responsibility to clean up your system and keep a clean house.  

There is a reason I am pro prevention.  It's not accidental or because I felt like it.  

Clean your system
Get a five point plan to improve your health
Get  a five point plan to improve your income
Get a five point plan to improve your life

And be aware that your thoughts, your beliefs, what you spend your time doing, thinking about is what traps you to the grey and the negativity which is then a repeat cycle.  

Take a long walk to get some endorphins kick in...at least an hour.
Do some meditation

Do anything that improves your mood....even dreaming of what you want your life to become helps you alter your mood and start to dissipate the clouds...you pull yourself out.

It seems you have no problems with planning...you just spend it on negative plans!  So switch sides to positive and redo the plan.....and carry on.

And no!  I am intolerant of all this because it is just so easy to sort it out.  Why tolerate failure when success is just easier?  

Think about it.  We have to work really hard to bonk up a system that works perfectly and heals itself perfectly!  Everything about us and our lives would be perfection if we just didn't bonk it up by not doing the right thing.

I see about the therapy. I just brought some probiotics we'll see if that helps. I'm skeptical but it might work. And I've already got vitamin B12 that I will use. But I've already used it in the past and it didn't do much, so I'm skeptical. Lastly I don't think my condition is as easy to fix as you seem to make it. I use to research all kinds of alternative therapies that never did much of anything for me. But I'll see. Thanks for your concern.

It sounds like the Wim Hof Method might be able to help you. People have gone from being utterly bed-ridden with arthritis, or Parkinson's, to climbing Mt Kilimanjaro in a matter of months. It works well for digestive issues too, basically cured my auto immune condition with wheat.

I suggest you try out this video and focus on your pain in an energy healing style mindset. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAhAOTXHeNs.

Cold exposure takes the healing benefits to the next level. All the science is here: http://www.athletespotential.com/uploads/2/4/7/3/24730224/cold-stress.pdf

On the digestion issue again, intermittent fasting - google 5 hour or warrior diet for when to eat. Healthy fat based diets for what to eat. It cures a lot of illnesses. Look into "modified atkins" for cancer and epilepsy.

Dude that is a lot of stuff to read. I'll do what I can. I'm skeptical of alternative therapies but I'll look into it and see if it's something that can work for me. 

you should forget about karma. It's a weight on you don't let it run your life. Don't do things becuase you think it's good or bad. Just do what you want for yourself and you will be happy you did so.

I know this isn't the best thing to write when someone is talking about sucide but I mean what I said.

Yeah I see what you mean, I wish things were that simple though. Thanks for chiming in funfire.

Plasma... We can't see the future like that. There's too many variables. Robots will take jobs, but that doesn't mean there wont be new type of jobs.
Your health might be declining but the modern medicine is getting more and more advanced.
Things will get better because people understand theses things, when something goes wrong people complain until it's fixed.
Humanity is not doomed yet.
Listen, I know it's tough and being disabled is really not something to look forward to, but you can't give up so easily just because you think that things are bad around you doesn't mean they wont get better.
If you're in america I know health care is terribly expensive and it sucks but they'll figure something out.
They can't let people die like that. And as we climb the years it's gonna get worse for them if they keep doing it because people know these thing.
Every year that passes people realize "What? 2020 and still no health insurance? are you kidding me?"
There will be riots until it's fixed trust me.

This really isn't about robots taking our jobs, this is about my love for my family and my declining health. And I am very optimistic about our future, so I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I love researching about new technologies and stuff like that. I have health insurance through Obamacare, I see my doctor and psychiatrist regularly.  That isn't the issue. If there was something more that could be done it would have been done. I have seen over a dozen specialists and they still aren't much closer to getting back to my normal self. But they have helped greatly and saved my life and for that I am grateful. But as of now there is only so much that can be done. Thank you for your concern Kzaal.

Plasma - I just want to say I fully understand this as I'm also in the same boat. I'm lucky in that I've found a job where I can work from home at my own hours on a computer, but otherwise life is tough.

Sending you plenty of kind, loving thoughts. 

Thanks a lot for the love and support. It looks like Mr. Visitor over here needs to have some health conditions in his next incarnation to be more understanding like us. LOL

Well Plasma here is all I want to say and I am off...

Your OP header said it all.  You know it's crazy or an act of a victim.  So really you are milking it for sympathy and entertainment.

Evidently you are intelligent enough...but not that intelligent because then you would know personality disorders and/or mental disorders and intelligence are not mutually exclusive.  So you have the brains to go do something about your life but are just too ...what?....lazy?  Another one of these generation x'ers who want to be spoon fed?  

You are not living in poverty.  You have internet.  That presupposes a home.  Plenty of people live in poverty and you are milking it pretending.  Well....given we create our reality with our thoughts and beliefs.....I can predict what conditions you will create.  Don't go bleating about it then....wallow in your misery quietly...it's by choice.  People can become addicted to misery....nobody can help till you hit rock bottom and decide you want to change.  So keep your misery and enjoy it fully till you are done.

As to the hair rained scheme...which it is....

Hard reality will apply and either the insurance payout will be denied or the beneficiaries will almost instantly lose the entire lot.  Emptying a bucket in a glass of water tends to overturn the lot and it all goes everywhere.  Recipients have to accept it.  If they are like you...like attracts like.....don't forget the apple never falls far from the tree....crabs in a barrel hold onto each other etc.....they like their misery and lifestyle and are just as addicted to gripping and performing.  So nature will take its course and that will be that.

From a personal 'spiritual' perspective...you are disrespecting yourself, your ability and your entire bunch of people that banded together to make your life happen and keep you going.  You are not alone.  You have a team.  Every cell in your body is intelligent and has a brain and has a choice to group with your energy for the purposes of its advancement while helping you construct a 'body' to experience this dimension.  It's a joint effort.  You are like a loose cannon thinking muddled grey thoughts and in your own mission to self destruct.  

It's them who have responded here through every single poster.  They got them to tell you in black and white what they think. These responses are not accidental.  It's their message to you.  The universe...your team of helpers...every cell in your body...has responded to your question.

Pick your sorry self up....go get a job...make a job...clean windows ...do something....because it's in the doing something that the universe can find you and send something towards you via another person.  But you have to pitch in and work.  One step..one day....one cent.....it all adds up.  

Sure free will applies.  So while you surround yourself with such muck nobody can see you and you are alone.  And that's how you will stay...in the slime pit of self pity.  It's your choice.  Body or no body..dead or alive....that's where you will stay ....here or there ....until you sort yourself out.  So may as well be here so you can actually get a life and stop wasting your team's efforts to get you going.

But I do also understand that you are probably in life 200++ doing exactly the same thing and habits are hard to break.  We all have our own challenges and getting off your but is yours.  Seems easy for us....but probably too scary for you.  It's easier to self sabotage then face the possibility of making something happen.  Because that's what you are shitting yourself over...making something happen.  

If you really want to live in poverty...hike across to Africa ...that's where poverty can be found.  Don't bother taking anything because people there don't have shoes, clothes or food.  They scratch like chickens the bare earth for something to eat.  Internet isn't even on the horizon.  

But you are in a wealthy environment with loads of opportunity...you have some education...enough to get into some training ....evidently you set yourself up to have all this to give you options to use to get going.....so overcoming your fear of achieving is all ho,ding you in the grey slimepit.....get off your backside.  

Or not. Groundhog Day yet again....

You don't know me or my health condition. Your just assuming that I can live like everyone else. I have a foot problem where I can't walk much, I have digestive issues where I can only eat a limited amount of certain foods, I have tinnitus and hearing loss, all of these are chronic long term problems that I've had for years.

And I looked it up we are a little above the poverty level. Which still isn't good, but is reason enough for me to consider the life insurance policy.

And when I put in the title "crazy idea that can't possibly help" I didn't put that because that is what I thought of the idea, I put that based on what some of you's would probably think of it.

As far as for the personality disorder and intelligence, well your right on that, I was tired last night typing out he replies so it wasn't like I was taking an exam in college.    But the important thing is that I don't have any personality disorders, I barely have depression and anxiety, and I do see my psychiatrist and primary care doctor regularly to treat it, so if I had a mental disorder or personality disorder they would likely catch it and I would know about it. But I don't have any personality disorders, I am a logical reasonable person that has come to a crossroads in his life.

Just a practical thought...are you vit b12 or B17 or B complex deficient? 

Check it out.  B17 deficiency causes depression and all manner of stuff depending on your weakness

I don't know, I see my doctor regularly and he does blood work.

Again don't assume that I am like you or everyone else, I know my health condition better than anyone else. And if it is pity as you say it is then explain to me why I did so well in college? Right, it doesn't make sense because it's not pity or self loathing. I even stuck around in college for a year after getting severe depression. The situation isn't as black and white as you would like to believe Visitor.