Alterdive,
In situations like yours, and for us all, really, there is almost no-one better than Byron Katie and "The Work".
It is great you have identified the thoughts/tendencies behind the difficulty you're having. It takes more than making the identification, though, doesn't it? Maybe put them ( and yourself ) now through the Work. Byron explains the simple-but-not-easy process in this less than 9 minute clip. Her work has always fascinated me. She brings the complexity of self enquiry to everyday people and situations. It is truly brilliant. There are hundreds of videos on YouTube where you can sit and watch her work with people so that you can get the hang of how this is done.
The Work is a practice. Make THIS your practice until you are ready to move forward.
The mind we take into what we do is of primary importance to what we do.
(whatever that may be)
Remember- the Work is a meditative not mental process.
The Work of Byron Katie
1-2-3
Casey