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This is going to be the last post i make for a very long time (if you consider 2 years to be a very long time) ill still be around but im not going to be making posts and i will be able to respond to pm's

So through out my limited experience with this forum i was always the on asking questions not really giving any answers. right now i don't think im in the position to give answers but i do think im in the position to take a stance on a topic that i have wanted to discuss for a long time or at least see the opinions of others and that would be what is spiritual growth. so i see this phrase being thrown left right and center and yet i can't rap my head around it. reason being if growth is another way to say progress then where are we spiritually progressing to why do we need to spiritually progress and if progress means at one point there is a goal what is that goal.

to even take a look at this from a different angle if spiritual growth is this thing that happens when we experience things in our life and these experiences move onto the next life. then what did i learn from my last life and why cant i directly remember these experiences. and what is the goal out of rebirth if i cant even access my last life memories

to take this from another angle (last one before i get to my point) if im not the one that is growing but there is another being attached to me being my higher self and im just a medium to help him grow and all my past lives are just different mediums in different time periods  then why does it have to be so complicated why cant it just grow without me and why dose each medium have a life span before getting physically tossed away and conjoins with the higher self.

so my over all point of this is that why do we need to grow spiritually and why cant we just say its a cycle and there is no true progression its just us experiencing life and what it offers

so as you can probably tell my stance is there is no growth no progression its just us experensing       

So ive been wanting to make this post for a long time and it regards two of my friends

so they both say that they are mediums and physic just one is a little bit better a doing "it".

when i first found out about this i was ecstatic and i asked many questions regarding a lot of things. but my current problem is i'm trying to prove that they arn't just lieing to me (just for the sake that i know that i'm not just taking it because of there word) i do believe that they both are telling me the truth. so one time i just asked a lot about the future to one friend then went to the other friend and she did a tarot card read and they both matched up but the reason why i need more "proof" is because they were asking each other if there story's lined up while she was doing the tarot reading. so i dont know they really seem like there telling the truth but... trying to line up storys and the only time i asked about their medium stuff the guy said no theres nothing and the other ranted about she just cant do it on command.

again i still do believe them just because of the way they talk about this stuff it seems like they have to be truthful but i just want there to be more than i'm just taking there word for it

so if theres really a question in this it would be if there are mediums on this forum have you went up to another medium and try and see if your experiences match up? 

i am shocked this fits my first experience almost exactly except i never exited ever since that I've been trying to recreate it 

ah 42 the meaning of life according to a computer

it's ether the fact of not a lot of knowledge or people not caring about labels for me it's both

Recently I've exploring this forum and I've been wondering about how everyone here found this forum

How I found this forum was a couple months back, me and my friend were in a class together and at the time he got me into chaos magic besides that he started going on about this thing called astral projection since he did such a poor job of explaining it i wasn't really paying attention. he told me to go on to this forum and since the last time he told me to go on to a website of any kind it basically changed my entire look on the universe so i went ahead with it and he we are now.

Anyways i want to know other story's because this isn't a "normal" website and i think there a more interesting story's than mine.
       

it makes me feel sad when i see these articles because its from a person with no knowledge convincing people that they speak the truth.
well maybe he speaks the truth and were mocking them for it (probably not) but you never know but it is funny that we are people that are treated as speaking non-sense and spiritualist crap are looking down upon people that speak non-scene about satanist crap. even though there is a big difference between then and us   

DAMN when i see that i think of the environment that did not look healthy

so I've been i guess experimenting with chaos magick for about two or three months now and i have a lot of questions that still are not answered not all of them will pertain to magick and i don't expect anyone to awnser them all at once but I'd really love to know

1.sections of magick like chaos wicca and ceremonial how dose one differentiate them and are there more
2.what is a alphabet of desire, what is its use, how dose one make it
3.who/what is at the receiving end of a sigil
4.dose the wiccan rule of 3 apply to everything
5.dose magick connect with science or disregards it 
6.is it posible to talk to spirts without being a medium
7.is satanism a magick
8.if one were to ap and the body were to die what would happen
9.how dose one make a servitor
10.what is a mantra
11.if i were to create a sigil saying the democrates with win the next election is it possible for the sigil to backfire and make the liberals
win (just a hypothetical i don't really care about american politics)
12.are the more difficult tasks for a sigil like if i were to create a sigil saying this man will die by suicide and another saying this girl will fall in love with me will the killing one need more ... energy for lack of a better word
13.what is a sigil matrix what would it be used for
14.is it possible to accidentally create an empathy link though non-magical means
15.why do sigils with the en-tent of experimentation don't work

these are currently my question i will probably add a post script if i have more

ty for this i will probably just wait it out and act as if it isn't there because that has seemed to help the reason i made this post in the first place is because of the way i got it.

So three weeks ago i tried to ap. What happened is 5 minutes in i had this feeling of pain on my left side but it wasn't like some what painful vibrations it felt like someone was cutting into me. I endured it because i thought it would go away ... i was wrong. so the pain stayed though out then it felt like someone dug that knife in really far like as if it was going though me. as you can imagine i was keen on waiting out this pain so immediately got up and checked the spot that i felt the pain nothing was there but the pain was still very real it eventually went away and then i went to bed but know every time i try to even relax the pain comes back but not to a unbearable amount.

my question is why did this pain come to me and why isn't it going away and should i try to wait it out. any help would be very helpful.