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Title says it all but I'm going to try and explain it.

Do you ever go to bed and feel like your train of thoughts is on something really big?
You are getting there, now you realize the truth not only about life but something bigger...
Then as soon as you hit the critical point and you know where it's going, you're consciousness already understood what it was all about.
Almost as if there was only 1 more thoughts to think about but then it rolls back. All your thoughts rolls back right before your eyes and your thoughts are back at the starting point.
Not even a trace of the subject which began this train of thoughts. Basically you are left with nothing and can't proceed to your ideas retrieval.
In the past year or so, I've been getting a lot of theses experiences when I'm going to bed, it's not a projection or anything close, I'm just laying down thinking about stuff to distract my mind before falling a sleep then this happens, and then I'm rolling in my bed trying so hard to find the beginning of those thoughts and eventually I give up and sleep instead.

Does this happen to you?
Did you find a way to counter it?
How?

So, it's been a few weeks/months now that the body sensations I experience before going to sleep or projecting have been rising.
I don't feel if I was in control anymore (actually I'm not sure if I were ever in control of those sensations).
I'm actually at a point where I'm no longer sure if it's still safe for me to continue, even tho I can't control the sensations anymore and when they appear.
For the past weeks or maybe 1-2 months, I've been having the sensation of The Ecstasy of Saint Teresa every day, followed by a sensation that felt as if I was breathing but it had no body benefits (As if the oxygen wasn't in the air I was breathing).

I am not sure if I've been triggering this unconsciously or subconsciously. But the feeling of the lack of oxygen is a little frightening because I'm scared that it may be a throat cancer and I'd die during my sleep (even tho during the day I feel perfectly healthy and my throat has nothing).

I am totally puzzled here because I have no idea if that sensation is not just an illusion for another scare tactic triggered by my spirit in order to make me face more fears or if I should go see a doctor.

It feels as if my spirit was trying to prepare me, for a spiritual life without the need of breathing (again I am not sure, just speculations).

I don't know what to think about it. I'd really like it if someone experienced could tell me if that happened to them before or if that is common?
I never had sleep apnea in my life before so I have no idea why this is happening. It doesn't feel like I'm stopping to breath either.

Is there any documents of people experiencing the same thing as I do somewhere?

So! Let's talk about that lol...

From the moment I've understood, it seems like everything that I experience now (even the bad stuff [now it's more like the stupid stuff] that I used to worry about) makes me smile or laugh.
Like, God can really put a stick in my wheels sometimes, just to have a giggle.
And I'm a jackass sometimes! I've even started doing the same to people around me!
Like when I see people constantly arguing on internet, I'll purposely test their limits just to share some love (aka.: Trolling).
I'd do it in real life too! Just to trigger some conscious reaction from someone!
To me this is like a helping tool.
I think I now see how evil can be helpful in some ways sometimes (Dark humour let's say or trolling/sarcasm etc.) (not hateful things or anything)
It's not arrogance either or egoism, it feels like it's the opposite because it always triggers a positive reaction in the end!

Am I wrong to do this? Should I stop cause I enjoy it very much!
And the funny thing is, I always get like insta-karma (example: I stand up right after an argumentation and hit my little toe on a corner)
How is that possible? That, after all you've seen, everything finally catch back and is in "perfect order"??
I've had karma following me for a while from really mean things I've said to people when I was young etc., but now it seems like it finally catch back up to my present. (I don't seem to have any bad karma coming back to me).

Should I keep going or is there an egoist side of me who like to have a laugh sometimes, bad?

I mean, it feels a lot like a straight communication with god when that happens, not only that but it seems like he likes to have a little laugh too once in a while by making me do stupid things (like this thread)? Or making me notice stupid things. Is it really god's sense of humour, should I keep doing it too?

Do you have any experience with this?
Do you use that knowledge to also have a little laugh sometimes, like I do?

Hey guys since I don't have a journal anywhere and I always prefer typing and since this community is so awesome I thought it would be cool if I kept my journal here. At the same time you guys might have some fun reading all the crazy dreams I get when I lucid dream hahaha.

Anyway here's my first entry.
25th december 2014

Took a nap for 3 hours @ around 12:30pm

So, I don't remember how it all started, because I kept waking up and going back to sleep so my first, second, and maybe even 3rd dream was forgotten in the path that lead up to this point.

I was having sex with Mila Jovovich, at a big party, we had sex like 5-6 times up to this point (because of waking up and going back to sleep), the house was gigantic, after a while the party crashed and there was only me and my best friend left at the party.
So we decided to get out of there by the front door, now exiting the front door I notice the road is giant and futuristic looking tramways/trolley busses pass in the 6 way road. The tramways were wide and had a blueish colour/pain.
First tramway goes down the road, we skip that one because we're surprise of seeing those for the first time, then 3 tramways come down the road on my left, so me and my best friend decide to hop in one.
Now it start going really fast and I notice things as we go faster...
I see an intersection with like 5 tramway heading straight for us on the left side of the intersection, we're going super fast so obviously we're gonna collide...
Then the driver of our tramway tries to slows it down and the 5 others who were coming our way are stopped and struggle to go on. There was no crash.
5 guys are shooting at the 5 other tramways to stop them completely in front of us.
Then the guys with guns who seem to be some weird policemen or military guys come in our tramway, my best friend seems to have vanished or he ran away I'm not sure.
The guys tell me to sit down so I do, then they start asking me weird questions, like what's my birthday and tries to answer with a 6 or 7, I look at him with my face that mean he has no idea what he's talking about then he ask me more questions.
He tries to inject me with something and it is linked to a small electronical device that look like a smaller version of a lie detector.
He ask me 2 or 3 more questions but I don't remember those since I'm busy removing the needle and unplugging the lie detector, I throw it straight at his face at super speed.
Since there's 4 more guards surrounding me, I change in a giant monkey like in dragon ball squishing the 4 guards and my dream ends.

So I just finished a session and for a moment, I was above our Milky Way.
I was standing in space, then I hear something about Arcane Arts and a plane was being built. I was seeing it from inside.
It had a Dark metallic feeling, But didn't feel dark at all, as if it was a celestial station to watch over the galaxy.
The feeling I got was that this was gigantic, the size was massive.
I don't remember anything about myself because I was so astonished by the size of the place.
Some kind of magicians, Astral Magicians? Arcanists maybe? They had a very Human form.
I did not see their faces, they didn't seem to notice me either.
I'm not kidding they were looking like they were straight out from a movie.
Dark robes with some really nice golden designs, some kind of neon green with golden borders.
They were looking through huge telescopes.
The station had a very industrial look as if the metal was rusty but maybe I didn't have time to analyze it correctly because,
As soon as arrived up there it's was as if I was peaking through the clouds and seeing above.
Maybe 5-10 seconds after I went straight back to my body.

How many Celestial Being(s) have you seen?
Which one(s)?

My book is all about enlightenment and the Source.
It's gonna be a book about being open minded.
I felt inspired this morning, so I started writing and I just finished talking about the source and wanted you guys to give me your opinion!
Here is the part where I talk about it. If I eventually release the book it will be available for free to the public.

----

Everything begins with the Source.
Some call it God.
But I don't like giving a physical appearance to something so enlightened.
The Universe is forever changing as you are reading this book.
The Source is the origin of all consciousness.
How I see the source at the beginning, to me would be the totality of all consciousness.
It is stuck in a single body, in complete darkness.
It doesn't know what is going on, it doesn't understand what happened.
It is raging inside because all the thoughts come and go and it feels all theses emotions growing.

At first it feels well being alone in emptiness but eventually it wants to grow and see everything around it. All these soon to be consciousness are going all crazy because they're stuck together and they don't know what to do.

You can picture this as a little light. See it as little flame searching for his parents. Completely lost in complete darkness. It wants to see what's around it.
Eventually the source become so angry that it explode in the middle of no where, as if it was in a forsaken place where no one would go.

To me this is the representation of the big bang. consciously-wise.
The Source become a giant vessel, waiting for the released spirits to fill it with convertible energy.
The world as we know now is created step by step, naturally occurring.
We're the Spirits that sends energy toward the Source so that in it's turn produce more spirits.
We're the flames that fuel the Source in order for it to see clearly around this forsaken place.

----

It's weird because, now I really see the source as a little sad flame searching for something. Or just trying to understand where it is.
Then it goes angry and all the other emotions come up and it transforms into some kind of Oil lamp/vessel that keeps making new spirits in order to see further into darkness.
I see our spirits as blue/whitish flames that travel the universe and gather energy in order to produce more.
What do you think of all this?

So I was watching an old video on Yin and Yang like 5-6 months ago.
And I started arguing with this guy, who's probably still in high school (No idea).
But anyway, he's atheists and it gets entertaining as we go through our point of views.
This whole conversation is LONG (92) comments as I am writing this, with lots of lines (almost 30-40 lines) each comments.
Generally, I don't talk about discussions I have on youtube, but this guy's been going on and on.
As we are speaking he's still asking me questions and trying to wear me down, and break any beliefs I have.
At times I thought he was a troll but some things just makes me think he's too young to even be open minded.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezmR9Attpyc

Here's the video, his nickname is DeathLordFhyeg in the comments sections.
I was SnippyXD in the beginning but since the discussion been going for so long I changed my name to Jebediah Kerman for my love of Kerbal Space Program.
He's not a bad guy, but he doesn't let anything come in touch with him spiritually.
I'm just having a discussion with him, maybe an aggressive kind of discussion, but I do my best to respect him as a person having a different point of view.

If you have the time and wish to maybe, give me hints or tell me what I'm doing right or wrong.
Or simply tell me to stop trying to open his mind to all the beauties of life.

-Should I keep on the discussion or should I let go and feel like I didn't do anything?
-If I keep going, how can I make him realize that there's nothing wrong with having beliefs or having an open mind?

The thing is right now I told him, I'd stop talking to him if he kept insulting my beliefs again and he just did.
Of course, I would like you to read all the comments on youtube before commenting here.
Oh! And check the video at the same time it was a good video.

Basically it's kind of a Science vs Imagination or Philosophy vs Technology discussion.
Have a good read!




Kzaal

Did that already happened to you?

Yesterday at 3:30am I got a call from someone that NEVER calls me.
I was already AP'ing but I was starting to go really deep and then BOOM my cellphone starts ringing super loud.
Instant disconnection.

Does it has anything to do with me AP'ing?
or me going too deep and that person felt the NEED to call me?

This kind of stuff always happens to me! it's either that or text messages when I don't mute my phone.
And when I'm not AP'ing? No one calls me!

Any insights?

Hey everyone, first I'm new here!
I've been watching this forum for maybe a month or two and found some new points of view I would have never imagined by myself.
I'm a Taoist in my way of thoughts. For as long as I can remember, I always had a deep interest in the spiritual world and the life after death.
Recently I've made tons of discoveries in Taoist books and writings. I read the Dao De Jing and some writings about the 5 types of immortals.
In the Taoists writings they call this Xian (which means immortal). They say that you can evolve from one state to another by transforming your yin into pure yang.
After this, to evolve between each stages, it would just be a matter of helping people and acquiring merit by teaching the way of the Tao to others.
What I wonder thought, even tho I've tried to meditate on that for the past years and never found the answers...
Can you keep a physical appearance (although a body made of energy) which would be able to climb all the steps toward the Celestial Stage of Immortality.
Can you decide on the appearance you want to manifest?
Not in a bad way as in saying you're hiding your true light, but what if you found your true identity, and wanted to be that body/manifestation?
Because I know that some may say: When you are enlightened you become light and you don't need a physical form or appearance.
I know this may seem true but does it really matter? To be as light?
When I do an astral projection, which I can do easily after 5 years of practice, even tho already inside the astral projection I can never change my appearance as I wish I could.
What could be the cause of that?

Do you, as an experienced spiritual being, have the power to change your appearance in your projections?
If so how do you do it?

Kzaal.