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Messages - knucklebrain1970

Now that looks like something straight from hell if you ask me :lol:

Some people mention they see nothing. Well, what is nothing? Black? Some people say they see white. I've never seen any white, any light or anything.
What I see when I close my eyes is black. However that is the background. What permeates atop the black is billions of small dots, like grains of sand if you will.  Red and Purple are the colors. Some of them are multiple circles within circles, like a red dot with a purple circle and so on, probably a total of 20 circles within a circle, but still tiny. They float around and sometimes if I focus in on one, I can sort of bring it in and often times I can form a face out of it. However these aren't faces I recognize.

These faces aren't clear though and usually dissipate quickly. What do you think about the faces. I often wonder who is the owner of these faces since I don't recognize them. Are they people I have seen? Or something else?

So try it. Just relax, close your eyes and tell me what you see. My wife says she sees nothing. This is perplexing to me. I have always seen these purple and red dots. No other colors though. Often times to, I can manifest an image and start a little day dream. One fun thing I like to do is create a tank and romp down a path in the woods at high speeds. Quite fun too.

Just be careful you don't accidentally wake your Kundalini :shock:

Just kidding, but I'm sure if you can do that at will, you'd have no problem progressing to the Kundalini level with proper training.

Believe me, if I wasn't depressed as I am, I would not be thinking about Zoloft. I know firsthand the stuff sucks. Forget sex when your on it. However, it seems since I've started all this spirituality stuff, my brain is even more confused. But that's not the real matter. The real matter is that my job burns me completely out. I sit in a tiny office, no interaction with anyone, and there is nothing to do for 9 hours a day. I go out in my car at lunch and pass out for an hour each day from sheer exhaustion. When I was busy one week, I was fine. Another thing is that I am so burnt out from this job that I can't even drive the hour after work to see my daughter. Since I left her mother when she was 4, 4 years ago, my mood has gone way way downhill.

When you've been with your daughter for 4 years straight, daily and now 1 hour a week and she comes over every other weekend, it's a complete devastation to my mind. It's been 4 years, my wife is wonderful, but that doesn't help. The fact is that I screwed up by leaving and now my daughter is growing up without me basically. I would like to move closer, but houses any closer to her cost 400k for an absolute s-box. If I lived 15 minutes from her I'd feel a lot better. So that's what I'm working on.

I'll probably end up divorced over this, but I must be with my daughter. My wife wants to live in a nice house. I don't care. I'll live in a mud hut. I really don't care. So I can live the "DREAM" as I am now, with big house and all the "WORLDLY SH*T" and be without my daughter, or I can basically flush everything down the toilet and be closer to her. The toilet option is the only answer it seems.

I've battled with anxiety, drug abuse, and depression for about 20 years now. Nothing seems to help. I'm off the opiates now thank God. I've been to all the groups, on all the meds, and I'm starting to think maybe the meds were helping as I've never been this upset before. However I do not want to succumb to the master plan of the matrix, having everyone in this country including children now :shock: in a Prozac/Zoloft induced haze.

Like Tom said to me, it only masks the problem. I need to find the core problem here and rid myself of it. My life has been a downward spiral since my inception. I know all the concepts of spirituality, how I should live and be and how life works. However it only seems to work for a few days at a time, then I become miserable again.

I'm thinking of trying acupuncture. However I have high doubts about homeopathic remedies. I've taken plenty of different herbs over the years, and I start them with high hopes, but the fact is that for me, they just don't work. So I'm going to try the acupuncture and see how that goes. Sometimes I just feel like everything is closing in on me and I'm going to lose my marbles. Luckily the bad panic attacks don't happen anymore, but the feeling of uncertainty, especially with all this spiritual stuff sometimes I think is making me worse.

Perhaps I should give up on all this stuff as it seems that the answers I need I will never have and will elude me forever.

Thanks for the suggestions however.


Uh Yeah
I say bring it. Why wait. Let's just blow up the planet now. As for oil? Well, we're idiots for relying 100% on one means of energy production. Government is whacked out. They should be trying to find alternative means of energy production, then perhaps sell that technology to France :lol: when France wont be able to buy any more oil :lol: Just kidding Frank.

Anyhow whoever posted about Hollywood is right. I wish the whole state of California would crack off and sink to the ocean floor where it belongs. I know that is a harsh statement but it is Hollywood, media and government that is ruining the USA.

OIL? :lol:

Bring it, I can't wait till it goes up to $10 a barrel, then I wont be able to afford to get to work. Furthermore, there will be no more energy to run databases, which means I wont have to do Oracle database administration anymore. Hey, I'm as guilty as the rest, I've just awoken to the fassad of bull***t that is constantly rammed down our throat. I'm 34. I've lived in excess and I'm still miserable. So, I consider myself lucky to have discovered this at my age.

I'd rather go back to the old farm days, when people did real work and worked for themselves to survive and appreciated small things in life, not 22" rims on your frign 8mph Cadillac SUV with televisions in the headrests.


Well I don't mind taking the stuff. My wife said I was more stable when we met, and I was on Zoloft and effexor then. Problem is that when I'm on these things, I don't notice any effect. Now as I said, if I went on the Zoloft, I'd ask for the minimal dose and perhaps take them 1 every 2 days. I hear you Tom. I've had blood tests. Testosterone, blood sugar, CBC, Hematocrit (I think)
Everything always checks out normal.

I don't think I have a mineral deficiency. I take centrum daily (not that that's a great vitamin) take coral calcium, supreme greens. I eat all organic now, for the past month. No meat. I eat a b-12 and 3mg melatonin at bedtime. Unless there is 1 particular mineral I'm missing?

Believe me, I'm the last one to want to go on any frign "instant fix" meds. So if I do, I'm going to go on the lowest possible dosage. I've been on them all, even MAO inhibitors  :twisted:  which I'll never do again. Zoloft seems to be the only one that really helped (I think) but as an added bonus, forget about having sex (that'll be great for the 6th rite ha?)

Plus, I'm tired of having to take klonazepam for anxiety. I only take about a 1/2 of a .5mg as needed, but lately it's been needed more and more. I think my main problem with depression has to do with not living in the now and being in constant fear of uncertainty. I just don't want this crap to get in the way of my spiritual progress though either. It sucks all around. You guys can plainly see how it is with me. I got all the right concepts and have a sudden burst of happiness, then the next day I wake up and it's back to this dreadful job and hopeless future.  

So, as you've probably noticed. I'm up. I'm down. My wife is adamant about me going on Zoloft again. I've been on all of them throughout the years. I can't say they help or not. I don't notice if they do or not. I don't want to be a zombie all the time. That's what scares me. I like to have energy. What do you spiritual folk think about this? I meditate, I try to have a (+) attitude. It works for the most part, for a few, but then it's back to the same miserable me. I'm never on the same level all the time. I don't get it. I can't stand pharmaceutical companies and the last thing I want to do is zombify myself with 99% of America. I just don't know what else to do. I hate my job and no matter how hard I try it's killing me. I sit for 9 hours a day, no interaction with anybody. Nothing to do. So I basically have to go on drugs because I've reached the end of my rope with the Info Tech field.

What do you think? Yay or Nay on the Zoloft?

I love that damn stuff. I wish I had a bottle of it by my bedside just so I could actually relax for once in my life.

Wait till they put one in everybodys head. I don't care. Bush and his government can go jump in a lake. They can take my house, my car, even my body, but they'll never get my soul  :twisted:
I think you guys are getting headaches from restricting the airflow out of your mouth. Try this. Keep your mouth shut and nose pinched after taking a deep breath. Now try to blow out till it feels like your head is going to pop. What do you feel? Headache?

Oh, btw, on the side notes he says he has RB to thank and has been practicing NEW for about 2 years now :lol:

Yeah it's wonderful ha? To have to fix 33 years of mind rape.
What about 2012 though Frank? :lol:

I've tried the emofree stuff a while ago. I didn't get much out of it. I get more out of meditation. I've recently progressed past this matter we are talking about. It's gone. I've realized that all I was doing was feeding the matrix. Feeding it my soul as I would call it. The matrix is an energy feeder and the human red cells (unawoken) feed the matrix by giving it energy. The matrix feeds us lies, on how we should live, what we should own and whatnot. It's a vicious cycle.

But here's the real killer. The matrix is self-created, in each and every one of us. We are born pure, as I stated in another post, but society is what strips us from our very essence/being (true-self) by the constant barragement that we are separate from God and how we should live. The USA is all ego driven. 99% of the population in the USA might as well be a form of AI as nobody, nobody is operating as their true self, but identities that they have created based on their thoughts which were translated into the physical emotions that created the identity.

It's a cruel, cruel game. But it is all self-created and it can be self-fixed. I am working on the realization that if I am to affect the outside (job, life, etc) I have to change the inside. That's how it works folks, not the opposite way. Science has proven this, beyond a reasonable doubt and Scientists are starting to realize that most of what they thought they knew was irrelevant. You can not measure what you can not perceive.

So I'm in a major process of repair. I have long periods of non-thought. I do not allow myself to be exposed to any negativity, TV, News, Media, Magazines. It's all an illusion for the red cells. Do you understand? I do. If you don't then perhaps you have not yet begun to awaken. You, as well can not come back and tell me there is a fine line either. THERE IS NO LINE, UNTIL YOU STRIP YOURSELF TO THE CORE AND START OVER. Then, only then will you see clearly. Stop thinking negative thoughts. Do not feel the need to voice your opinion. Be careful what you are exposed to. Don't listen to any negativity, from anyone. Meditate, multiple times a day. Have some clarity in this FOG of life. Remove the ego. Recognize every one of your actions.

Your brain feeds on the very things that you have created for it. Your brain feeds on the very emotions you have lived with and will create situations, subconsciously to ensure that it gets fed. Be aware, recognize this. I think I have this game figured out. Now applying these principles and putting them into practice is the major difficulty. Why? BECAUSE YOU WILL FORGET. Your subconscious will make you forget. Why? Because it's designed to protect you, but it is the very thing that is ROBBING YOU OF YOUR TRUE ESSENCE.

Peace be with you.

Would you agree that when we are born, we are pure?
If yes, then what you are saying is in essence, this is the true self, correct?
If that is also true then we can say that everything else that is manifested inside ourselves are identities (ego), judgments, that we create, based upon experiences and the past.

So what this says is that everything we have manifested in our mind, has essentially become an identity or mind that separates is from our true self, hence, the suffering is self-created.

Does this give anyone else chills up and down their spine?

Well, top this. I've been having the same day over and over since I got into the information technology field :shock:

Had one again last night, the most powerful vibrations yet. I let it go and all that happened was the hovering noise. whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh for about a minute then I didn't know what to do. What happens after the helicopter type noise? I must have let this go for about 2 minutes total. It was intense to say the least. Fear stopped it and I wiggled my toe and broke free. This always happens when I'm on my side, not my back. Is that why I did not exit? Caus I was on my side? Does exit happen spontaneously, or do you have to will or induce it.

Well, while the lottery guessing game might be interesting however I think you would perhaps have better luck manifesting that you would win the lottery with a specific set of numbers. What do you think about that? If the outside is affected by the inside, why wouldn't this work, that is if 100% of you, down to the last atom had intent on winning the lottery?Also, I become saddened by the amount of money people spend on lottery tickets. I assume many of them know the odds, but do many of them know what the true meaning of odds really is?  My wife and I are working on a strategy to manifest our mortgage being paid off.  Now I originally had the idea to manifest 5 million dollars. However the universe/god would perhaps find it better if I was less greedy and a little more realistic. Also incorporating an idea to give back. The mortgage being paid off would allow me to work part time and pursue my dream which is to open a spiritual/healing center to help people. I want more people to be aware of the affect we have on reality. So many people aren't living in it.

Hello all. I happened to stumble upon the movie, What the $#@% do we know. Amazing film. One thing that I got out of the film and correct me if I'm wrong, but. It seemed to say that if you believe, in every part of your organic  bran and subconscious of a particular dream or desire, without any doubt whatsoever, it will have no choice but to manifest itself to you? This seems plausible to me. Has anybody experimented with anything of this nature? I'm not talking about willing riches, but small stuff. It seems to me that when I have accomplished things, it occurs to me that I can't recall ever doubting myself in the process. Take something small for instance. There was a mountain bicycle frame. You'll probably think I'm nuts, but it was $3500 at the time. I simple said, I'm going to get it and that was it. I couldn't afford it all at once, but gave them a deposit and paid for it over a 1/2 years time. However I never once said "I'll never be able to get that"

So I wonder if I basically manifested this into my reality by not having any doubt that the goal would occur. What do you think about this manifestation stuff and the hypothesis of modern science that the inside affects the outside and not vice versa?

Absolutely fascinating stuff. Thanks,

Well I've done a lot of thinking in the past few days. The hate will be lost and I'm working on re engineering my thought process and I've basically come to the realization that it is not an outside force causing me discomfort, it's from within. So I'm going to change my own reality and I'm going to get out of this computer field that I don't really care to be in. I am working with programming water, working with only thoughts that help me progress, shunning out any negativity, whether it be thoughts, or outside stimuli. Complete non reaction to my environment. I believe if I absolutely convince myself of something without any doubt whatsoever, it will manifest. What do you all think about these ideas?

In order to astral project properly and enter the trance state, my opinions below.
1. You need to have enormous amounts of time to do this.
2. The best time to do it is in the afternoon. When 99% of us are at work.
3. You can't get up early and do it before work. You have work on your mind and no clarity.

So, I have come to the conclusion that it is extremely difficult for most to devote enough time for this. It does not work after working all day. We are just plain too tired. It's analogous to having a huge garden. This is for people like Martha Stuart, that don't have to work for a living.

Well first it's not a seizure. How do I know this? Well my wife sleeps with me. As for asking the doctor about it? Well I'd have better luck asking my dog what's going on. However I can not progress past the paralysis state due to fear issues. I'm just not ready yet.

Nice signature man :lol:

Looks like it's packed full of hashish :lol:

Hey if a couple other guinea pigs would buy this thing and tell me it works, I'm all for a well spent $90, but with my luck, I'd get a ceramic thimble packed with sand with a weird marking on it. I'm too much of a skeptic for that type of stuff. I started reading some of the scientific jargon and I was lost. Hey Manuel, I'm not dissing you my brother. If this thing works for you then the $90 is nothing. More power to you my friend. I've just wasted way way too much money on spiritual type stuff in the last year. I've come to the conclusion that to become one with God, United, Enlightened, Awakened, whatever you may choose to call it, it takes time . Nothing is easy. Especially enlightenment. However, some other part of it, I believe it is a very very simple process. So simple that I can't get it. I believe I / we already are there, but don't realize it because of core beliefs, self-defeating thoughts (look that up in the dictionary, there's a pic of my face near that word). I believe that enlightenment is right in our frickn face, but don't realize it. Anyhow, I'd need more proof of other people trying this device. The web page is very weak and hard to navigate. I've seen no testimonials. Now if I were to sell a device. First of all I believe in Karma. I wouldn't sell it unless I was certain to not be lying about its ability. Secondly, I would list people that have used it and ask them if they would respond to emails about its value. Now anybody that spent $90 on a device that really really advanced their spiritual progress would have no problem answering questions of others on it's value right? Anyhow, if it works for you Manuel, more power to you my friend.