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1  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / OAZAKI WRONG on: December 26, 2004, 11:13:39
Oazaki's predictions for this year have not panned out.

Considering that one of his predictions was that his 'order' would be in charge of all countries, this failure is rather large.

People making mistakes around predictions is human.  Arrogance, condescension, these are things that require someone to hold up a mirror.

He has accused those against him of being members of the Illuminati.

He has dared other astrologers to see if they were as smart as him and could see the 3 times this year when Bush would be killed.

He has threatened to kill and or not save those who disagree with him.

And that's just a short list.

Let's see how he handles his lack of abilities at this turn of the year.

He still can, of course, begin to take responsibility for his being human, fallible, confused, overconfident, arrogant, etc.  He could admit that he knows less and can do less than he thought.

I predict he is incapable of that level of maturity.  I do hope he proves me wrong on that one.
2  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / guess no predictions on: August 28, 2004, 17:04:58
sorry, I should edit, but something is not working, hence another post.

Dear Quiet Storm,
when I read your posts I a get a sense of your emotional reactions (through my filters of course).  That you get a bit ticked when people dis Oazaki.  That you like what he has to say.  That you are yearning for things.  ETc.  You don't say these things directly.  At the same time you do nothing to deny them. To make us think you are other than who you are, have feelings other than the ones you are having.  That's my take anyway.  And I respect that.  I think that is integrity.  I would never hire a babysitter (my example above) over the internet, but you get an interview, while Oazaki does not.  Do you get what I mean? I don't believe he does not care, has transcended, etc.  I think (rightly or wrongly I feel I need to say) that he is very conscious of 'how to play it'.  You disagree. I get that.  I just want to be clear about what I am saying and how I am reacting to him.  I don't expect to change your mind, but I do want to make it clear about how I am reacting so you know the issue.  And it does come down to intuition I think.  Neither of us will talk the other out of their reactions to him.

I personally like the fact that you accept and are aligned with your emotions, even if we disagree.  I respect that much more than what I feel in him.  But maybe he does model for you what you want and what you want to be.

You know, people always talk like they are just one person, but I often find a group in me.  I think multiple personalities are more widespread than we like to notice.  Parts of me hope that you, in the end, decide that Oazaki is not for you.  Parts of me feel like if he is what you want to be like...godspeed.  Go for it.  It's good if everyone heads towards heaven as they wish it.

That just ain't my heaven, know what I mean.  Damn, wouldn't want to live in the same building.  "That's your problem, I can put my trash wherever I like.  (aside to his friend, "Look at this guy getting angry, so many hang ups")

Also wanted to clarify what I meant by force.  To try to convince Oazaki that he is denying parts of himself etc.  That would be interpersonal force and is not something I am interested in.  I suppose some people might think of magical force against another, also not of interest to me, but not really
what I meant.  REally what I meant by 'force' is that the denial finally draws toward itself something, a really disappointing experience strong enough so that he cannot avoid feeling his disappointment, self-hatred, fear, etc.  

No conversation or failed predictions are going to change his mind.

I guess that's my first prediction here.

3  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / guess no predictions on: August 28, 2004, 16:25:45
Dear Quiet Storm,
of course he doesn't have to throw fits.  My read on him is that he makes a point of pretending he does not react as a dominance game.  (I mean you and I use our intuition and feelings to the best of our abilities around this person and you have chosen to respect his output and I am obviously critical and so logical arguement won't get us very far in changing eachothers minds)  For me, when I read his posts I feel someone playing a game, making a point of being above it all, of showing himself over and over as above it all, while investing a great deal of energy in bragging and saying how great he is.  I hit that excrement every day.  I think in some ways its easier to catch that pattern out in the physical world, when people try to get over on you.  You know, imply or state that you are weaker than them BECAUSE you react.  The hot business community has that stuff down pat.  Its an environment where 'fear' and 'worry' and other emotional reactions are looked down, chided, judged, forced into hiding.  The 'superior' high powered traders and dealers and sales people learn to or are innately good at denying these feelings.  Sometimes these feelings come back later when they face the things their fears were trying to warn them about all along.

anyway.  That's the kind of unpleasant pattern I feel/see in Oazaki.  Obviously its not your take on him.  I just want it to be clear what I am saying.  I am not saying he should write in angry red capital letters when he sees someone disagree with him.  I feel his rage anyway, in the way he implies or states his superiority at every turn.  

He looks down on emotions and considers them a weakness.  You know, nice person, but emotional.  He says things like that.  He can say over and over that he does not judge, but the judgements are there.

Aileron said
I'd like to point out that any public psychological profiling done on someone, tends to reinforce and encourage those habits of which you speak of.

that's an interesting point.  For me I don't think he will break out of his pattern until he is willing to look at his needs and the emotions he is denying.  Just so it's clear, I am not trying to get his attention and draw it somewhere.  I am afraid it will take force to reach him and that's not something that interests me.  But I do find him interesting as a phenomenon.  I mean, in the beginning he bugged the excrement out of me, because he reminded me, I realized later, of people who have felt they deserved higher positions, pressed for that, judged me, taken undeserved power, claimed expertise they did not have,etc.  I find it useful to use him as a foil to see what hooks there still were for me in that pattern.  The pattern being that my gut says there is something empty and or messed up about the person claiming greatness, etc, but the fact that the other person does not show (or ever perhaps feel) his own self- doubt makes me doubt my own direct and accurate reaction to them.  I assume on some emotional level that they have the same thoroughness and willingness to go into the confusing areas of the self that I have (its taken a while to realize this and feel good about myself there).

This can happen in little ways between any two people.  This can happen in big ways where someone really embodies this pattern and is power or false-self-image hungry, as this case feels to me to be.

The truth is I don't care about his predictions, whether he is an accurate predictor. That's not a good measure of enlightenment anyway. There are many psychics out there who make fairly accurate predictions, or can sense ghosts in your house, or can tell you accurately (with subtly damaging slants) about your pasts lives, all of whom I would not ever in a million years use say as a babysitter for my child.  Or share my real feelings with, or come to with a problem.  Or want them to be my sister's guidance counselor, or spiritual teacher for that matter.

because they are not grounded.  because they want to get over on me   because they judge emotions and need those people who experience more deeply their own feelings so that they can look down on them and feel reassured "yes, I am superior."  Play polarities with his own emotions in some elses body.  Maintain the split.  Some of these people are quite 'nice' and 'giving', but there is a bargain in their giving.

I mentioned the predictions because in his sidestepping and face-saving manouvers he is so reminiscent of politicians, even some of the ones he hates and has decided to magically kill, and is, in his realms, shockingly similar to in hubris, violence and sense of entitlement.  His psychology comes to the fore there because his predictions are important to him and to his sense of who he is and who he wants us to think he is.

So its been useful for me to look at react to Oazaki to see what the bargain is in his case, what the remaining hooks are for me, how does this play out now, in my day to day life.


Oh, I just saw you wrote this:
Im not telling anyone to not reply, Im saying, if you are truly frustrated by this situation in which you believe that Oazaki needs to listen to you and come around, realizing that you are right, dont hold your breath.

well said.





4  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / guess no predictions on: August 27, 2004, 11:45:22
To what degree do people think Oazaki is self-deluded.

In other words, he's clever.  He makes predictions.  However much he merely observes his emotions and does not identify with them, he must have noted a passing interest in himself that his predictions come true.  He claims to love humanity and be relating profound truths and it would seem like someone in that position would also hope (fleetingly, of course) that these predictions would come true, so that people find him intriguing.  

Unfortunately (for this hope) the predictions have not come true.  This is indirectly and directly denied.  Actually rather more explained away or ignored.  That has to cause some irritation, intra-psychic frustation (again, fleetingly, since it passes, as other emotions do through Oazaki like stubborn kernals of corn can sometimes pass untouched through the intestines).

Do you think he buys his own bs?  And to what percentage?  And what mechanisms of repression, denial and avoidance do you think are involved?

I am rather shocked to find that I think he deludes himself to a degree of say in the high 80s to low 90s, %wise that is.  In  other words he has convinced himself that his failures (as measured against self-proclaimed perfection) do not bother him, and futhermore are meaningless.  That is a feat of intra-psychic gymnastics I am impressed by.

When he tells us in his offhand, I don't need to brag while bragging manner of his magical acomplishments and power - a clever method used by many gurus and cult leaders - does he know what he is doing?  

Does he know that he is playing up his indifference as a method of 'seeming' to be what he claims to be.  Or is he unaware of his own psychology?  And which is more dangerous?  And which is more dangerous for HIM?

He makes it clear that nothing can 'get' to him.  Because to people more aware of their own feelings and psychology, more open to their whole being, his 'stated' indifference and transcendance can seem rather advanced.  Again, the question:  How much does Oazaki buy this himself?  

His metaphysics seem like a fairly coherent rehashing of eastern religion, magical traditions and thinner new age philosophy.  But not something new.  A high percentage of the people posting here could probably manage the same without much effort IF they were willing to roll play and updated EST or lifespring leader's certainty and unaffectedness.  So I am not really interested in him per se, anymore, but as an example of denial's viral need to be affirmed by others.  

Maybe other people have noticed that the mirror at home often reflects us more flatteringly than mirrors out in the world, especially mirrors we suddenly come up, say in an office.  We get used to the angle and the light, of course, how to hold ourselves in front of the mirrors at home.  But there's more to it.  I think we actually overpower the honesty of the mirror.  We need it to reflect back an image we can accept.  This achieved reflection is not self-love.

By denying again and again his own psychology and actual unconscious needs and processes, Oazaki does not come closer to self-love, however much he presents as loving himself with all his grandious statements and IMPLIED HINTs (I cannot overstate how much he implies his power and greatness).

On the physical plain the bully with huge muscles continually displays his lack of fear by being tough.  Some do it by taking risks.  But...well, you know what they are really doing and it does not bring them home.

He needs us to be like his home mirror.  He needs you to affirm his position.  If you get ticked off, it affirms his position, because he can come back unaffected, showing what he thinks is more enlightened.  If you become a follower, well then you really are as affirming as that beloved bathroom mirror.  Any disagreement with him, even questioning, gives him an opportunity to show how unnaffected and above it all he is.  How you have confusions which he does not have.  

He needs us.  Badly.

He will keep coming here and to other forums.  To keep that fear at bay.  To maintain the image.  

To see his own doubts and strong emotions in others so he can feel superior to those emotions and doubts rather than owning them.[/b]


I think that pattern that Oazaki plays out on the internet is widespread.  I don't think he is so important.  But that we recognize this pathology in ourselves, in the guy at work who tries to make us feel stupid or weak, or 'out' somehow in relation to the boss.  In all the people who depend all denying their own reactions and fears as a way of trying to get others to give them power.  It is common.  If you work in the service industry you can see them coming when they come in the cafe, the restaurant, the bar, etc.  In body language they convey superiority, indiffernce and from that vantage can be very 'giving'.  If you worry about something, they tell you how they do not worry.  Etc.

For showing us that pattern is such a pure form, Oazaki is unwittingly doing us a great favor.  Via the pure form we can learn to see and not fall for the more subtle kings and queens, god and goddesses stomping around, trying to get a bit over on us.

Via the pure form we can learn to not do this ourselves. Or to ourselves.

5  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / guess no predictions on: August 16, 2004, 09:48:52
I have no enemies  I have risen above petty emotional entanglements.  I somehow end up implying or saying that my opponents are childish.  But that's because I just want to teach others.  Not because I myself am sullied by any emotions or competitiveness.  My natural superiority shines through in the ways I am not affected and smile at everything.  I make predictions so that you will see that I know things.  When these do not come true, I say I changed my mind.  I have forgotten why I decided to make predictions since I of course knew I would change my mind and change the world.  I am not sure why I predict things and then when the time comes I tell people the changes are not visible.  Enlightenment is not knowing exactly what you are doing while talking about women's breasts.  If you have a problem with me talking about breasts like a competitive frat boy, it's because you have judgements of sex.  Why are you suprised that enlightened sex talk is the same as the way the 'cool' boys in high school talk about women so they don't have to face their fear of women.  Boys who become men who end up with short term relationships with generally angry self-destructive women.  Women who also manage to tell themselves that the sex is somehow 'hot' and not cold, unloving, mechanical 'pseudo pleasure'.

I really don't care what you think.  This complete independence in the emotional sphere is enlightenment.

If you think you feel an undercurrent of neediness in my posts, desperation for attention and adulation, you are reading to deeply.  I am not deep.  I am surface.  I am the Cheshire Cat's disappearing smile.  I am the production of imagination.  I am the teenage boy's imaginized Buddha.  That whimpering unpopular kid I see sometimes when I hop into my Mazzerati has nothing to do with me.  Your reactions have nothing to do with me.  There is nothing for me to learn.  Pressure is not building up around me.  It is not harder and harder to maintain this false smile.  It is not hard at all to hide from myself my own disappointment at my mistakes and failed predictions.  I find that easy.  You poor weak things that cannot ignore your mistakes, all in the name of integrity.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................


6  World Cultures, Traditions and Religions / Welcome to World Cultures, Traditions and Religions! / God does exist..but you know that on: May 28, 2004, 11:43:26
AlphaOmega said
 "Don't cast your pearls before swine"?

I hope you realize that you essentially said Beavis is a pig.  Implicit in there is that you are a pearl. Mote in your own eye and all that.

good luck with it.
7  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / Attention all Reptilian conspiracy theorists on: May 07, 2004, 18:18:42
wisp
 
quote:
Stop judging others. Judge yourself first, it's interesting the direction it will go.


reread your post and just see for a moment how Leyla might, surprisingly enough, read the entire post as judgemental.

In general,
I mean when are we going to get over the transcendant incorporeal male God who has problems with sex FAD.

MJ-12
you seem to have managed to express your ego, just fine, making it a group of egos (including my own) on this thread.  As far as scholarship your post seems neither better nor worse in that arena.  
While Christianity may have offered the individual a more individual sense of personal development, that development demanded that they carve out portions of themselves in the process.  There was also a rather strong world denying element in there, body-sex denial, all very much at the cost of the individual.  There are insights that, if lovingly blended with the pagan religions's strong points could have created something wonderful.  I do not agree that Christianity was a next step in religious evolution.  It had something good, mixed in with its problems and the pagan religions also needed to evolve.  But just as the Romans colonized and did not merge strengths, the Christian relgion, via the Romans (but at least inpart because of the seeds of problems within it) colonized and eradicated pagan religions that had a lot to offer Christians.  And they still do.

Leyla,
8  World Cultures, Traditions and Religions / Welcome to World Cultures, Traditions and Religions! / Jesus isn't the son of god on: May 07, 2004, 17:53:12
Kakkarot,
I'm sorry, but to me that just sounds like a lot of old ideas that have kept people down spiritually for eons.
quote:
and what could all the world give you that God cannot?
The world is something wonderful that is both a part of God and something God made.  It is not something in competition with God that I must get past.


 
quote:
the world is useless and will pass away,

I have to say I am not sure why you are here, on earth.  You must experience each day as a sacrifice with this outlook.  I don't mean to be harsh and I also don't know how much you are repeating what you've read and heard and trying to get in line with and be good and how much you actually dislike the world.





 
quote:
is misunderstanding what those sacrifices are and doesn't realize that God DOES look after His People and DOES give them good things.

If your neighbor asked his or her child to sacrifice in the old christian meaning of this word to gain that parents love or to be a good person, would you truly think it was OK?  A loving parent does not demand that his or her child deny or sacrifice his or her essential nature and deny this world and live for the good afterlife.  That just ain't love, sorry.  But do what you feel is best for you.

You let me know that I will be rewarded if I sacrifice and then that I can't do it 'just' for that reason.  There is a gamelike quality.  I think the words of God have been muffled and kept distant and only these strange echoes bounce around.

The Aztecs cutting out hearts for their gods seem barbaric to us, sacrificing outside of themselves members of their own community and enemies.  God does not want that.

What is inside us, our hearts, desires, essential expression and so us...that is also not something my God wants carved out.

Of course, I would do things for loved ones and perhaps strangers and it might look like your word sacrifice.  But mother Teresa cut out her essential self, eliminated her own desires and made sacrifices of portions of herself that one - I am not willing to make because I consider it unloving toward myself, two: I doubt you are willing to make these sacrifices and perhaps consider yourself to that degree not loving and three: it is actually not what I want my loved ones to do: constrict and minimize their own desires to help me.  When help comes let it comes from an increase in the full expression of that person, not some 'giving' that is really about God or being good and comes from this idea, consciously felt or not, that god is like some Mafioso who demands that his followers hurt themselves to get his full love and trust.

Sorry that is not my path and I am not misunderstanding this.  I went underneath to the feelings and ideas that drive that kind of sacrifice and they do not come from what I call love.
9  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / Attention all Reptilian conspiracy theorists on: May 06, 2004, 16:39:17
It did sound, at the very least, like you might have a problem with the idea of sex and 'enlightenment'. You didn't say that Leyla was wrong in her As Above, so Below theory, you implied it and implied that you had knowledge that she did not have.  That's how it read, perhaps not your intention.

I don't think the Goddess serves God.  They are equals.

10  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / Channeling God!! on: May 05, 2004, 12:32:06
but what if it was.  As above so below.

I mean it's such a commonplace that God is perfect and never makes mistakes and it's just our limited view and all that

crap.

But what if God did make mistakes, is evolving, and the problems around us in part mirror mistakes and confusions God had and is working on.

I mean things have been pretty damn messed up for a long time and most religious people just jump past the obvious that there has been a heavenly problem also because the idea of problems throughout is just too damn scary.

And before you feel immediately superior to this viewpoint please trust me at least this far...I have deeply done many of the God is perfect belief systems and chosen somethign that feels deeper to me and could make clever chastizing 'deep' comments from that perspective.  If you don't buy that idea (God has messed up in some ways) fine!

But If you are getting tired of making excuses for God, excuses God no longer wants made, maybe your actual emotional reaction, that something messed up has been going on, is true and real and not an indication of your own limitness, spiritual backwardness or the newness of your soul.
11  World Cultures, Traditions and Religions / Welcome to World Cultures, Traditions and Religions! / Jesus isn't the son of god on: May 05, 2004, 10:29:03
The Missionary Position - by Hitchens.

Points out a lot of problems with MOther Teresa, not just the blood money issue.

Her vibe gave me the creeps.  Anyone who thinks she is great should go off and do what she does: deny your normal humanity and be holier than all possible thous.

I can remember when I thought the idea of sacrifice and service seemed noble, but a loving god is not interested in us hurting ourselves, denying ourselves or treating us like butlers or housekeepers.

MT epitomizes the old ideas of religion where one sacrifices oneself, denies one's body, gives up ones life for others.  An idea of religion that came out of political systems that were classist, sexist, controlling and were not interested in the freedom and expressive development of humans.  THe god imagined by these religions embodied very similar demands that the nobles and slave owners demanded.  It ain't love in the physical world

and it ain't love coming from a god.

Watching her move around was like watching an insect, someone who had denied so much of what makes us human in her efforts to be holy that she felt cold and empty to me.

Not, to say the least, my cup of tea.
12  World Cultures, Traditions and Religions / Welcome to World Cultures, Traditions and Religions! / Jesus isn't the son of god on: May 04, 2004, 16:30:48
Just to throw in my several senses:

I believe that there was a Jesus who was crucified and that this person was special beyond just being really smart or advanced, etc.

I don't believe in the Virgin birth.  NOt because it's impossible (I am sure it is possible in some sense, but because my intuition tells me otherwise.  I think this was added on later through both misinterpretation and misinterpretation empowered by judgements of sex and, frankly, women.

Unfortunately a hatred of sex has come down through Christianity and it makes people sigh of relief if they don't have to face the fact that Jesus was the product of sex.  But he was.  He was also, in addition to whatever else he may have been, the biological product of two people who made love.

And that is as beautiful then as it at least can be now.

I have always been offended by this purity=lack of sex in the Mary myth and it does her a disservice, because in some way it makes her even more a vessel, God just filling her up with Jesus, skipping that whole merging of Male and Female involved genetically, energetically, etc.

It's another push to keep the female element out of Christianity, however much Mary is venerated, in part she is venerated for not being and doing what she was and did.  Much of that natural to being a woman.
13  Spiritual Evolution / Welcome to Spiritual Evolution! / satanic or not? on: May 01, 2004, 12:11:58
quote:
Fear is the number one thing stopping our unity with God.


fear is a part of love.  fear is a part of God.  

you can see this in the public figures who
do not feel their fear
and cause so much damage

how can we unify with God if we cannot unify with ourselves, with what is close

with our own feelings.

It was Satan's message to split into two or more.  

To cast out portions of ourselves.

Beavis,
but they read those words in a book
but they were told those words by someone who sounded so sure
but they compared themselves to the words and found themselves wanting
every day

What are you trying to do?    If they listen to you they are going to have to take responsibility and make their own choices, trust their own intuition. Fulfill their potential.

You're going to mess everybody up.

And that scares me.  And I read that you have to choose between fear and love.  So I am not being loving now because I am scared.  I should just accept and go with the flow.  I am starting to hate my fear of what you are saying.  But hating isn't love either.

I know.  I'll transcend my reactions.  At least one of me is love.

And transcending out of fear of fearing is not hating because it's spelled differently.

Thank God.
14  Energy Body and The Chakras / Welcome to Energy Body and The Chakras / Scared! Am I doing something wrong? on: April 27, 2004, 16:51:18
Why put fear outside of love?

Respect fear like every other emotion God gave us.

That does not mean stop the work.

When I look around outside me I see so many who go past fear
and this causes (has caused) so much damage.

There is no hurry.

Fear deserves love and time, just like every other part of us.
15  Metaphysics / Welcome to Metaphysics! / Channeling God!! on: April 27, 2004, 16:46:45
chill,
I think it's an interesting question: God and love affairs, and especially God and sex.  But what kind of presence or actions are you looking for/hoping for on God's part?  In what ways does God's presence seem lacking?

Or do you simply mean that you haven't had much luck there?

Maybe there is some deep sense that God keep his heart out of romantic love and sex in some way.

I'd like to hear more.
16  Spiritual Evolution / Welcome to Spiritual Evolution! / i want to die...Really! on: April 27, 2004, 09:14:08
Christina,
to me you jump to fast to fixing the problem.  This person feels bad.  You want them to be productive, make plans, etc, avoid what you call self-pity.  But that pressure to go from the hard feelings to be productive is generally a lack of acceptance for the feelings.  The first thing feelings want is to know that they are OK, then if possible that they are in response to something real.  I want to know that my feelings 'fit' in some way, even if I am drawing false conclusions from them.

If I am suffering about a loss, I don't want people to tell me I should be productive, I should try to find a new girlfriend, start planning to find a new job, whatever.  What seems like helpful advice is really a pressure to move out of the feelings and into action.

I don't think you realize how much judgement can hide in that seemingly innocent word 'productive'.

If your reaction is to feel like the other person is stuck in their self-pity, sure I can understand getting ticked (which can also be loving) and urging them to get on with it.  But I think in general there is a lot of fear about the so called 'negative' emotions adn people are prodded in general to get out of their emotions faster than is healthy - and this latter by many new age philosophies, which, if you really feel them, often judge emotions quite heavily.

I said ALSO self-love, by the way.  I think there were other processes involved when I felt like ending my life.  But there was a central gem in the middle.

I missed beavis's post about grenades and I still haven't read it so I won't comment.  What I liked about his posts was his real willingness to allow another being their freedom and the way he smelled the pomposity and condescension in some of the other replies here.

I think the way you view certain reactions as a 'spoiled little child' may show your own judgements of perfectly natural reactions to how hard life is, how it does not match the promise some of us feel was made, and what is actually possible for life on earth.  I think on some level you have taken for granted that life has to be like this and therefore the best strategy is to transcend the natural reactions that tell us this is not right.  However if the world could be a much better place, transcending those emotions and jumping to be productive before having found the deep truths in those reactions to reality as it is now can slow down the process of evolution towards a world we would not suffer in so deeply.

That of course is your choice.  I am not sure if it is Smiley Spirit's.

It certainly is not mine.
17  Spiritual Evolution / Welcome to Spiritual Evolution! / i want to die...Really! on: April 26, 2004, 15:35:24
SmileySpirit

I don't think feeling like you want to die means you are not advanced, or are messed up in some way, or deserve condescending advice which implies that the person giving you advice has gotten past this stage.

I mean life is hard and painful, at the very least, sometimes.

When I read your first post it sounds disappointed, somehow, maybe angry, that life isn't quite what you wish it was.  Maybe like that promise (that many of us feel) hasn't really been fulfilled.  If you are ticked off in that way - and I get that feeling sometimes - it can be good to acknowledge, even express it.  Otherwise the anger can turn inward and lead to depression and in the harshest cases, suicide.

I also don't think you should decide to live because it would hurt other people.  That is guilt.  And a choice based on guilt, well it just leads to anger and more disappointment.  If I were your friend I wouldn't want you to stay alive for me.  I would want you to stay alive because you wanted to live.  Selfish (and this is not a negative word) reasons to live are the ones that matter.  

Are you angry at God?  (and even if you don't believe in God you can be ticked off at God)

What seems hopeless?

What do you really wish you could do? have? create? meet?

And I mean, aren't you afraid to die?

If it really is your choice to die that I agree with beavis - in fact I like a lot of what he said - that's your choice.

I also wanted to say that at one point in my life, after I had felt like not living for a while, I realized that there was self-love in this feeling.  I wanted the emotional pain to stop.  I wanted to stop suffering.  And I couldn't imagine how this suffering would stop otherwise.  It was a relief on some level to see that my urge to end my pain by suicide was at root ALSO self-love.  I was desperately trying to find some way to help myself, even such a drastic step.
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