good techniques to get rid of shyness?

[Donal]

Hi. I sometimes get very shy when thinking about approaching a girl in a night club. I am fine when talking (most of the time) but it is the approaching and striking a good conversation which is the hardest.

What techniques would you recommend for decreasing shyness? Think I should get to a deep state (like focus 10) and create a positive suggestions mp3?

[El-Bortukali]

www.becomeaplayer.com



now seriously,it depends.do you have a good job,good physical presentation? because even if you manage to go talk to her and build a nice conversation she won't give you what you want without what  i said.

of course this is just my opinion

[Greenrat]

vodka maybe?

[El-Bortukali]

that might lead him to make some things  the gal might not like

[Donal]

Guys i'm serious, I can get really anxious when talking to gals, even over the phone.

Are there any exercises that can calm this down/get rid of it?

[El-Bortukali]

Nope. i 'suffer' from the same exact thing.just do like i do.

avoid them!

[Donal]

4 people I have met in the past week have said I am very shy.

[El-Bortukali]

and that's a problem? see my case.
i'm extremly nervous,shy,,and insecure
does that trouble me? NAH, my genetic code made me this why,so no matter what i do i won't change

[Donal]

Yes it IS a problem.

[malganis]

Everything can be changed. Where you are is a result of your past thoughts. I'm introverted and quiet in large groups of people but i'm going to change that. I see that is not serving me very well anymore and i would like to be more outgoing.

The book i recommend you is Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. It says also when you change your self image on inside you become that on outer. It's also about how to be succesful.

About dating and such i have recently started reading books and watching DVD's from David DeAngelo.

[El-Bortukali]

so,a person with an IQ of 80 can become a rocket scientist? i suppose 'self-esteem' can be changed,but not everything can be changed.or do you have a way for me to increase  my IQ  besides,'study' though  study changes nothing.when you reach your potential at anything you can keep on training/studying,whatever it won't make a difference.you won't progress.or if you do,at a very slow rate.

oh yeah,a couple of friends of mine use his books and read his websites for advices tips,etc and it seems it works fine for them.

like I've said before---> www.becomeaplayer.com (that's Angelo's website)

[El-Bortukali]

Donal

you can try this for free:

http://www.emofree.com/


I've used it for things & it does work but sometimes it
takes a long time & a lot of repetitions, depending on how severe
the problem is.

sweet link,thanks! I've been looking to get rid of my emotions maybe this will help me out.thanks again.

[Stookie]

This is actually from the site that El-Bortukali first posted. www.becomeaplayer.com - I thought it was pretty good advice.

You've got nothing to lose
-3- The guy who gets rejected the most is the guy who will leave with the most numbers! Quit being scared or rejection and just get out there and do it. The trick is to not think about it, if you start thinking "Should I talk to her or not?" then you will talk yourself out of it. Think about it this way, if you talk to her you might have a 50% chance of being rejected and a 50% chance of success, but if you don't talk to her you have a 0% chance of success. If you don't initiate the conversation it will most likely never take place!

I've been a bumbling idiot most of my life. After a while you get used to it. I've been rejected more than I care to talk about, but the few that didn't were worth it. (Except for 1 maybe)

[El-Bortukali]

donal,you can download 'the player's' ebook for free on that website.good luck to ya mate!

[jimu]

I don't think it's free El-Bortukali!

Donal, it's something you could investigate yourself, the problem exists in your mind only.

[El-Bortukali]

it's not?hm,my mistake then.
the website still has a lot of 'useful info' for his 'problem' and he can ask questions to the player himself

[greatoutdoors]

Stookie, you don't come across on this forum as a "bumbling idiot"!  You are one of those whose posts I seek out.

E-B,
Yes, I believe that someone with an IQ of 80 could become a rocket scientist. IMO I believe evidence points to the fact that every single conscious entity has the power to shape themselves and their environment as they choose. Mind you, I don't say it is easy. I wonder if that is the lesson we are put here to learn?

Donal,
As to handling syness, it is a matter of mind-set.

In 7th grade I had to get up and read a poem in English class. I got the title out, then could not say a word or recall a single line. And it was a poem I liked!  :redface:  Teacher said I could try again the next day and I got through it. In those years I was very shy, wouldn't raise my hand in class or ask a question (even after class). It resulted in some lower grades than I could have made!  

I felt (and still do sometimes) that no one really liked me and that they spent a great deal of time laughing at me about any little thing. I finally just made up my mind that being shy was just caving into "them" and decided not to do it anymore.

Now, in a strange crowd, I will attach myself to a group (if it's two people, that's enough, though more is better). I will listen for a bit, then contribute something, even if it is only "I agree." Nowadays my problem is figuring out when to shut up!  It's always something!  

[Stookie]

Stookie, you don't come across on this forum as a "bumbling idiot"! You are one of those whose posts I seek out.

Thanks greatoutdoors. It's good to know someone reads my posts.

But on the internet I can think about what I'm going say first.

Get me in front of a good lookin' woman and I'm an instant dork. :redface:

[RJA]

Here are my recommendations:

First, I'd recommend asking yourself probing and even painful questions (and attempt to be perfectly honest with yourself in answering them) in order to your shyness, your nature and how they intersect.  Don't just give quick answers - roll the questions around in your mind, meditate on them.  Visualize yourself in a variety of circumstances and try to understand the underlying *why* of what you do?  Continue this self-discovery over time, as you will change in various ways through the process.

Sample questions:

Am I shy in other/all circumstances? Am I shy around people I know real well?  Am I shy when I am alone with someone or only in groups?  Am I shy around women in all environments?  Am I shy around all women - even those I have only a platonic interest in? Have I always been this way?  Does it run in my family? What role does fear play in my shyness? - i.e. am I afraid of rejection/failure when I approach someone? Is my shyness related to worries over what others might think of me? In what ways am I insecure?  What is my own self-image?  What things do I like and dislike about myself?  What things about myself can I change? What are my earliest recollections of my being shy? What influences growing up contributed to my being shy?  

I think the value in this approach is to better understand how much of your shyness is due to your nature and how much is learned behavior.  When you know that you can set realistic expectations regarding what changes can be made without going against your own nature (a certain recipe for unhappiness / angst).

Hopefully, in this process you will uncover a lot of things about yourself that you never really thought of before - some pleasant, some unpleasant.  And hopefully you'll come to accept yourself "warts and all".

Second, - gather some information- books, etc. on shyness and exercises to overcome it (to whatever degree you can given your nature).  

Also, ask friends, parents, etc. that you trust for their opinion.  Perhaps talk to a therapist or get involved in a support group.

Third, when you get a better handle on your shyness and yourself, play to your strengths.  Maybe nightclubs aren't the right place for you to meet women.  Maybe your nature is more suited toward talking to women in an environment that's more conducive to a more gradual approach (such as in a class or something) rather than walking right up to them in a noisy, crowded nightclub where there is no pretext other than hitting on them.

: ) and above all, heed the lesson from the scorpion story:

A scorpion needed to cross a river and asked a frog if he could ride across on his back.  The frog said, "No, if I let you get on my back you might  sting me and then I'll die."

The scorpion responded, "I won't sting you because if I do I will fall in the water and drown."

The frog relented and let the scorpion climb on his back, and began to swim across the water.  Before long the scorpion did sting him.  As paralysis began to set in and the scorpion fell into the water, the frog managed to ask, "Why did you sting me?  Now we are both going to die."

To which the scorpion simply responded, "It's my nature."

[El-Bortukali]

Stookie, you don't come across on this forum as a "bumbling idiot"!  You are one of those whose posts I seek out.

E-B,
Yes, I believe that someone with an IQ of 80 could become a rocket scientist. IMO I believe evidence points to the fact that every single conscious entity has the power to shape themselves and their environment as they choose. Mind you, I don't say it is easy. I wonder if that is the lesson we are put here to learn?

Donal,
As to handling syness, it is a matter of mind-set.

In 7th grade I had to get up and read a poem in English class. I got the title out, then could not say a word or recall a single line. And it was a poem I liked!  :redface:  Teacher said I could try again the next day and I got through it. In those years I was very shy, wouldn't raise my hand in class or ask a question (even after class). It resulted in some lower grades than I could have made!  

I felt (and still do sometimes) that no one really liked me and that they spent a great deal of time laughing at me about any little thing. I finally just made up my mind that being shy was just caving into "them" and decided not to do it anymore.

Now, in a strange crowd, I will attach myself to a group (if it's two people, that's enough, though more is better). I will listen for a bit, then contribute something, even if it is only "I agree." Nowadays my problem is figuring out when to shut up!  It's always something!  

rigth.so how do i mutate my genetic code?

[malganis]

you should mutate your thinking not your genetic code. It would bring changes.

[El-Bortukali]

oh i see ,i should start thinking i have an IQ over 180.i will eventually  have it   maybe in a thousand of years..

[El-Bortukali]

Just say out loud to yourself and in your heart.

I never want to be with a woman again. I don't want to be with a woman. there is little point. they have nothing to teach me and are a complete waste of my time.

if you believe it and accept this fate then Life will throw so many women at you .

It doesn't work.I've been having that belief system for 4-5 years now. and unless they are supposed to be invisible,life hasn't trown women at me  
seriously,thoughts leads you nowhere.a dmit,they have a severe influence on self esteem.but i don't see how they work as magnets for what you want.if that'd be possible,we'd have all we want.

i only want one thing though...

[Nay]

Hey El,

Have you ever consider that perhaps in a past life you were a priest or something...something that would cause you to unconsciously avoid relationships because your cells are remembering a time when women were a taboo for you?  

Just a thought that came to mind and thought I toss it out there.

[El-Bortukali]

hey Nay how's it going? every input is appreciated,no worry about that


i could see myself as a Templar Knight..(monk warriors,sort of) and since i can remember I've been harboring the idea that the great Men fall because of females...Julius Caesar,Marc Anthony etc(well,they have..) but i don't know why i think of this since  i am no great Man :Lil: .

well,in my opinions relationships are not worth all the hassle and possible complications.
also I'm an eugenicist.
i believe that only the best specimens have the right to reproduce.
and I'm not one of them
ah..I'm pretty complex... anyway,I'd trade a relationship with any girl over High IQ  anytime :p
oh yeah,I'm extremely nervous,i guess this is another 'hinder' self imposed by my soul,or another spirit  to prevent me from connecting to males or females on an intimate level.
or something like that.
but hey,if this is supposed to happen like this so be it.