Funny Posts Only...

[panabelle]

Yep, I am. But then, I already knew that![]

If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Can crop circles be square?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
[}:)]Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
[}:)]If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

Hee hee!

[Anonymous]

Carnation Instant Breakfast shakes contain vitamin K. Is that what makes it taste so awful? *shakes head*

Is this your first time hearing about vitamin k as well? I just found out about it today only because I happened to be bored enough to read the nutrition facts on the back of the packet.

[PeacefulWarrior]

My buddy sent me this, some of it is dumb but a lot of it is true/funny:
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Not sure, but believe this is from George Carlin.
At any rate, there's some good stuff here, even
if it might be considered an oldie.....

-I like big cars, big boats! , big motorcycles, big houses and big
campfires. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some
governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to
crack addicts for squirting out babies.

-Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer.
You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to  
ban you from driving to the ball game.

-I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why
there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts!

-I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia,
it is an opinion.

- I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.  
The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory
are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black
Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the
United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television,  
or Miss White America and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be
knocking down your door.

-I have the right "NOT" to ! be tolerant of others because they are different, weird,  
or tick me off.

-When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the  
population is black, that's not racial profiling, it is the law of statistics.

-I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from  
one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my persona
business. I would be "FIRED" immediately!

-I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper  
or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an
American citizen you should have to speak English!. My father and grandfather  
shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to  
come over and disrespect ours.

-I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you threaten  
them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop"
in English, see the above lines.

-I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when  
needed. I know what the definition of lying is.

-I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for  
any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc.,  
so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. We  
did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend  
their freedoms so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our  
constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.

-I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake, but so are  
movies and television, and that doesn't stop you from watching them.

-I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous  
than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

-I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to  
make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's  
better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the  
Internet to help you.

-It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to  
stand up to the kid and smack their little butt' when necessary and say "NO.

-"I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend  
they are a political statement. And Please stay home until that new lip ring heals,  
I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me fries!

-I am sick of "Political Correctness" and of all the suck ups that go along with it.  
I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa, so  
how can they be "African Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go
around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great,  
great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and  
nowhere else.  

And if you don't like my point of view, tough

[PeacefulWarrior]

[]
Funny Posts ONLY Place:
[]
With all of the serious discussions going on all the time, I think it would be great to have an ongoing place where we can all post funny jokes and quotes.  Then, when we are feeling down or sik of hearing about the impendning doom that the world seems to be facing, we can come here and have a good laugh.

To start off, here are a few of my faorite Jack Handey quotes.  I hope you like them as much I as I did when I first read them:
(http://quotes.prolix.nu/Humor/Jack_Handey/)

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mister Brave Man, I guess I am a coward.

Instead of having "answers" on a math test, they should just call them "impressions," and if you got a different "impression," so what, can't we all be brothers?

My favorite uncle was Uncle Caveman, we called him that because he lived in a cave and every once in a while he eat one of us, later on we found out he was a bear.

Whether they ever find life there or not, I think Jupiter should be considered an enemy planet.

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

I bet a real big problem in Yodeling class is people just coming and yodeling right off the bat. You see, we build to that.

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