Hope found me

[Heather B.]

OK, this is pretty far-out, and I've been debating all day whether to post it here, because of the decidedly religious undertones.  All I can say is, it was realer than real for me--both the experience and the consequences.  This was not some F2 whimsy.  If nothing else, I'm posting it for my own benefit, since the act of writing helps preserve things.

The last days have been pretty rough, emotionally.  Last night was especially difficult.  I was really depressed and feeling a great deal of despair.  I cried myself to sleep, and it was a rather tremulous, stormy sea kind of sleep.  But after about an hour of tossing and turning, a great, heavy quiet came over me.  Not heavy as in crushing, but rather heavy in the way velvet is heavy.

I "awoke" to find myself sitting alone in a moonlit garden (or at least, it looked moonlit--I didn't actually see a moon). There were lush trees and vines and flowers, and a stream with a small, pleasantly trickling waterfall. I was sitting on a low stone wall covered in soft moss, near the waterfall. The whole place was both dark and bright at the same time, and smelled very sweet.  Honeysuckle... it reminded me of my childhood.  I sat taking this gorgeous place in... it was very sensual!

I heard a soft rustling sound, and I looked up to see a beautiful, tall woman with very long hair. Her hair looked white, or silver. She was dressed in a luminous white gown, and was wearing a white diadem--it looked like alabaster, very white and glistening.  The front of the diadem was carved into the shape of a bird with outstretched wings. This lady radiated a very bright white light--but it didn't hurt my eyes. I've never seen or imagined anyone like her, mortal or spirit!  Words don't do her justice!  

She walked slowly toward me, and she sat down on the wall beside me.  She leaned over me, gazing into my eyes... I think her eyes were grey... or violet? It was hard to tell, the light from within her was so dazzling. She spoke, and her voice sounded... like wind.  But to me it formed words I could understand.  She said, "Do you know me?"

I didn't think about anything, but said automatically, and as if it were the most ordinary thing in the world, "Yes. You're the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit. Wisdom, peace... many things."

She nodded her head and said, "Yes, I am the Spirit, and bestow many gifts. What I want you to remember most right now is that I am hope. Hope enough for the entire world. And because I am immortal, there is something you can always be certain of, even in your darkest times..."

She paused, apparently wanting me to pay very close attention. "And what is that," I asked.

Her eyes probed into mine, and I felt a great warmth inside the center of my body.  "That there is always hope, and always will be."

I took this in, I nodded my head.  But instead of feeling consoled, I wanted to break down and cry.  I held my face in my hands and tried to hold my sobs in.  

I felt her lean closer to me and hold my shoulders in her hands.  "You cannot hide things from me... why are you weeping?"

I said, "Because despair is the gravest sin against you.  And I'm sorry!"

"My dearest," she replied, "there is always a cure, even for the gravest sin.  You only have to accept the cure, take it to heart, and all will be mended and forgiven."  

Her arms embraced me, and mine embraced her.  Warmth permeated me, and all I could see was the white light.  I heard her wind-like whisper.  "Remember me.  Remember to keep hope in your heart."

Slowly, the light and the warmth faded, and I awoke in my bed. My room seemed strangely dark and cold. I looked around, disoriented, and slowly my eyes adjusted.  But I was very exhausted, and finally, I fell into a deep, peaceful, secure sleep.  In the morning, I awoke with much higher spirits.  I remembered everything so clearly... I still do.  This is something I always want to stay with me.

[knightlight]

This is something I always want to stay with me.

I'm sure it will.  What an awesome experience.  Having the personification of Hope itself on your side must really help.  I think we all have this hope, this strength inside of us but it helps tremendously to have it manifested in a seemingly external way.  Incredible.

[Stookie]

Awesome. You don't read very many positive, life-affirming experiences like this outside of books. I'm glad somebody really does have them.

[Heather B.]

It was indeed incredible and awesome, especially looking back on it... now I think about it, and I'm all  But at the time, I wasn't too shocked.  Amazed, but not shocked.

Today, the ol' rational mind has started its cross-examination of the event.  Trying to tell me it was a dream, a product of my imagination.  I know it was no such thing.  So, my mind is bickering with itself (I hate when this happens!).

But I guess the most important thing is that the experience did give me hope and comfort.  I still feel it today.  It also tremendously reaffirmed everything I know and love about God.  These are things that can't be rationalized away!

[Nay]

That was beautiful! :flowers:   I can imagine that garden so well, I believe I will try to find it!  Thank you for sharing a private moment.   I got chills.

Nay

[Heather B.]

It truly was the most beautiful place--I definitely want to go back there too!

The thing that got me most was the smell of honeysuckle... and how it made me feel like the innocent child who used to pick the buds off the vine and suck out the nectar.

And also the lighting--the quality of being dark and light at the same time... It reminded me of when I lived in Florida, and I used to go on walks with some friends in a wooded area at night.  Approaching the woods, they looked so dark and foreboding... solid black.  But once inside, there was always a strange light about it... we could easily see where were walking, even if there wasn't a full moon.  This garden had the same kind of quality.  A very magical atmosphere!

[Selski]

Today, the ol' rational mind has started its cross-examination of the event.  Trying to tell me it was a dream, a product of my imagination.  I know it was no such thing.  So, my mind is bickering with itself (I hate when this happens!).

Heather

I know what this is like.  When I carried out my first (and only) retrieval, I was just like you were when you first awoke - astounded, awestruck and very humble.

As the day wore on, I started to wonder about it, but because I wrote it down (and the feelings/emotions/sensations with it), it remained "solid" every time I read it.  The whole thing would come back to me in 3D technicolour when I read it.  That's the beauty of recording something just after it happens.  

You have to just tell that logical "sure of itself" part of your mind to 'go take a hike' and when it's gone, sit back and enjoy the experience all over again.

You will already know this, but you must never ever forget what happened to you, and more importantly, you must never ever discount it as "just" your imagination and therefore not worth anything.

I think it was a beautiful experience and so timely and perfect, given your circumstances/state of mind.  Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Sarah

[greatoutdoors]

Well, you gave me goose bumps!  

Yes, dreams can be much more than "just dreams." I've had a couple lately I am still chewing on. One gave me a strong message that in order to progress I have to move beyond childhood. I can't figure out if it means there is something in my childhood I need to get over or if it means I am still in some type of childhood and just need to grow up.  :confused:

And then last night I had one that clearly said "Pay Attention!" It also told me that most folks don't pay attention and therefore don't see what is right before them. Unfortunately, the only answer I have right now is: Pay attention to what??!!

By the way, Heather is a very pretty name.

[Sepultura123]

ÉYeah thank you for sharing , it say clearely that sometine you can have Great lifetime dreams.

[David Warner]

Heather,

That was a beautiful experience and the way you described it blew me away! You are definitely hired to help me with the web site..:)

Anyways, I understand where you are coming from on the validity of the experience. Being classified as a dream or having a pure truth to it. I believe that it was not made up and you were actually there with the spirit. For what you've gone through this last year, there is definite a message for you and that's hope!

I'm not trying to steer this topic discussion over to my topic. But if you take a quick look at validations and summary for the last 9 months something is definitely there which is not coincidence.

http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=21918

So don't second judge yourself if the experience was real or not. It obviously moved you and given you hope and changed your view.

Very touching and beautiful experience!

Thank You for sharing!

Tvos

[Heather B.]

Thank you everyone for your replies and your encouragement!

Fortunately, I am generally good at "shushing" my rational mind, so it's not bothering me too much.  It just pesters me sometimes.

I definitely have no doubt that the experience was real.  As I mentioned originally, I truly consider it a "divine encounter," and a deeply religious experience.  Like really being face to face with God.  Yes, even though it was a very feminine form--because unlike most fellow Christians, I've always thought of the Holy Spirit as the feminine aspect of the Triune God, ever since I was a child.  I mean really, a white dove... it isn't exactly a masculine symbol.

TVOS, thanks for sharing your stats and validations... I definitely want to try to keep better records.

[harry4]

that was beautiful. very well written. you're extremely lucky!

[Staceyc_330]

And just to show that God can't be classified as a man... and Is surely not just a woman either... but nothing we here can comprehend:exclamation:

That WAS BEAUTIFUL! You are so lucky to have experienced such a thing!

[Heather B.]

Thanks, Staceyc--I still get chills (in a good way) whenever I think about it!  Sort of the same "buzz" I get after going to Confession!  

Yeah, God is definitely mysterious... trying to comprehend God generally leads to big headaches.  The concept of the Trinity alone is impossible to fathom (I've tried).  

:poh:

We can and do perceive God in many ways.  But we have to understand that it is in very limited ways, due to our being limited creatures.  My concept and perception of the Spirit as a feminine form stems from the roles and graces that I (and my religious tradition) attribute to the Spirit--roles and graces generally identified in our culture as "feminine."  

The roles and graces are real and true---but my perception and personification of them is not necessarily real and true.  The only way they could be, in a way, real and true is if the Spirit Itself generated them for my sake.  Which is possible, but who can say for sure?  

Sorry, didn't mean to ramble on like that. :redface:

[Gandalf]

A fantastic encounter Heather, I'm still not quite sure what to make of it!

Thanks for sharing though.

Doug

[perception]

I felt her lean closer to me and hold my shoulders in her hands.  "You cannot hide things from me... why are you weeping?"

Its very pleasant to read what you experienced in your sleep, one thing that stands out to me is the above quote, would the spirit need to ask why you are weeping if it knows all?

I'm not knocking your experience, its sounds so beautiful.

[Jimi]

I felt her lean closer to me and hold my shoulders in her hands.  "You cannot hide things from me... why are you weeping?"

Its very pleasant to read what you experienced in your sleep, one thing that stands out to me is the above quote, would the spirit need to ask why you are weeping if it knows all?

Good question, but...
it is a very common thing to see God-figures or incarnations asking questions which they should obviously know the answers to. Jesus always asked questions (which, if you believe He is the incarnate God, makes sense here), for example. God asks questions to Job during Job's suffering, and so on. Rabbis and priests in Jewish culture (esp. during the period 2000-3000 years ago) always answered questions with a question. I think that somehow our answers serve a purpose. God can tell us answers all day, but there's something about an answer coming out of our own mouth and our own ears hearing it. It's like a counselor who asks questions which you know they already know. It's like therapy I guess, and that's the beauty of our human autonomy, in that we are not robots made by God (freewill) and we can say what we will.
I remember when I'd fall off a bike and skin my knee as a child. My mom would look at it then ask me "Are you OK?". Of course she knew I wasn't, she saw me damn knee!! There was something else at work. Something like a self-assessment and self-realization of my predicament. I think there's something to that.
That's just my 2 cents.

Beautiful experience, Heather. I had a similar experience though not quite as extensive! Wow. Hope is a powerful thing and the good Lord knows when we need it most. The poem "Footprints" comes to mind...if you haven't you should DEFINITELY check it out. I think it'll speak to you in such a time as this...

[Eloquence]

Im so jealous! What an incredible experience. It's affirming to me to know that astral projection isnt some sort of sin as some believe, otherwise you would never have had that experience. Thanks for sharing.