I think my enegy is gone or blocked... Does anyone understand?

[semisentient]

Hi, I am new here and I am new to talking about things like this.

I have a problem. I've had it for what is to me a very long time. I feel depressed and sad most of the time and I think that it has something to do with my problem.

I don't know what the proper terminologies are, but I will try my best to explain and since I am new here maybe I should also give a little bit of background so that you will know what developmental stage I was in when the problem occurred... maybe that will help you to understand me a little it better.

I was always a dreamer and somewhat of an idealist. I used to feel the brightest most beautiful feeling, like light... in my chest and forehead. I felt like I could play with it in my hands and feel it radiating from my body.

I was a very loving person and very sensitive as well...  I used to be a very perceptive... I thought that I could feel the energy in my surroundings, fill my surroundings with energy, and absorb energy from them as well...

I could feel very passionate warm energy and I thought that i could make it billow out of hands and trail from my fingertips... Is this something other people are familiar with?

I don't think I ever was very interested in astral projection... I don't know if I ever tried it.

I was in love with someone for quite some time... and this is where the problem begins I suppose... of course it wasn't a problem in the beginning.

I felt like I could share all my feelings about this energy with him... I even thought I could see this energy coming from my hands in the dark...

Anyways, we were very very close.

But my memory is not so good. I'm sorry...

Anyways, we were very close and we shared everything with each other. This was my first love. I have never felt so close to anyone so far.

We met 11 years ago I was only 14 and then things began to go bad 3 or 4 years later.

This person hurt me very badly... over and over again for a very long period of time. But he promised that he still loved me and I still wanted so badly for it to be true.

Then one day I saw something that allowed me to end it all... and walk away.

But my heart had hurt for so long... that night ( I think it was that night) I went home and I felt so sad... I let all the energy accumulate in my chest and I felt like I allowed it to pour out into the air above me until it was all gone. I wanted it to go because for some reason having that light there made it so much more difficult to let go of my love for this person and move on.

After that I felt empty. But I didn't feel this light burning me anymore.

Ever since then I haven't felt connected to the world around me.  I haven't been able to feel the energy in my hands or in my environment... not in any capacity to really connect with it...

Now that hurts me... because I know that it made me whole as a person.  I was able to make people feel good with it... and I don't know... there are so many things about that energy that made life so much better... and I am afraid that I let it all go.

I almost feel soulless. But I know there is a little bit in there somewhere.

I saw this person again a few years ago.  My current "boyfriend" and I were having difficulties and my first love had contacted me online one day out of the blue. I spent the day with him and had a fun time... but my current "boyfriend" was jealous and kept calling me and asking me why I was lowering myself to being near this guy who had broken my heart so badly... and hadn't even managed to be a good friend after all the years either... so I was sad and I started to cry.   I laid my head down and my old lover started to touch my forehead between my eyes... maybe he knew thats something that always helped me.

Problem is I cant remember too much about our relationship when it was good because letting that go was a part of moving on.

When he did that I could feel the energy there and he was stroking it... I know that when I was younger rubbing gently between my eyes always helped me. Its possible that he knew that because I had told him.

But I could feel it again! Something was there!

That was two or three years ago tho.

On my own here I am still feeling like I have no access to my spiritual energy anymore.  I want it back!!!

Please does anyone understand this?  What did I do??

I have tried to look for information on it but I don't know what words to use and have had no luck at all!!!

Also I still feel connected to this person.  Our friendship was very deep in the beginning... but then our lives went in different directions and things went bad.  He says he is going to visit me and he mentioned astral projection. I told him that I couldn't do that and that I felt like I was cut off from that sort of energy.  But he said that maybe we could try it together.

I was also wondering if I should tell him what happened, I wonder if he could help me... I think I need to be healed... but I would rather do it on my own unless having someone else would really help things along.

Ever since I let that energy go my life has not been the same, my creativity has been very low.. I've been very dark and weak in general.

But I do feel connected to this person in some significant fashion. When I think about him and am terribly lonely he appears...  there also seems to be a bit of synchronicity going on with us as well... at least just a little... Maybe it has something to do with us being the same sign and close to the same age.

Does anyone understand me?

I'm sorry I wrote so much! I thought it might be important or meaningful. I also apologize for my awful writing. I haven't been very mentally sharp for a long time either.

I just want to heal my heart and the rest of my energy so that I can feel whole again and be myself...

Is is possible to expel this energy from your body?

It was the same energy I felt coming from my hands, but I don't remember ever focusing on energy balls... I preferred to do other things with it... or to just let it billow out like smoke. 

Did I do something wrong?  I feel like I hurt myself.

Can my first love help to heal me? Should I tell him what I did??

Oh, I feel so dumb posting here... I hope I am in the right section!!!

I just think if I can get this energy back in order I can go on and have a happy life. I have a new life now and I want to make it the best it can possibly be. 

I have a husband now. He makes energy balls and talks about astral projection. He can also make this big black bubble... I want to be able to share these things with him too! 

I really want my energy back. I want to be happy.

[Embodied Words]

Damn, I can't believe no one has responded to this yet. Seems like more people would have...


Well, I guess my first suggestion would be that you should learn how to do some energy body work, and some meditation techniques. Do you know what a "chakra" is?

There are different spots in your body where you make and accumulate energy. Those are called chakras. You two of the major ones are in your chest and forhead. It sounds to me like maybe when you laid down and let all of that energy go, you messed up your chakras a lil. So maybe what you should do is lay down, and this time try to accumulate some more energy there, and get them working again.

Pick up a copy of Astral Dynamics, by Robert Bruce. It not only tells you how to do energy body work very well, it also tells you some stuff on Astral Projection.


As for this old BF of yours, if you must, give him another try. But if he hurts you again, leave him. I mean, this is just my advice, but, I'd really hate for you to get hurt again.

^.^ Let me know how things work out, ok?