Being Held Down - Repression

[Zentiger]

Hopefully this is the right area for this... seems like a good place to start in any case.  So, here is my dilemma or rather question.  It feels literally like something is holding me down.  One night when attempting an OBE I had a vivid dream where someone was on top of me purposely making me angry and keeping me down.  Needless to say, I felt helpless to get them off.
I've avoided asking for help from anyone for a few years simply because someone I knew took advantage of my 'open for advice' attitude.  This is actually the person from the dream I mentioned too.  I feel I would have more success with OBEs if I could get through this.  So, I am 'open for advice' again and I will consider what you say.  I have tried and tried on my own to get through this or at least understand it without success.

Being honest with myself, I think moving out of my parents' house would help with the situation.  Though just now considering this more, it's probably me just trying to run away from the problem... whenever I argue with my father or a boss the thought of moving out or quitting comes to mind.

I guess I don't really know what the problem is... any ideas for how to figure this?  I have tried everything I know without success.

Hey, could this be just me repressing my anger?

~Zentiger

[karnautrahl]

Moving out of your parents house or out of a crappy work situation is NOT running away from a problem in every case. In fact I'd imagine that in most cases it's a necessary growth for yourself.  Sometimes the arguements don't have a solution to be found if the situation stays the same. It was with my parents.  Why hang on and keep trying to fix something you can't-well that was why I left I mean .

Having the courage to choose freedom for yourself may go a long way towards helping with this process.  Facing up to a problem might be to admit that the solution is to walk away.  Same goes for work. Why people hang on and hang on with crappy relationships and situations at work beats me-I do understand it when it's a case of paying to keep your kids and stuff. But if there are other jobs out there....

Anyway this is about giving yourself permission to choose freedom over some kind of obligation perhaps or barriers...

[Zentiger]

You've said it quite well.  I've been ignoring my heart and my intuition's constant chattering saying for me to move out of the house.  It's not a bad situation I'm in - but in terms of me growing...

The sticking point I have had with moving out is that about 3 years ago, I made a promise to my dad that I would go back to school when he cosigned a car loan for me.  Since I wanted to go back to school anyway I made the promise.  Frankly, I'm not sure I want to go back anymore after 3 years of paying off a car loan.  I've learned a few things that college doesn't teach, some pertaining to money.

You know, I could always go back to school later.  I suppose I'm just afraid of losing my opportunity to go back by moving out of the house.

LOL - I feel like I've been running away from my fear and now I feel like I'm running straight at it!

Well, it's progress... I'm glad I posted and admitted this to myself.  Thanks for your reply and thanks to those that read this as well.

~Zentiger


PS.  Anyone in the Kirkland, WA area looking for a roommate?  I'm thinking of moving out in that direction...

[ThePortal]

Hello Zentiger,


for the feeling of being held down when sleeping. Have you considered that you where perhaps experiencing sleep paralysis?

[Zentiger]

Have you considered that you where perhaps experiencing sleep paralysis?

It never occurred to me that the feeling could have been sleep paralysis.  Looking at it from that respect the whole dream seems silly now.  If that was the case, then there was no reason to be angry at this person in the dream... even if she wasn't there I still wouldn't have been able to move.

It's somewhat humbling to only be able to blame myself in this situation.  

~Zentiger