Is love metaphysical...

[Astir]

I'd like your thoughts. I want there to be love beyond biology. It's been on my mind lately, you might be able to guess why  So, I have been asking many people in the past few weeks, and the love they describe to me...is more like my definition of lust (perhaps everyones definitions are dissimilar and only based on experience). My recent observations sadden me a little. I want a strong bond with someone, and biological attraction alone will never suffice.

[Doringo]

I would say that I love my girlfriend (of several years) and it's more than biological. I don't really know anybody else's experiences, but I think that real love requires a friendship, first. We were just friends for years before we started dating so we really had a foundation to build on. And you can't really build a fulfilling bond with a complete stranger, can you?

[Astir]

See I think it must be different for everyone, the foundations. I have a friend who married a very good friend, and now their relationship has fallen apart. She still sees him as that friend, basically she still has love for him but with a complete lack of desire to know him intimately anymore.

I could love a stranger...but then they probably wouldn't really be a stranger afterall if I felt an immediate affinity.

[malganis]

The difference between infatuation and genuine love is that with the former you have your interests at heart while with the latter you have other's best interests at heart.

To expect unconditional love from another person is a high demand on this planet lol.

It's not necessary that you have to be friends first. My parents were dating for three months, got married and are still together.

I cannot say i have been in love yet, infatuated yes. Love grows after that period of about two three years is over i believe. If the couple is still together.

[Astir]

The difference between infatuation and genuine love is that with the former you have your interests at heart while with the latter you have other's best interests at heart.

To expect unconditional love from another person is a high demand on this planet lol.

I agree with this pretty much.
But regardless of being in love, lust or infatuation, in my personal experiences...I've always kept the interest of others ahead of mine. So much to the point that they never become aware of anything. There are some people this comes natural to. Though it is the nature of some, it is not a healthy way to exist. It is a lonely way to exist.
I'm having trouble convincing myself my feelings won't interrupt the lives of others too terribly...or upset the balance of things. My gut feeling is that they would do just that. Secrecy seems best, it just feels extremely claustrophobic. And I am growing more fond of this someone all the time. But his best interests are my highest priority like you wouldn't believe...and that means I keep all this to myself. I can't reccommend it even though it seems like what needs to be done. 

[DH]

Interesting discussion.

For me, true love is a decision to look out for the welfare of someone else, even when it hurts.  It's not about feelings.  I choose to love someone even if I'm not feeling kindly toward him or her at the moment (or ever).

[Astir]

Interesting...I don't think I've ever had the ability to make a conscious decision like that. If I could possibly decide...I would choose not to feel this way, because I am always the only one affected due to my nature (or cowerdice). I've looked into peoples eyes and without thought I've been met with an immediate love for them. Just an instant affinity, that cannot be reasoned or turned off. Something that never began or was ever extinguished.

See...I still feel like I'm talking about something I've experienced alone. Experience is the definition of what love is to each being, I suppose. To me there is no true love because love is true, and there is nothing above and beyond that is greater. There is love or there is no love.

I don't experience it as something that sparks suddenly, but something that has always been. When I see these people the love seems it was always there. I've tried to rationalize it's something to do with past lives, but it's more like an energy that has always existed.

I've never fallen out of love. I still love the people I always have. Most of them are good friends.

I wonder sometimes now...if love and intimate relationships have anything to do with each other...and if being alone and in love is so bad.

[Samael]

And you can't really build a fulfilling bond with a complete stranger, can you?

I disagree with that, my boyfriend and I are practically engaged (4 years we've been together) and when we started dating, we hardly knew each other. An old friend of mine hooked us up and we hit it off.

I think love is something that happens slowly...and is something that can happen unexpectedly. Sometimes the person you could fall in love with can be right in front of you.

[Stookie]

Here's a view:

You know when a relationship is new and fresh and exciting? I think a lot of people mistake this for love. And when things settle down and you start arguing, that's where you'll find love. Because either you won't want to be around that person anymore, or you work with them and compromise out of a mutual love for each other. You can love someone else, but real love in a relationship is an unselfish thing that you naturally receive from the other as you unselfishly give it to them. Without the mutual sharing, it might still be love, but it's not the same thing.

It's not about boosting each other's egos back and forth with presents and comments, or an affinity for someone else, or happy to have found someone as beautiful as you, but a true mutual compassion, caring, and empathy for them no matter the situation.

However, I'm a bachelor, so it can be hard to believe my own words at times.

[Samael]

I think you hit it on the nose 

[DH]

[Here's a view:

You know when a relationship is new and fresh and exciting? I think a lot of people mistake this for love. And when things settle down and you start arguing, that's where you'll find love. Because either you won't want to be around that person anymore, or you work with them and compromise out of a mutual love for each other. You can love someone else, but real love in a relationship is an unselfish thing that you naturally receive from the other as you unselfishly give it to them. Without the mutual sharing, it might still be love, but it's not the same thing.

It's not about boosting each other's egos back and forth with presents and comments, or an affinity for someone else, or happy to have found someone as beautiful as you, but a true mutual compassion, caring, and empathy for them no matter the situation.]

This is so true, and it's what I mean when I say that love is is choice and not an emotional response, an infatuation.  You have to choose to set yourself yourself aside to build the mutuality.  Sometimes you sure as hell don't feel like it!

[lily moonsong]

I haven't read all the posts yet.. but I wanted to give my opinion of love.  I'm younger than most people on the forum, but my idea of love is that it is a concious choice.  You pick the person who you make a decision to cherish, love, support, stand by, help in anything they need help with, for the rest of your life.  If the other person doesn't return that decision, then the relationship won't work, b/c it will be one where the lover gets used...

Infatuation and lust are different b/c you just look at a person, and you like the way they make you feel, and you have a "spark" and you say it's "chemistry" and it just happened... so you have sex, or you get into a relationship and you realize you don't like the way they throw their clothes on the floor, so you abandom them..

but real love.. is NOT an emotion (no sparks, no chemistry)... real love is an ACTION.  You might have sparks with a person.. but the love part is when you make the PERSONAL DECISION that that is the person you choose to give your soul and your heart to and help them thru whatever they need.

[Astir]

This is hard for me to imagine having power over.

I wish it was a choice.
It's just not. It's already there.

And sex is something completely separate to me, so I can differentiate lust and love quite easily. I don't choose to love. I know so many people who would leave their partners if their love was simply by choice. See, the word "choice" kind of implies that there isn't unconditional love. But there is.

But...I do think devotion is a matter of choice.

[Astir]

I've always thought of devotion as the product of love, but love comes first...and then the devotion is a matter of choice. I think most who have posted in this thread are talking about devotion. Love is the undercurrent.

I don't wonder so much at the actions that arise from it...but I do wonder about the silent and internal life of it. I may love too deeply.

[lily moonsong]

Interesting.. Astir... now I have to start thinking of it more deeply... just when I thought i figured it out... 

[Stookie]

I believe I have the capability of loving anyone. That does not mean I can have a healthy relationship with anyone. There are the women who get beaten by their husbands but refuse to leave because they love him. Like I said in my earlier post, without the mutual devotion that arises out of love, there is no relationship built on love.

What good is love if nothing builds out of it? If devotion and compassion and empathy don't develop along with being in love, what is the point? To feel good about yourself?

Devotion is the choice, done out of love. If you love someone not by choice, but just "because", you can use your rationality to stay out of a bad relationship. You don't have to be in a relationship with them just because you love them. There are other people to love too, ones that will radiate back the love you give them.

[Astir]

Interesting.. Astir... now I have to start thinking of it more deeply... just when I thought i figured it out... 

Mmmwhat?
Oh, I don't have it figured out either...that's why I'm bouncing ideas off everybody. I don't mean to sound like I know much about it at all. Hahah, cuz I don't  I just like hearing everyone's input. It's comforting to me that people have thoughts on this they'd also like to share.

[FadeEsdrasX]

Here's a view:

You know when a relationship is new and fresh and exciting? I think a lot of people mistake this for love. And when things settle down and you start arguing, that's where you'll find love. Because either you won't want to be around that person anymore, or you work with them and compromise out of a mutual love for each other. You can love someone else, but real love in a relationship is an unselfish thing that you naturally receive from the other as you unselfishly give it to them. Without the mutual sharing, it might still be love, but it's not the same thing.

It's not about boosting each other's egos back and forth with presents and comments, or an affinity for someone else, or happy to have found someone as beautiful as you, but a true mutual compassion, caring, and empathy for them no matter the situation.

However, I'm a bachelor, so it can be hard to believe my own words at times.

Very, very well said, Stookie-San.

[malganis]

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle recently and he said that love is seeing others as yourself. I'm not sure if i get it yet.

[Astir]

I have been listening to Eckhart Tolle recently and he said that love is seeing others as yourself. I'm not sure if i get it yet.

I believe it is. That it's part of it.