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Quote from: Bloodshadow on February 22, 2018, 23:08:37@Illuman, first yes I definitely know my mother is ok, I had a experience with her, that cleared that up, but it still did not help my depression, see I been stuck in a rut in my life , where i'm not moving forward to nowhere no matter how hard I've tried to be positive. My dream has always been to help people but not in the conventional way people do it through being police , doctor or firefighter, I always wanted to heal people ( like that Jesus fella), inspire them save lives (vigilantism), I never gave up that childhood dream and don't plan on it, but the possibility has dwindled down, to Aya being my last chance to try to change myself from the inside. I know I can't have the abilities of television heroes so I just want to open up the abilities of my human mind, you know telepathy, telekinesis, all the kinesis's, but if I can't do that through Aya, i'm at least looking for a better outlook. I know I have to help myself before I can help others which is why this Aya thing is so important to me it can help me go within like no other thing like meditation can. sigh, I know I sound crazy atm, so I will just stop, no one really understands no matter how I go about it, this is the best I can put it. Also i'm not scared of death otherwise I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide. The experience with my mom: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=112298