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Quote from: Bloodshadow on February 22, 2018, 23:08:37
@Illuman, first yes I definitely know my mother is ok, I had a experience with her, that cleared that up, but it still did not help my depression, see I been stuck in a rut in my life , where i'm not moving forward to nowhere no matter how hard I've tried to be positive. My dream has always been to help people but not in the conventional way people do it through being police , doctor  or firefighter, I always wanted to heal people ( like that Jesus fella), inspire them  save lives (vigilantism), I never gave up that childhood dream and don't plan on it, but the possibility has dwindled down, to Aya being my last chance to try to change myself from the inside.

I know I can't have the abilities of television heroes so I just  want to open up the abilities of my human mind, you know telepathy, telekinesis, all the kinesis's, but if I can't do that through Aya, i'm at least looking for a better outlook. I know I have to help myself before I can help others which is why this Aya thing is so important to me it can help me go within like no other thing like meditation can. sigh, I know I sound crazy atm, so I will just stop, no one really understands no matter how I go about it, this is the best I can put it. Also i'm not scared of  death otherwise I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide.

The experience with my mom: http://www.spiritualforums.com/vb/showthread.php?t=112298

I dont think you are crazy and i know where you are coming from. Christ did say "ye shall do the same works and greater works shall ye do." But may i suggest not putting all your eggs in one basket? You cant give up simply because you havent achieved the abilities you seek....yet. Maybe this part of the process is you learning patience. Maybe its a longer process then you had thought. Given life is eternal what is your hurry? As long as you stay focused, what you desire to achieve is only a manifestation away. But....it may not be on your timeframe. That doesnt mean you give up. It means you will learn patience through experience. Good luck and dont give up. You seem like a good kid.


There is now a place in Costa Rica called Rythmia where you can legally do different plant medicines like ayahuasca.  I believe they even have a shaman take you through the ceremony.  So you don't have to go to Peru.