Lost My Ability To Envision

[bigzeke]

Reaching the apex of my personal frustration, is what drives me to finally post.

A small introduction to myself, prior to divulging my dilemma, is at hand.

I am relatively new to the "practice" of OBE. Relatively, in that, I have been chipping away now for almost a month. Not that long of a stretch, by comparison, I understand. But I enter my studies far more prepared than I have ever been, for any task I have ever experienced in life. Never have I read, researched, watched, studied, practiced, contemplated, desired, as much as I continue to do with the study, and practice of OBE. Never have I put forth such an undaunted desire to obtain knowledge of a particular subject.

I realize, from the majority of my studies, never to accept any one persons method of obtaining an OBE, as the definitive way to achieve. And, when all is said and done, I will have discovered my own personal way to project. However, you have those who state to simply look into the blackness of eyes closed, and just observe. Just relax, and watch the blackness observing. Observing to the point that you lose yourself in the observation, which, would be a good thing, if you can get that to happen.

Still others profess the usage of envisionment. Envision yourself walking in a peaceful field of softly flowing tall grass, on the most perfectly warm and sunny day, etc., all of which, once again, with the soul intent of getting lost in the envisionment, to help with the initiation of the OBE.

Unfortunately, my problem appears to stem from step number one.

Allow me to explain.

I am naturally hyper active, which, as I have formulated from various readings, is supposedly a, "plus" for this type of study. As a child, up to at least my middle twenties, it would take me a good twenty, to thirty minutes to fall asleep. Based solely on the fact that, during this time period in my life, when I would lay down to fall asleep, and close my eyes, my mind would continue like a wind-up top spinning down. I would lay there and just watch envisionments abound unfold. Little mind movies of things I did all day, or a tune stuck in my head over and over again.  My mind would just become fully, and visually alive and mentally active, slowly unwinding like a jet engine that was just switched off.  I never really knew when those envisionments finally came to a stop, because they went right into my normal sleep.

My first attempts, were using the method I explained above, very similar to Frank Kepple's method of just observing the blackness. Relax, and open mindedly observe, and be intrigued by the blackness, ultimately being engulfed by your observations. However, how many nights lying there, with pure open mind, and desire, I would observe the blackness for an hour, an hour and a half some nights, to absolutely no avail. Nothing. Absolute nothing. Not a small flash, or a dim haze of fog passing by to observe. Nothing.

My next heartfelt attempt was to use the envisionment method.

Herein lies my problem.

With such vivid mental recall ability as a child, even against my will at that time, I now, at the age of forty six, cannot muster up an envisionment, to save my life.

I mean, it is as if someone literally violated my mind, and stole my ability to envision.

For Lottery earnings, I cannot just sit, relax, and envision something as simple as, an apple, or any colored marble, etc. in my mind. I've lost the innate ability to simply envision anything. And this bothers me. Is this possible? Is this normal?

So, literally, I am between a rock, and a hard place.

I cannot simply observe, and become engulfed by the blackness, and I cannot envision even the most mundane object, or scenario.

A lot of the time, while trying to diagnose ones inability to project, you will read conjectures from those who have successfully projected, implying that, "your trying to hard".

Without trying to sound condescending, when any goal is set, how can one ever try, "to hard" to achieve their goal.
By definition, the word goal means, "...the result or achievement toward which effort is directed". You do not become the chief financial officer of a leading major automobile manufacture, through lackadaisical means.

The real clincher to all of this, is the unexplainable, overwhelming feeling I have, deep inside, that once I manage to make this all happen, I know inside me, that I will be able to say, I cannot believe how easy it really was. How hard I was making it.

But without a black and white, cross your T's, and dot your I's manual on how to do this, how can anyone ever be sure of their progress, or if they are even barking up the wrong tree or not?

I am not aware if any of the following examples of incidents that have occurred to me over time, are any indication as to whether or not I do have, or can conjure up the ability to project, but I figured I would throw these out there.

Circa 1976. Eleven years of age:

My mother and I are walking back home from a very early Sunday service, the church being roughly three blocks from our house, giving us ample time for casual conversation. My mother comments to me, "well you really gave your brother a pretty good scare last night", my middle brother, being seven years older than me, and who slept directly below me in the bunk beds. My mother goes on to say, that, my brother came to bed late, being last one in the house to bed. And it was shortly after, that he came running out, and into my mother and fathers room telling them to come here quick, and listen. Apparently, I was in full conversation, out loud, with someone else, speaking in absolute fluency, in another language, eyes shut, and lying flat in the top bunk. Mom said it was not a recognizable language, nor gibberish, like rubbing your index finger up and down over your lips, whatever words I was saying, they were concise, and clearly spoken, in that language. Mom also noted that after a few seconds or so, she would hear me repeat the same exact word(s) that I had used, many words prior, meaning, that I was not  just throwing out babble, there was actual structure to what was coming out of my mouth. Mom said at times I would pause, then smile, then nod, then resume speaking fluently again. Now remember, this was '76, the most you could have hoped for was to have a cassette recorder nearby, and there was not. And even had you had access to one, the tape in it would have had something important on it anyway. Needless to say, I spent the night in the room alone.

Circa Middle 2000's:

I am in a dream, (dream? obe? lucid dream? wild?), I remember looking around as I sat on what appeared to be the most perfect south pacific, blue water, island shore, not afraid, or worried, or confused, but the only dominant thought, that I actually said, out loud a couple of times, was, "how do I wake up". I somehow actually remember thinking that, even though, where I was, right then and there, was not the norm, even though it was real, and I was comfortable with it, I still somehow knew to ask, how do I wake up from this, which is something that, obviously, in real life awakening, I do not ask, because I am awake. What made me know I was not awake then? I don't know.

Circa Early 2012:

Had one of those dreams, the kind that are by far not a normal dream. The kind one would expect an OBE would feel like, but it was a dream, as it had no beginning, no end, it just "was" for a minute or so.
In this dream, I was standing on the street I grew up on, across the street from my neighbor's house, two doors down from the actual house I grew up in. And I'm standing, able to move and look around in any direction I chose. Now, for any of you out there who are into Computer Graphics, you are familiar with the term, Ambient Occlusion. Although Ambient Occlusion may have many, technical explanations, it is generally used in Computer Graphics as a lighting, and shading technique, for CG surfaces.

None the less, I was able to find an "identical" example, (not the exact same house, but the Ambient Occlusion effect), of what my entire street looked like in this dream, and this picture, which I found using a Google search, was created by a phenomenal CG artist by the name of Anderson Baptista, whom, has given me his expressed written consent to link to his work in this picture:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_oZ60k4LdioA/TMxcptPe09I/AAAAAAAAADE/rDMpcWXjwYQ/s1600/blender_house_ao.png

Just as in the picture, my sky was jet black, and there was immense detail in everything. Odd things to note, there were no people, no animals, no living entities, no sound, no smells, no incidental street debris, or garbage, the street was flawlessly clean ...just like the picture. It was like a Hollywood back lot prop. And then the dream ended.

Circa Early May 2012:

Wife starts my day, by awakening me with the same identical story that my mother gave me back in the 70's, with our stroll home from church. Apparently, I did the same "verbal" show for her sometime in the night. Same confirmations as my mother, with the pausing, looking to one side, slight giggle, resuming the conversation, using the same identical words at different intervals, etc.


Again, I realize that I am in the infancy of my studies, however, of all the things that I have read, that a vast majority of beginners have experienced, it would be of the utmost encouragement, to at least experience something, anything, little as it may be, that tells me, that I am on the right track, that I am par for course, just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing, it is on the horizon, ...something. All the experiences that I have listed here, happened out of my control. And now that I have made an effort to try to harness these thing consciously, now, of all times, I have lost my ability to envision.

At this point, I am even hoping for a failure, and by that, I mean, something along the lines of possibly "popping out" for just a second, and then being thrusted right back in again, because at that point, at least I could say, Hey, I did it. Great. Now I can retrace my last few steps right before, and at least now, I have some idea of what i was doing at that exact moment for future reference.

Any suggestions?

[Lionheart]

 Hello bigzeke. Walk to the kitchen right now, open the fridge, take a good look inside it. Now close the door and go and open a couple of cupboards, look inside of these for a couple of seconds. Focus on what you are seeing here. Now go to your living room, sit in a comfortable, close your eyes and relive your kitchen visit again. See yourself going in, opening the fridge door. What's in the fridge? Now see yourself and feel yourself closing the door and going to your cupboards. What's in the cupboards? This is visualizing.
The next time you find yourself noticing the darkness before your eyes think of some kind of activity that you have passion for. Is it a sporting event or just the simple act of watching water flow down a river etc.? Go through the mental motions of doing this activity. You don't need to see it yet, example, if it's shooting hoops for instance, just go through the mental action of shooting the ball, don't look for it or the net. Just start at feeling the mental action right now. In time you will see things start to appear. You might see the ball in your hand or the net you are shooting at. Practice this, you will see in no time at all that you now have no problem visualizing. Sometimes the simplest things create the deepest focus, especially if you have passion for the "said" activity.
Good Luck and Safe Travels!  

[Stookie_]

Hi bigzeke,

I am not aware if any of the following examples of incidents that have occurred to me over time, are any indication as to whether or not I do have, or can conjure up the ability to project...

When I started, I had never had a single lucid dream, or odd dream, or spontaneous OBE, or sleep paralysis, or ANYTHING non-physical period. I started fresh with no natural ability at all, so I like to think anyone can learn.

You might want to take a look a Robert Bruce's "tactile awareness" which is like visualization without having to visualize. It might be more up your alley.

Also, in my particular area of learning, it's not just about being able to visualize, but being able to concentrate on anything of your choosing. Not just images, but breath, or a single thought... you focus on one particular thought and don't let anything else come into your mind until you merge with it and it becomes a "living thought".

I think what I'm getting at is that your concentration/focus can be on anything, not just images, but the point is to hold your focus without letting it return to the physical. Honing concentration will help immensely.

[bigzeke]

Great thanks for the tips so far, and I look forward to trying any, and all new tips that have not been brought to my attention yet.

Any thing worth having, is worth working for.

Its odd, but, I can almost taste it, or, it's like, I can strangely imagine what it will be like, because, I have to say, I had to be close, a couple of times now. Ill lay there motionless for close to an hour, I never experience the sleep paralysis, only the normal numbing feeling that one would expect to feel after not moving for an hour, and I get to the point where, I can feel what it would feel like to just instantly "melt", via a smooth fluent transition, into being somewhere else. I get that far, ...and nothing. A perfect analogy would be, your first date with the partner you have always secretly wanted, you show up on time, your heart is racing with excitement, you play it off like your cool, standing there anticipating the moment, an hour goes by, they turn the marquee lights off and lock the doors, ...you got stood up.

Another thing, I feel is a huge drawback on my part, but I have no choice, is the fact that the only time I try, is when going to bed, when I am some of the time exhausted. Ill do little things like go to bed a little earlier, this, that, and the other thing, just to help me out, and I do manage to stay, motionless, and mind awake for close to an hour, but then, when nothing happens after that period of time, frustration starts to set in.

I have tried it in the day. Thats really hard, for me. Body is in full motion, and ready to tackle the day, kinda hard to gear down with sincerity. Although I am willing to do what ever it takes, so, I guess, if it needed to be, I could train myself that way.

Long and short of the whole deal, everything that I have consumed so far, paints this "comatose required" atmosphere, where you cant itch, you cant twitch, you cant move your eyes, you cant do this, you cant do that. I have a feeling that once I get there, I am going to find, that the more proficient you get at projecting, truth will point to, you don't have to be comatose, just have immense mind control. Because I remember reading somewhere of a person who actually projected while riding their cross country pedal bike. They stated of, for a brief second, seeing themselves pedaling from ten or so feet above themselves. Now, truth be told, if there is any validity to that story, then, that alone proves that you don't have to be comatose as a corpse to try this, ...its all mind work.

[Mr.PumperNickle]

Hey bigzeke!
Stookie_ and LionHeart pretty much nailed this thread. But if you still have trouble with your AP'ng then try doing it via lucid dreaming, that shouldn't be too hard.

[Lionheart]

Long and short of the whole deal, everything that I have consumed so far, paints this "comatose required" atmosphere, where you cant itch, you cant twitch, you cant move your eyes, you cant do this, you cant do that. I have a feeling that once I get there, I am going to find, that the more proficient you get at projecting, truth will point to, you don't have to be comatose, just have immense mind control. .

Yes you are right, truth be told you don't have to be comatose, but you do need to "very passively", scratch the itch, or twitch when needed, sometimes even move into a more comfortable position, but then just get back to the focus at hand. If you allow the twitch or itch to interrupt or agitate you, your entire focus will be gone. Don't try to fight it though, that will make it your new focus. This will become easier to do with practice.
Good Luck!  

[Xanth]

http://www.astraldynamics.com/home/new-energy-ways/using-new-full-tutorial.html

Link to the Tactile Awareness tutorial. 

[bigzeke]

http://www.astraldynamics.com/home/new-energy-ways/using-new-full-tutorial.html

Link to the Tactile Awareness tutorial. 

Bingo.

Wow Xanth, there is a section on that link specifically on not being able to envision.

I will be printing that, and reading that later today for sure, promises to be dynamic reading.

Thank you, and everyone.