Creating Atmosphere....Hard to do in words

[Euphoric Sunrise]

Thanks for posting this Spectral, it's actually very helpful to me []

[SpectralDragon]

No problem. [] If anyone else has anything to add to this PLEASE do. I know there are some writers here. [V]

[kiauma]

I think you might like this SD;

http://www.themightypen.net/index.php?act=idx

[SpectralDragon]

quote:Originally posted by kiauma

I think you might like this SD;

http://www.themightypen.net/index.php?act=idx

Such things are quite fun, and very helpfull to writing. Sadly, though, there is a need for time...[]

You should post this and other helpfull links you might have in the sticky thread about helpfull links Kiauma[]Something tells me you have quite a few. [?]

[azrael716]

When I write, I use a system that an english teacher of mine set up for describing the setting of a story (which also obviously contributes greatly to the atmosphere of a story). All the examples are from things that I have written.

General: The general description of a setting. Things like, what part of the world this setting is in. Not the most descriptive, but usually only used once or twice, at the beginning of a story. Mostly implied through the rest of the story.

Ex: "As the sun dipped below the hills of Wisconsin, the sky became steadily more orange."

Actual: The actual environment around being described. Listing of things that are around, what's going on with "extra" characters, stuff like that. Borders pretty closely on Sight.

"The endless marshlands at the foot of the hill reflected the crimson hue off of the stagnant water."

Time/Season: Pretty self-explanatory. Make sure that the reader knows the current season, the era in which the story takes place, time of day is also important. Weather also falls into this category, I guess.

"Stars glittered among the misshapen clouds that loomed overhead.  Pieces of night spilled through the ingeniously assembled patchwork of the firmament."

Sight: Self-explanatory.  What does the character see?  Remember, it doesn't necessarily have to be anything physical.

"Now the traffic lights hung dismally from their steel nooses, appearing as lifeless monuments for the few people who crossed under them."

"A myriad of colors twisted among the heavens and wrapped around the already visible moon."

Sound: Also self-explanatory. Background noise, music, environmental noises.

"Dying evergreens scraped against the barred windows, releasing a dull rattle, mocking the inmates with their own imprisonment."

Smell: Once again, self-explanatory. How things smell. I've noticed that it helps sometimes if you associate emotions with certain smells. I use smells as more of a trigger to invoke memories from the past or that kind of thing.

"The air reeked of decay and emptiness shrouded the ruins in a cover of silence."

Touch: How things feel.  Textures, temperature, any other physical properties of something.  Can also be used as an emotional trigger.

"Zias dipped his fingers into the warm, crimson pool that streamed onto the floor, and then painted a bloody symbol on the ground."

Taste: This one can be hard to do.  Unless a character is eating or the author brings lots of attention to someone's fashion sense or something like that, there's not much use for it.  If you can find a good way to use it, let me know!

Lighting: I personally use this one a LOT. Lighting can make or break a setting. Positions of lighting, how much light there is, the way that sunlight comes through cloud-cover, the color of light, etc. Lighting isn't just about light, of course, shadows and other lack of light provide a HUGE boost to the mood.

"Towers of twisted steel blocked out portions of the sky, building a spider web of shadows across the pavement."

Tone: Probably the single most important element of a good description. How does the character feel?  What happened previous in the story to make them feel that way?  Does the surrounding environment (which I know you already described so perfectly) make the character feel at ease? Or tense? Or is there something that a character is preparing for, making them nervous? Does a certain location provide a relaxing aura? Or a depressing one? Everytime that you describe anything, make SURE to use the emotional tone to your advantage. And as SD said, SHOW DON'T TELL!

"Wind quietly blew through the streets and spilled over the fallen debris like a river, echoing back a dismal stillness hushed into existence. What little remained of nature reverberated a chilling sensation throughout her surroundings."

Color: I've found, usually goes along with lighting. Different colors are symbolic of different emotions, different personalities, etc. Remember, as an author, you are God to a lesser extent. You can color peoples clothing, the surrounding environment, EVERYTHING to fit your needs.

"As she smiled gently, I noticed that her eyes seemed less blue.  They had faded to a quiet shade of sapphire and pulsed an almost cold feeling..."


Hope that helps, everyone.  If anyone wants to read anything of mine, I could always use feedback!  Let me know and I can email some.

[SpectralDragon]

Thanks azrael that helps a lot. So with the above I can change the last part to:

//The autumn air was restless as the few trees scattered here and there in the field of ocean-like wheat blew in the wind, with the sun hanging low in the sky making the distant sunset hang red. As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throaght as he felt his head thump to the ground, and thoughts of his lonely and motherless daughter sitting at home flashed through his mind.

Note: smell, color, and tone are hinted and filled in with the mind here. I noticed that the effects that are listed are very much more effective when the reader can fill in the blanks on his own.
*spoiler*

quote:highlight to see the spoiler example
A good example would be when the main soothseer dies in Terry Brooks novel: The voyage of jerle shannara, Morgawr.

[azrael716]

Nice work, SD!  I completely agree that some things are better left unsaid, but it also depends on the story and the effect that you're trying to invoke.  []

[SpectralDragon]

Azrael I think I actually will read one of your stories, I know how hard it can be to find someone to give you good crit's

I just used your format above to do some planning for a prologue of mine. I will let you know how it turns up. Some authors have to plan on how something is going to work, and some authors have to do things as they go along.

I would try both methods to see which one you are, anyone who reads this thread.

[narfellus]

Good thread. Just to throw this out, for interested writers there are TONS of free online workshops. Critters is the one i write and it has fantastically helped craft my skills. You can never learn too much about writing, believe me.

[SpectralDragon]

When writing a fictional piece, an "atomosphere" or "mood" is required, much as it is in music. When writing, though, it is harder to create a mood. Often people just read the words and try to understand what is going on. Here is a hands on example of how I try and tackle this...

In order to hook your reader, you must set them in the place where your story is taking place... they have to feel what is happening as well as knowing.

I see a lot of writers on forums that "tell" instead of "show." Oftentimes, I catch myself doing it as well. That is the difference between a writer who is a good storyteller and one who isn't, I suppose. Here is an example of what I am talking about:

Tell
he was afraid.
Show
His eyes widened, his mouth dropped slightly, and a scream held in his throaght.

In order to create atmosphere, then, you have to create a picture of what is going on in thier mind. But sometimes I read books that I can clearly see what is going on, but there is no "Feeling." The above is a good example: you see the picture, but that's it. You have his minds eye, but not his heart, so to speak. I don't want just his eyes in my world. I want all of him. So what's left? his ears, his knose, and his sense of touch? a feeling that something is actually going on?

Edited 2
The winds coming from the east brought the stench of the killers sweat to his knose. His eyes widened as he heard the sheath come out of the scabbard. As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throaght as his head fell to the ground.

Looking at this, We STILL did not accomplish what we set out to do. Sure, all of the senses are there, and...somebody died. But that's it. somebody died... and where the heck in the universe of Iggy ARE WE anyway? Of course, this is only supposed to be a part of what was written. But let's include it anyway as it DOES relate to what I am trying to get at.

Edit 3

The field was windy, and there was long grass over the hill and in the flats beyond. There was a tree growing on the top of the hill. The leaves were falling off the tree, scattering in the wind. Across the field a forest could be seen, the trees growing brown with the coming of winter. The winds coming from the east brought the stench of the killers sweat to his knose. His eyes widened as he heard the sheath come out of the scabbard. As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throught as his head fell to the ground.

Better, but very little emotion. As a reader, I am set in this world, on a field, and a man has died. I need to give this reader a little reason to care about something if I want to keep him in the universe of Iggy.

Edit 4...

The field was windy, and there was long grass over the hill and in the flats beyond. There was a tree growing on the top of the hill. The leaves were falling off the tree, scattering in the wind. Across the field a forest could be seen, the trees growing brown with the coming of winter. The winds coming from the east brought the stench of the killers sweat to his knose. His eyes widened as he heard the sheath come out of the scabbard. As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throaght, and thoughts of his lonely and motherless daughter sitting at home flashed through his mind as his head fell to the ground.

K, somewhat of an atmoshpere. Now there is another problem. Up at top, the original section of story is 1(One)line. this last part is 10 lines (at least in the text box I am writing in. The actual message is probably wider...) Has anyone noticed that this section seemed a little... cluttered? It took ten lines to get what I wanted done. Now this isn't as bad as a Robert Jordan Wheel Of Time peice of work, but have you ever noticed that when robert jordan does his descriptions when they walk down the street he has to ramble on and on and... by the time I am done I forgot they were supposed to be on a street, and everything he had going is lost to me. In order to remember this better later in the chapter, or later in the book when it is referenced, I need to find tricky ways to make this as short as possible. That way I don't lose what I have going in "Junk". Now by this point you are getting impatiant with editing, but you HAVE to have patience when writing. Otherwise nothing gets done RIGHT, like it's supposed to be.

Edit 5

The wind blew over the wavy grass, over the hill, through the tree, and scattered the fall leaves towards the forest beyond, bringing the smell of his killer's sweat to his knose. His eyes widened as he heard the sheath come out of the scabbard. As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throaght, and thoughts of his lonely and motherless daughter sitting at home flashed through his mind as his head fell to the ground.

10 lines to... 7, much better. Now I can remember I am in the universe of Iggy. There is a distinct picture of what is happening. There is a little bit of "mood." Now I could have shortened the last part as well, but that would have ruined the suspense. In parts with suspense, I believe that you should carry it out a little, but not too much. Keep them wondering, but do not bore them.

But something is still missing. in a death scene, I want a big reaction in my reader. one way to do that is to make what you have more vivid in as few words as possible.

Edit 6
//...As the man rushed at him his mouth opened to scream for help. His scream froze in his throaght as he felt his head thump to the ground, and thoughts of his lonely and motherless daughter sitting at home flashed through his mind.

...
...
Well that's about the best I can do as far as that goes. If anyone can find a way to make this better, please feel free to start at edit #7, and explain your thinking behind it, please. Also, if you can think of ways to make the atmosphere better in ways that don't pertain to the above then explain, please.