Hello again timeless,
Well, I have yet to get much time to read through your story so far, but I have copied and pasted all of it in a word document so I can go through and read it at my leisure. I will make notes in the file and post it in its own topic here with everything that I thought about it, including thoughts that I have along the way, that way you can see if I am getting what you want me to get out of it along the way. I will be as critical as I can don't worry. I will hopefully have it up for you tomorrow.
Respectfully,
Links Shadow
Hi Timeless.
This is good!!
I have to confess my very first thoughts were "oh no, another Harry Potter rip off", but reading more,It's not! I mean, ok, we have the whole teenage kids in a rather unique school thing happening, but it's so different. The imagery is wonderful - it has a lovely "etherial" feel to it.
The POV change was good - subtle, and I can't see any problems with the dialog. It carries the story well and is easy to follow.
Just one mistake I noticed -
"It's Simms' job is to challenge Elliott's caveman."
Just a little proof reading for you[:)]
Is good!![^]
James.
Timeless: What is the average age of your target market?
Yours,
Frank
No Timeless, it only looked initially "Potteresque" from the start of the scene when she first goes to the school. Admitedly I read the 3rd chapter first (slack of me I know).[:I]
The first & second chapter look more like you were sitting in the same coffee shop as Stephen King or Raymond E. Fiest. There is definitely a mysterious feel to these chapters.
James.
Thank for your help.
I have a lot of work to do on my novel and you guys have given me valuable direction.
Regards,
timeless