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can anybody help me figure this out?

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reclining orb

Kakkarot,

In response to your question about controlling negative energy, I happen to be
doing some work on this topic that I feel might give you something interesting to consider.  Not a definitive answer, just a jumping-in point.

I've noticed that I can sense something other than mind or body at times when I am in danger of doing something that I would regret.  Let's not worry about the metaphysical implications of such right now-- be it thoughtforms that I've created coming back to influence my behavior or whatever.  Let's just focus on the moment of temptation.  First, I try to clear my mental chatter and mental imagery so I can feel my body very carefully.  Second, I listen to my mental chatter and view my mental imagery to see what is there.  Third, I keep both my mental and physical processes under my observation.  What I find is that the temptation begins in neither the body nor the mind.  Rather, it originates in some "place" that's between the two.  Between is the best that I can describe it.  

I find it synchronous that you are trying to get help for this issue at the same time that I am researching it myself.  Hopefully we'll both get the job done.

Note that this is an energetic way of dealing with negativity.  I would highly recommend developing some cognitive tools for dealing with these issues as well.  I know one lady, who, whenever she gets cut-off in traffic, always says,  "I wonder if there's a pregnant lady in that car?"'  

Best wishes.


kakkarot

reclining orb: first off, thanks for the idea, but unfortunately i have been using cognitive skills so far. i have also been using preset automated defenses (physical, spiritual, and mental) as well as other defensive "programs" that i have created for my body, mind, and spirit. it was all i could do last year to keep myself from hitting anything while i was in calgary.

this year has been different so far (much more calm and peaceful), but as of the last week or so, my body has begun using ki again. i don't like the ramifications of this, especially since, as of the past week or so (pretty scary), my mind has been being polluted with dark thoughts again. i am doing what i can to counter them and to preemtively stop them, but it was growing worse each day.

i say was because a strange thing happened this morning on my way to school. after praying to God for like the thousandth time for him to take away the dark ki, i felt something lock down inside of me. i searched it out and found out that my ability to use ki has been temporarily locked. at least i think it is temporary. i am guessing that it wll unlock when i am done with my break in medicine hat. (cause today my prayer was not to take away the dark ki, but to make sure that the girl that i was talking about in an earlier post would be protected from it). and so it seems it has happened. now all i have to do is to make sure i don't try to break that lock (cause it seems kinda fragile).

luckily (?) though, there was something else that came with the lock; some how the mere existance of the lock within me is helping to promote goodness in my spirit and helping block out evil intentions and temptations. thank God.

i will update again in some time.

~kakkarot

Secret of Secrets

wildbank

About the incredible multiple personalities you mentioned so chivalrously, they are fine ONLY IF:
-you use them all for the highest good
-you never lie in between personalities and don't hide in one at expense of another one too often
-you do not get selfishly manipulative
-do not blame any of the other personalities, take fullest responsibility
-you keep all this Lightly
-you feel coherent about the whole selves combined
-you do not consume alcohol or any medication or drugs
-you do not get "physical"
-you do it for the multidimensional experience and great apreciation
-something like that...this is not engraved in stone, it is just my feeling how you can maximally use your gifts
Wildbank
Artist NY
http://wildbank.com

kakkarot

i thank you for your concern wildbank, but i'm afraid this topic is too old. i have already destroyed the personalities.

~kakkarot

wildbank

To me this was the greatest psychology I have ever come across. It is historical.
In great admiration :-)
Wildbank
Artist NY
http://wildbank.com

Jenadots

I tend to agree with the person who said that what you are doing is dangerous - to yourself.  Yes, we all have masks for every occassion and many aspects to our personalities, but I think the danger lies in the strongest of your personalities.  Which one will, in the end, dominate the others?  

I think the question your have to ask yourself is:  "Why do I want to erase myself?"  You mentioned life was so boring without them.  Perhaps this is your clue as to why you are creating what seems much more than just a simple fantasy life.  

Perhaps it is entities that have attached themselves to you.  Ask your spiritual friend to help you do a complete cleansing on all spiritual, mental, and emotional levels.  That may take more than a few tries.  But afterwards, see what you are left with.  You may find the true essence of who and what you are.  Your friend seems to be able to get at it.  Being at peace with one's self, and losing the chaotic, is not a bad thing.  It is what most of us are struggling to achieve.  Difficult?  Yes.  Impossible? I hope not.  

But putting on so many personalities may create a mask you can never take off.  Therein, lies the danger.

kakkarot

the personalities have been destoryed.

but i would like to point out that they were not merely "masks" as you learn about in psychology. they became like independant living beings sharing my body with me. they were not entities that became attached to me.

~kakkarot

kakkarot

for many years now, i have experimented with creating personalities, kind of like putting myself through what people with multiple personality disorders have. i have been very successful in my endeavors, i created more than 4 personalities consciously and another 3 or 4 were created accidentally. over the years, i have kept, destroyed, and recreated most of them.

the three main ones that i created were a martial artist with a personality akin to Goku from dragon ball z; the perfect soldier (my opinion of what a perfect soldier was to be, anyway) which i later modified into an olden day assassin type (i was in the military and i created him because i didn't want any psycological disorders to develop by the time i got out of it. then i just kept him around because he was very useful for focusing, logical thinking, and stealth); and a personality who is more at ease in the wilds of nature than near anything of mankind.

i am so accustomed to switching between personalities that i can make the switch within a single second without any side effects (like forgetting something or mental dizzyness or whatever might be accompanied by a complete change in mental identity).

now to side track for a second: a friend of mine that i just met last year is very powerful in using chi and telepathy. she claims that just being in her presence allows people's bodies to begin developing "supernatural" (is there a better word that could be used to encompass all these abilities since i don't think any of them are beyond the natural, merely beyond the normal?) abilities. she has also told me how when people with schitzophrenia (sp?), ya know the people who "hear voices", are around her, the voices stop. she says that, with her experiences with the schitzophrenic, that demons are the cause of the voices and that whenever demons come near her she attacks them and so they tend to stay away.

another side track: the soldier-turned-assassin personality, which i named Talis, can be fairly mean at times just cause i created him to be without feelings and without caring (so as not to get in the way of his "duty"). so whenever i use him (bring him out, switch to him, or whatever you want to call it), i tend to be tinkle people off to no end, just because i become so blunt; no sugar coating whatsoever, when you ask me a question i answer it truthfully and completely even if it is rude. now, this is quite contradictory to the real me cause i am usually a nice person who doesn't like hurting others and is more often to say nothing than say anything, let alone the truth.

back to the issue: i care about my friend (and her daughter) very much because they are very goodly individuals who are definately worth caring about and protecting. so when one day i was playing pool with them at a local pool hall, a person walked in who i recognized as someone who had once, for no good reason, punched my best friend, i got rather angry. i did nothing though. later on in the night, another person came in, who happened to be a friend of my two friends who i was playing pool with. apparently, the person who had punched my best friend had also stolen ten bucks off the guy who had just walked in, and the guy who just walked in had stolen a watch in retaliation.  (confused yet?)

an hour or so later, the friend of my friends told us that he had agreed to go get the watch and that the guy who punched my friend would give him back the ten bucks. the thing was, he didn't want to go alone since the guy who punched my best friend had two buddies with him. so my two friends and i agreed to go with him, just in case. (btw, both of my friends have practiced the martial arts for years and even i would be wary to mess with them.) however, i didn't feel confident in my abilities with the way i was at the time, being the real me.

so i tried to bring out Talis so that if trouble did happen i wouldn't be the weakest person there, in fact being Talis would have made me quite powerful in that situation. BUT i couldn't for the life of me bring him out. i tried the usual techniques (saying his name to "invoke" him, focusing for a while until he just took over, and tricking myself into getting him to come out). i know i did feel bad inside about trying to bring him out because i didn't want my friends to see me like that, but i have also talked to a completely different friend who told me once that he had witnessed a minister "casting out" demons from someone who had multiple personalities (and supposedly each personality was a different demon).

so what i am trying to figure out is whether my personalities were demons who wouldn't come out while my friend was around, or if i felt so bad about showing them a "darker" side of myself that i subconsciously prevented myself from changing my identity. can anybody help me out on this?

Secret of Secrets