Change + Question.

[Karxx Gxx]

(modified 10/24)
There's a lot of background to this that is ommited. lazy. Also a TLDR and TLDR2(if you really dont want to read) at the end.

So recently in life, i've been learning lessons. At the base of almost everything ive learned is that I have to change. I have to be who I want to be, but it seems so hard to do.
I can only see benefit but it still just is overwhelming. I can literally feel something in the pit of my stomach; It feels like fear. But its different. If a guy held a gun
to my head, I would experience a different type of fear. I've never had really feeling of anxiety, or having bad social anxiety, but I think this is how they feel when
they say they have it.

What I want to do is open up/be myself 98% (at +80%). I'm feel pretty damn open compared to the majority i feel like (with any friends, acquaintances, even parents!)  but I want to be more than I am. Try saying I love you to your guy friend, or dad, its harder. Its only love; you know the other person will like it, there isnt really any downfall. 

I know at the end, it doesnt matter cause i only have to gain. Yeah, I could get flat out rejected and feel some type of way, but thats dependent on ME. so its a win-nuetral situation.


TLDR; I have a 'fear' of change. I know it will be good, it wont take much. I want to be more open in all aspects. The thing is, no matter how much motivational videos I watch, what I do, I get to a point to where I say, with conviction, 'im going to change'. Then time passes. Ive made no or very little progess (that little progress still matters but it's so on and off, it will take too long for me to get anywhere I desire to be at in time)
    This feeling is holding me back. When I took acid, the mind state I had is something I would want to have in everyday life. I acted moreso how i wanted to be. But sober me cant get past the 'fear' aspect.

TLDR2;
What has made you change? Or if you cant relate, what pushed you to 'progress'. Some it might be a family death, being on drugs, ap session, etc.

Monday is the deadline im giving myself to attempt at being who I want to be. It was too much for me to do on one day, plus there are other things in my life piled upon this I have to deal with. (All these thoughts came from today. Some while meditating)
Ill update this and see where I go.   I want to start hanging around like minded people, and this is the first place I thought of. Even if I dont make any connections, I can at least help/ask for help on this wonderful site.

Regardless of replies, thanks for reading this if you did. wish me luck  

[LightBeam]

It seem like you are feeling lonely. Sign up on meetup.com and look for all kind of events in your area. People like you want to get together and socialize. There are groups from book clubs, cooking, hiking, board games, to meditation, yoga, and even AP you may find in your area. Don't be shy, just get out there and have fun. No one has the perfect life. I have a long to do list also for improvements and I also know that time is not on our side, but the more pressure you put on yourself, the more things will get tighter around you (energy wise). Just relax, take a deep breath and start slowly. Don't set deadlines, because every time you don't achieve something by that deadline, the pressure and disappointment grow. You are making efforts and setting up your game plan, which is great, but if you fall, pick yourself up and try again and again and again.....

[Phildan1]

I think you shouldn't see your life as a must do thing. Just trust in you inner self and if you feel deep inside you that you need to be this or that, it will happen. If you try to force it, it will crush you down I think. People practicing talking to strangers for years, don't try to force something on you which as a process could take for years. Just implement the attitude to you daily life, if you feel that this is what is missing in your personality.

You can also use subconscious programming, and you inner self will generate those life situations for you, maybe not so soon but later.

If you try to force something which is not really you attitude, it could take years and you can experience blocks too, and give up soon.

Your life is only your game, of course we all have some kind of main "plan" to accomplish, but you are the actor, director and manifestor of your game and situation. Like a simulation game.

[Nameless]

Being who you think you really want to be is not easy for one simple reason. Because you aren't that person yet and never will be. You are evolving, you will always evolve. It won't be till one day (likely when you are old and gray) that you will look back and realize that everything about your life led you to that moment and THIS is who you are are. Good luck hon, but you won't need luck you already have everything you need.

[Karxx Gxx]

Code Select Expand

the more pressure you put on yourself, the more things will get tighter around you (energy wise)... Don't set deadlines, because every time you don't achieve something by that deadline, the pressure and disappointment grow. You are making efforts and setting up your game plan, which is great, but if you fall, pick yourself up and try again and again and again.....

Thanks. Your right, I dont need a deadline. That helped a lot  (not sarcastic)

Insert Quote
I think you shouldn't see your life as a must do thing. Just trust in you inner self and if you feel deep inside you that you need to be this or that, it will happen. If you try to force it, it will crush you down I think. People practicing talking to strangers for years, don't try to force something on you which as a process could take for years

I agree; it will happen. Never thought that forcing it could crush it, but thinking about it, I think it could have. Bet it has to some. And yeah, it does take people a long time I suppose. I was trying to do it in a day   
Thanks for all the help yall!

[PlasmaAstralProjection]

(modified 10/24)
When I took acid, the mind state I had is something I would want to have in everyday life. I acted moreso how i wanted to be. But sober me cant get past the 'fear' aspect.

I can relate in a way to what your going through. I've been dealing with depression and just a few months ago it was severe depression. I think the key is to break down exactly what you want to do. Eg if someone wants to get good at doing a hobby or gaining a skill then you have to make a schedule and come up with a goal action plan to get good at it. Use your calendar to put reminders for yourself. It can be very overwhelming trying to tackle something all at once.

And remember don't believe people that say "just be yourself." This is just an excuse they have made to not push their boundaries. My saying is "be the best version of yourself." And the only way to do that is to push your boundaries, get out of your "comfort zone." People don't grow while they are in their comfort zone. The comfort zone is your enemy. You didn't come to incarnate here to be lazy and take life as it comes, you came here to be an overcomer. You didn't come here to be created, you came here to create. So be the creator of your dreams. This is coming from someone that has been on the verge of death, and has had many hardships in his life, that has gotten out of a brain washing religion, someone who is in College and wants to give up in an honors class, but has a professor that won't let me give up. Keep marching forward my friend.

Hope that helps.

[PlasmaAstralProjection]

I suspect that you might have a victim mentality. I suggest Leo on this. Also note Leo has a ton of other videos about self actualization, and meditation, spiritual stuff, and stuff I can't even mention here. But he's an overall well rounded guy.

How To Stop Being A Victim - The #1 Reason You Are Stuck In Life
https://youtu.be/5rey8B-yu5Y

There is no psychedelic talk in this video here BTW.

BTW Leo's got part two of being a victim.

[Karxx Gxx]

Actually I've seen a few of his vids. I'ma revisit them. And before you posted, sometime I either watched a video, or remembered about it randomly, that the only way to grow is to get out your comfort zone. Infinite waters actually.

And thanks for that wonderful first post. There is something about getting help. I myself would have probably told it similar how you do. Such as being the best version of yourself and start small. But someone else, you, saying it sounds better. Weird. Anywho, thanks a lot plasma for taking your time!

[PlasmaAstralProjection]

And thanks for that wonderful first post. There is something about getting help. I myself would have probably told it similar how you do. Such as being the best version of yourself and start small. But someone else, you, saying it sounds better. Weird. Anywho, thanks a lot plasma for taking your time!

Thanks it's comments like this that make it worth my time here.