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Do I have "meeting new people" or social phobia?

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Donal

Hi, I get very nervous when I see new people, like when I join a new school class and there are people there. I think it interferes with my daily life because I get too nervous to talk to them, like they have to talk to me first ONLY, then i'd feel calm and be able to talk to them, otherwise there would be NO WAY I would be ABLE to talk to them

I feel 100% comfortable around my family and my cousins, and i'm a great person to laugh and people say i've a great personality, but I just can't talk to people unless they talk to me and it hurts me inside a lot.

What can I do about this?
Now everybody wanna go to heaven but nobody want to die- Krayzie Bone

Donal

Well my mother died when I was 3 and a half years of age, and although I can't remember that much consciously, my Dad said when she died I was crying out for her at my aunts house when she died, and when I came down from Portlaoise (where my mam died) I couldn't speak a word, and that I was asking where was my mam for until a year and a half afterwards. I never really mourned my mams dad, probably because my mind thought it was so bad a time that it wanted to forget it automatically or something.

I've been like this as far as I can remember. I feel REALLY REALLY uncomfortable when I talk to new people, though I don't get a panic attack.
Now everybody wanna go to heaven but nobody want to die- Krayzie Bone

maddutchman

It ain't easy

I used to be much the same, couldn't talk to anyone without some sort of interaction from them first.
I would sit on a bus full of crowded people and have panic attacks, and end up getting off miles away from where I wanted to go and walking the rest of the distance.
Public Speaking, not in that lifetime!
The same with meeting people, I would be really shy, but once I got to know them it seemed to reside. It's funny because other people often mistake it for arrogance on your part.

The thing that fixed it was throwing myself in the deep end, I got a job in customer service where I had to literally force myself to talk to people. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but after a while you soon realize that most other people are exactly the same.
I think for me, deep down on a subconscious level, it all came down to a fear of acceptance thing. In the end I sort of realized, not everyone holds you in the same high regard as you hold yourself.
So it really means if you do make a complete willy of yourself, chances are it wont be in tomorrows papers!

I found it easy to imagine everyone as myself, how would they feel , how would they see things, It was a matter of finding common ground and just winging it.

It seems to have fixed itself, I teach classes where I'm constantly having to meet new people and interact in ways I never would have seen myself doing 2 years ago.

Just relax, things are never as serious as you think they are!!
Dutchman

OrionsDream

Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall

GANAMOHA

Forgive me for asking a question for myself on your thread. I cant stay close to a person or else i feel sick. Im overwhelmed when I feel their energy. drives me insane! If I make contact I have all their emotions and everything. makes life very difficult
I stand at the threshold of what could be a new world

Donal

I'm sorry, but could you ask your question in a specific thread created for it?

Thanks.
Now everybody wanna go to heaven but nobody want to die- Krayzie Bone

Ybom

Quote from: DonalHi, I get very nervous when I see new people, like when I join a new school class and there are people there. I think it interferes with my daily life because I get too nervous to talk to them, like they have to talk to me first ONLY, then i'd feel calm and be able to talk to them, otherwise there would be NO WAY I would be ABLE to talk to them

I feel 100% comfortable around my family and my cousins, and i'm a great person to laugh and people say i've a great personality, but I just can't talk to people unless they talk to me and it hurts me inside a lot.

What can I do about this?

Do you fear getting criticized? I tend to get criticized myself at least once a day by someone, and then I have to deal with them unless they're afraid of me. I freaked out this one girl at my job today because she was so accustomed to others acting a specific way, no room for change at all.

So if this is the case, you need to try to get criticized and then find a way to explain that criticism as being wrong, no matter how true it is. If you can become better than your fears, then there will be no more tears.
I come prepared...with COOKIES! No, you can't have one!

OrionsDream

Wait... are you saying do something that deserves critiscm and than try to argue that u shouldnt get criticized for it?
I dont see how that would make u become better than your fears... at all.

pheraps i mis-interpreted what you said?
Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall

Ybom

Pick up the spider, play with it, put it down. Realize it doesn't bite you. Aracnaphobia cured. Works with other things too, such as socialization problems and fear of heights.
I come prepared...with COOKIES! No, you can't have one!

AndrewTheSinger

It could be termed as a schyzotypal personality disorder. I was diagnosed after spending 1 month in a mental clinic to cure depression. Note, I have no competence to diagnose you, so try to read some things on it: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizotypal.html
http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/schizoid.html

Maybe we all here 'suffer' from this thing to some extent. I'm not a full-time oddball, sometimes I can interact with normal people pretty well, but other times I get so introverted that I feel embarrassed even talking and looking to my mother and relatives. Makes me wanna run.
Where does this silence come from?

The untold past of the Earth: http://hiddenhistory.awardspace.com

TuperYabba

Get a good biaural program. For example BWGen. They work.
There is no good, no evil, just hate...
Humans are strange like that, they are the one species that loves to hate...
My question without an answer is... Why?

Ybom

Quote from: TuperYabbaGet a good biaural program. For example BWGen. They work.
And don't listen to the ones that seem to make you more anxious. Listen to the calming sets!
I come prepared...with COOKIES! No, you can't have one!

Beecharmer

Hey Donal

You have no phobias.  You're having a human experience.

For your consideration ...

Charm others into coming over and talking to you ... act as though it is, and it shall be.  

Each morning, 'white light' yourself gently - no harsh glare; bit scary for others to come close to.  Be yourself throughout each day - obvious, but tricky, and emanate a welcoming energy.

Be aware that they could be 'shyer' than you.  Be gracious and say hi - break the ice for them.  

Ultimately, they are you reflected ... say hi to yourself.

Have fun - you're going to make some great friends.

beecharmer.

OrionsDream

Hint, I almost made this mistake in coming into a new school school.
although it might be ok, try not to make friends with the "geeks" or "nerds" or "losers" or them ppl. Not becaue they are weird or anything, but because if you do, all the other kids will laugh at you and tease you, something that you definetly dont want... if this is unavoidable then try your best...
try to make friends with the more "normal" kids in that school, ones that are higher up on the 'click' chain (most schools have that i think) and you will have a good time.

In other words, dont be so desperate to make friends that you make them with ppl who will get you teased, OR ppl who do bad things.. drugs, etc.
Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall

maddutchman

Quote from: OrionsDreamalthough it might be OK, try not to make friends with the "geeks" or "nerds" or "losers" or them ppl. Not because they are weird or anything, but because if you do, all the other kids will laugh at you and tease you, something that you definitely don't want... if this is unavoidable then try your best...
try to make friends with the more "normal" kids in that school, ones that are higher up on the 'click' chain (most schools have that i think) and you will have a good time.

In other words, don't be so desperate to make friends that you make them with ppl who will get you teased, OR ppl who do bad things.. drugs, etc.
nt, I almost made this mistake in coming into a new school school.


no offense, but that comment makes me a little bit  :x

be friends with who you feel comfortable being friends with.
Like energy attracts like, and to over accommodate yourself for others only leads to more personality problems in the future. you end up trying to fit into other peoples perception of you, instead of enjoying your own wonderful self.
Be the shepherd, not the sheep.

Personally I think it's best to be friends with everyone :)
Dutchman

OrionsDream

Haha yes its nice to be friends with everyone, if possible :)

But what Im saying, is if you had a choice between more popular kids and the not so popular kids... i would pick the popular ones...

if your friends with geeks, popular kids pick on u.. usually.
if your friends with popular kids, geeks will NEVER pick on you...

of course if you really like a kid a lot, then psh who cares about the social stuff just be his friend.
Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall

Froglet

I don't know if this is always true OrionsDream.  I noticed that when I was in middle school and in high school... I was able to be friends with who I wanted to be.  I had friends from many different "groups" or types if you really want to classifiy people.  I found the "geeks" so to say interesting in one way, ( I will say that I am in alot of ways like a geek but am more than that).  But not only that I had friends who played sports, and friends of just about all types.  And I rarely noticed anyone picking on me and if I did I just let it pass taking little offense.  Because of that type of attitude I rarely ever got picked on or was made fun of.  I was somewhat unsocial outside of school, mostly because I chose to be.  So to say that you should be friends with only popular people may only limit you.  I would say it's more enjoyable to be friends with whoever wishes to call themself a friend.  

James

OrionsDream

OOOk guys i defenitly phrased this wrong then.. I meant if he had an equal choice, and liked them the same.. or somethin... but yeah good points, of course u should make friends with the ppl u like more :)

P.S. Froglet/James I envy the school you went to!
Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall

tripnonastral

hey man, i have a similar problem except mine is far worse. i dont have the confidence most times to talk to people, its hard for me to look them in the eyes. i think people are always talking about me, i twitch sometimes during class and now that im in college and no one knows me i beleive that they think im just some weird kid with some even weirder problems. even when i do talk to people i feel like i cant connect with them and converstations ALWAYS end up okward. Even just talking to a friend. Its like ive lost the ability to be normal and down to earth and just be cool. sometimes it gets so bad that i start having panic attacks and i think people are out to kill me. im only comfortable around my family and VERY few close friends. most of my friends i still act really nervous around them. i cant even laugh normally. most of the things i do and say are out of place. i always try to act like im having a good time but i feel like im comming off as rather fake and annoying, it sucks. ive never always been this way too. i used to be one of the coolest kids back in highschool. drugs were a problem for me, not anymore tho thankgod. but yeah dont sweat it man. in actual life people all have the same fears, some just dont show it as much as others...some do...like me. anyways just to let you know, ive been getting better at dealing with my problems, but its not 100% good. anyways just to let you know i know what your going thru, and ive been to the point where ive many times tried to kill myself but i never went thru with it. but im glad, because suicide is one of the most selfish acts anyone can commit. ok nuf talking. later

OrionsDream

Isn't that like introvert-ism? Feel extremely uncomfortable around people? I know some1 who dropped out of high school and hasn't gone out of his house for months..! (This kid is over the internet, so I can't see him personally).
I still talk to him, but I lost all respect for him when he started totally disregardinga all advice and ways out.. I mean, I don't really know what its like, but I won't respect someone who wont at least TRY to get better... It's really hard, but it seems Donal is much more the opposite, and has a real desire, AND WILLINGNESS TO HELP HIMSELF! That's all someone needs to get out of one of these slumps, the energy and direction... "The helping hand you seek is at the end of your own arm" ( i love that quote!)

Tripnonastral- So this is a recent thing? Feeling so awkward and out of place with most people? or has it been like that for a long long time?
Also- if you've had these friends of yours in college for a pretty good amount of time, chances are that you are in fact acting okay, cause if they thought you were weird they prolly wouldnt want to be your friend ;)
Hope you feel better soon though! Just remember, be urself, goofy, or whatever and your true friends will show themselves then.
Save your tears for the day when our pain is far behind on your feet come with me we are soldiers stand or die
Save your fears take your place save them for the judgement day fast and free follow me time to make the sacrifice we rise or fall