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Author Topic: Family who do not understand!  (Read 7058 times)
WalkerInTheWoods
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« on: May 22, 2002, 09:55:11 »

I am really sorry for you. It is such a terrible thing when one cannot express themselves or even practice their own beliefs in their own house. Luckily for me during the time I lived with my parents my beliefs were not too different than theirs. I did not start exploring them until I had left home. But I still do not feel that I can share my beliefs with my parents. They are pretty much hardcore Christains, especailly my dad in recent years. The sad thing is that I would really like to discuss these things with them openly but I know that I cannot do this. The best advice I can give you is to just keep it hiden from them. Most likely your parents still see you as their little child and feel that they know what is best for you. That with the fact that it sounds like they are too wrapped up in their own dogma to be open to other possibilities makes it unlikely that they would ever accept you believing in anything other than their own beliefs. I know that it is tearing you up inside having to hide this, I feel this way too even now being away from home. The only alternative I can see is if you could possibly move out, maybe with several friends or something. Though this would probably upset them even more. Sadly enough the best solution I have found in dealing with stubborn closeminded parents is to remain quiet and let them think you are the prefect little Christain, or whatever they belief. I know this is not what you want to hear but it will keep the peace while you still have to live with them.

And parents wonder why they cannot talk to their children. It is because they do not really want to listen to their children.

 
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
Joe
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« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2002, 10:55:27 »

Fenris - that sucks mate. Is it because they are religious, or athiest/non-religious? What are the chances he'd actually kick your butt if you told him that you were looking at "other religions"? Is he the sort of guy that would respond to the soft approach (ie, let's talk about it) ?

Otherwise, give me a yell and me and some cousins will drive up and kick the crap out of him. Just offering... http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>

I grew up with a very tolerant, spiritual mum and a prick of an atheistic dad - I was too big to threaten physically but it was a very closed-minded, stifling atmosphere. Now that I think back on it as an adult, although it was frustrating it was also moderating, stopping me from doing things in youthful zeal that weren't always for my best. I once wanted to fly to India seeking out my guru and made plans. My dad took away all my savings and started opening my mail to stop me. In hindsight it was the right decision, and one my mum would never have made.

It's not the same situation as yours, but these things do teach us life lessons, and if you believe that there's some higher force directing your growth, then maybe this has a purpose that time will show you....

My best.
Joe
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« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2002, 10:55:27 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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steveb
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« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2002, 11:48:57 »

Greetings Fenris, hope your situation improves. I had a bit of a chuckle when I read your post, not because your situation is funny, it's just that I've got the flip side to your situation with my to sons ( 14 and 16 ). I've been called a space cadet from time to time.I would agree with Fallnangel inregards to keeping it hidden, well not so much hidden,  but just do your thing. If your on a spiitual path they will see the results in the long term, or they may not.
         I was raised in a family where I was concidered quite strange I suppose.I started of at an early age reading Jung ect,along with my ,what the family would call, "tree hugging nature" ,I was considered rather odd.
         In later years I to work for my Father, at  the start not a happy situation.
My Father was a very angry and confussed person. He would waste a lot of energy towards his bussines opposition.One of my favorite sayings is,"wish your enemy's well". I used to say this when he was in one of his,"I'm gonna kill em moods" .As years went on, I'd only have to look at him and he'd say, "dont give me that wishing well excrement". One day I decided not to try and talk to him about these things, and then all of sudden, well not so sudden, over a couple of years he started to ask questions.
         Any how, that was many years ago, I still work with my father who is now a buddhist and wishes everyone well now, we have quite indepth discusions of things esoteric and metaphysical ect.
          Well thats about it mate, so to be so long winded, but things do change."it's the one thing in life you can count on".

           There's one little downside to my current situation, the family now has what they consider two strange and odd members in it now,"but things do change".

Regards  Steve

 
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WalkerInTheWoods
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« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2002, 13:26:49 »

Steve, I am glad things got better between you and your father. Would you mind telling us a little bit about your situation with your sons. Maybe seeing the situation from the point of view of the parent can help us a little here. (And on a personal note I have a baby daughter so I will have to deal with a similar situation in the future I am sure.)

 
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Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way.
kakkarot
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« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2002, 15:59:06 »

fenris: i don't know how open minded my parents are, but in order to avoid any confrontations with them, i always went out of my house to a park somewhere and did "my stuff" (although i never told my parents what i was doing because they respected my individualism). plus i was a complete night person; i could force myself to go to be at any time and have as much sleep as i need, but during the daytime i always felt tired and was always yawning. but during the night i was always full of energy, even if i hadn't slept the night before.

i suggest doing that you should try going out to a park or somewhere else to be alone when you can. preferabbly at night when "normal" people are too scared to be out, or are too tired from the days events to be out. this will give you plenty of solitude. and also, try reading at school rather than at home. i remember i always closed the web pages i was using whenever my parents started walking up the stairs (mostly out of paranoia since they didn't really know how to use a computer). as for your pentagram, why do you bother to wear it? have you enchanted it with something and you want to keep it for that reason, or is it more personal (like a girl friend gave it to you)? if you don't have a good reason to wear it, try just keeping it in a pocket until you get out of your house each day.

hope these help.

~kakkarot

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« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2002, 15:59:06 »



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Rob
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« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2002, 17:54:48 »

Fenris I think if you actually want to involve your parents in any way the only thing you can do is work with what they already believe. OK so I am assuming they are not atheists or nihilists or anything like that, but for instance when I wanted to try and discuss magick with my dad I did it from a biblical christian perspective. If I had come straight out with the more extreme things it wouldn't have achieved anything, as it was I was able to get him to agree, at least in part.

wishing you luck

 
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(!!!Formerly known as Inguma!!!)
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distant bell
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« Reply #6 on: May 22, 2002, 18:26:27 »

Hi Fenris!
I fully agree with Inguma- you should try to cloth your ideas in the clothing that appeals to your parents, and then be abit quiet about the things thatmigh seem "to far out". I have my own apt, and I am wery glad for that! I can meditate, read or performe a LBRP whenever I whant.. I guess you just have to keep it a bit hid unitl you can afford your own place.. and perhaps read and meditate in some park or other public area. Good luck mate!

-- Love is the Law - Love under Will --
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Grenade01
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« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2002, 18:30:09 »

My parents just think Im insane.
It's not that they wont let me do anything..They just annoy the hell out of me about it.
Unfortunately I'm in the same situation....Poor college student

But its cool
We have our whole lives ahead of us.


I do most my meditating at night anyway... or I just shut my door and say I'm doing homework dont but me.

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distant bell
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« Reply #8 on: May 22, 2002, 18:51:15 »

Hi !

Hey granade.. Jefferson airplain! lol!
Who could have guessed... I thought you hade found some
new cool halucegenci berries growing in the back yard..

The strange thing is this- When I lived at home I had al these ideas about all the cool things I could do when I had my own apt... but now that I have been living on my own for some while.. itīs just not that exiting. The everyday life has broken down on me.. with rents and bad economy (Iīm a student too!)
But yes, of course, it is lovely to have an own apt.. but itīs more a matter of freedom thatn fun. Itīs everyday life for me now- and that romantic idea of al the things one could do with ones own apt.. wel they are gone. Now itīs just a matter of getting the ends together financially.. and cleaning and cooking..
But the freedom  is great of course. I couldnīt stand living with other people again like it was when I live with my parents. Not that my parents wher bad, they where wery good and liberal- but anyway..



-- Love is the Law - Love under Will --
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justine
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« Reply #9 on: May 22, 2002, 22:36:01 »

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Grenade01
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« Reply #10 on: May 23, 2002, 03:16:53 »

LoL ! Who would have thought ...children who don't understand their parents!
Lol again...
Well at least you can ground them or something if they wake you up every five minutes
=)
haha


Distant bell:  Hallucinogenic berries...dont I wish Hahaha

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Ashfo
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« Reply #11 on: May 23, 2002, 04:34:22 »

I've only been interested in the whole Astral/Metaphysical/Magical/Spiritual thing for the last month or so and I havent told my parents a thing. I often try to go for an OBE or do my meditating while they're out or before I fall asleep.

I wonder what they would think.. I doubt they would truly understand, but I dont think I'd get beaten up or anything for it. A while back I got pretty seriously into the whole "Goth" hate thing, moved out for awhile and did a number of drugs (funnilly enough the drugs were the thing that pulled me out and showed me the "spiritual path") so I guess they would probably think its just an improvement...

The hardest thing would be to explain that I'm interested in magic, rituals, etc, cos these always seem to be looked on in bad light and seen as evil things to do.

I'm looking forward to having some discussions with my brother when hes around again as he's an atheist and strongly believes the Physical is the boundary.. I'm considering sending him the Afterlife E-book.

Thats about it.. I wish I could talk to my parents about it and discuss it with them, but I guess lifes never perfect.

btw, as a side question, who here has people who they regularly talk/discuss spiritual things with in the real world? I myself dont.

oh, if you didnt know im 15, so younger than Fenris and some of the others who have posted.

- Ashfo

 
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Grenade01
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« Reply #12 on: May 23, 2002, 05:24:47 »

I know a lot of goths...My Gf used to be goth
=)

Hey Drugs turned me onto the metiphysical and spiritual too!
(to be specific ecstasy and mushrooms)
and then vice versa
Metiphysical made me want to do new and more hallucinogens
which probably isnt a good thing

but Im cool.... My mind isnt rotting ..I can hold down a job and go to college and stuff..and I dont sit around talking about getting "bonked up" like most people who frequently use drugs. so yeah I think I'll be alright with this for now

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nightflier101
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« Reply #13 on: May 23, 2002, 05:42:13 »

My mom thought I was being silly. My sister didn't care, my dad left us before I was 11. But I still kept it quiet until everyone was asleep. Which
was good, because I wouldn't be disturbed.
I would read my books for an hour, then try projection. Write down my experiences, and revise from what I learned. I made peace with myself that
I didn't have to share my experiences. I figured mom and sis weren't ready
for this enlightenment, maybe in their next lifetime, or the one after that
they will seek this knowledge.
I did confide in a close friend whom I trusted, and he helped me with experiments and got to read my journal.

Fenris,
Make time for you, when you will not be disturbed. Not as hiding it from them, but as respecting their beliefs. 3 years isn't very long, and then you'll
be out and free to do whatever you want.

Nightflier...


 
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Fenris
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« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2002, 06:56:59 »

HI everyone!

Thanks for all the advice and support, I kinda snaped!

Neither of my parents are exactly religious (well openly anyway), but my mum used to teach sunday school years back and has recently been reading heps of budism stuff. My dad is not religious by any means, but he is VERY closed minded.

Mums not really a problem, she has seen my books and stuff and just doesn't mention it. When I first saw an aura it was at school, I was estatic to say the least and I told her that I could when I came home. She didn't disbelieve me at all. But she was very uneasy and quote "I dont think that is something people are ment to see" (in a very nervous voice).

My Dad is the one who threatened me about magic. I didn't even say anything about it (I think TV may have been the stimulus). I really get the vibe that he has had a limited experience with the negative side of it in some form in the past. He would not hit me over it, thats not really his way. He is more into mental abuse, anyone who has experienced it will understand. I actually attempted suicide when I was 10 years old because of him but that is difficult to explane.  Luckily I now have a strongly developed identity so he can not influence me (he frequently attempts to- his opinion is the only rught one, just ask him).  He has no respect for my privacy, he is always walking into my room without knocking - no matter how often I say not to. It is obvious that he wants to see what I am doing. I can literally not go out of the house without being asked what I am doing, and I cant walk back in without being asked what have I done.

I dont communicate with any of my family on a personal level, its just how it has always been. Everyone has a big mask that hides real emotion. My friends (except all of you)  dont understand but they accept me all the same, I like that.

I dont think Ill ever just tell them, Ill just start living how I want to when I move out and they can accept it or leave it, I wont let them influence me because I am a much stronger person.

I guess that at least if I ever have kids I will not be so ignorant, in a way this is the ultimate healing for a bad childhood. It seem that the majority of people grow up to be like there parents, but I have vowed to stop the cycle here.

best regards

David

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steveb
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« Reply #15 on: May 23, 2002, 07:16:28 »

Greetigs all
      Fenris:             Looks if a lot of people are in simalar situations as yourself, I think Grenade01 put it in a nutshell,"you have your whole life(s) ahead of you.

      Justine:            It's a relief to know someone else recieves the" Nigel" thing.

      Fallnangel 177,        I've found the best way with kids is through there dreams, one of my sons is a very lucid dreamer, when both were very young I'd always ask,"did you have any pictures in your sleep",the answers were amazing. When the kids realize they can interact,change and particapate in dreams it's gives them substance.  A good example:
         My yonger son at about age six was having terrible nightmares, this, what he called "witch" was giving him a very hard time. I told him that next time it happens to give her a hard time. The very next morning he came into the kitchen with an excited grin on his face. I asked what the smile was about and he replied something like, "Well she's toast dad",he then went on to explian that the witch was chasing him and his friends, but he stopped and so did he's friends. They turned around, chased and beat up the witch. Well after his victory the nightmares stopped.
           I was right into dream studies around the age of 25, then due to being emmersed into a life of materialism ,lust and all there trappings with there mother, I stopped. Your child is very lucky inregards to your intrests.I know it's a cliche, "But they are the future".

Regards  steve


 
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Elena
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« Reply #16 on: May 23, 2002, 12:46:14 »

Hi, Fenris! I really sympathise with you.  I was a bit in a similar situation and also felt tied up because I was studying at Uni while living at home.  I also thought of suicide and at one point it all got too much and I wanted to quit my degree and get whatever job in order to get away but in the end thought that my chances would improve if I finished so I stuck with it.  The way I did it was focusing on finishing and kept telling myself that that would pass, that it was temporary.  I also kept thinking that if I did not have the privacy/independence I wanted at home, I had this private place in my head where nobody was allowed in unless I let them.  I do not want to suggest that there is only suffering to be expected during these 3 years, there is also some fun to be had smiley  A book that helped me a lot was Viktor Frankle’s “Man in Search for Meaning”.  He was in a concentration camp and described that even in those circumstances people found a way of coping.

Now, some years later (and with a place of my own and in different countries) the relationship with my parents is healing (although I still find it challenging) and my mother has began to change because she realises that life is not fulfilling if lived by her old beliefs.  She is more tolerant and open-minded and understands things that she did not before.  

This shall pass and you will evolve because you will have learned from it.

Take care

Elena


 
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PeacefulWarrior
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« Reply #17 on: May 24, 2002, 14:45:17 »

Mr. Fenris-
I am responding to yuo original post- and I just have this to say: where much is given, much is required.  If you are doing the right things in life, ie. not getting into trouble, treating others with respect, etc. then your parents truly are in the wrong and you just need to try to respect them despite the fact that they are wrong, and love them....and then one day soon you will ove otu and have your own life.  At that point they cannot rightly say anything at all.  

I am sorry, however...and I do know how you feel.  Unfortunately, many people are not very understanding and compassionate when it comes to things spiritual.  Luckily I have a family that is very open minded and although they don't necessarily share my views, they are always respectful and even interested in the things I study.  I have, however, stopped trying to explain to them the differences between subtle bodies, etc. http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0> People are only ready for what they are ready for (that won't ever become a famous quote!- but it is the truth)

Thanks for sharing your plight with us, here we all understand and I hope you can consider us friends with whom you cans share anything you want to.
-D.T.

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Fenris
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« Reply #18 on: May 25, 2002, 06:59:06 »

Once again Id like to thank everyone for their advice and support.

Elena- thanks also and welcome to the Astral Pulse, look foward from hearing from you in the future. http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>

regards
 David

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Tisha
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« Reply #19 on: May 31, 2002, 00:00:19 »

Hello Fenris, everyone . . .

I've known about my metaphysical abilities since I was a small child . . . although I didn't know what they were I knew I had them, if that makes any sense.  ANYWAY,  for some reason I knew I had to keep my mouth shut about it . . . it was a secret thing for many years.  

Many people are attracted to "witchcraft" during their teen years partly due to a deep-knowing of the metaphysical worlds that most people deny, but also partly because it is the one religion that will tinkle their parents off the most (otherwise we would have chosen the mystical aspects of our childhood religions . . . even Chrisitanity has its mystical aspects).  

It is a teenager's JOB to rebel against the strictures of ones childhood . . . it is hormonal, it is ordained, it is inevitable, to make your own way.  My daughter will probably break my heart when, after a life of Craft rituals, she announces that she wants to start going to a Christian church.  But I'll just have to accept that.  As for you Fenris, know that the tension you feel between and your parents BELONGS there.  If we never felt that tension we'd all still be living at home.

Anyway, back to my life . . . I just kept my mouth shut.  I read a lot.  I did not wear a pentacle.  I meditated and dreamed.  So much of real Magick is INNER work, not outer display, so other people really DON'T NEED TO KNOW.  Especially not your parents.  If they really cared about what you thought about God and the Universe, they would ask you.  So just love them and hug them, and THANK THEM for their support of you during your education.  You are very, very lucky.

It seems the day I moved into my own apartment (I was 18) I took action to join like-minded individuals, and my what an adventure it has been!  Covens, the Native American scene, "gamers,"  Pentacostal Christians (very mystic some of them), the Pagan communities . . . festivals (oy!) . . . . what a wild and wacky world it is.  Wonderful too.  But after awhile even that settled down because . . . . again, Magick is INNER work, not outer display.

After all these years, I don't wear a pentacle in my day-to-day.  I've owned them and wore them in the past, but I don't now . . . for the above stated reasons.  I truly believe that the symbols of one's religion, if one needs to wear them at all, belong under one's shirt, only to be taken out when surrounded by likeminded individuals.  I wish people who wore crosses would keep them under their shirts . . . do I care what their religion is?  No, I only care about WHO they are . . . and if I want to know their religion someday, perhaps I might discreetly ask and maybe they'll tell me.

My parents know a little bit about what I do . . . my mother prays for me and loves me anyway.  My dad . . . well he's a little nuts so he goes back and forth about my being a "druid" and "into the dark arts" and such.  But he's old and rambling, I'm a grown woman now, and say nothing except does he want any more coffee?

regards,
tisha

 
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Fenris
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« Reply #20 on: May 22, 2002, 08:28:00 »

My parents are agiainst everything I believe and hold dear, I am sick to death of having to close down what web page Im on, or hide my book Im reading everytime they walk into the room. And Im tired of hiding my books and wareing my pentergram under my shirt! -quote- "Ill kick your arse  if I ever find you into that stuff!" I hate it I hate it I hate it!!! http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile_angry.gif" border=0>

And I cant move out for 3 years because IM a poor uni student!

Any else ever had this problem?? PLEASE tell me how you coped! I can only even meditate once everone else has gone to bed and by then I am tired! I mean sure Its unlikely that Ill be burned for my beliefs these days but the social hatred and ignorance is just as strong.

Yours insanly

David

Veni Vidi Vici
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