Problem that my friend has

[l00p]

My best friend has had a problem and he asked me a question that i don't know how to answer. He thinks a lot maybe a bit too much, like an example, we went away for the weekend one time and he was with his girl and there were other people too. the girl stopped talking to him cause she thought he was mad at her or something and they both ignored each other until he asked her why they weren't talking. He told me that he thought that her feelings were changing or that she didn't like him anymore or why was she with the other people and not him, and ever since then he keeps telling me that he still has like a feeling of affection-less from his girl or that she doesn't show it or that she doesn't care or that its not going to last very long. as u can see he worries too much and thinks of possible outcomes and probably scares him. So one day he asked me, "Daniel, if what you say is true, how can i stop thinking so much if I'm so used to it?" i had no idea what to tell him. The kid is a good looking guy, no trouble at getting the girls but when he is in a relationship this happens. Maybe he wants full affection from somebody, he grew up without a father and his mom is a full time worker, the hardships of him and his family's migratory status has him worried cause he wants a better life. How can i help him out?
I don't know what i would do if i was in his shoes, i would feel lost or maybe like if somethings inside of me that's keeping me from being happy, he sometimes gets real moody and gets mean but just a little bit but now since he found a girlfriend he is not mean as he used to be. Ha this one is tough

[AndrewTheSinger]

I think you should tell him to learn to play the guitar, seriously.

[Rob]

Eh, dont worry yourself about it. Most people would probably say I think too much, but look at me I'm normal! <twitches>
Anyway, seriously, the example you gave  - how do you know he is not right? Thinking a lot can give you more insight, which is what will probably happen to him more and more in the long run, and eventually, if he does think too much, this is something he will notice.
Otherwise, maybe get him to be more introspective, perhaps by telling him to watch himself to see if he thinks that he is thinking too much.
My opinions, anyhow.

[l00p]

so what should i tell him? stay with that girl or move on, Even though right now they are fine.
you are saying that thinking too much is a good thing, because he is always complaining ha

[knucklebrain1970]

Everyone thinks too much. Everyone is Bi-polar, and everyone has ADD. It's just human nature. If he's a good looking guy and has no trouble getting girls, I guarantee the next girl he has, his mind will be instantly erased of all thoughts of the previous girl.

Tell him to not beat himself up over thinking too much. It's human nature. Tell him to concentrate on the next piece of *** instaed of the one he's stuck on and will never have.

And yes, tell him to buy a guitar. Music fixes all problems, especially when your the one making it.  

kevin

[l00p]

Tell him to not beat himself up over thinking too much. It's human nature. Tell him to concentrate on the next piece of *** instead of the one he's stuck on and will never have.

so what you are saying is, to tell him to think of a new girl but stay with the one he has now? i don't think that's being loyal! lol anyways read this, my friend told me this last night.



I am serious about this, watch Good Will Hunting. There's now two conversations going on within a day about this same circumstance.
I won't pull directly from the movie but relation and with my own life as well. You nailed it when you were talking about no father and working mother. It's the way he was brought up or the lack of. I too had a similar upbringing and found myself content thinking/talking inside to myself. His lack of communication like the gentleman touches on is extremely key. He is not able to communicate with her because he does not know for himself what is the issue, why he thinks so much, what is keeping him bound.
He must be able to come to grasp within himself. From the outside you can do a lot of speculation and bring him to realize bit by bit about the way he is. This will not be an overnight fix once the problem is found. He must want and continuously work with a mentor or teacher who cares for him so much to be there when he does start to open up about his inner most fears and doubts. This may be you. If you are willing to be there for him, you will be there for him the rest of his life because it is his life that is trapped, not this girlfriend. She may be another key factor and be the love of his life, but you mainly will be the savior of his life-or that person who helps him consistently pursue himself.
Furthermore the inability to recognize the problem lies in a long path of layers of oppression in his own mind. He must go back to his childhood to recall the days and nights where there was no one when he felt at his worst and best so he can understand what his actions were, see it from another perspective.
He was not taught how to communicate with those he truly cares about that he's not on a level with like the two of you are. The connection is there with them, the connection is different but there with the two of you. It will take time for him to open up to her, but it's inevitably you or a mentor/therapist to help find the truth behind is suppressing fears and or angers to let them out, let him cry when he realizes the truth....that'll be the beginning.
Much too much it's a consistent battle for good. Keep on being the great friend you are, seeking information to change his life. He'll always love you for it and he will make a difference in the world even more so after he's found himself.

[Rob]

He is trying to understand the world, therefore he'll be fine! As for the girl, I dunno about that. Either way, he'll learn something, so it's all good. I cant comment any further than that since I have never seen them together. Instincts are usually right, but he will find out in good time one way or another.
Good film  

Rob

[l00p]

well guys me and my best friend came up with a conclusion after he read what i posted earlier. he will stop analyzing every little thing she does, and it is true, its bad because he is making conclusions out of what he sees but really doesn't know whats going on. He told me the feeling is still there but in a smaller way, maybe if he changes the way he thinks and just shows love, care, affection, everything will be fine. sounds good?