Please Help, im a extreme novice. Need advice and guidance

[laerrus]

My father passed away when I was very young, it was a suicide, ever since he passed I've felt something following me, I quickly reached out to a church and immersed myself in all things "God," This seemed to make the presence of whatever it was stronger. One night, I believe I traveled back to a time in my childhood (I was an infant) when I was dropped into the bathtub full of water by my aunt; as soon as I hit the water I felt a black power completely surround me, and enter my body; I do not recall this happening the first time but, when I revisited I felt it more powerful than ever. Since I've felt as if something has been inside of me.

Since then I've been coping and dealing with whatever its been that has eaten at me, until about 1 year ago I was experimenting with 4-aco-dmt; some of you may or may not know about this chemical, Ill leave it up to you to make your own conclusion. I tripped a few times, nothing impressive until one night, I took the same dose I had been; but something this time was different. By the time I realized I was outside of my body, I was already running around somewhere I had never been before.. I was too far; I was followed by something or someone who was after me; I remember running frantically to get back to my body, The last thing I remember before I came back was shutting the door on this "man." Peeking out of my window and looking outside on him trying to get back in.

Since then I've been on a spiritual rollercoaster; up and down with awakened moments. At one point I felt so clear and concise that I was 100% with everything I as a person and spirit was doing; I had a great awakening process, which left me at many times speechless and unable to explain what I understood in my head. All of this I believe led up to last night.

Yesterday I stumbled across this forum while doing research on awakening my Chakra's, I read various articles and researched on other various sites as well; This was a normal day for me, a few hours passed and I slowly feel myself fall into relaxation; from about 3:40PM I was very lucid, not dreaming (I did not take a nap at any part of the day.) As I began to feel myself drift into some kind of trance I felt outside powers pulling me outside of my body; I imagined myself putting a net around my girlfriend and I protecting us from outside powers as I used to do when I was a child. I was constantly being showered with negative energy; something in my subconscious was telling me that I was going to "fight" this power that was trying to consume me, this in itself radiated negative energy.  I do not know how to explain what happened but at about 6PM I awoke from this trance shaking and in tears. Throughout the night I was terrified of sleeping; as I would drift into a sleep, I would wake right back up, often my bedroom would make loud cracks; Ive been in this house quite sometime, I do accept it could have been just cracks.. But this happened multiple times and almost simultaneous with my relaxing and trying to go to sleep. although I cannot recall anything happening after 6pm I think something is going on here; I need guidance.

[mr_coffee]

What I've learned from OBE's and any other type of mind opening substance is YOU are your own enemy.  Everything you are experiencing is because you are letting it effect you.  First example, "Ever since my father died it felt like someone was following me."  You some how manifested this in your own mind that perhaps your father was sticking around and following you around as a child.  The more you believed this, the stronger it would become (which it did as you mentioned).  As soon as you got the church involved it made that feeling of someone following you even more real, which fed the fears even more. 

Same with the feeling of negative energy you just mentioned below.  From my own experiences, I always felt things moving my body, voices saying things that seemed to be in a different language, dark entities moving me around, choking me (which wasn't them at all, it was me, holding my breath), etc.

Your mind is yours alone.  You must take control of your thoughts and realize you are a powerful spiritual energy that can overcome anything.  Once you become unafraid of these uncomfortable feelings, you then can welcome these "bad" feelings because you know you can't be harmed and your life will settle once again. 

Next time you feel those things coming near you, welcome them, get excited they are there and push love onto them.  Actually you don't even have to mentally push love onto them, that may seem like a battle between light and dark when its not that at all.  Fear is simply a low frequency of energy, love is a high frequency.  You are basically just changing the frequency level of the emotion which in effect transforms fear into love. 

You will soon find that you can transform darkness into light.  The only thing to be afraid in the non-physical is yourself.  Only you can overcome these issues by facing them front on and realizing they aren't anything to be afraid of, fear is just a human emotion, just like love.  You can take any external stimulus and transform it into anything you want.  If you feed fear, it will become stronger.  If you want to make fear into love, you can do that just as easily as you can feed the fear itself. 

You may ask yourself, "How can I mentally welcome these bad entities, or encourage them to increase their presence?"   If you feel a bad energy approaching you, get excited because you are most likely in the "quiet zone" which is a place where your thoughts are very sensitive to the environment. The worst thing you can do to these entities is try to fight them or protect yourself from them.  These bad entities aren't there to hurt you and you will soon find out once you welcome them to come.  They will instantly transform from fear to love and you will probably feel an intense vibration all throughout your body which is the next stage before you leave your body and enter the non-physical. 

For me I think about the bad entities as a verification that its almost time to leave my body.  So thats how I excited when I feel them near me, because I know soon after that, I'll be flying around in higher energy dimensions having the time of my life. 

Although on the other spectrum this is only my beliefs.  I do believe once your life ends your consciousness is released into the non-physical.  But I'm not sure what dimension you are released into.  When I think of the possibilities of ghosts, I do think of people who have ended their life and have so much self regret they can't pass onto into higher dimensions but are stuck in their own misery until they realize they can free themselves from all the misery if they just tried.  But this could be way off and probably is, when you think of the physical its more of a training ground for the consciousness to grow and develop.  Through hardship you grow as a person and you begin to realize the things you use to think were problems really aren't problems at all. 

But then you ask yourself, what about the children who have been raised in constant tourment?  If  you were raised to hate, you had no chance to develop your own consciousness but instead be brainwashed by another.  So for these people its almost like why would they be stuck in a lower energy existence just because another person has screwed their development?  So the rules seem very unfair if thats the case. 

But there is no doubt in my mind that we are energy beings and our consciousness is what stays forever after death even after the body dies.  But our senses are purely biological, the fact we see, hear, smell, etc I feel are all just biological traits we use in the physical.  In the non-physical, I heard from author's who have been doing OBE's for 20+ years, In the higher the energy level you enter your senses do fade and you just exist and accept/give energy.  It sounds like a wonderful experience I plan on attending when I'm ready!

I did have a similar experience when I was on a substance where I saw a blue energy glowing and some how I knew that energy was me and when I accepted the energy it was the most relaxing and amazing feeling I've ever felt.  If you blew out a candle and as the smoke raising, imagine if your whole existence was that smoke, so free and unformed.  When I came back to the physical my whole body was radiating this high frequency feeling that lasted several minutes. 

[soarin12]

Doesn't it stink?  I actually had the same thing happen to me last night.  I couldn't get any sleep because every time I'd start to drift off I'd get awakened by a "bang!" in the house.  Had the constant "sucking" feeling of being pulled into a trance and out of reality as we know it.  This same thing has happened to me maybe 10 times.  It used to be worse than that and I would get attacked by an entity over and over every time I drifted off. (always accompanied by the feeling of being sucked away) 

Some people believe this stuff is just a manifestation of your subconscious fears and negative emotions.  Seems like just as many people believe that some are from your subconscious and some are real evil entities.  I believe the case for both sides is equally strong.  Can evil spirits really exist?  Why not?  After all there are people in the physical world who are filled with hatred and malicious intent so it seems reasonable to believe there would be the same in other realms.

Here's the good news.  Whatever the source of the creepers, subconscious or real, love neutralizes ALL of them. Every person I've ever heard about (including myself) who manages to stay in a loving peaceful frame of mind, is successful and the bad experience just fades away.  Our creator did not create us to live in fear and be vulnerable to frightening things.  He has given us power to be free from this.  We have to change from a victim mentality to a mentality that says "I am a loving powerful being.  I have no fear and cannot be harmed."

This is easier said than done and I still have trouble with fear.  One thing I do if I am unsuccessful at getting out of "victim mentality" is to shut down the channel for the night.  You can do this by just commanding it to shut down and commanding yourself to sleep peacefully.  It works.  No vibrations, no sucking feeling, no trance.  Then when you feel the grace, love, and peace come over you again, open it back up and fly again!

[soarin12]

So frustrating!  It happened again last night.  Every time I started falling asleep I heard a loud "bang!" from the other side of the house. --and have that feeling of being sucked into the void.  I didn't want to go OOB.  I was really tired and just wanted to sleep.  But I worked through the episode and felt like I may have made some progress in understanding it which will hopefully cut down on the fear.  I was unable to go so far as to embrace the presence like mr coffee does but I was able to passively observe the experience like I was a scientist taking notes.  I still felt like I was being tormented for about  a minute but underneath the fear I was observing and standing strong.  What I think was happening was that when I am in this state (sleep paralysis) Every sound I hear is magnified like 100 times louder.  I could tell this because my tinnitus was WAY louder than normal during the episode.  So maybe the "bang" was really just a soft house settling sound that normally I wouldn't even notice, but in SP my senses are heightened (different part of the brain being used more or something) and the soft noise became really loud to me.  I kind of liken it to me being like a prey animal--a deer for instance.  It's senses are heightened.--sight sound, smell--and has fear in order to escape a predator.  as the episode began to pass, I caught some good vibrations and projected OOB into a beautiful starry sky.  I flew around for awhile and was at peace.  I'm hopeful that my analysis of what was going on will help take things in stride in the future.  Hope it helps you too!

[mr_coffee]

That's awesome news Soarin!  I would welcome the OBEs as they come.  You may not always have them as easily accessible to you.  For example, my first OBE was amazing, then the next day I had another huge loving vibration, the strongest I've ever had.  I was too excited though to exit my body and I just let the vibrations flow over me like a healing light. 

There is no connection with OBE's and not getting a restful sleep.  So you can have an OBE and wake up very energized.  If you think OBEs will keep you from having a restful sleep though they may.  I think its how you look at the OBEs and what they mean to you.

That loud "BANG" you hear is reported by many others.  Its actually a common experience and may not be related to the sounds in your house being amplified. Some feel its a simulated sound that occurs when your non-physical body is getting out of phase with your physical.  I've never heard the bang but I do always feel the entities approaching.  Before I feel them approaching it becomes very quiet and still and I know its go time!

[soarin12]

Ok, interesting!  Thank you.  It's good to know others hear the noise too!

[Made O pHI]

From my experience, messing with drugs doesn't help the problem of negativity and fear.

Since then I've been on a spiritual rollercoaster; up and down with awakened moments. At one point I felt so clear and concise that I was 100% with everything I as a person and spirit was doing; I had a great awakening process, which left me at many times speechless and unable to explain what I understood in my head

I think that this rollercoaster feeling of being awakened is caused by the drugs. It is our natural state to be awakened if we so choose to be, when we want. I would have these moments and feelings too, sometimes these moments would be after I did a drug and I'd get a great burst of knowledge and me and my friends would be like "woahh wtf," and look at each other in amazement because everything was so clear to the both of us for a quick 10 seconds or less. This has happend with like 3 drugs (ecstasy, shrooms, and once with a hit of crack (yes call me crazy for trying it) )

But ever since I stopped doing drugs I feel like I'm awakened 24/7. It's not even a feeling anymore that's how natural it is now, its like you receive guidance from your inner self and you just have to trust yourself and not be afraid to do so. That's when you start to see everything clearly. And the fears and negativity start to reside and join together with your being so its like there is no negative or positive, it's just whatever YOU think and feel.

[laerrus]

Thank you for your replies; Coffee you are a very insighful, I appreciate your words. I will post my next experience as it passes.

[Astralzombie]

Hello laerrus. My reply may sound blunt at times but please understand that I am not being rude and I believe you can handle it. After all, your becoming an AP'er and can handle anything after that.
Everything I say is of course only my own belief.

My father passed away when I was very young, it was a suicide, ever since he passed I've felt something following me, I quickly reached out to a church and immersed myself in all things "God,"

I'm sorry that you missed out on getting to know your father longer. Many cultures view suicide differently but in the western world we tend to place a lot of shame on it. It leaves a greater wake in it's path but I think that's because we tend to imagine if we could reach that level of despair personally. Your own thoughts are so chaotic right now that you may fear that you too, are capable of suicide. We all are but we are all capable of reaching a calmer more peaceful state as well. I've lost two friends to suicide and it is tough. But understand that your dad is not in any kind of hell because of his last choice. Me may be in a personal hell but he will one day figure it out and move on.

Most organized religions like to scare us into telling us that suicide is a mortal sin. Well, first of all, there is no such thing as a sin. The Christian church only declared suicide a sin several hundred years after the birth of Christ. This was because too many people took the teachings at its word and offed themselves in the belief that faith in Christ alone was all you needed for a ticket to heaven.  I think the church realized how much money they were missing out on because of these premature deaths and declared it a sin soon after.

I don't think that I am telling you something you haven't already learned but the church can't heal your heart or stop the dark thoughts. You have to personally believe that you are better and you don't need religion for that.

I've only smoked DMT twice and I put no thought or work into chakras so I can't comment with any knowledge on that.

But I can say that the negative force that you are feeling is all from you. There is nothing trying to get you but I know the feelings can be strong. You are dealing with some strong emotions and are vulnerable to misinterpreting simple things that you would not have even noticed in a more peaceful state. You have to work through the chaos in your thoughts and deal with them one by one.

Do you know what sleep paralysis is? If not, then read this thread.
http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_out_of_body_experiences/sleep_paralysis_the_whats_whys_and_wherefores-t38734.0.html

After you do, you should realize why the loud cracks coincide exactly with your deep, relaxed state. So long as you keep trying to conquer your fears, there is hope. Where there is hope, there is peace.

Good luck.