A dream that is confusing and easy to understand at the same time.

[donzieja]

Guys, I am a person who struggles with many things, but the things I struggle with the most are obtaining feelings of belonging, confidence, and avoiding feelings of betrayal and distrust. I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible, because I don't want to have to type out my life story. So, in early 2010, I started to like this girl. She was different from the rest of the high school girls, in that she was rather shy, but still very friendly, and that she was a shorter girl. I thought she was beautiful, and then I got to know her. I was amazed.

Perhaps it was that she was nice to me without anything being said or done first, which is a rare occurrence to me. Perhaps it was her gleaming, brown eyes and long, dark hair that stood out to me. There was something different about this one. So, on March 31st, 2010, I asked her out after school. She said "Sure, a date would be good." I was ecstatic, but more relieved. I no longer was forced to keep thinking about when to do it. It felt like a dream.

About the second time I was hanging out at her house, we shared our first kiss. It was mine as well as hers. I played a song for her on the guitar, and I even sang. If there's one thing I never do, it's sing. But around her, I felt like I could be myself. It was amazing.

She drew a picture for me of two wolves who had met in the forest, eying each other curiously. (This is something I forgot to mention earlier; I was her first boyfriend. She was my third girlfriend, but the only one I ever told I'd loved.) To this day, I still have that picture hanging up in my room.

So, about two or three days before her 15th birthday, on June 12th, 2010, she made a phone call and stated that she wasn't comfortable having a boyfriend. I told her I'd been expecting this, as she had shut herself off from me for a few weeks prior.

This is what happened the night before.

She sent me an email saying "I'm still here, but I need to talk to you, I'll call you tomorrow."

I was frightened. I replied "It's not bad, is it?"

Anyways, some point later that night, the song "Hush, little baby, don't say a word" popped in my head. It was so strong and soothing and the opposite of what I was feeling. I broke down in tears and cried myself to sleep, as I did every night for a year after that.

Just recently, I had a dream about her. It was about her getting married. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. I don't like to talk about this dream, but I have to. She had kids with this guy and I visited them at their house. Of course, in this dream, we were older. I woke up crying.

What the dream meant to me was that I'd thought I'd gotten over her, but apparently not. And also, it made sense because I realized I really haven't gotten over her.

I couldn't handle this. Just the other day I asked her if she would ever consider to ever go back out with me, and she shrugged her shoulders and said "I don't know."

Now I'm here, hoping you'll have something to say. I really need help. I understand that this is not a relationship advice forum, but I just need to get this out.

Please help me.

I miss her.

-Don

[donzieja]

Sigh...

Does anyone have anything to say? I know this is a difficult subject to reply to... but... I'm open to anything right now.

As long as it's not pointless insults.

[blis]

You've got unreselved emotional issues. The dream was to prompt you to resolve them.

Meditate on it. Find the emotional attachment and the reasons you havent let go. There could well be some fear at the bottom of it. It might go back to before you even met her. Whether it's a fear or something else you need to find the underlying issue. The issue might not even be with her. You might have just used the emotions surrounding the relationship to avoid dealing with some fear or something.

Obviously I'm just stabbing in the dark. The best advice I can give is meditate on it.

You might want to look into decording if you dont already know about it.

[CFTraveler]

You've got unreselved emotional issues. The dream was to prompt you to resolve them.

Meditate on it. Find the emotional attachment and the reasons you havent let go. There could well be some fear at the bottom of it. It might go back to before you even met her. Whether it's a fear or something else you need to find the underlying issue. The issue might not even be with her. You might have just used the emotions surrounding the relationship to avoid dealing with some fear or something.

Obviously I'm just stabbing in the dark. The best advice I can give is meditate on it.

You might want to look into decording if you dont already know about it.

I concur.  The first love is usually the strongest, and if things end without proper resolution, the effects can last for years.  So meditate on it, and if possible, I hope you and her talked about the reasons you two broke up when it happened.