I feel I may be suffering from depression.

[Donal]

Hi. I think I suffer from depression, here is why I think so:

My bedroom is almost always constantly a mess. Sometimes there would be a pile of magazines on the floor for weeks on end and the thought would never enter my mind to clean them up. When I do think of it, I feel like I have a change of something in my brain, like as if my brain feels "high or low", and normally I feel inbetween, but when I think of cleaning my room my brain gets real low. I feel like cleaning up my room is a daunting thing, and so everyday I wake up and my room is filthy yet I do not do anything about it, not a single thing, even though I know it is completely wrong, I just don't have the capacity in me.

I dropped out of school 3 years ago after being bullied. I had a speech problem and I am a bit overweight, so I was to nervous to talk back and I feel a lot of emotional pain thinking back. I had a friend back then but when I left school we didn't talk anymore. I was in my house like all the time, I would only leave my house to collect my unemployment benefit. I feel like being in all the time has affected me, and I feel like just going out for a walk is a really hard thing to do, and I get the "low feeling" in my brain when i think of doing it, and I can actually sense this feeling happening in my brain. When the feeling stays too low for prolonged periods of time I think of suicide.

I seem completely happy to everyone, people just think i'm 100% fine, like as if there is nothing different about me. I am a young man, people classify me as intelligent but I feel completely different on the inside, I feel like I can't do much in the world. When my Dad worked he used to leave in the morning, and come back in the evening and he put on the dinner and did all the housework, while I did nothing all day long, only watch TV and listen to music, all the time. I wanted to do everything for him, but there was just some barrier that made that feel impossible.

I had an opportunity to go to a school to finish my exams. I went there for a couple of weeks, I don't know how thinking back on it, but I dropped out because it seemed like such a difficult thing getting up, going there, and doing the study, and stopped going there, even though I really really wanted to get my exams, and it was a great opportunity.

I also sometimes don't shave for weeks, and I wouldn't shower for about a month or so. I would wear the exact same clothes all the time, my hair would be uncombed. I would also for times be asleep all day and awake all night, and I saw nothing wrong with that. There is also more that I feel like I just can't do, basic stuff.

I might suffer from depression, and if I do, what do you think could help me beat it?

[OrionsDream]

At first, when I read that your room is messy, I thought "psh this guy aint depressed" but as I kept going, I realized that yeah you probably are...

I think a huge sign of depression is the drop-out-of school part.

BUT I think it is absolutely great that you can at least identify it...
I know/knew some ppl who dropped out of school, just like you and pretty much did nothing all day. If I were to tell him he was depressed, he would close up and get humoungously defencive, so i'm really glad you can identify that...

I'll PM you, maybe we talk on msn, or even better AIM if you have that.. but i'll tell u my msn on the PM...
cya soon!

[CaCoDeMoN]

I agree with OrionsDream. This is certainly a depression.
I had depression myself(but not so serious) and meditation helped me a lot with it. If you want my advice on meditation, PM me.

[filipcza]

I agree, what you describe are all signs of depression. Basically it seems you have lost the desire to do things, everything feels a huge effort and I bet you haven't felt happy, really happy in a long time.

A applaud you that you wrote here and had the courage to face the situation. That's the hard part which sadly many depressed people can't do, and many times those people end up killing themselves. You may think that it's not that bad, but I feel it is. If suicide has come to mind, even for a second, then that is a warning sign that something is really wrong.

But please don't blame yourself, and add to the problem. What you need to do now is pull yourself out of your situation. Or using another words pull you up, because you are in a really low vibratory state right now.

It won't be easy, but this is something you MUST do! If there is someone who can help you to get back "out there", then ask for help. Ask someone to come over and go to a walk, or to a movie anything to get you out and going places.

This might sound hard, but it won't be if you start small. But you must start right NOW!

It won't get any easier the more you wait. On the contrary it will get harder and harder. Every time you give in to that "low feeling" it gets stronger and you get weaker. These low feelings may be neg influences which try to bring you down, so fight them with everything you have! Your life may depend on it.

Try this little meditation now, and do this every time you feel the "low feeling" is getting closer:

In your mind or aloud think of something spiritually high, like God, "Angels of light" or whatever you feel comfortable with, and say something like:

"I call for Angels of Light!"

"Please come to me and cleanse me with your divine light"

"Fill me with your love and drive away any negativity that resides within me"

"I call for divine Light, please enter my body and give me strength"

"I am filled with Light"

You can say anything along those lines, as long as you are addressing high sources.

While you say/think these words, feel that White shining light is pouring down through your head and it fills your whole body. Breathe slowly and deeply while doing this, really seeking the feeling of light filling you and making you better. Repeat those lines and feel the light filling you as long as it takes to make you feel better. It doesn't have to take more than 10 seconds, or you can do it 20 minutes if you feel like it. But please do it.

Now if there are some negs involved in this, then they will start to fight you on this, saying things like "This is rubbish, don't do it" or "You have better things to do that that" or "It won't work anyway". That is sure sign that they are afraid and try to convince you otherwise. Don't listen to them. Do this and you will feel better.

After you do this meditation take the next step, take care of yourself. Take a bath and change into clean clothes. This will raise your vibration also.

Then take care of your surroundings: Open the curtains and let the light in through the windows. Ventilate your apartment and lastly clean your house. You don't have to do these all in one day, but do at least some of them now and show those negs that you are in control again. These steps will raise the vibration of your home, and that will have strong effect on your own vibration level.

The next step is to get out of your house. Take a walk, or go somewhere with someone you know. Any physical exercise would be great, if there is something you can do. Physical exercise releases endorphins and that is a powerful antidote to depression. But simple walk in the park gives good results also, you get fresh air, bright light and exercise. All these things again raise your vibration, which is what we are aiming here at.

OK this is getting really long post, so I stop here. I hope you will do that meditation right now and take one step at a time to get back being happy. Believe me it's worth it.

-Pete

[ubiquitous]

Hi Donal,
           Its been a while since you started this post and hope you are feeling better, i can relate to the messy room and staying in to much, like shutting down on the world.I have been unemployed for 3 months now ,after working since i left school. Going to collect my j.s.a is the only thing that gets me up so i can relate to your current lifestyle.

Is there many jobs where u live would u prefer to find work or do exams again? would u go out more if you had money???

I find comedy helps when i'm really low and also to untie all those emotional knots, poetry is a power like no other !!!

[Donal]

I am alright now. I have moved out of home. I am doing well, I feel like the depression has lifted a great bit. But my room is messy and I just don't get that drive to do it, or I am supposed to have a shower, but I don't do it.

I think what helps is picturing myself cleaning up my room or having a shower, then I more than likely do it.

I would prefer to work, and then go back to school next September, cos I feel like getting a job will really boost my confidence and I would make friends if other people are out going towards me.

Thanks for the techniques filipcza,  they work alright. I am 15 and a half stone, like 3 stone over my ideal weight, so I feel like this affects me too, I would really love to get down to about 12 stone.

[OrionsDream]

hey good for u!! glad u feeling better
are you being supported by your parents? what is a average daily routine of urs?

[Donal]

Well I am out in my own apartment now, and i'm going well. I only have my Dad BTW, I lost my Mam to breast cancer when I was 3.

I am just on the lookout for a job ATM, been handing in CV's. I'm just trying to get my life back on track.

[OrionsDream]

cool to know... gettin a job ASAP will be the first major step u take... after that just keeping it is great.

glad its workin out

[Leannain]

damn! i identify myself completly with you Donal.
except im not a bit overweight i can barely gain weight :p

[Donal]

hi everyone. i'm trying the meditation and it's having an effect, I really want to be in complete control of my life, and rid these negative influences.

They are very embedded in me, but I try to keep them from stopping me.

[filipcza]

Great to hear that you are doing better!

You've got yourself going in the right direction so keep going.

-Pete

[bruudy]

Try to think positive and happy movements,keep yourself buy in different stuff.That's the hard part which sadly many depressed people can't do, and many times those people end up killing themselves. You may think that it's not that bad, but I feel it is.

[Lionheart]

Try to think positive and happy movements,keep yourself buy in different stuff.That's the hard part which sadly many depressed people can't do, and many times those people end up killing themselves. You may think that it's not that bad, but I feel it is.

Thanks for your post here Bruudy, but the OP here Donai hasn't been active since July 22 2008, so your helpful advice won't be heard by him!