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kundalini

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bluewhisper9

I am new to this site and would like to share some of my healing journey. For more than a year I thought I had MS. In August last year I developed some strange symptoms...these included a strange itch that seemed to move under my skin, extreme muscle weakness in my left arm, numbness in my extremities, exhaustion, among other things. At the time I was not connected to this site or any other spiritual community, but I had been going through some very deep spiritual shifts, in a very solo, organic way, for many years. Around that time I was experiencing a particularly big spell of conscious expansion. I also had a ten month old baby.
I went to see a doctor about my numb arm, and he'd said it was probably just a strain and would soon get better. A week later when my left arm virtually stopped working and my feet were so numb and heavy that it became difficult to walk I began to really worry. When doctors confirmed my nightmare that MS was the most likely cause I entered a dark night of the soul. My beautiful perfect life dissolved in front of my eyes. Suddenly my reality was filled with fear, suffering, pity.
But I am blessed because I live with my twin flame and his love is like a magic that soothes my soul. In his arms I found that sacred place inside that pulsates with an all encompassing love. In that space I knew that all was perfect. It was then that I consciously chose to walk the path of love.
I decided not to take the drugs that the Dr. recommended, and instead followed a diet approach. The process really taught me about my body. I saw how in the past I had treated it like a workhorse, and often ignored what it tried to communicate to me. I saw my illness as its way of communicating to me that I couldn't ignore. The more I got in touch with my body the more I realised just how much painful and fearful energy I had stored away inside it.
When I connected with my higher self I knew that I had to just trust this process that was unfolding within me. I knew that I was being re-wired, and going through a kind of metamorphosis. But I also believed that the MS was part of this process.
Throughout the year I have been releasing and healing on so many levels and making peace with so many aspects of myself. I got 90% use back in my left hand most of the other symptoms went away.
Then this year in August I returned to Montreal where I grew up (I live in the rainforest in Australia). While I was there I felt quite confident and so stopped my strict diet which includes no dairy, or gluten and spent a month eating bagels and cream cheese, pain au chocolat and anything else that took my fancy. About half way through the trip I began to feel the itch that I called the ms itch. When I returned to Australia the area where the itch had roamed became numb.
I had thought that I had resolved the MS, but I now saw that I was not off the hook. I quickly lifted my game.
Then on Saturday 09 10 10, I stumbled across kundalini awakening symptoms. Now I knew about ascension symptoms, and while I certainly knew there were connections between them and the MS I experienced, none seemed as severe as what I experienced. But the range of Kundalini symptoms encompassed all my 'MS' symptoms and others that MS never explained, not to mention the whole spiritual component. Suddenly all the pieces came together and it slowly dawned on me that I don't have MS!! I thought I had MS AND was going through a spiritual transformation...now I realise I am just going through a spiritual transformation!! What a change of perspective!!
However while I feel much lighter without the MS hat on, it doesn't really change much on a practical level. I know that I have to take care of my body so that it can sustain the high levels of energy that move through me. I am thankful for all that I learned while I believed I had MS, and I have so much compassion for people who live with this frightening degenerative debilitating disease.  

If anyone here knows a lot about Kudalini energy I would love to communicate with you.  





Stillwater

QuoteBut the range of Kundalini symptoms encompassed all my 'MS' symptoms and others that MS never explained

Go into more depth about why think that.

A lot of people lately have been attributing troubles in their life to Kundalini; it is unclear how to make a strict "diagnosis", since the symptoms people associate with kundalini vary so much, but there are a few symptoms which people consider hallmarks. Perhaps what you are calling spiritual experiences are emotional movements related to the events going on you described in your life, brought on as a reaction to a great perceived change in your life. Very few people who have brought this idea up lately seem to match very closely with the "classical" idea of what kundalini is, and so it was unclear why they felt it was responsible for their experiences. I would urge you to consider exactly why you are considering kundalini sickness as the root of your troubles, and not just settle on the idea capriciously.

And welcome to the forums!  :wink:
"The Gardener is but a dream of the Garden."

-Unattributed Zen monastic

NoY

That was a nice read Blue thanks for posting and welcome to the pulse


:NoY:

Pauli2

I would first say that it's best to rule out any physical illness, like viruses or mental problems, so going to another doctor and getting a second opinion is good.

You don't write that you've had any sensation along/inside your spine, like a spear of fire shooting up to your head, so I'm not sure if I would classify your experience as a traditional kundalini rising. I think omcasey has written one or two Forum threads about her kundalini experience, which might be more in line with what you've experienced.

Then you could read the http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/welcome_to_energy_body_and_the_chakras-b13.0/ Forum or just do a general Forum search for 'kundalini'.

The person that I think knows most about kundalini may be Robert Bruce, he answers questions at his own forum site.

Have you experienced anything that could be classified as a belief system crash?
Former PauliEffect (got lost on server crash), http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauli_effect

bluewhisper9

Thanks to those of you who have replied. I find it difficult to respond as the process that has been unfolding within is so complex. It touches all aspects of my life including spiritual, emotional, physical as well as the practical. I had an awakening in 1996 where I became aware of my multi-dimentionality, my divinity and interconnection with all. After that first peak I 'got on with life', but also pursued my own spiritual unfolding, in an organic personal way.

I think as your replies suggest the problem might be my association with the term Kundalini. It is true that Kundalini refers to a very specific process that culminates in a "snake" energy moving up the spine, aligning all the charkas and shooting through the head. As I said the process I am going through is personal and organic, and I am not sure if this is where I am heading. But I do know that my process involves high levels of energy moving through my body, and there are many similarities with my experience and the experiences of people going through a Kundalini awakening (spiritually, psychologically, and physically).

In the last year I found out there were more people out there going through similar experiences, and maybe this is new a phenomenon and has no real precedent in our history. But although Kundilini awakening may not be the exact process we're going through, it is the closest thing we can compare it to. For me it is important for me because it explains the effects that powerful spiritual energy can have on the body. Before reading about Kundalini I didn't know that light energy moving through the nervous system could damage the body.

Also I would like to add that this is not some willy nilly thing that I have clutched onto. Obviously, believing I had MS for a year, I saw many doctors and specialists. None could absolutely confirm that I had MS, but all agreed it was the most logical condition, based on the symptoms. However when I discovered that Kundalini awakening can mimic MS everything fell into place. Even my family, who are all PhDs (psychology) and do not believe in any 'mumbo jumbo', have had to agree that, based on all that I have experienced, the Kundalini  explanation actually makes a lot more sense than MS.

I have decided to share something I wrote as I was right in the crux of the onset of my symptoms. This may give others a glimpse of an aspect of my process.

With love, c

bluewhisper9

Written: Aug 2009

For many years now I've been delving been in exploring my inner self and world. This journey has been at times frightening, euphoric, challenging, confronting, humbling, empowering, mysterious, and fascinating. The further down I dug, the more aspects of myself I discovered and was able to bring up into the light of consciousness, and the more complete I felt myself become.

Recently I began to feel that the end of my quest for unity was approaching but that the last aspect to emerge from the depths was the scariest of all. I had glimpsed it in the past. One of the ways it appeared to me was as a vicious wounded animal stuck deep in a dark cave. The scary beast would lash and anything that approached. I knew that to complete myself I would need to embrace this dark, frightening aspect, but I didn't really know how.

In the meantime my search introduced me to two aspects that I came to call the Divine Whore and the Prima Donna. The Divine Whore is animalistic, sensual, free, aggressive, raunchy, and cocky. Whereas the Prima Donna is wholesome, sweet, prudish, judgmental, constrained, and refined. Needless to say these two aspects did not think much of each other. A few weeks ago, while working with these aspects I managed to create a constructive dialogue between the two. It was an extremely dynamic and rewarding dialogue which acted to heal the rift and bring not only peace between them, but a mutual understanding and respect.

It was shortly afterwards I finally found myself faced with the dark frightening energy that I had glimpsed but never actually met. The resolution between the Divine Whore the Prima Donna appeared to be the key to accessing this part of myself. Rather than approach with fear I showered this aspect with love and offered to release it from its dark confines and bring it up into the light of consciousness. In that moment I felt a deep, unified, harmonious love wash over me.

It was shortly after this that my arm went numb and began to lose its ability to function. When it became clear that MS was likely the cause I felt frustrated and angry. MS is a disease in which the immune system attacks the m and nerve coating in the brain. Two parts of the same body in conflict, it seemed dismally ironic that I should be struck with this illness so soon after I felt that I had achieved the inner unity I had been striving towards for years.

Why is this happening to me? This must be the universe's way of humbling me. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. But I refuse to see myself as a victim. I trust that the universe is not out to get me. On some level I must have chosen this. I am the author and the main character in my life.

I fluctuate between fear and love. I want to die to end this nightmare... Everything will be okay I'm surrounded by love. I knew I had to find a balance between my positive and negative emotions. Too far in either direction could be dangerous. If I let myself float too far down the river of despair it would be difficult to get back; and if I forced myself to stay positive I would stifle the negativity that needed to be expressed. I guided myself through a precarious balance between the two.

I read on the Internet about people's stories of their battles with this disease. How they wanted to beat the wicked thing-a battle between good and evil. But my inner delving had taught me that it is a mistake enter this dualistic way of thinking. It felt innately wrong to my way of seeing the world, which is that ultimately we are all one. As I thought about this I decided to see this disease as a teacher instead of enemy. Seeing it as an ally instead of an opponent helped me to relax into this reality a little easier.

Then at some point it dawned on me that what was happening, rather than being a dismally ironic reaction to my inner workings, this was actually the physical manifestation of this process. This is what happened when the wounded, crippled, dark frightening aspect that had always been tucked deep away came the surface.

"Bet you really hate me now" it said. "It was easy to love me when I was just an abstract concept, but it's a bit different now it isn't it? You've been living the great life up here, while I've been toiling and suffering in the darkness, but now that we have been reunited you have to live with me."

I saw it all so clearly then. Part of me thought 'Great look what you've done. Couldn't just leave well enough alone could you. Had to go digging up trouble'. But my wiser part knew that this crippled aspect is part of me and to reject it would go against everything I had been working towards. Of course this part was hurt and angry it had been living in the depths where I had shoved everything I didn't want. Neglected and unloved it withered and began to seethe. And even though it had been tucked far away it had always been a part of me keeping me from ever feeling completely at peace.

I began to realize that rather than a curse this disease is an opportunity to heal that part of me in a real practical sense. It desperately needs to be loved and cared for, to be nurtured and doted on. I began to caress my arm I'm so sorry I love you you're wanted I will not reject you. I felt a small hesitant smile appear.

Later on Saturday night I asked Tom to rub my shoulder as it was extremely tense because it was compensating for the deadened and muscles in my arm. As he rubbed away the tension I felt myself relax. Then something magical happened, the new aspect came to the forefront of my consciousness and began to cry with relief. 'I'm finally free! Ahhh it feels so good, so unbelievably good'. I looked up at Tom and he saw me and started crying "ahh my sweet love, my sweet, sweet love" and held me tight and rocked me gently. Oh how I relished the embrace. Afterwards I asked Tom what he had seen when he looked into my eyes. "So much sadness and hurt" he answered, "like a lost little girl". The hardness melted away.
"It feels so good to be here after so long", I cried. So good to be out of the darkness and bathed in love.

After I fell back into Tom arms and lay on his chest and a beautiful peace. Ever since I first made the MS connection my head had not stopped ticking, analyzing, striving to make sense and understand. Now I was finally able to stop and just be. Ahhh bliss.

It was after that to my out look began to shift, this wasn't just going to be a journey of hardship and struggle, there was going to be incredible joy as well.

Pauli2

Thanks for sharing bluewhisper9.

If you have done any retrieval or any kind of astral projection, and you meet any of your aspects, you have to calm them down, send love to them and hug them, yes hug them in the astral. This will make them merge with your current you. You need to merge your astral body with your aspects.
Former PauliEffect (got lost on server crash), http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pauli_effect

Jon_88

Ye i had something similar , only i didnt call them aspects but sections but i guess its the same thing. Anyway some of the sections of me wich i first didnt know existed and absolutly didnt think was part of me. Anyway this parts would rutinely haunt me in my dreams( guess some would call them negs). Until i just had to face the fact that this was also me. And intergrate them. They began showing up right after me in my hubris had worked considerble to destroy my ego. Well what happend that soon after a new ego was created and now all thise new section began to show up.

Anyway for me that work seems done now. I realy like how it all turned out. And for my dreams , I havent had had something that i could remotly call nightmare since. I now only have peacefull dreams and dreams with action in them.

Anyway Congratulations on not having MS , its such a vile decease.