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Author Topic: suicide, death, cutting, and... stuff...  (Read 3588 times)
SmileySpirit14
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« on: April 24, 2005, 18:57:56 »

not sure where this goes... but whatever.


ugh... i dont know where to start, i got a lotta stuff running through my head now.

ok... well, back a few years ago ive always wanted to die but i make myself live in hopes things will get better and i know i'd hurt people around me by dying. my friend "jen" feels the same way bcuz we've both been through so much hell (i dont wanna get into details in a public place). back in november i promised my friend "tom" i wouldnt cut and its been hell but im still havent broken it yet. my friend jen has a problem with cutting also, and she promised me she wouldnt. today like 3 minutes ago she informed me she broke the promise. i didnt get mad, but i offered her a second chance to help herself, if she wants to take it. and she didnt want a second chance... she just wants to give up on life kinda like i just about have... even though i want to kill myself,  i have to stay strong for the both of us... and i have been... i still havent given up yet

anyway... i can handle this situation and everything, its just maybe someone elses perspective may help me see something i dont. we've been to see counselors, we got medication, blah blah...

whatever. just tell me what you think
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Eol007
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« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2005, 19:02:14 »

C,

Don't what I can do to help, but know that I am still around if you need an ear.

Stephen
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« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2005, 19:02:14 »

logoVisit the website of Astral Pulse creator Adrian Cooper.

Home of the best selling book Our Ultimate Reality.

Astral Projection, Metaphysics and many other subjects.

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data
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« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2005, 21:40:11 »

Smiley,

As someone whose been where you've been(but not self mutilated, I don't like pain, life's pains were enough) I know how futile it is to try and cheer you up. I remember when I had my lows and how I would post on message boards, and people would just try and cheer me up or undermine my problems.

All I can tell you is, killing yourself is not going to end your problems, it's going to make them worse. You will find yourself in your own personal hell in your afterlife, living your pains for what will seem like an eternity. Your current life is but a heart beat in this universe. You will have many more. Don't condemn yourself thinking this is your last. Just live. I know it is hard, but at least you are trying by living.

Secondly, self mutilating may give you an escape, even a sense of pleasure. But all you are doing are reinforcing the notion that you are depressed, worthless in your subconscious, and just making it much harder for yourself to break those thought patterns. If you are going to live. Then it is better you don't live with these notions. It is better you don't self mutilate and damage yourself any further.

You have many problems as it is already. Don't add further problems. Now, let's deal with your problems. Write down all your problems. Every quibble with the life you have. Get it all out here, and let's work on your problems together Smiley
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SmileySpirit14
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« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2005, 03:57:12 »

major tom.. the link you gave me doesnt really load up on my computer..




data.. i already know about all that stuff, you dont have to preach to me about it. ive read books and blah blah. i am all my friends psychologist basically -_- i study psychology. i know people cut to get a numb feeling to silence their chaotic mind or.. whatever, anyway.
you just want me to say all my problems right here, to everyone?  '-'
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CaCoDeMoN
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« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2005, 07:41:35 »

I don't know what will be best for you, but I've won with my depression by meditating and learning how completely control my thoughts. It's better to not think at all than to think about suicide. Also you should remember that all emotions are ruled by thoughts, so when thoughts stop, emotions will stop few moments later. There were moments when depression  was unbearable to me. I listened to music then, because it can help to silence thoughts and put me in somewhat better mood. Of course I am not talking about about some happy kinds of music or classical music(to enjoy it I have to be happy already) but  something that you can enjoy, even if such music would be called "depressing" by the other people.
When there's no depression, but also no desire to live, the best solution will be meditating on your lower chakras, sending energy to them through legs(like in NEW and Treatise On Astral Projection by Robert Bruce) - for me 100-200 times for each lower chakra was enough.
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« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2005, 07:41:35 »



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data
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« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2005, 10:32:52 »

Quote
data.. i already know about all that stuff, you dont have to preach to me about it. ive read books and blah blah. i am all my friends psychologist basically -_- i study psychology. i know people cut to get a numb feeling to silence their chaotic mind or.. whatever, anyway.
you just want me to say all my problems right here, to everyone?  '-'


Well if you know all this, the thought of suicide and self-mutilating should not be given any consideration by your mind. Perhaps, you needed to be reminded you knew already.

I actually thought, am I asking a bit too much by asking him to reveal all his problems here in front of everyone, before I asked you. Then I realized this guy wants to commit suicide, he's already low enough, why would he even care about what others think about his life now.

I need to know your problems, before I can help you Smiley If you are still shy about it, you can PM me if you want. If you don't want to go forward with this, then I understand, just to let you know, if you need me, I am here for you.
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SmileySpirit14
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« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2005, 21:58:18 »

i... i dunno.. im confused. i havent asked anyone for help in a really long time.. ive always found ways to deal with it, but i dont feel like dealing with it anymore.. im so sick of fighting everything. i hate having to force myself to smile around people, and making myself laugh... just today at school i was "happy" and out of nowhere i started crying...ive been just.. shaky all day. i dont really like going to people for help bcuz after i start i just feel like im bitching about everything.. like im just whining. i call myself stupid for it.. and right away people go, oh, its aright to get help! dont be ashamed! blah blah blah! omg.. im gonna kill someone lol
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Scorpyn
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« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2005, 22:28:51 »

If you kill someone he/she won't be able to help you, so I wouldn't recommend it  wink

btw that includes yourself aswell. You need yourself to get better, so killing yourself would be a bad idea I suppose  Smiley
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georg19
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« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2005, 22:36:56 »

Hi Smiley
I am sending you some Reiki and have intended it to help your emotional
side and I hope this will help you. I am sorry about how you feel and hope that eventually you will be able to sort things out.
Regards Georg.............
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data
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« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2005, 23:20:22 »

Smiley Spirit,

I know you are confused. One part of you says "life is not worth living, screw people." While, another part of you is saying, "I hope I don't screw myself in front of people, how could I live again!

It is not a contradiction. It is just that you have more than one ego. In fact you have many egos. I've gone through this with my psychiatrist in the past. He actually said I was contradicting myself. I both considered people primitive, and feared at the same time.

However, I am hopeful for you, that at least one of your egos actually wants to live. Concentrate on this ego. It's still an ego, but at least it's not as destructive as your other ego. At least it's FOR life.

I relate to your habits of being happy and then suddenly crying. In fact I was crying everyday and would laugh at what I called a cosmic joke. Really, just looking up at empty space and telling the universe what a joke it was. I really felt worthless. I have actually attempted suicide. However, I overcame it. If I can do it. Why can't you?

It's not that my life is so much more better. It's more or less the same. I still don't have a job. I still don't have friends. I still have no clear direction in life. Yet, I am still positive and hopeful(most of the time) and I feel slowly, but surely, I am making progress and resolving my issues. I am so happy that my suicide attempt failed.

You are still young. There is a whole life ahead of you. It will change. I promise you it will change, but you need to believe it will change. You need to believe you will have your day.

What exactly are your problems. You can talk to me about them. You can grump to your hearts content. Don't feel stupid. It is better they are out than in. As I said, maybe I can help you. More important, maybe others here can help you too. We can all offer your solutions, advice, and explore your problems with you.

Don't lose faith in people. Sometimes, the worst of people can be your best friends in times of need. I know how it is in life, especially in school, and the social dynamics. It can lead to long spells of depression. It becomes very difficult to ever trust anyone again. It was due to school life that I became very misanthropic. However, I am not that today. Why do you think I am not?

P.S. You laughed about the idea of killing someone. I seriously considered once, becoming a serial killer. It was either killing myself or killing others. Perhaps, serial killers are simply those who have through the same questions I asked myself, and chose the other option. As much as I hated people, I could never bring myself to harming anyone, not even verbally, it was obvious I did not hate people really. It was just an ego. Thank god I killed that ego.
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