My Journey Has Lead Me Here

[Identity]

Hello, all.  I am from the middle of nowhere in the USA.  I am 26 and feel like I am at some sort of cross roads or something.

I don't even know if I am at the right place, but someone on another forum pointed me here, so here I am.  I guess I am looking for answers and I want to gain some sort of understanding.  I am not in search of learning astral projection or out of body experiences or anything like that--I am woefully uneducated in these things, but what I am interested in may lie in studies of subjects like these.  

I am plagued by this feeling that I have some purpose that I am not fulfilling--that something more for me is out there.  It is a nagging sense of unfulfillment.  It is frustrating and confusing for me.  

I have felt since I was pretty young that I have some sort of psychic ability, but I have always been too frightened to pursue it, and I was raised Catholic and still am but am having conflicts trying to reconcile my religion with this attraction I have for the paranormal or supernatural.

Further complications include a nagging mysterious illness I have had for over a year and a half now--all blood tests are normal, but I definitely *not* normal.  Since this illness set up, I have changed in every possible way.  In short, I suffer from constant fatigue, muscle weakness, lack of energy, problems concentrating and focusing, problems thinking, weight gain, problems sleeping, etc. etc. etc.  I could go on forever.  Anyway, I have recently found a doctor who may be able to help.  So maybe in the next several months I will get better.

Yes, I know it must seem like I am rambling and all over the place here, but I just am not sure what to say or how to articulate what information I am looking for.  Lost, aren't I?

Anyway, the thing that specifically brought me here was this experience I have occasionally while going to sleep--I can see through my eyelids?  Does this make sense?  I sleep with a sleep mask because I am very sensitive to light.  Often, I can see my room through my eyelids and through the sleep mask.  Sometimes, I see vague shadows and shapes with movement--mostly in shades of black and gray--kind of fuzzy around the edges like they are vibrating?  And, lately I've been seeing flashes of white/light gray and red (all of this happens on the inside of my eyelids--does this make sense)?  This experience seems to be cyclical--sometimes it is so vivid that it is distracting; sometimes it is barely happening.  I am never paralyzed when this happens--I have full mobility.  It always happens as I am falling asleep, though during the day it happens, too sometimes if I close my eyes.  Sometimes I also hear things that aren't there when this happens--almost all the time it is the ringing of a phone and it scares the crud out of me.  Sometimes I hear doors closing, too.  All pretty normal things--maybe I have heard a voice once.  I also experience this awful feeling of falling as I fall asleep sometimes--it scares me and jerks me awake.

Anyway, I once spoke to a good friend about this and she had no clue what I was talking about, so I didn't talk to anyone else about it--I thought I was either a) going crazy, b) too imaginative for my own good, or c) have something wrong with me.  (I was an English major and am an English grad student on hiatus, I guess--so I have a good bit of imagination.)

So, after reading this terribly long introduction--am I in the right place?  Which board on this forum should I post my experiences?  

If anyone has any reassurances or tips or insights that would be helpful to me, I welcome them all.

Thank you,
Nicole

[Leannain]

greetinga.hope you enjoy ur stay

[NeoSaturn]

ya i WAS catholic but didn't like it.

as for you coming here? only you can be sure of that but there must be some significance in it, so hello and welcome.




I'm a newbie too! could you guess?

[Frank]

Hope you like it here!

Yours,
Frank

[RTCovenant]

I hope you get better.

I knew someone that a mysterious illness. Turns out that the yeast and vinegar they were eating (found in every day foods) was feeding a menacing bacteria in their throat.

Welcome to the forums!