I want to die

[Frank]

The real problem you are about to face, if you fulfill your wish to place your physical body in a state where it will no-longer function, is you will still be left with You at the end of the day. Problem is, you can't actually kill yourself.

It is highly likely, all that will happen is, you will find yourself in basically the same depressing circumstances on the Astral, as you are now on the physical: only more so, because you will almost certainly get locked in an ever worsening emotional spiral.

I have a regular guide who takes me around the lower planes and shows me some of the more interesting cases where people are locked in an emotional loop. Many of them can be quite entertaining and joyous to watch. But I have seen some truly awful suicide cases where people keep trying to mutilate themselves over and over again.

The reason why you find yourself in the circumstances you are in, is because of the powerful negative emotions you are releasing. Though I fully accept that you, yourself, may not see it that way.

Best of luck, anyway.

Yours,
Frank

[Gandalf]

Well said Frank.
Sorry Comus but thats one of the hard facts about accepting this greater view of the world.
I too once had thoughts of 'swinging from the rafters' due to the fact that I thought that my obe exit trauma was too much to deal with. (See: OBE fears affecting my health)
but I've learned to accept it as a challenge to overcome and I'm now almost excited about it!
Once you learn about the astral you will realise that as Frank says you will not escape your problems, they will just be magnified. You will be most likely caught up in an emotional loop. You may even end up becoming tied to an area of the real-time plane and constantly relive your negative experience,
do you want to become a 'ghost'?
I learned that everyone must deal with their problems and suicide doesnt help because you will STILL have to deal with the same situation on the astral, only I suspect it will be even harder.
It's just a hard fact of life I'm afraid.
You've stepped over the threshold now so you will realise that suicide is not the seemingly easy option that it once was, you won't 'escape' anything.


The time to deal with problems is NOW!

You've started talking about it which is the first step in the right direction.
It certainly helped me.

Regards,
Douglas

[Mobius]

G,day Comus

Hmmmm, not good mate, but on the upside, there is better luck just around the corner. Frank is right about the suicides & I have seen & interacted with some myself. We talked about this sort of off topic in astral chat under "what dreams may come", as they have one possible version of where suicides go in that movie (not that I necessarily agree with it), I felt from what I had seen, it was a lot like the movie "the others", people from the past or present, engaged in depressing mundane activities, but generally the scope of the individuals beliefs restrict them from moving on with things & casting off negative attitudes & experiences.

You just sound a bit depressed, maybe a bit down on the luck or can't seem to win for losing, you are obviously not dumb as you can use a computer, type, spell & write well, so you just have to start thinking positive & think of your self as lucky & expand your horizons, maybe get the out of the area your in.

I went through this phase when I was 15 & I thought nothing could be closer to hell, but there are so many suffering 1000 times worse, & later on in life those lessons learnt give you good life skills & experiences to draw on later.

The things holding you back is what you need to gain more information on, learn about & turn them from stubling blocks into stepping stones.

Worse comes to worse mate, see a doctor.

Good journeys

Mobius

[ZPE]

Hey Comus!

I just wanted to say that I don't know too much about what would happen to you on the Astral Side of Things, but I do Agree With Mobius.

quote:maybe get the out of the area your in.

believe it or not, but this is a huge factor in life.  I was born, and lived in Sunny over 3/4 of my life.  Then I moved to depressing butt Portland, Oregon.  I don't know where you live, but in Portland, it Rains, and is Gray outside more then 80-85 Percent of the year.  This had a huge Psychological Effect on Me!  I turned into a Depressed Mess!  I won't go into detail, but I was at the "Bottom of the Barrell".  I got the hell outta there after my Girlfriend, and I broke up (another Depressing Situation).  I got back into the SunShine which Brigthtened My Life Dramatically.  I suffer from Seasonal Depression, thats what the man calls it anyway.  I don't function well during the winter months.  I change the lights in the house to the brightest I can get (100Watt)  Let Me know if there is AnyThing Brighter then this!  

Anyway, I don't mean to ramble too much, but believe me, things can turn around, and get better.  Hang in there!    And Keep in Touch.

A Friend.

http://www.cdstreet.com/cgi-bin/artisthome_db.cgi?1237827

[Qball]

Try meditation about once a week or whenever you need it. It's a good way to connect with higher more positive feelings, and you will eventually feel the love your guides have for you.
St. John's Wort is a good herb for depression.

[alpha]

Hey comus,
Its time to start looking at things in a better light.I know it seems  impossible for you to do so now.But you just have to start with the little things.Take a look at my important message thread.You can change everything my friend.Ive felt just like you for a big part of my life.

Even though nothings really changed much around me.Everything is diff. to me.It all comes from within.

And also there is a suicide thread around here somewhere,you should read.

.All those thoughts inside that you hear.Are not even really coming from the real  you.I know this sounds like Bullchit.But its true.And its possible to get rid of most of them.Its going to take some time.So the sooner you start the better.

                                                                                Take it slow,ALPHA

-------------------------------
"WAKE UP!WAKEUP!WAKE UP AND LOOK AROUND YOU!WERE LOST IN SPACE AND THE TIME IS OUR HOME"
-------------------------------

[Patty]

Hi Comus,

Yes, you can make choices here.  It's not a simple thing like waking up and deciding "i'm not going to be depressed!" But it can be done. Deciding to do one small thing that you think will make your future better. I can't add much to what has been written except to point out that making small choices (even though it takes a real effort) really will, over time, exemplify how much power and control you have.

One other thing. During my deepest depression (I considered taking my life) I realized that "I" existed separately from my feelings. It is very easy to get caught up in the idea of being intimately intertwined with one's feelings (and most times it is appropriate and good to be so.) But there is a space where you can step away from your feelings and recognize that although 'they' exist, 'you' also exist independantly of them. If you can find that space or a similar space, you might get a breather now and then.

Caffeine reduces the likelihood of trying to take one's life.  Prescription antidepressants are wonderful medications.

Finally, my episode with depression is what has opened me up to greater spiritual growth. I don't wish depression on anyone, it sucks big time. But I simply would not be projecting, or even living a proactive life had it not been for depression. I would instead be living a life of reacting to whatever was put in front of me. Your situation sounds more chronic, so my experience might not apply. But I hope you can find a way through your depression to a more fulfilling life.


(((hug)))


ZPE: I had a roommate who used a special light (came with an umbrella to direct the light appropriately) for SAD. You might want to look into specially designed products like that. Also, time of day appears important for light therapy:

http://www.mercola.com/2001/feb/7/depression_light.htm

Patty

[Tisha]

Thank you everyone for such good answers.  Depression runs in my family, my dad was hospitalized and on "suicide watch" when I was a teenager.  My sister and mom have been on meds.  I go thru the occasional "bout," but I know that if I do the following, it passes:

1) eat right, exercise, sleep
2) get a broader perspective (i.e., it's not All About Me)
3) pray/meditate
4) SUNSHINE !!!!!!
5) talk to people who care!

Folks, if it ever gets bad enough to want to end your life, SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!    Sometimes the chemicals in your brain go out of whack and you need some intervention.  If you delay, you will end up in a downward spiral that is REALLY hard to get out of.  I'm not on meds for this, but I'm not a snob; sometimes meds are what it takes!!!!!  Even if it is temporary. Counseling helps too.  The whole point is to feel better FAST so you can make good choices for yourself.  

Don't mess around with this!  Comus, I think Frank said it best.   Suicide is not an escape.  Please know that "Wherever You Go, There You Are."  You are stuck with your own soul for eternity, so you might as well learn to LOVE . . . http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>

In a way, being depressed after physical death might be WORSE than life here on Earth, since in the otherworld there are no physical limitations to what kind of horrid little scenes you could create for yourself after physical death.  At least here on Earth, the trees are green, the skies are blue, the world is BEAUTIFUL no matter how bad you feel!  

Please call a skilled professional for some FAST help.  We're here cheeing for you all the way.

Much love,
tisha

[Qball]

Sometimes it is very difficult to change what is causing sadness or problems.
I do not believe we need hardship to grow spiritually. Actually I have seen hardships do just the opposite to people.
I still think you should try the rope technique even if it takes you a few months or longer to finally astral project.
There are techniques that can be used in the astral to cause certain changes in the physical world.

[Atlas]

Comus

I know you said no one should try to talk you out of it, but it's really hard to see someone in a sad situation and not offer anything.

There's nothing you can do really? What is it that makes you sad? I mean, if you are uncomfortable talking about it that's fine, but there are very caring people here and if there is ANY chance something can happen to turn things around, it might be worth taking it.

I had a friend who was suicidal once and I suggested he join any kind of group he could, not just therapy groups. Karate class, dance classes, bartending school, sports team, any kind of club. Sometimes just being around people who are having fun and are passionate about what they do can be contagious. It worked for him. Just an idea. In the end it's your decision of course. Good luck.

Atlas

[Mobius]

Hey Comus

Mate, I know you are not a teenager anymore, I looked your profile up before I posted you & noticed you are 20 years old & age & that was not what I was thinking about when I posted you.

There IS no age barrier when it comes to depression as Tisha could vouch for. I was just pointing out that I have been there myself & many reading your post have themselves as well, but are either past it or still suffering & so are interested in how you deal with this.

The temptation coming from my own experience is to somehow think YOU have all the answers, or should have, & to admit that, to people around you is a hard thing to do. When you are in a state like this, it is also likely you will bite the hand that is trying to pull you out of the quicksand. I'm sure your family would not like to see you dead or to go like that, & would want to know what they can do to help.

The reason I said "get out of the area you are in", is because you get stuck in a rut sometimes, & your comfort zone (the area you live, the job you have, the people you mix with) becomes a straight jacket on you, not a place for comfort. I've heard people say "home is where you make it", that's fine for people who don't like change, but you are literally forced to stop & examine what you are doing that is wrong & admit to yourself that leaving the dead wood behind might be the thing to do that saves your life.

I have someone close to me that spent 2 weeks in hospital in the mental ward for suicide attempt, I was there the whole time & I can tell you that seeing things from both sides now, I'm not sure which one is worse, having it happen to you, or watching someone you love dig their heels in & refuse help because of pride & fear of being labeled a loony. It's just not worth it, don't wait until that happens.

You are right about the taking tablets might be only a temporary solution, & it should be treated like that, you wouldn't want to be on them long term anyway, but they are definately a helping hand & will give you the positive frame of mind you need to better combat your situation.

All the best mate

Mobius

[Windameir]

Comus
Your obiously not dumb or inept you convey your feelings well. Let me just say that life is a struggle for most of us I know it certanly is for me and it would only make you worse if I told you about my problems http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile_wink.gif" border=0> . As far as people likeing you I just read posts by quite a few people who obiously care. Just know that your not alone.

Take Care
Happy Travels
Windameir

To make the best better

[ZPE]

Hey Comus.

Having a tube shoved up your nose, pushed all the way down to your stomach pumping out a bottles worth of rubbing Alcohol that I chose to drink is no Teen Thing.  Sleeping for 3 1/2 Days due to my 30 odd Sleeping Pills that I Ingested is No Teen Thing.  I was 21 at the time I did this to MySelf, a Year Older then what you are Going through Now.  I speak from My Personal Expirience.  I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.  I was sharing with you what helped me out the most.  I sent 5 summers back to back because I Hate Winter Time.  I have traveled from Los Angeles, to Australia to Stay in Summer.  I've done this since 2000.  I hate Winter!  I've had an Episode of Depression just recently.  I haven't been this depressed in Years, but being winter here, the Cloudly Gloominess has gotten to me.  But, I managed.  Now its not NEARLY as bad as what it was when I was 21, but the Point Being is You can get through it.  Aside from being Winter Time, and gloomy SomeTimes, I'm the Happiest I have ever been in My Life.  

I would suggest doing something that you Love.  I would also suggest, (I know its hard, and tiring) but just keep on reminding yourself, that You Will Get Over it, and make it through.  Thats what I do, and while somedays are hard, I always make it through it.

You Will Be Ok....

Trust Me.

http://www.cdstreet.com/cgi-bin/artisthome_db.cgi?1237827

[alpha]

hello comus,
Have you ever thought that you are empathic?What you just said made sirens go off in my head.We are alot alike.Heres a page you might want to look at.And there are also other  people alike here..http://www.astralpulse.com/forums/images/icon_Smile.gif" border=0>

http://www.geocities.com/spectre_archangel/empathy4.html

Like you I also have so many things that I want to do.Its not that I cant do these  things.I know that I can.Its the way that most people are that stop me.Their emotions will become tangled up in mine.And I will get depressed and grow angry.Alot like the way they themselves feel..If they are a really strong hater.It will give me an anxiety attack.If they point their chit at me

.Alot of people are in hell.And they want us to be  there with them.
So often it will happen for no reason.Even if you have never hurt or done anything to make these people mad at you.

I hope this makes some sense to you.Rarely do I go out into the real world.But things are changing.

It doesnt have to be this way.Im moving along slowly.Making some progress.And im being helped.My last attack was more than a few months ago.

Really there isnt anything wrong with you at all man.

-------------------------------
"WAKE UP!WAKEUP!WAKE UP AND LOOK AROUND YOU!WERE LOST IN SPACE AND THE TIME IS OUR HOME"
-------------------------------

[Frank]

quote:Originally posted by Comus:
Thanks for all the good replies.

Frank/Gandalf: I don't think I'm a bad person. In fact I show more compassion for the sick than most of the people I know. Why would I end up in lower realms and try to kill myself again and again when I'm already dead in the Physical? The depression I have is a consequence of the problems I have in the Physical. Knowing that I'm dead I'm no longer pressured by the burden of "trying to survive". I think I will actually be happy and free.

I never said you were a bad person. Though, on the other hand, I'm not sure whether having compassion for the sick, in itself, would necessarily mean a person was all light and good.

Perhaps, you are relating the lower planes exclusively with bad and evil?

If so, that is not the case at all. There are some very happy and joyous inhabitants of these planes. Problem is, you can get caught in a very happy and joyous emotional loop. But it's still an emotional loop and you are still just as trapped, i.e. your Spirit is going nowhere development-wise.

You say, "....... when I'm already dead in the Physical."

Problem is, as I said to you originally, what you are calling "I" (what I term the You of you) doesn't die! That is why I cannot, for the life of me, understand why you would wish to get rid of your physical body.

Okay, I fully accept you don't see it this way. But, believe me, your physical body is the best hope you have right now. It's the only solid protection you have shielding you from directly and instantly experiencing the full-blown effects of the negative emotions you are releasing!

If you do away with that body, You (meaning your whole collective sense of conscious awareness, together with all the highly-charged emotional baggage you are currently carrying) will automatically and instantly be transported directly to the Astral.

Frankly, and please excuse me for being so direct, at your current level of Spirit development you won't stand a cat in hell's chance of remaining "free" of anything.

It is highly likely you will (again?) become trapped in a negative downward spiral of the like I strongly suspect you have been trapped in before, and for a very long period of time. THIS is the CAUSE of your current problems. The legacy from which is what you feel within you.

It has nothing whatever to do with your current Physical circumstances. Your current Physical circumstances are merely a reflection of this.

Somehow, by the skin of your Astral teeth, you managed to get out of that spiral. Thus enabling your Spirit, i.e. the You of you, to continue to grow. I very much doubt you would have done that all by yourself. Someone (a higher being who will have experienced much the same in their own Spirit development) will have helped you come out of it.

They will be watching over you right now, praying for you and hoping that you will turn around and realise the emotion-fuelled loop you are in. Just like you realised the time before when they rescued you on the Astral.    

Now you have been given a golden chance, and have been put on this Physical plane in order that you can best deal with the emotional load that keeps arresting your Spirit development. It's the very best chance you have of finally breaking the loop. So don't blow it, use it to your advantage.

Oh well, best of luck and all that.

Yours,
Frank

[Tisha]

Comus, Frank is right.

Contrary to what you are thinking, the situation you find yourself in today is not peculiar to your life on earth right now.  So killing yourself won't free you from it!   The emotional/spiritual set of circumstances that led to your present unhappiness will follow you.   Eastern religions call it Karma.  

We in the west tend to simplify the concept of Karma and thus tend not to understand it too well.  Karma is a very Wholistic kind of thing - - - it encompasses not only this life but all of them . . . including your time in the Astral.  Even something "worldly" like physical pain has a spiritual/karmic connection.  Not that anyone "deserves" to suffer in a punishing way . . . . . . . it's more like logical consequences.  Karma is pretty neutral . . . and many of us suffer from it . . . so we should all feel blessed that we have "god," ancestors, angels, and/or other spirits who (for some weird reason) LOVE US and want to see us develop spiritually.

People struggle to understand the meaning of it all.   I know I sure did, for many years!   I've decided that it is best to see life on Earth as a training ground.  Karma causes all sorts of interesting life situations to bubble up to the surface.  To use volleyball metaphor, sometimes it's a volley, sometimes it is a spike.  The question is what are you going to do about it, especially if you are NOT ALLOWED TO END THE GAME?

tisha

[WalkerInTheWoods]

I am sorry that you are in such an emotional state. Realize that you are not the only one that has ever felt this way. I think this is something that we all go through. The teens and early twenties seem to be when this happens most often. There are lots of things that I would like to do, but may never get to. That is just life, you cannot have everything. You really need to stop looking at what you do not have and look at what you do have. Until you do you will never be happy. Think about some very materialistic person you know. All they want is more things, they are never happy with what they have. They keep thinking that when they get something new they will be happy and complete. The problem is they are looking outward for happiness. As soon as they get that something it is then theirs. Since they do not look at what they have, only what they do not have it does not make them happy. The same goes for all things, emotions, and people. As long as you are looking at what you do not have or cannot do you will always be depressed, for no one can do all things, posses all things, or do everything that they want. But if you look at what you do have, then you stop seeing yourself as incomplete and hollow and instead see the things that make you complete. I hope this makes sense. I have been through depression, so I know how you feel. I also know that unless you want to be happy and get out of it you never will. Learn from you experiences and learn to enjoy them.

One way to help you better see what Frank is talking about, see life as a video game. When you play a video game you are "in a different world" having experiences. But all games end. When the game is over you are still you, just in a different enviroment. When your physical life is over you will still be you, just a different enviroment. The problem is this new enviroment is very thought and emotional responsive. So you will still have to deal with how you feel, only much more directly. Your emotions will shape your enviroment. So through suicide all you are escaping is the physical world. The best possible thing that you can do is learn to deal with the situation otherwise you might get caught in an emotional loop until you do deal with it. Much easier to deal with on this plane than the other where you most likely would not get  a break from it.

[Patty]

Hi Again,

I wanted only to comment about the medication. First of all, I should say that different people respond differently to medication, and if you do decide to get some antidepressants your doctor may need to try different dosages or kinds.

Second of all, sometimes the medication is not just a short term fix. In some cases, getting the seratonin levels at the right place will kick the system into regulating itself properly again, and you can wean off. (Every case is probably different.)  

I have had stomach problems in the past, and I really resisted taking medication. I thought that I could beat the ulcers through diet, exercise, whatever. And I didn't want to be dependant on antacids to feel right.  But the thing is, taking the acid - blocker allowed my stomach to heal to the point where it could keep itself healthy on its own.   So when I finally took the medicine, I found that it got my system running properly again and after a few months I didn't need them any more.

Please don't be offended that I am comparing ulcers to depression. As I mentioned before, I have been suicidal. I know that depression is 100 times worse.  But I also hear you saying that you don't want to use a drug ---- and I am trying to offer what experience I have to help you see another possibility ---- That maybe it wouldn't be a long term prescription.

((((Comus))))

You know, even though I don't have depression now, I still see a therapist. It is good. It helps me realize that people help one another.

I hope you are having a good day. Keep at it. I'll check back on the thread regularly.

Love,


Patty

[josemi]

i recommend you all to read the book of michael newton destiny of souls   //www.geocities.com/josemiguelmazo/destinyofsouls1.html it deals with cases of regressions to the life between lives and gives explanations about what is the life like in the spiritual world. some of you have  said that if you commit suicide you get trapped in the astral zone, with negative feelings and remorses. i dont think this is necessarily true. in the newton s books come out cases of spirits who commited suicide in their prior lives and they were healed when they arrived to the spiritual world.
the books of bruce lack explanations of this kind, about what happen when you pass to the higher realms, to the real home of the souls.
in my opinion when you pass by a life of real suffering its because your soul has accepted this lesson and its written in your destiny. its part of the evolutive process of the soul, and later or sooner all the souls have to pass by it. to read the books of newton can be a help, because they give hope and understanding.

[josemi]

http://www.geocities.com/josemiguelmazo/destinyofsouls1.html

[iamacavemen]

Hiiiiii............................I am one who saw an angel  23 yrs ago........soo this happen before you were BORN!
 At 20 yrs of age you have no idea what the future hold for you !give your self another 20 yrs before you fail your test of lifes!! Yes this is a test !! we all are here on a mission!! what is your?? what is mine ?/
 Let me tell you about what i saw 23 yrs ago!!
  It must have been 2.00 am i was sound a sleep ....became aware of some one next to me! I was really thinking thisd was a dream?
But to my surprise the person who i feel behing me ccome inside of me!! i say on my GOd oh my GOD   i was feeling love from a way that was between a little puppy and a mother love !!! i say oh my GOD ...then i am told to prepare my self i was going too see!!
  i feel who ever was INSIDE of me come out and i saw ......Aeing of light and an angel....beauty warm love behing my word.....i have told my story a thousand time!1 will never be able to tell the way it happen because i am speech lessto express was i feel ...saw a being of light  it look  like some one have tock billion of statrs and put it in a shape of a teenger male... beauty behong i say oh my GOD a thousand time while this was happen and since them!!
I you like to hear more let me KNOW  friend
......I am now wiser and looking searching for my mission?
 We are here for a reason!!
  Be kind and be all what you can be
Plant a trees flowere hold little childrens love is the key I think!!
Love you and all other!!

iamacavemen@yahoo.com


love.....love.....love....we are all one
our brother include all lifes !!!what have we done Killing killing killing for $$$ power greed

[Qball]

I have also read that when a person commits suicide their spirit is healed when they arrive in one of the spirit dimensions. I would tend to believe this to be true since angels and other good spirits have unlimited love for humans.

[kakkarot]

comus: have you tried praying? i am in a constant state of depression from having to live in this world too, and there have been times when i told God bluntly that unless he did something (and i was specific each time) by a certain time, then i would kill myself because it would be easier that way. and yet, i am still alive today (but be warned that each time i did this, it was only at or near the very end of the time limit that it happened).

and don't worry if you think you are dumb and socially inept. i was socially inept in high school and it was only during the past year that i really gained any social skills at all (but i'm still alone). and if you think you are dumb, start reading stuff; fiction, science, magazines about the world: everything. you will learn lots from books.

and i especially recommend the dragonlance series that follows the group that includes Tanis Halfelven, the brothers Majere, the kender Tasslehoff, the dwarf Flint, Kitiara, and Sturm (or was it strum?). they are really good books that give you a lot to think about and lots of ideas about life. try them

~kakkarot

Secret of Secrets

[Tom]

The physical body has a powerful stabilizing influence. When I am lucid in dreams, even when I don't want to do things the actions are carried out. When I choose to do things there is enormous resistance. My mind is out of control even after I discover that it is a dream. It does not matter that it is just a dream and that the power is mine to influence it. I cannot use my ability.

It is likely that I am not the only one sending energy to you, Comus, and that those of us here inclined toward prayer are including you in their prayers even if it is not stated here directly.

[Tisha]

Comus, to answer your question to Patty (just in case she takes awhile to visit this thread):

The place to begin with meds is your regular family doctor. He or she will not think you are crazy.  Don't make an appointment for X weeks from now; rather, tell the receptionist that you need to be seen NOW.   Just say that you are depressed and are having thoughts about killing yourself, and that you need some immediate guidance.  After asking you a few questions he/she will take immediate action to make sure you see a social worker or a psychiatrist, pronto.

It will probably be a specialist he/she knows and trusts.  This is a much safer route than looking in the phone book.  If the office is having its own crisis (hey, it happens!), they might send you right to the emergency room.  You don't need to be bleeding to be seen there, just walk in and let the nurse know the deal.  Psychiatrists are on call to emergency rooms for exactly this reason.

Psychiatrists know when people are "depressed" and when they are "crazy."  That's what they went to school for!   So don't worry . . .  although every individual is special in their own special way, when push comes to shove, psychiatrists have seen many people just like you.  And they will know exactly what to do.

let us know how it goes,
tisha