not sure what this experience was..?

[Jlrchrd2]

last year around this time i had just started getting into meditation- i was reading a lot of different Buddhist books on how to meditate and books relating to the dhamapada- i woke up one morning around 7 with the urge to open the book to a random spot and start reading. i read "three lamas are here to reach you to full enlightenment, get up and shower" i was freaked out but went along with it thinking if im going crazy its better to go with it than to resist- so i took a bath, got out and opened the book again to read "eat, go outside- take a right and another right" so i followed the books directions- i went outside of my apartment and took a right and another right that led me to a dumpster- by this time i had three different books that i was opening up and reading- they all had the same "person?" narrating ...in some parts it was me narrating to myself for instance "so i sat down and started meditating" and then i would infer that was what the "person" wanted me to do- so i'd do it. when i started meditating- id meditate and look down and read- then meditate again- in between meditating- the book was explaining to me what it will feel like to die and to not have fear- but at this point i freaked out and started running back to my apartment. i called my friend and he came over but i couldn't relax and i didnt tell him what was going on because i didnt want to sound nuts. when we got in the car every song that came on was singing about things relating exactly to what i was thinking about ..pretty much seemed as if the "person/persons" were speaking through the music to me. the whole day went something like this- i went to class and the teacher was lecturing to me without knowing it about the mistake i made running away and how i "knew too much now and won't be able to go back" it scared the excrement out of me. i'm starting to realize now that it was something of the wider reality- trying to make me aware- but my question is - what "focus" was i in? was this an out of body experience or was i phasing without really being aware of it? even now as im writing this im scared that i made a mistake. when the book was describing death to me it stated . "sacrifice your body to the gods" i didnt bc i was too scared. and now i feel like im going to be punished or somehing whenever i finally do project or phase out?..im not sure but if anyone has any knowledge or idea of what this experience might have been or meant please let me know

[light487]

Take a deep breath......now... relax.

Try to remember that you are here to experience and part of that experience is to enjoy yourself. Try to enjoy this experience you have had. Yes, I agree it has been something that is opening your awareness up to the "connectedness" of the wider reality.. but at the same time you should remain skeptical and curious rather than believe everything at face value and fear it. There's nothing to fear.. just relax and go with the flow.

In regards to the "focus" state... I would guess that you were having a F1/F2 or F1/F3 experience as described by Frank Kepple's "system" of focus states. You were in Focus 1 as your primary focus point but had an overlay of Focus 2 or Focus 3 on top of that "Primary Focus", at least that's how I see the experience.

Certainly by "believing" that you have done something wrong, or believing that you will be "punished"... by believing that.. you most likely will be (by yourself!).. but you can choose to NOT believe that and then you will not be punished because it would be only yourself, your own doubt, fears and beliefs that would be doing the punishing.. nothing external to yourself.

I think we also need to remember that while there is no real truth to good and evil, there are entities out there that like to "play tricks". So it is entirely possible that during your experience, an entity decided to have a little play with you and that one or some of the things you read in the books was actually directed by that entity. They aren't evil by the common definition but more or less mischievious in nature. Nothing to worry about though.

The whole "knew too much now and won't be able to go back" thing is really just about your evolution.. now that you know up is up and down is down, you can't exact choose for down to be up.. well you can.. but the idea is that you have now moved forward/onward and with everything we learn, we have to realise that we can't go back into an ignorant state of being.