To Feel a Passing...

[cainam_nazier]

I am having difficultly getting this out in the way that I want...So please bare with me. 

I often know when a person dies, or is getting ready to.  Oddly enough my chosen profession put me in locations where this happens frequently.  But I have never really felt some one pass, at leat not while I was awake.

Saturday morning my Grandmother on my fathers side passed away.  I am one who accepts death rather easily.  It is after all part of the cycle.  But the problem I am having is that I felt her pass.  I felt it as clearly as if I was in the room with her.  I can accept her death, that is the easy part.  But I am left with this pain that is not mine, a confusion not generated by my own misunderstanding, and a burden that I should not have to bare. 

I am consumed by that whole night and I wonder if this will continue to be my lot.  I do not mean for this to sound negative but there are others that I am tied to stronger than I was to my Grandmother.  I am to feel thier passing as well?  Will it come through as clearly as hers?  Why was this placed apon me to begin with?  What am I to do with what was placed apon me?

I do not feel that there was anything that she left undone.  But she had a strong will to live and although she passed physically in her sleep she struggled against going.  There was much emotional pain and fear.  I think that she was mostly fighting against her fear, the not knowing what was to happen.

I dunno my thoughts are becoming too fragmented...

[MisterJingo]

Hi cainam_nazier,

Is this the first time someone in your immediate family has died?

[Sentinal]

I once had someone die in my hands. I saw the light leave his eyes and felt his energy go cold. The paramedics transported him flatline, the family was still hoping. It was a strange feeling when the doctors gave them the final word at the hospital. I remember thinking that the only thing left of this person, the last that I would see, was the blood on my hands.

I was not close to him, he was just a neighbor. I jumped in when he colapsed because everyone was in a panic and I am first aid trained. Still it was not a feeling I will forget. It does get easier to deal with in time though.

[Novice]

My thoughts are similar to runlola's. I'm not sure she intentionally focused on you, rather you were open enough to sense it.

You say you weren't particularly close to her, but I'm assuming that's compared to the rest of your family. However, compared to a colleague or a friend or someone you come across in your career (you mention you face this at work), I'm sure she's much closer than any of those. Perhaps that's why you felt her death more so than the others.

I gather what you felt and are still feeling are fear and anger from her, is that right? If so I'm not sure what to suggest. You've been on these forums long enough to know how will can affect a person after death. If she was a strong willed individual, it could be that she's struggling to hang on and you feel it because of your relationship to her and your sensitivity to these experiences. I've never tried retrieval work, but I know some people here have. When you feel strong enough, and it doesn't sound like that's the case right now, maybe you should try and contact her while AP. Maybe she would listen to you? Of course, you can also call a guide to help her or help you to help her.

I'm not sure if any of these thoughts help. I wish I could give you something definitive, but I can't. 

[cainam_nazier]

Hi cainam_nazier,

Is this the first time someone in your immediate family has died?

No, one of my Uncles died from liver/kidney failure (heavy drinker), and my Grandfather on my moms side died about 2 years ago from a stomach ulcer.  But with them it was didderent, I knew that they had passed but I didn't actually feel it.

Do you still feel her presence?

I don't feel her presence, but I can still feel her pain and confusion.  But now it's not like she is around but that emotional content is.

I'm not sure if any of these thoughts help. I wish I could give you something definitive, but I can't. 

Actually it was very helpful, and I might try some of that in a week or so, if it is still bothering me.

Dude your at the pulse!
if you want to run from all this stuff dont leave more than 1000 posts
just concider that you are developing your mind and bodys every day. an incencetive instrument is about as handy as a house brick to a surgeon. maybe that when she was confrounted with all the good she had waiting for her she was in bliss and she wanted to spend the remains of her time close to this world being in the hearts of those she loved

if your not going to love her and miss her who will?. dont you dare miss her just love her each day the way you always have. she is just un able to answer the phone right now thats all.
and if it hurts its only because she is such a lovely woman and it will be a while before you can hear from her again

Nodes

Nodes, I do still love her and I will miss her.  But I do like that thought, "she is just unable to answer the phone right now". 

It's not that I am trying to run from it or anything like that.  It's just this is a new experience for me.  My areas of knowledge and experience don't, or rather I should say that they haven't run into this thing before.  It is my hope that talking about it will help me understand/deal with/get a grip on what is happening.

I hae had to deal with other peoples emotions for a long time, I am used to that.  But this is different some how, maybe because it is so close to the heart.

[cainam_nazier]

Well just a short up date. 

What I was feeling before has passed into just memory now.  I am no longer feeling it constantly.  A couple of days ago I decided to try and contact my grandma while I was asleep.  Focusing very intently on her before I went to sleep.  The result was a multitude of odd dreams that seemed to melt away as soon as I woke up.  I can only remember snipets and can not seperate them out into different dreams.  But I woke up and was feeling better.

[Novice]

I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better now.