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Kundalini Awakening! :O

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Lunarvegan

Last Friday I had what I can only describe as a kundalini awakening. It has completely revolutionized my life and body. I feel incredible, in both positive and "negative" ways, and have adopted new habits that will benefit me enormously in the long run.

First off, I'm not going to beat around the bush here. I am schizophrenic, and I do smoke marijuana  occasionally. I know I'll probably get a lot of lectures, as I am already psychotic and should stay away from psychedelics, but the rare times I do smoke it, its the most incredible therapy imagineable. It does not negate my Schizophrenia, quite the contrary, it enhances it in the most incredible way possible. I am one of the few who actually has full blown hallucinations, both auditory and visual, after smoking marijuana. Also, I feel as though I am one with the universe, see and hear benevolent spirits (when I am not high and unmedicated I only see demonic creatures and am paranoid to hell) and am incredibly content.

What I experienced on New Year's Eve, however, was beyond ANYTHING I had ever experienced before. I was alone with my boyfriend at our apartment, and we were spending a quiet night in for spiritual reflection on the New Year. We smoked half a bowl each... At around a half hour, we got on the discussion on how I am not worth anything to society, as I do not work, or go to school, and cannot take care of myself because of my disorders... I usually feel completely useless and suffer from depression because I am very much looked down upon by society. But suddenly I felt as though none of this had any consequence. I felt something creeping up on me, a feeling, and I started crying my eyes out without knowing why...suddenly it was as though I was in another dimension, and I was absolutely, completely and entirely in utter BLISS and infinity. I felt as though I was one with every soul in existence, every THING in existence, and that together all of us composed "GOD". The feeling can only be described as infinite LOVE. It was beyond any words I can come up with though... love seems way too small a word, it was just so immensely powerful. When I came out of it, I started bawling my eyes out for 30 minutes straight - not because I was sad, but because I was unbelievably overwhelmed and happy.

The rest of the night was just bizarre; i kept seeing into the future, just "knew" things instinctively and was seeing all sorts of energy flowing around the room.

When I went to bed, I felt terrified I was going to die - I felt as though that experience was the purpose of my entire life... when I rested my eyes, I had an OBE, and the spirits tried to take me away because they said i did what I had come to this earth to do. I forced myself awake... but am still scared of them coming to take me away.

Unfortunately, I have had many terrifying psychedelic nightmares and OBEs since this experience. I'm very much hoping that they will desist in time.

However, on top of this, my entire life has changed, even beyond the unconscious realms. I have crying spells whenever I even remember the feeling, and I am overly emotional in all things; I cry for things I wouldn't have even turned my head at before. One instance I can remember, shortly following my experience... I looked at a picture of a piglet, and it made me cry for hours. It was so pure and innocent, and I understood that it had only come to this planet to love and be loved, and to have FUN and be happy, but that it likely wouldn't experience that because of its "role" in the human world.

I'm terrified to go out into public now because I am EVEN MORE sensitive to external stimuli. I am an empath off of my medications, but the experience seemed to have loosened the hold my meds have over me... Its scary for me to even walk to the store. Even being in my room on my computer is emotionally and spiritually draining on me now... and the nightmares are out of this world REAL and horrifying. It also feels as though I am getting electrical shocks in my brain and other parts of my body many times a day, and worse, i feel as though I may OBE at any moment - similar to how I feel when I am off medication...its very evident to me that the kundalini experience has weakened the effect of my meds. Often times I don't know if I am dreaming, OBEing or if I am awake... I have to do reality checks several times a day to convince myself.

Though I was a vegan before, cooked food now DISGUSTS me and I have become a full raw vegan because I cannot stand the lack of energy and life in cooked food any longer. Sugar makes me physically ill, grains turn me off completely, and even cooked vegetables make me a bit uneasy... I'm not sure what has provoked this!

On a positive note, I feel like I have such a deeper understanding of the illusion of the ego now, and can comprehend the meaning of the collective consciousness. What exists at the heart of all things is true bliss and love.  

I am 100% positive that my crown chakra was fully opened, and that I experienced a kundalini awakening.  I'm very overwhelmed by this whole thing, and wonder how long it will last.
Does anyone have any idea how to control all this new energy floating around in my brain?

EDIT: I should also add that moments after this experience, I had a POWERFUL urge to kill myself - not because I was depressed, but because I didn't want to wait to be one with God again. If my boyfriend hadn't been there to distract me, I am positive I would not be here right now. I didn't know kundalini experience could have such a strange effect on someone... :/

radman32

That is so awe-mazing. I'm glad to hear you have fully awakened to reality! I sadly agree that the common/modern world is defunct, and dead in many ways. BTW I envy you're full raw food/veganism, I wish I could be there with you. JW, have you ever tried to transition you're focus/consciousness to more oneness than wholeness, ie more consciously focused to your left hemisphere than your right? Do you ever have shifts in perception, affection, clarity?

radman32


Lunarvegan

Thanks a lot for the video!!! That is incredible and eerily near identical to what I felt! Wow! Like her, I could not distinguish "myself" from reality, I was simply part of everything. And it was the most beautiful feeling imaginable. NIRVANA.

Yes, I often have changes in perception and clarity. Frequently my mind focuses on the present moment by itself, completely and wholly, and all of my concerns and stresses dissipate for a few moments, and I feel incredibly happy and at peace... and then I snap out of it and everything resumes as it was.

The changes in perception are more scary, because I honestly often times think i am either a) watching someone else (the ego) act with no control, and am completely disassociated from my "personal' identity/appearance or b) completely aware of the illusion of the physical realm, and its as though I'm in some sort of surreal simulation - things look identical, but I cannot associate a meaning to the object/colour/setting/sound; its as though I'm a being in a foreign dimension. Without my medication, this feeling is almost perpetual and I have next to zero contact with "reality", and have to reside permanently in a mental hospital because I have no inhibitions about killing myself. Therefore, my medications are of the utmost importance to me... however, if I had a way to transform all this excess energy into a positive way, I feel as though I would no longer need them...

radman32

Have you ever considered visiting a religious retreat like where monks congregate?? (I don't really know what they call them) Just wondering what the atmosphere is like there in your state of alternate consciousness.

Have you encountered orgonite or crystals?

I have sympathy for your Schizophrenia, I can't imagine the instability. You do have a large ability in perceiving the full spectrum of reality, which must be reassuring in some ways. You are literally experiencing death, in that you're subjectivity wanes and waxes constantly. Have you researched Philosophy? Of Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, etc? I've just begun a course on philosophy, but felt I've already self-discovered a ton of the content in pursuing OBE's and alternate consciousness.

DeadSuperHero

This sounds not unlike something that I experience from time to time. There are certain evenings in which I hit this state of extreme peace, serenity, and an odd form of hyperintelligence. My logic often doesn't entirely make sense while it happens (I mean, it doesn't make much sense afterwards), but I've come away with a lot of wonderful experiences thinking about how to circumvent death, cure disease, fix society's problems, how to step out of my percieved reality, etc. It is nothing short of awesome, and I always wondered if anyone else had experienced it. I feel like some kind of powerful, multi-dimensional, reality-bending being. It tends to come out when I need it most, too. I just wish I could feel this all of the time.
"Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
-Nikola Tesla